Hate Conflict? 4 INFJ Ways To Restore The Peace

Hate Conflict? 4 INFJ Ways To Restore The Peace

If there’s one thing INFJs don’t like, it’s conflict. Our personality is peaceful by nature, and everything that even resembles conflict we avoid by default. INFJs are diplomats with a kind and understanding heart. We believe that every situation can be resolved without conflict. However, in order to handle and face an INFJ conflict, we must first recognize where it comes from. The inner INFJ conflict Conflict only gives birth to unnecessary harsh language and actions. It fuels negative energy among people. Just imagine the effects it can have on extroverts. Now multiply that by a hundred when it comes to INFJs. You might think that because I’m a certified INFJ coach and a writer, I’m in complete control over every INFJ conflict situation I face. However, the truth is… I easily get scared when facing conflict. I often thought that walking away was always the best solution. That’s exactly what I did. But I only made the situation worse. For years I blamed myself for being bullied in high school, never allowing myself to acknowledge that it wasn’t my fault. I thought I was the source of conflict because I was quiet and always buried deeply in my books. Humiliation became my everyday routine during the four years of high school, because I was afraid of starting a situation that could potentially turn into a conflict. It wasn’t until I graduated that I realized how wrong I was for thinking it was my fault. I discovered that conflict doesn’t come from the outside. It comes firstly from within. In one of my favorite INFJ conflict examples, I’ll demonstrate how...
The Top 10 INFJ Careers

The Top 10 INFJ Careers

Dear INFJ friend, Choosing the top INFJ careers that will satisfy all our needs is not easy. It’s a hard road filled with obstacles. We are unique, so not all jobs are suitable for our rare personality. INFJs excel in many areas. There’s a reason why we are called advocates, diplomats, counselors, and healers. INFJs are the perfect negotiators. Despite all our amazing gifts, it’s not easy to find the best INFJ careers. That’s why I’ve put together the a list of the top 10 INFJ careers for you. I made an infographic, too, which I’ll share a bit later in this article, but first I want to talk about why it’s so tough for INFJs to find the right career. The INFJ careers conundrum While searching for our true calling, INFJs face a lot of obstacles. To help you better prepare, here are the three primary issues every INFJ I had the chance to speak with has faced when choosing a career: 1. You need to make a difference The first issue is that making a difference seems impossible. The nature of the job itself isn’t that important as long as it enables us to make a difference. I’m not talking about finishing a day’s work type of difference, but rather something else. The difference I speak about is an all or nothing affair. Waking up every morning and knowing that what we do means something and that it helps someone is our motivation. It’s what gives us energy and focus. An INFJ has to feel fulfilled or he or she risks becoming indifferent. It’s a really bad sign...
Why INFJs Attract Narcissist Personalities

Why INFJs Attract Narcissist Personalities

Dear INFJ friend, You’ll probably relate to this. As an INFJ, you most likely already know that we are magnets for narcissist personalities. What troubles us the most is the feeling of guilt INFJs feel when we start thinking it’s our fault. We are our own worst critics, especially when we face external pressure. I had my share of relationships with narcissists and I always felt like it was all my fault. I felt worthless and lonely. So I had to ask myself… Why narcissist personalities prey on INFJs INFJs are called protectors. However, that protection can go against our own better judgement. Because we want to indulge and “fix” our partner or friend who is a narcissist, we unconsciously sabotage our own feelings. Desperately wanting to give love, INFJs start losing the one thing we need the most — self-love. According to Deborah Ward, the author of “Overcoming Low Self-Esteem with Mindfulness”, it’s important to remember that it’s not your love narcissist personalities need. It’s their own. Ward adds: “You will never be able to ‘fix’ anyone. Everyone has their own path to follow and to become a whole and healthy person, everyone needs to walk that path on their own, making their own mistakes, learning to pick themselves up, and discovering how to love themselves.” Narcissists will only see their own image reflected when they look at you. They will never see who you really are. It’s pointless to try to give love to a narcissist. They will never be satisfied, or grateful. What you need to do is give that love to yourself, because you deserve...
How To Overcome INFJ Loneliness

How To Overcome INFJ Loneliness

Loneliness is the biggest obstacle slowing down INFJs on the road to happiness. Overcoming INFJ loneliness is not easy. No other feeling causes so much anxiety and sadness. What separates loneliness from other roadblocks on the INFJ path is that it can show its face anytime and anywhere. Why is overcoming loneliness hard for INFJs? Have you ever found yourself surrounded by people, listening the sound of small talk, and feeling judgmental eyes looking straight at you? I know I have plenty of times. Even today I face judging words — “He is weird, quiet, and strange”—  because I love spending hours in bookstores by myself, and love having dinner alone in a restaurant. If I’m honest, I feel lonely where I am now. But I’m balancing that feeling because there are plenty of moments when happiness embraces me. The source of my loneliness comes from the knowledge that people I hold dear live thousands of miles away. Also, my full potential will only be fulfilled when I reach my dream and leave my current location. It will happen, but until then, loneliness and me are stuck with each other. Overcoming INFJ loneliness is hard because we often feel misunderstood. We feel that no one gets us and that we’re all alone in our way of thinking. It feels lonely when INFJs constantly need to explain why solitude is important, why we feel lonely in a crowd, or why we need peace and quiet. It’s not easy to win a race against loneliness, but it’s possible. The best strategy to conquer INFJ loneliness A review by researchers at the University...
INFJ BEWARE: 3 Warning Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

INFJ BEWARE: 3 Warning Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

If you’re an INFJ like me, you know how it feels to be overwhelmed in a toxic relationship. All our senses are messed up and we start feeling guilty and unworthy. The INFJ personality is like a magnet for relationships that utterly drain us, but we tend to stay in them nonetheless. Allow me to explain why. Why are INFJs more likely to stay in a toxic relationship? Staying in a toxic relationship can have roots from a childhood trauma, according to Ken Page, a psychotherapist and author of the book Deeper Dating. If a person was deprived of love or attention from their parents while they were kids, they tend to replicate that behavior in adulthood, seeking out partners who deny them that crucial validation and appreciation they so desperately need. This counterintuitive feeling is known as an “attraction of deprivation,” according to Page. As Dr. Page points out, past traumas are one of the main reasons why INFJs refuse to leave a toxic relationship. Combine this with conflict avoidance, and the INFJ desire to maintain peace and understanding, and you got yourself a one-way ticket to overwhelm. We don’t want to hurt anyone Staying in a toxic relationship is much harder for INFJs because we don’t want to hurt anyone. For example, I never had the loving support I needed during my childhood and adolescent years. I was on my own and left to handle my fears as best I could. One of my ex-girlfriends was a classic narcissist and the relationship with her overwhelmed me daily. I wanted to speak up, but fear got a hold...