Some extroverts will do anything to get introverts talking and then interrupt us mid-sentence. Click to tweet. They might do this several times in a conversation without even realizing it. Most introverts will patiently endure these careless swats to the ego, but don’t be fooled; we do notice, we do mind, and we would really appreciate it if you stopped.
Introverts put a lot of thought into the few words we do say so interruptions can be really frustrating. As you chatter away, we are desperately clinging to our last thought – and the hope that you’ll let us spit it out. Usually our hopes are dashed, as the discussion swiftly moves on to new topics.
Interrupt us enough times and we won’t even bother trying to interject. We’ll spend the rest of the conversation nodding our heads while secretly stewing over your inability to listen.
We’ll also be plagued with the nagging sense that something isn’t right in the world (similar to the feeling you get after watching a Lady Gaga video). Basically, we’ll be left with a bad taste in our tightly shut mouths – a taste that we’ll forever associate with talking to you (and watching Lady Gaga videos).
You can’t blame us for feeling uneasy. I’m pretty sure I remember Mrs. Green teaching our kindergarten class that it’s not nice to interrupt. And so far, she’s been right about most things.
Frankly, interrupting an introvert is more than not nice. It’s actually insulting for a number of reasons.
Let’s examine the message that is sent when you interrupt someone:
- What I have to say is more important than what you have to say.
- What you’re saying is boring.
- I don’t value your thoughts and opinions.
- You’re talking too slowly. I don’t have time for this.
- I don’t really want to converse, I just like to listen to the sound of my own voice.
I realize I’m sounding a bit harsh, but don’t worry; I’m about to get really soft and squishy on you. The truth is, interrupting us hurts our feelings. I can’t help but feel a little bit smaller every time someone cuts me off mid-sentence. I’m left to wonder why my opinions don’t matter enough to be heard in full.
Should I speak louder? Should I construct jazzier sentences that grab your attention? Would you listen if I spoke more like the Kardasian sisters, inserting ‘like’ and ‘d’ya know what I mean’ into every other sentence? People seem to care what they have to say.
Anyway,I think you get my point. If not, please consult your local introvert’s association for more information. Or consider repeating kindergarten.
With my new found understanding of introversion, I’m loving life. I’ve started studying meditation and community life as practiced by the early Celtic Christians (which seems almost designed for introverts) and I am developing a genuine sense of really fitting into the big picture of humanity. In reading on how the Celtic believers interacted with their ‘barbarian’ neighbors, I think I’m seeing some wisdom for doing life with some of the (mostly) lovable ‘barbarian extroverts’ in my life.
As for your post, I like your suggestion of sending the folks who interupt back to kindergarden… Mrs Gardiner would never of allowed such barbarian behavior in her kindergarden class back in 1959!
That’s great, Margie. Thank you for sharing. Indeed, Mrs. Gardiner and Mrs. Green were both very wise ladies! 🙂
A few times in the past, when someone has interrupted me one-too-many times, I will make it clear that I’m upset. Then, when they plead, “Sorry! I want to hear! Go on!” I stay silent and nod “no”. They will usually continue to prod and call me a bad sport, but you know what? In less than a minute they have pushed the incident aside and are jabbering away again and whatever they were talking about, telling me that they really DIDN’T want to hear what I had to say after the interrupted.
This is not something I do normally, as it is a little childish, I admit. But when someone won’t stop interrupting, I don’t feel so bad!
Your totally right! It has made me feel like no one cared at all what I had to say. Especially in a group conversation when a friend is needing advice. You have really good advice for them and you are being cut off time and time again with the same person and they’re asking them a question while your trying to spit out great advice or thier giving bad advice and you loose where your at because of them changing the subject on you! I am a quite individual and use to have a lot of friends. Now I can’t fathom how much I love my time to myself.
My new tactic is to just continue on with what I’m saying. Sometimes the other person will continue to talk over me, but sometimes they’ll actually stop their interruption. Either way, I say what I need to say.
Sounds like a good tactic, Julie. Thanks for sharing 😉
This is exactly what I do! I don’t stop my thoughts from flowing, I stop the other person from interrupting. They’ll inevitably stop and ask “what did you say? I didn’t hear you.”
I ant help but smirk at that point and follow it with a deeper-voiced “I said …” and end it with a repeat of my thought.
Seems to work. It still makes me mad, but it seems to work :p
I am not that tacftful. I would and have said “If you really wanted to know what I just said, then why weren’t you listening when I said it? If you wanted to know what I said, you would have been listening in the first place.”
I agree ,but i wonder why extroverts dont interrupt other extroverts and why they listen to other extroverts.They only interrupt introverts.Does anybody know why?
You raise a good point. I think there are people who are chronic interrupters and they will cut off just about anyone. You are right that introverts are interrupted a lot more. In my opinion, it is because we talk more slowly and listen often. Many extroverts think this means we want them to interject. Or perhaps they get so used to us listening that they don’t know when it is their turn to listen.
“Or consider repeating kindergarten.” Awesome finishing line! Thanks for writing the blog, it’s very nice to read validating things.
I’m glad you liked it Jolanta 🙂 It’s great to know people relate to what I write.
I am an introvert with zero introvert friends, I live this daily. It is so aggravating.
“I don’t really want to converse, I just like to listen to the sound of my own voice”
– If someone paid me a £1 for every time I ended up thinking this through a conversation with an extrovert, I would be rich by now 🙂
It’s even worse when they interrupt you with something trivial. I’m an introvert, and I speak so little that people often forget I’m there. When I do say something, it’s important, and I don’t want to be interrupted by someone who wants to talk about trivial things rather than listen to what I have to say. For example, one time we were having a meeting to discuss how to fix problems at work, and I was contributing to the conversation when someone burst through the door and yelled about the appearance of his money bag. If someone does it to me, I just get agitated and let them carry on, but if they do it to someone else, I’ll interject and say “*insert name* was talking”. They usually listen after that.
My boyfriend interrupts me every time I speak but then expects me to listen to him talk for an hour and a half then when I don’t respond he gets mad but he never gives me a chance to respond