Parenting advice abounds everywhere—social media, TV, and even your neighborhood group text. Unsolicited advice in this area of life seems to be freely available in all directions, whether it’s from a well-meaning family member or a stranger in the grocery store.
Sometimes it’s thoughtful and helpful, and it can even be life-changing in how it benefits your approach to raising your child. Other times though, it’s nothing more than rigid perspectives or overbearing opinions cloaked as advice.
Navigating these moments can be incredibly overwhelming for introverts who, as a rule, thrive on personal space. In this article, we’ll explore ways to handle parenting advice gracefully while staying true to your own instincts about your children.
Setting Boundaries with Confidence
Ah, boundaries. An introvert’s favorite word. Establishing them is hard in general and for introverts, it can be an absolute nightmare. But alas, it’s one of the most effective ways to handle unwelcome parenting advice.
Most of the time, family and friends offer advice with good intentions. However, trying to do right as a parent can be overwhelming in and of itself, without added noise from other voices. This makes establishing boundaries early on all the more crucial.
Positive Psychology suggests these strategies for healthy boundaries to avoid conflict and confrontation:
- Discuss the issue at a neutral time when nobody is emotional or prone to be reactive.
- Be direct about what you’re experiencing and how it makes you feel.
- Clearly ask for the behavior you want moving forward, and why it’s important to you.
- Be prepared for feelings of guilt to come up, but don’t react from this place. You can process uncomfortable feelings later and in private.
- It might be useful to script your most important talking points to help keep you on track in case emotions run high.
When Advice Touches on Important Decisions
While some advice is harmless, other topics don’t qualify to be swept under the rug and disregarded. More than clothing, sleep schedules, and how to discipline your children, parents face the most scrutiny when it comes to baby feeding choices.
A case in point is the ever-heated debate of breast vs bottle. In recent years this debate has been highlighted by a baby formula lawsuit alleging that major manufacturers failed to warn the public about the health risks inherent in their product.
Certain cow’s milk-based formulas are associated with an increased risk of necrotizing enterocolitis (NEC) in premature infants and babies with low birth weight. TorHoerman Law states that infant formulas, Similac and Enfamil, are fed to babies in neonatal intensive care. The resulting gastrointestinal health complications have been devastating to babies and their families.
From this, we learn that medical guidance isn’t always infallible, and much like social opinion, should be approached with due diligence and care.
Trusting Yourself as a Parent
Anxiety and parenting go hand-in-hand, and this is particularly true for introverted parents. Everyday occurrences are mountains to scale, and you often have to wrestle with yourself before taking on the task at hand.
The reality of having kids means you’re often overstimulated, drained, and forced into social interactions with other parents you wouldn’t usually engage with. Added to that are the near-constant feelings of guilt and shame you feel in the face of criticism over your parenting choices.
It’s clear that trusting yourself can seem like the ultimate impossible goal. However, Psychology Today suggests remaining centered will go a long way in helping combat common anxieties in introverted parents.
A few strategies for re-centering include:
- Surround yourself with a support system that understands your needs. Your partner, parents, and close friends can provide support you can trust.
- Be gentle with yourself. Don’t compare yourself to other parents, but rather accept your own parenting style and choices.
- Take time out. Introverts must have time alone where they can recalibrate their mind and body.
- Establish a routine with your kids and stick to it. The more predictable your days are, the more confident you’ll feel in your parenting.
And it’s this confidence that will inevitably lead to you feeling more comfortable with who you are as a parent. Dealing with unwanted advice becomes easier in light of this, even in times of good intentions.
Once you trust yourself as a parent, you’ll recognize that you don’t have to take anyone’s opinion to heart. Trust your instincts, do your research, but above all know that everyone’s parenting journey is different. You need to take the one that feels right for you and your family.
