Introvert – How to NOT feel guilty for staying home

introvert cat

Staying home is meant to be bliss for an introvert. But this isn’t always the case. Often, our sweet solitude turns sour. And here’s the most annoying part:

Our staycations and hibernations are foiled by something we feel like we have no control over. Something that is both our greatest ally and our most feared opponent.

Have you guessed what I’m talking about yet?

It’s our own mind, of course. The minute we take some precious introvert “me time”, our brain starts making us feel guilty about it.

Introverts don’t trust ourselves

The problem is, we don’t trust ourselves. We think that one night in will multiply to six, then ten, then before we know it we are Forever Alone and surrounded by cats. There’s another, more painful reason for our guilt.

We think that alone means selfish. And selfish means bad. And bad means unloveable. We really can’t help thinking this way. This simple train of logic was branded on our innocent introvert brain before we could even speak. It’s all so sad because being alone is a necessary perk of being an introvert.

We can plug ourselves into solitude and magically emerge recharged and ready to take on the world again.

So, how can an introvert shed the guilt, and actually enjoy staying home?

3 Steps to get rid of introvert guilt:

Find the source of your introvert guilt.

Do you feel guilty because you believe that liking your alone time is selfish? Do you fear that you’ll love hibernating so much that you’ll never want to emerge from your cave? Do you believe that others will judge you for staying home?

Give your beliefs the boot.

Once you’ve narrowed down the belief behind your guilt, you can set it free, baby. To do this, I like to play a little game of ‘What If’.

What would happen if I am being selfish? (People will judge me.)

What will happen if people judge me? (I’ll feel like I’m bad.)

What will happen if I feel like I’m bad? (I’ll feel guilty.)

Err … do you see the irony here? Usually the worse thing that can happen is something that’s already happening – you feeling bad about yourself. At a certain point you see that it’s all in your head. No one has any real power over you. No one’s opinion of you matters more than your own.

Learn to trust yourself.

A huge reason that we introverts feel guilty so often is because we don’t trust our innate needs and desires. We don’t believe that deep down inside we know what’s best for us.

Trust comes with practice and evidence. Practice giving yourself what you need in small doses at first, and see how it feels. Snatch an hour or two of alone time here and there. Then try a whole evening, or weekend. It’s up to you to decide how much alone time feels good to you!

First and foremost, know that it’s okay to stay home. And it’s okay to like it, too. 😉

Oodles of love,

Michaela-Signature

 

HSP introvert

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

21 Comments

  1. Thank you for this post Michaela. Such a timely reminder. So grateful for your work on introverts!💜

    Reply
  2. This is exactly what I needed to read! I always choose to stay at home on the weekends to recharge, but as I attempt to relax and veg out, I begin to feel guilty. I need to trust myself that this along time and staycation is exactly what I need to recharge myself and successfully begin the workweek ahead! Thank you for this article

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  3. That’s very true. Staying at home has always been something I’m shy to share, because of the fear of judgement. Your articles and mailing list is the best guide and I wish you can shed some light on ISTPs, instead of focusing only on INFJs. Thank you so much

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  4. I used to feel guilty about staying home but I’ve recently learnt a brilliant phrase “selectively social” and now I’m putting it into practice I don’t feel as guilty staying home and reading all day long – bliss 😊

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  5. Great post I enjoy reading it. Sometimes I feel guilty about enjoying my alone time and feel antisocial.

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  6. That’s really what it is: learning to trust yourself and your rhythm. Criticizing ourselves for alone time (or really anything) is not really about us.

    The self we berate is often not real. It’s not us we’re addressing then, who needs the downtime, but the imaginary, perfect self who doesn’t. We’re better off when we remind ourselves that person who never messes up, pleases everyone, and never needs to slow down either doesn’t exist or is about to burst into a spectacular chemical fire.

    Thinking about it another way: How many of us can say we’ve been most generous, understanding, or kind while running on empty? I’d wager it’s the opposite. Downtime is a critical component of bringing our best self to life and love.

    Whenever I start feeling guilty for pulling back to recover myself, I remember that the love I show myself tends to energize my love for others. And what’s selfish about having more love to give? 🙂

    P.S.: Came for the article, stayed for the cat photo. :3

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  7. Finally! someone understands. I smile, nod my head in agreement then come the tears of joy while reading each blog post.Thank you for all your work and insight about introverts.

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  8. My introvert nature attracts many needy extroverts who think nothing of invading my calm spaces. Too often I make the excuse of being ill just to to gets some downtime when in fact I’m not but to some people you need a valid reason not to meet up – an ‘airey fairy I want to be alone’ is not good enough. I hate having to do this so feel bad and the me-time is tainted. This article has given me some insights and support in being who I am and not who others want me to be. Thank you.

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  9. Another brilliant article Michaela! As you know, I tend to be really harsh to myself, to transfer this guilt onto my shoulders ever so often. So finding the source, trust in ourselves, and solutions you named here are spot on! They are in perfect correlation with one another, and offer an great insight on how to deal with this.
    Every single paragraph is marvelous, and “Learn to trust yourself” section left me speechless… 🙂
    Like I said, yet another masterpiece Michaela! Well done! Bravo! 🙂

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  10. This I needed as I spend most days at Om Sweet Om! My hubby and I agreed 14 years ago, that I didn’t have to work, we have enough and money may be tight, but we are Blessed. This way when he has days off, we can spend them together. Thank you! Namaste
    Shelley Jo Kovacich Graham

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  11. Hi, it is soooo good to finally come across articles about introverts! I, too am a homebody, I get criticized a lot for it, however, I have to and always will do what works for me. Thank you, Michaela for all the great articles!

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  12. What timing. At church Sunday the Pastor preached about the absolute need for people to be with people and the terror of being alone. Only problem I couldn’t wait to get out of church and go to the park and read the paper by myself. After a little fellowship I’m ready for some alone time.
    I just hate the idea that being alone is some how unhealthy. BTW the pastor is also a psychiatrist which lends a hint of legitimacy to the theory. I wanted to stand up and profess my alone time that I cherish. But I didn’t.

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    • I’ve felt like this before at my church, too. I honestly enjoy getting to know people and feeling like I’m a part of something, but there comes a time when I have to be alone and recharge. It can be a challenge to find a balance between the two, and not feel guilty because I might need a bit more quiet time than others. Sure, we’re not meant to be alone ALL the time, but some of my most spiritual experiences have come when I’m by myself pondering or praying.

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  13. Haha, thanks for voicing my thoughts so accurately. Will try to hone down on the beliefs that are the root of all this negativity. Time to find some pizza, a good book and locking the door.

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  14. I have a problem with “This simple train of logic was branded on our innocent introvert brain before we could even speak”. This is true for many people as evidenced by the comments however “branded” implies genetically deterministic and that is false.

    T”he problem is, we don’t trust ourselves.”
    I trust myself

    “We think that one night in will multiply to six, then ten, then before we know it we are Forever Alone and surrounded by cats.”
    I am alone exactly as many nights as I wish to be alone…and I’m surrounded by four cats. No guilt.

    “We think that alone means selfish.”
    I never felt this way or understood why anyone would. It makes no sense. The most selfish people I have ever had the displeasure to encounter were extroverts. They thrived on social interaction and couldn’t stand the thought of being alone with their own head for five minutes.

    “And selfish means bad”
    See previous

    Clearly these are real problems for many people but I reject the idea that guilt is an inherent property of introversion. It may be a correlate but I suspect that most introvert guilt is environmentally imposed.

    I always knew that I needed more solitude and far less social activity than other people but I was always comfortable with it. I had support for being who I was growing up and no doubt that was invaluable. Mom: “[Your best friend] is here, do you want to gout out and play?”. Me: “No, I’m reading”. Mom: “Okay”. Guilt free.
    .

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  15. just what i needed to read! I have been recently judged for staying alone and not going to parties, but this line” learn to trust yourself,”is exactly what i needed.

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  16. Michaela, briefly… former I acted in two various ways: Nr1. – When I was still young & sexy (especially sexy…LOL) I went to every disco and party until next morning, hoping I would meet girls which are as wild & sexy as I was – but they weren’t, they were all boring – or they didn’t wanted to…?… especially me! I’ve no idea? 🙂 So I learned: It’s wasted time! – Nr.2: Later I decided to stay at home every evening and weekend, because of nr.1. ,but unfortunately I started to blame myself for that, I stayed at home and suffered…ugh! (instead of blaming the ignorant-arrogant girls from nr.1!!! hahaha) – and finally: Meanwhile I come to be a kind of “Superman” – introvert: I do what I want to do, staying at home or going out (but I prefer to stay at home because of my badly disapointing experiences of nr.1 – I never forget this, I’m unforgiving! LOL ) and I ENJOY my sweet solitude lifestyle today and I don’t give a sh*t about what people may think of me! 😛

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  17. Your beautiful shots ruined it for me that’s why I unsubscribe from your list introverts tend to compare themselves to others and the last thing i need is a face of bravery i would suspect was the extroverted party girls picking on me in high school next time use an avatar

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    • A totally gorgeous creation Paula and so beautifully decorated too.Really must use my sewing machine more as well.Just took delivery of some gorgeous image stamps from Happy daze too and can't wait to play.Have a lovely wedusne.Hkge, Fliss xx

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  18. Even though I do like to stay home for relaxation, peace, watching my fire TV stick, and working on my blog/clip arts, I also like to go out too. I cannot stay home all day. I would go nuts. I guess that I have always gone somewhere everyday during my early childhood.

    It is good to balance between staying home and going out. If you stay home too much, you may lose your mind. If you go out too much, you may get in trouble with the law, bad people, etc.

    Reply
  19. This article had me cold at: “Forever Alone and surrounded by cats.” 😀

    Reply

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