How To Know If An Introvert Likes You

How To Know If An Introvert Likes You

People often ask me how to know if an introvert likes you. Most of the time the question comes from an extroverted woman, who likes an introverted man, but feels totally confused by his signals. She wonders if his aloofness is because of his introversion, or because he’s just not that into her. I can see why people get confused. We introverts have a unique way of showing that we like someone. Often, our behaviour is the complete opposite of what you would expect from someone who is swooning over you. As an introvert myself, I’m all too familiar with how it feels to like someone and not know how to show it in a “normal” way. Since we introverts need more time to think before we speak, I used to be chronically tongue-tied around my crushes. And that’s only if I actually had the courage to be near them. Most of the time, I would secretly pine after my crush from afar, but run away like a frightened cat the moment he came near me. The only time I really got close to the guys I liked was in my fantasies. As an introvert, I spend a lot of time inside my head. My fantasy men were great companions for my daydreams. Except for one problem. I was still a weirdo around these guys in real life. I would still clam up and go completely silent when they were around. I would still give off an awkward what-do-I-do-with-my-hands vibe in their presence. And, worst of all, I would still feel completely clueless about how flirt with them without giving off...
Why INFJs Attract Narcissist Personalities

Why INFJs Attract Narcissist Personalities

Dear INFJ friend, You’ll probably relate to this. As an INFJ, you most likely already know that we are magnets for narcissist personalities. What troubles us the most is the feeling of guilt INFJs feel when we start thinking it’s our fault. We are our own worst critics, especially when we face external pressure. I had my share of relationships with narcissists and I always felt like it was all my fault. I felt worthless and lonely. So I had to ask myself… Why narcissist personalities prey on INFJs INFJs are called protectors. However, that protection can go against our own better judgement. Because we want to indulge and “fix” our partner or friend who is a narcissist, we unconsciously sabotage our own feelings. Desperately wanting to give love, INFJs start losing the one thing we need the most — self-love. According to Deborah Ward, the author of “Overcoming Low Self-Esteem with Mindfulness”, it’s important to remember that it’s not your love narcissist personalities need. It’s their own. Ward adds: “You will never be able to ‘fix’ anyone. Everyone has their own path to follow and to become a whole and healthy person, everyone needs to walk that path on their own, making their own mistakes, learning to pick themselves up, and discovering how to love themselves.” Narcissists will only see their own image reflected when they look at you. They will never see who you really are. It’s pointless to try to give love to a narcissist. They will never be satisfied, or grateful. What you need to do is give that love to yourself, because you deserve...
Are We Compatible? MBTI Relationship Matches For Introverts

Are We Compatible? MBTI Relationship Matches For Introverts

It’s that time of year when most of us are acutely aware of our relationship status. Whether you’re coupled up or single, knowing your MBTI relationship matches comes in handy. Before I introduce you to your matches, which I’ve compiled in a colorful new infographic, I want to let you in on a little secret. Your MBTI relationship matches aren’t rules for your love life to live or die by. This is love we’re talking about after all! Matchmaking — even when the matchmaker is the MBTI — is more an art than an exact science. There’s no need to dump your fiancé because he didn’t make the cut on your MBTI relationship matches list. There are always exceptions, dearest. As comedian and actress Charlyne Yi puts it: “Compatibility is weird. Love is confusing. Love is one wild beast.” Okay, now that we’ve got that little caveat out of the way, let’s be honest. It’s really nice to have some guidelines surrounding compatibility. After all, no one knows what lottery ticket is going to be the winner. But it sure is nice to understand the odds before you invest your hard earned money in a ticket. Knowing your MBTI relationship matches gives you a better idea of your chances in the love lottery. Sure, you could beat the odds, and find love with an unlikely match. But you could also discover that the MBTI did not lie. Sometimes, the Myers-Briggs can help predict relationship compatibility with eerie success. Now you might be wondering … How does it work? How exactly does this Myers-Briggs thingy determine your matches? Allow me...
INFJ BEWARE: 3 Warning Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

INFJ BEWARE: 3 Warning Signs You’re In a Toxic Relationship

If you’re an INFJ like me, you know how it feels to be overwhelmed in a toxic relationship. All our senses are messed up and we start feeling guilty and unworthy. The INFJ personality is like a magnet for relationships that utterly drain us, but we tend to stay in them nonetheless. Allow me to explain why. Why are INFJs more likely to stay in a toxic relationship? Staying in a toxic relationship can have roots from a childhood trauma, according to Ken Page, a psychotherapist and author of the book Deeper Dating. If a person was deprived of love or attention from their parents while they were kids, they tend to replicate that behavior in adulthood, seeking out partners who deny them that crucial validation and appreciation they so desperately need. This counterintuitive feeling is known as an “attraction of deprivation,” according to Page. As Dr. Page points out, past traumas are one of the main reasons why INFJs refuse to leave a toxic relationship. Combine this with conflict avoidance, and the INFJ desire to maintain peace and understanding, and you got yourself a one-way ticket to overwhelm. We don’t want to hurt anyone Staying in a toxic relationship is much harder for INFJs because we don’t want to hurt anyone. For example, I never had the loving support I needed during my childhood and adolescent years. I was on my own and left to handle my fears as best I could. One of my ex-girlfriends was a classic narcissist and the relationship with her overwhelmed me daily. I wanted to speak up, but fear got a hold...
How to Have Fun Dating When You’re an Introvert

How to Have Fun Dating When You’re an Introvert

Dating is hard when you gain energy from alone time, rather than socializing. But believe it or not, dating as an introvert can be fun and easy. First of all, let’s banish the stereotype of introverts being hermits who hole up in their closet with a book. The fact is, as an introvert, you’re at your best when you have alone time to recharge. Relationships with family, friends, and colleagues can be straining enough on your energy reserves. Add onto that having to approach a perfect stranger and find something to talk about? Yikes. If you’re not a social butterfly, how can you convince a special someone that you’re not anti-social, while avoiding boring yourself stiff with small talk? Here are 4 tools you can use to make dating as an introvert feel natural and fun. 1. Prepare a list of topics As an introvert, you hate small talk because it’s inconsequential, so you avoid it at all costs. Prepare a list of topics before you meet up with your date, so when imagination runs dry, you can throw in a new subject to keep things going. Flirt.com has a list of the best things to talk about on a first date to get you started. Whether your date is extroverted or introverted, they’ll find you more interesting if you skip over the mundane. 2. Think of it as a friendship first Introverts are chronic over-thinkers. Rather than trying to decide whether your date will think you’re fat and cheat on you when you’re fifty-six, scale it back a bit and take the pressure off. Instead of putting them...
Top 10 Books For Introverts

Top 10 Books For Introverts

Welcome to my detailed list of the top books for introverts! If you’re an introverted book lover like me, you know the anguish of not having anything good to read. A lack of good books can be especially painful during lazy summer days, when all you want to do is sit in the shade and swim through the pages of a great book. Ay, but there’s a rub. It’s hard to know what to read. We all have our own taste when it comes to books. No matter what your personal palate for literature, I think you’ll get a lot out of the books for introverts I recommend here. So, let’s dive in, shall we? Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life is Your Hidden Strength By Laurie Helgoe Of all the books for introverts, Introvert Power is definitely my favorite. It’s written with such compassion, and color you’ll want to drink up every word. At nearly 300 pages, it’s also comprehensive. Here’s just a little taste of what you’ll find in Introvert Power: “As an introvert, you can be your own best friend or your worst enemy. The good news is we generally like our own company, a quality that extroverts often envy. We find comfort in solitude and know how to soothe ourselves. Even our willingness to look at ourselves critically is often helpful.” Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking By Susan Cain This book has been a game changer for countless introverts all over the world. It served as a major catalyst for the introvert revolution, which continues to gain speed to this day....