HOW TO CURE A SOCIAL HANGOVER | ♥ Montreal Vacation Vlog

HOW TO CURE A SOCIAL HANGOVER | ♥ Montreal Vacation Vlog

Hi Innie Friend, I’m on ‘workaction’ in Montreal right now, and I’m dealing with a frustrating side effect of socializing that I know most introverts will relate to; it’s what I call a “social hangover”. You’ve probably had plenty of them in your life, and I think you’ll agree that they are the worst! Funnily enough, an introvert social hangover is a lot like a real hangover. You feel groggy, irritable, exhausted, and overwhelmed. You don’t want to go out, talk, or even think. All you want to do is curl up by yourself and catch your breath. The reason we introverts are extra susceptible to social hangovers is that being around people is highly stimulating. When we spend a lot of time socializing, we become overstimulated, and we literally start to shut down to protect ourselves. Even though I’ve created countless resources for introverts, and I’ve written an entire book on how to be charismatic as an introvert, I still find social hangovers really tough. Because here’s the thing. As much as I’ve learned to honour my introvert needs, and take quiet time to recharge, sometimes I really can’t avoid overstimulation. When I’m on vacation in a big city, I know a social hangover is inevitable, so I’ve found ways to cope. Take my vacation in Montreal, for example. There is so much to do, see, and eat in Montreal, and I’m only here for one week. Even though I’m not doing nearly as much outing and abouting as most would on vacation, I still wake up a lot of mornings with a social hangover. But that’s okay,...
How To Stand Up For Yourself as an Introvert

How To Stand Up For Yourself as an Introvert

Have you ever felt like people disrespect you because you’re introverted? They assume that because you are quiet you don’t know how to stand up for yourself. They think you’ll just sit there and take their unfair behaviour, as if it were sweet medicine … and maybe you do. I don’t blame you. I completely get why you would choose submissive niceness or avoidance over standing up for yourself. We introverts are naturally conflict-averse. We are the anti-drama queens and kings, who will do anything to maintain peaceful waters. But there’s a problem with this approach. Not knowing how to stand up for yourself is like taking slow-acting poison. Tolerating people who disrespect you corrodes your sense of self-esteem. Not only that … It also plants a little black seed of resentment. Each time a person puts you down or pushes you around, that seed sprouts thorny vines of anger. If you’re an introvert, these prickly resentments often stay quiet and hidden away, where the only person they can hurt is you. Or so you think … The truth is that when you don’t know how to stand up for yourself as an introvert, your anger might come out in passive aggressive ways. Author Martha Beck explains: The problem is that trying to change unfair behavior with submissive niceness is like trying to smother a fire with gunpowder. It isn’t the high road; it’s the grim, well-trod path that leads from aggressive to passive, through long, horrible stretches of passive-aggressive. The solution? Learn how to stand up for yourself Well, of course the answer is to stand up for...
Shy Introvert: How To Open Up Naturally

Shy Introvert: How To Open Up Naturally

For introverts, opening up is easier said than done. We would like to open up, we really would. But there just seem to be too many annoying obstacles. For one, there are all the memories of the times that we tried to open up, but we were interrupted by someone louder and more gregarious.  Then there is our secret fear of rejection, which we expertly hide beneath a mask of aloofness.  Now wonder we struggle to know how to open up! On top of all this we also have our own unique communication challenges to deal with. We take more time to think before we speak, which can make opening up that much more challenging. We worry that we won’t be able to find the right words at the right time. We wonder if the other person is even interested. To protect ourselves from possible rejection, we evade opening up through various clever means. The sneaky way introverts avoid opening up One of our favorite ways to avoid sharing our secrets is by keeping the conversation focused squarely on the other person. We pepper our conversation partner with questions, partly because we’re genuinely interested, and partly because we want to deflect the spotlight. We might even endure boring small talk, which we despise, if it means avoiding opening up about ourselves. Believe me, I’ve been there. I’ve used all of the above tactics to sidestep sharing personal information about myself. But one of my all-time favorite ways to avoid opening up was to choose friends who would never give me the opportunity to do so. You know the type...
Feeling Down? 10 Ways Introverts Can Be Happier

Feeling Down? 10 Ways Introverts Can Be Happier

Have you been feeling down lately? You’re not alone. A lot of us introverts have a tendency toward melancholy. It’s not that we can’t be as happy as extroverts. But sometimes our busy, overthinking brain makes it difficult. Because guess what. We introverts are thinkers. Often, our thoughts quickly turn to worries, and our ideas turn to doubt. That’s not the only reason why you might be feeling down. The sneaky reason you’re feeling down There is another sneaky factor that makes introverts feel down, even when everything seems peachy around us. It’s what I like to call the overstimulation cycle. Here’s what it looks like: You go out, have ‘fun’, and stay busy because that’s what others tell you to do to have a productive and happy life. But when you do catch a moment of solitude after all your outing and abouting, you feel exhausted. And it doesn’t end there. You feel strangely empty, which makes no sense because you just did a bunch of social activities that were supposed to make you feel fulfilled. You think you’re feeling down because you aren’t doing, seeing, and socializing enough. So, you force yourself back out the door and into the very situations that are causing the void. If you can relate to the above scenario, you are like so many introverts who get caught up in an overstimulation cycle that leaves us feeling down, and even depressed. I should know. Why I felt empty I used to constantly force myself into highly extroverted environments because I thought it would cure my nagging sense of loneliness. In high school and...
An Introvert Goes To The Doctor

An Introvert Goes To The Doctor

INTROVERT: I don’t feel so good. DOCTOR: What are your symptoms? INTROVERT: Well, I don’t like talking very much. But writing is okay. And people make me feel tired, like I want to take a nap. Also, I like to be alone. (Pause.) I mean, I really like it. DOCTOR: Okay, but are you ill? INTROVERT: Most of the time, no, but then sometimes I get this funny feeling in my stomach, like I’m trying to do yoga after eating a Big Mac. DOCTOR: Are you eating a Big Mac when this happens? INTROVERT: No. DOCTOR: What are you doing when you get the stomach problems? INTROVERT: Nothing. Just thinking (Pause.) and not talking. Maybe looking at my phone. DOCTOR: Hmmm. Did you bring in that urine sample the nurse asked for? INTROVERT: Yes, one sec. (Reaches into his bag and pulls out a urine sample in a small plastic container.) Here. DOCTOR: (He dips a test strip into the urine sample, and places it on a paper towel.) Let’s take your blood pressure. (Attaches a blood pressure cuff and takes a reading.) 119/80. Very good. Now, open up. INTROVERT: That’s another problem. I’m not very good at opening up. I guess I just don’t like talking about myself. DOCTOR: No, I mean open your mouth and say “ah”. INTROVERT: Oh. (Opens mouth.) Aaaaah. DOCTOR: (He presses down INTROVERT’s tongue with a tongue depressor, peers inside his mouth.) Hmmm. Okay. (Goes to glance at the urine test strip, and then sits). I think I see the issue. INTROVERT: You do? DOCTOR: You’re an introvert. INTROVERT: You can tell that from my...