Introverts are awesome people who need more alone time to recharge and feel at our best. We can be social, but often feel overwhelmed at parties. Seeing an introvert at a party is like seeing a deer in the city. We may look out of our element, but we’re still pretty damn majestic. That said, here are 11 crazy relatable things introverts do at parties.
1. Making the small talk stank face
Introverts are known for our resting bitch face. Often, our furled brow is just our default thinking face. But catch us in the midst of a superficial conversation at a party and you’ll see a look of utter disdain. We just can’t hide our hatred of small talk.
2. Being oh so helpful to the host
Introverts are a party host’s dream, because we’re the ones who help clean up. Little do they know that our helpfulness is just a sneaky way to avoid socializing for a while.
3. Fantasizing about home
If you see an introvert zoning out at a party, chances are we’re lost in a fantasy world. Often, those fantasies include thoughts about home sweet home: our cozy bed and all the books we’ll read in it when we’re alone again; our laptop and all the wondrous adventures of the mind it will take us on; our couch and the way it will cradle us back to life after a draining night out.
4. Trying to look nice, but not too nice
We introverts have to strike a fine balance between appearing friendly, but also putting on our invisibility cloak when necessary. When our social batteries are dangerously low, we do our best to send off “don’t talk to me” vibes. Meanwhile, we also try to convey that we’re not assholes, we’re just tired.
5. Sticking with an extrovert sidekick
Sometimes the only way to endure a party is to piggyback off the endless energy of a social butterfly. We stay close to an extrovert bestie as a means of survival. They do the heavy lifting of meet and greet while we sit back and enjoy the ride.
6. Making friends…with animals
If there is a pet within sight at a party, the introverts in the room will flock to it. After all, introverts love our animal friends. They never ask us why we’re quiet. Or talk ad nauseam about the weather. Animals are a great source of comfort when introverts are feeling overwhelmed at a party.
7. Looking for the other introverts
Introverts are drawn to other innies at parties. But there’s a problem. What does an introvert say to a fellow introvert who hates small talk? Don’t worry, the 7 steps in my Introvert Connection Guide shows you how to connect with anyone (even other quiet introverts), without overwhelm. Get the free guide here.
8. Going to the bathroom to recharge
When introverts are stuck at a party with no escape in sight, the bathroom can feel like the ultimate refuge. It may not be the most elegant of surroundings, but it has a door that locks. It gives us a few moments of quiet to recharge.
9. Looking at your phone to hide awkwardness
Have you ever resorted to looking at your phone to hide how painfully awkward you feel at a party? Join the club. For introverts, a smart phone is like a little piece of home that we cling to for comfort when we don’t know what the hell to do with our hands (or the rest of our body, for that matter).
10. Worrying that you’re too boring
Because introverts are often misunderstood and chastised for our quietness, we worry that we’re too boring. Even if we want to connect at parties, we let our fear that we’re not interesting enough get in the way.
11. Leaving early
We came, we saw, we left—really, really early. The thing is, parties are meant to be ‘fun’. But much of the time, introverts have way more fun when we’re alone than at crowded gatherings. Also, socializing is insanely draining for us quiet types. We’re like introverted Cinderellas who need to be home by midnight before our social energy disappears.
I hope you could relate to what I shared. Unfortunately, this time of year, parties are inescapable. Download my free Introvert Party Survival Guide to make it through the madness.
Over to you
What do you do to survive parties as an introvert? Please do share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. I’d love to hear from you. 🙂
Xo,
P.S. In case you’re new here, allow me to introduce myself. I’m Michaela, creator of this site and author of the book The Irresistible Introvert. I help introverts like us develop confidence and connections on our own blissfully introverted terms. I invite you to stick around and read some more articles.
Michaela: I’m married to an extremely extroverted woman from Central America. You can imagine the fun there… When our children were young we used to be invited to gatherings of other latin American families with small kids. I became the defacto babysitter. While the parents were upstairs drinking, dancing and shouting (oh yeah… a frikkin’ nightmare of raucous good times!) I’d be playing video games with my and the kids, fixing broken toys, refereeing fights, organizing outings to the park… whatever. Then I would appear upstairs often enough to be in a group photo or just to be seen.
All of your insights belong to me also. Fortunately, I’m married to the extrovert, social butterfly so as long as I’m near her, I’m okay. She used to leave me to go “flutter around” but she knows me better now and doesn’t do that anymore.
ALL of the above, I was smiling when I read the one about fantasizing about home. You captured the feeling there.
I was able to get through a friend’s birthday party this past Saturday night despite being a bartender for the event. I guess I didn’t have to have constant chatter with anyone (talking mostly to those who wanted drinks and I was still able to occasionally check for sports results on my cell phone) and that helped me get through that party with no issues. Then again, the people there, particularly the people I knew there, don’t typically drain me much.
This came into my email just in time. I’m leaving for a party in two hours. It’s a good reminder that I’m not alone in feeling anxious about parties! Thanks, Michaela!
Michaela,
I can so, so, so relate to “I came, I saw, I left-really, really early”, but not early enough!!
Other than playing my instrument, I have zero desire to socialize. I only enjoy attending practices, as it teaches me to play better, probably like your salsa dancing. Concerts, not so much, as it is the “big day”, so I think of them as just another practice.
Then there is shopping and being sensitive, I notice being mobbed. I find a “quiet” aisle and boom, others show up and come to get in my way. “Quiet” store and boom, in comes the mob. All I need to say for a reaction is “Costco”. How many times have you been stuck in the Costco entropy.
Everything else is such a waste of my time, as I already think about the drive home as I park to attend the dreaded “party” or whatever reason I have to visit public places. My motto, get in and get out.
Sometimes I find a really truly “quiet” haven and I have to force myself to leave. Like shopping in a nice big hardware box store sometimes, when the weather is horrendous outside. Oh how nice it feels!!!
Only one big work “party” I have to attend so far. I will think of it as work, so I will make the effort.
Thanks, we are on board, trying to get through another “holiday” season. My meditation place is my true respite in this insane idiocy.
Thank you for writing this and making me feel like I’m not crazy or alone! I do every one of these! I just went to a work party tonight where I left early and came home exhausted. They got mad at me and another woman for not wanting to play a stupid game and then shamed us for not wanting to have fun. It was a game where we had to sing in front of other people! I will not be going to anymore work parties!