Conversations can be tough for introverts for many reasons. Knowing how to exit a conversation smoothly is at the top of the list. After all, conversations can be really draining for introverts. The problem is, when we’re ready to leave, we overthink it. We don’t want to be rude, or hurt the person’s feelings. So, we try to wait for a window to make our move. But what if that window never comes? We’ve all been there…
We feel like we’re being held hostage in a conversation with someone who barely pauses to breathe when they talk. Waiting for a chatty Cathy to pause is like waiting for rain in the Sahara.
What do you do when you can’t escape a conversation?
Well, if you’re like most introverts, you just stand there and take it in the face like a boxer with his hands tied. Meanwhile, your conversation partner keeps chatting away, oblivious to your pain.
It doesn’t have to be this way!
Here are some easy steps to smoothly exit a conversation:
Step 1: Shift your body language.
As you’ve probably heard, 70% of communication is non-verbal. You can start letting a person know that the conversation is coming to a close by shifting your body language. Take a step back or start angling your body away.
Step 2: Small talk your way out.
You already know that most conversations begin with small talk. But did you know that people instinctively prepare to exit a conversation by shifting back into lighter topics or reiterating plans? For example, you might say something like, “So, you’ve got a busy day tomorrow. Hopefully, you get the chance to enjoy the sunshine.”
Step 3: Use an exit phrase.
People usually say “It’s nice to meet you” at two points in a conversation. The first point is obviously at the beginning of the conversation.
The second point is right before you exit the conversation. You might shake the person’s hand again and say, “It was really nice meeting you.” You can also say “I enjoyed chatting with you.” This is a crystal clear and polite way of indicating that the conversation is over. But there’s an important caveat.
Sometimes this exit strategy can come off as dismissive and abrupt, especially if the other person wasn’t expecting it. But when you use the first two steps (body language shift and small talk) they won’t be caught off guard.
Step 4: Don’t say goodbye, say so long.
There’s another way to prevent hurt feelings. Remember that saying “don’t say goodbye, say so long”? Well, you can apply this concept as you exit any conversation.
If you found the person interesting, hint at a future conversation. Here are some examples:
“I hope we can chat again soon. Feel free to add me on Facebook.”
“I really enjoyed talking with you. Will you be at the mixer next week?”
“Let’s stay in touch.”
The last one is a nice open-ended phrase. It allows you to read the other person’s reaction. If they’re enthusiastic, you can whip out your phone and share contact info. If they offer a forced smile, you can move right along.
What if you don’t want to talk again?
Well then why are you overthinking your exit, dear? Politely say sayonara and move onto the people with whom you can really connect. 😉
For more introvert social skills advice, get my free 50-page Introvert Connection Guide.
Over to you
Do you struggle to leave a conversation? Share your questions and experiences below. We’d love to hear from you!
Love,
YES! I like it when there are a few more people around listening to this “chatty Cathy” because I will just fade away. Ha! But…in most cases, it’s just me. I feel like I have a flashing light above me stating that I will listen to you for however long you want to talk. Ugh. What is it about introverts (me) that attracts these types of people?? I’m also learning NOT to make eye contact! If you don’t make eye contact they don’t engage. Thanks for posting this! I can relate. =)
hello friend!
I do struggle with this a lot, but most of the times is about people that, like you say, I don’t connect! so, the weight is double. but I make it through with excuses, unfortunately, even if I dislike them.
Help me! I sometimes find when I’m out to lunch with a friend or even a group, I feel like it’s a one way street, listening unable to offer comments. I’m grateful when someone asks me what is going on in my life.
All this rings true. I’ve been learning the value of body language. I started observing how my more assertive friends handle the situation, and they definitely employ making things obvious with getting up, packing up purses, backing away. A simple solution that I wished I had picked up on years ago. I realized I could always look at the time, too, and that helps communicate for me.
Those are great examples of how to exit a conversation. I use the body language shift. There are times when that method is not successful. So, I follow up with the “awkward silence” method. I stop responding while looking elsewhere. That normally provides the other person a chance to exit quietly. Enjoyed the article.
I have found this article very helpful.I tend to get up and say good bye and leave if there are a few people present.I know I am sometimes considered rude, but I get desperate as I have developed a rather bad habit of nearly bursting into tears when I am with people who talk too much. When I am with only one person, my usual excuse is to say I have to go now because………….But I am looking forward to using your strategies in my next book club.
Hello
When I want to escape a conversation I just take a step back or start angling my body away.
Jan DeCourtney Michaela, you do great work. Thank you. Here’s a question. I invited someone over for lunch, who I wanted to thank for their hard work for our nonprofit organization. I thought the lunch would be about an hour and then we could do some of the nonprofit work together. So my main intention was a pleasant lunch for her. ……
She talked nonstop for 3 hours. Every time I tried to comment, she gave me a dirty look and kept on talking. It wasn’t really a conversation that I could end and leave…… Totally drained me, I was wiped out for the rest of the day. Do you have any thoughts about “redirecting” the conversation? I do this with my dementia clients, but they are easier. With this woman, I think some kind of instruction about speaking would be in order, because trying to change the subject wouldn’t work…….
Great article, I really enjoyed it. My problem is pesky work colleagues who come to chat to me while I’m working and I usually have too much work to do and no time or interest in chatting. Also a mother in law that I walk past every day who always wants to chat and I never do. She battles to read body language but gets very upset if I try cut the conversation short. Any advice or article would be great.
Grea article,
I used to struggle with this until I found my strength amd courage in conversations.
When I have had enough of a conversation (being polite and accommodating takes alot of energy) I simply say, “Well I have to go now thanks for the chat”. It doesn’t have to be difficult!
One thing I detest however is when someone is active listening only to wait for their turn to speak about themselves again without absorbing any information that was provided in the convo.
Introverts or even ambiverts have a tendency to think deeply about things and when finally they have something to say it’s quite important and for the betterment of a situation.
“Do you find it hard to leave conversations?” >>> Yes. Thanks for this post and its tips.
Very useful Michaela. I have been known to just wander off!!!!!
Glad it resonated, Debbie! 🙂