Why INFJs Attract Narcissist Personalities

Why INFJs Attract Narcissist Personalities

Dear INFJ friend, You’ll probably relate to this. As an INFJ, you most likely already know that we are magnets for narcissist personalities. What troubles us the most is the feeling of guilt INFJs feel when we start thinking it’s our fault. We are our own worst critics, especially when we face external pressure. I had my share of relationships with narcissists and I always felt like it was all my fault. I felt worthless and lonely. So I had to ask myself… Why narcissist personalities prey on INFJs INFJs are called protectors. However, that protection can go against our own better judgement. Because we want to indulge and “fix” our partner or friend who is a narcissist, we unconsciously sabotage our own feelings. Desperately wanting to give love, INFJs start losing the one thing we need the most — self-love. According to Deborah Ward, the author of “Overcoming Low Self-Esteem with Mindfulness”, it’s important to remember that it’s not your love narcissist personalities need. It’s their own. Ward adds: “You will never be able to ‘fix’ anyone. Everyone has their own path to follow and to become a whole and healthy person, everyone needs to walk that path on their own, making their own mistakes, learning to pick themselves up, and discovering how to love themselves.” Narcissists will only see their own image reflected when they look at you. They will never see who you really are. It’s pointless to try to give love to a narcissist. They will never be satisfied, or grateful. What you need to do is give that love to yourself, because you deserve...
How To Overcome INFJ Loneliness

How To Overcome INFJ Loneliness

Loneliness is the biggest obstacle slowing down INFJs on the road to happiness. Overcoming INFJ loneliness is not easy. No other feeling causes so much anxiety and sadness. What separates loneliness from other roadblocks on the INFJ path is that it can show its face anytime and anywhere. Why is overcoming loneliness hard for INFJs? Have you ever found yourself surrounded by people, listening the sound of small talk, and feeling judgmental eyes looking straight at you? I know I have plenty of times. Even today I face judging words — “He is weird, quiet, and strange”—  because I love spending hours in bookstores by myself, and love having dinner alone in a restaurant. If I’m honest, I feel lonely where I am now. But I’m balancing that feeling because there are plenty of moments when happiness embraces me. The source of my loneliness comes from the knowledge that people I hold dear live thousands of miles away. Also, my full potential will only be fulfilled when I reach my dream and leave my current location. It will happen, but until then, loneliness and me are stuck with each other. Overcoming INFJ loneliness is hard because we often feel misunderstood. We feel that no one gets us and that we’re all alone in our way of thinking. It feels lonely when INFJs constantly need to explain why solitude is important, why we feel lonely in a crowd, or why we need peace and quiet. It’s not easy to win a race against loneliness, but it’s possible. The best strategy to conquer INFJ loneliness A review by researchers at the University...
INFJ BEWARE: 3 Warning Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

INFJ BEWARE: 3 Warning Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

If you’re an INFJ like me, you know how it feels to be overwhelmed in a toxic relationship. All our senses are messed up and we start feeling guilty and unworthy. The INFJ personality is like a magnet for relationships that utterly drain us, but we tend to stay in them nonetheless. Allow me to explain why. Why are INFJs more likely to stay in a toxic relationship? Staying in a toxic relationship can have roots from a childhood trauma, according to Ken Page, a psychotherapist and author of the book Deeper Dating. If a person was deprived of love or attention from their parents while they were kids, they tend to replicate that behavior in adulthood, seeking out partners who deny them that crucial validation and appreciation they so desperately need. This counterintuitive feeling is known as an “attraction of deprivation,” according to Page. As Dr. Page points out, past traumas are one of the main reasons why INFJs refuse to leave a toxic relationship. Combine this with conflict avoidance, and the INFJ desire to maintain peace and understanding, and you got yourself a one-way ticket to overwhelm. We don’t want to hurt anyone Staying in a toxic relationship is much harder for INFJs because we don’t want to hurt anyone. For example, I never had the loving support I needed during my childhood and adolescent years. I was on my own and left to handle my fears as best I could. One of my ex-girlfriends was a classic narcissist and the relationship with her overwhelmed me daily. I wanted to speak up, but fear got a hold...
The Top 5 Ways To Annoy An INFJ

The Top 5 Ways To Annoy An INFJ

INFJs are not easy to annoy. We are peaceful by default and natural born diplomats. Our tolerance levels are off the charts … most of the time. Even though INFJs can put up with a lot, some annoying moments can utterly overwhelm us. Our pet peeves are especially obvious at social events and gatherings. In these environments people push our buttons in all kinds of ways. The next 5 situations I’m about to share are the ones we INFJs wish we could avoid. 1. Dismissing our feelings and opinions. There is nothing worse for an INFJ than when our opinions and feelings are discarded. We feel worthless and humiliated. The worst part? As a people-oriented personality, we genuinely value people. So when we face external dismissiveness and rejection we feel like we don’t matter. 2. Making false assumptions about us. Understanding as we are, it really bothers us when we face judgement. We start doubting ourselves, wondering what kind of impression we left. As a result, this one question flies around us like a pesky mosquito: “What did I do wrong?” 3. Picking on someone who is defenceless. Seeing bullying of any kind throws us completely off balance. We simply don’t and can’t tolerate it. It doesn’t matter if it’s us who is being picked on or someone else. We are natural guardians. We just can’t stand by and watch when we see injustice. 4. Not allowing us time to think. As INFJs, we are internal processors. We need time to mentally digest what is being said. So, when someone rushes us, our reaction, of course, is annoyance. The...
Why INFJs Love The Rain So Much

Why INFJs Love The Rain So Much

I’m an INFJ, and as long as I can remember, rain was always a source of inspiration for me. It makes me feel calm, relaxed, and happy. It turns out that I’m not the only INFJ who feels this way. There are many reasons why our INFJ personality is drawn to rain. I think that it’s because it evokes a sense of peacefulness in us. Don’t get me wrong, not all INFJs like the rain. Some prefer the bright sunny day more than the misty rainy night. The other day my friend asked me: “How can you love the rain? It’s so dark and sad. You can’t go anywhere when it falls”. My answer was that it’s perfectly aligned with who I am. In fact, this question inspired me to write this article and to explain this phenomenon. What rain does to the brain According to Orfeu Buxton, a professor of biobehavioral health at Pennsylvania State University, the sound of rain is “in tune” with our senses. Buxton stated that if the rain could speak, it would sound something like this: “Don’t worry, don’t worry, don’t worry.” Okay, maybe not so many times, since it sounds a little creepy. Because our INFJ mind doesn’t appreciate loud noise by default, rain is nature’s meditation. It heightens our senses with its healing effect. Like the Formula One vehicle, our mind needs to go into the box for repairs every now and again. Rain is our repair crew. Besides the relaxing sensation, rain can also awaken deep, emotional thoughts. Nostalgia, deep thinking, memories, and even sadness, can all be fuelled by the soothing...