An Introvert Goes To The Doctor

An Introvert Goes To The Doctor

INTROVERT: I don’t feel so good. DOCTOR: What are your symptoms? INTROVERT: Well, I don’t like talking very much. But writing is okay. And people make me feel tired, like I want to take a nap. Also, I like to be alone. (Pause.) I mean, I really like it. DOCTOR: Okay, but are you ill? INTROVERT: Most of the time, no, but then sometimes I get this funny feeling in my stomach, like I’m trying to do yoga after eating a Big Mac. DOCTOR: Are you eating a Big Mac when this happens? INTROVERT: No. DOCTOR: What are you doing when you get the stomach problems? INTROVERT: Nothing. Just thinking (Pause.) and not talking. Maybe looking at my phone. DOCTOR: Hmmm. Did you bring in that urine sample the nurse asked for? INTROVERT: Yes, one sec. (Reaches into his bag and pulls out a urine sample in a small plastic container.) Here. DOCTOR: (He dips a test strip into the urine sample, and places it on a paper towel.) Let’s take your blood pressure. (Attaches a blood pressure cuff and takes a reading.) 119/80. Very good. Now, open up. INTROVERT: That’s another problem. I’m not very good at opening up. I guess I just don’t like talking about myself. DOCTOR: No, I mean open your mouth and say “ah”. INTROVERT: Oh. (Opens mouth.) Aaaaah. DOCTOR: (He presses down INTROVERT’s tongue with a tongue depressor, peers inside his mouth.) Hmmm. Okay. (Goes to glance at the urine test strip, and then sits). I think I see the issue. INTROVERT: You do? DOCTOR: You’re an introvert. INTROVERT: You can tell that from my...