INFJs are often mistaken for being “cold.”

It can be frustrating, because that’s not how we feel at all! INFJs are incredibly emotional. And in fact we love being with people.

We just get lost in our thoughts. INFJs are constantly analyzing. Even during casual conversations we want to move deeper. That’s why we hate things like shallow small talk.

While we may seem cold on the outside, we’re filled with warm, gooey chocolate goodness on the inside

And despite (or perhaps because of) these challenges, INFJs make excellent conversationalists. Here are some INFJs you probably wouldn’t mind chatting up:

– Plato
– Carl Gustav Jung
– Mahatma Gandhi
– Thomas Jefferson
– Al Pacino
– Edward Norton
– Cate Blanchett
– Michelle Pfeiffer

Not too shabby!

Let’s take a closer look at what makes INFJs such great conversationalists.

1. We know how you feel (literally)

First, INFJs have an uncanny ability to read people. We get “feelings” about things. And though we usually can’t fully explain why, we’re usually right. Socially, this translates to our ability to read emotions and body language effortlessly. We see right past facades and into the center of someone’s motives and true feelings. For example, someone may be smiling, but without even trying we intuitively know that they’re depressed.

As a result, we often feel what others are feeling — literally. We are what’s called “empaths.” This is more than having empathy, or simply understanding what someone is going through. An empath literally feels what someone else is feeling. Even if they don’t understand or relate. And these feelings go beyond emotions. Some empaths even feel the physical pain of others.

This happened to me while my wife was in labor. Us INFJ’s take “I know how you feel” to a whole new level 🙂

2. We’re creative

Secondly, INFJs have incredibly rich inner worlds.

This makes for some engaging conversations that are incredibly playful and creative. We love discussing different ideas and perspectives, and using colorful metaphors. That’s why many of us are great storytellers. Sometimes we’re even mistaken for extroverts (gasp!)

But it doesn’t end there. INFJs are very concerned with people’s feelings. We use our creative abilities to create good vibes and make others happy. That’s why we’re usually cheery and people enjoy being around us.

3. We actually care

Perhaps most importantly, INFJs actually care.

We have a sincere desire to help others, so things like shallow small talk about the weather are torture. We’d much rather discuss your fears, frustrations, hopes and dreams. When we ask “how are you?” we actually mean it! It’s important for INFJs to move beyond small talk into deeper, more meaningful conversations.

In general, most people get stuck in painful pleasantries… And we hate that.

That’s why I’ve spent the last 9 years studying conversation. I’ve spent thousands of dollars learning from books, experts, psychology studies, and real-world tests. One of the biggest things I’ve realized is that small talk is a powerful tool when used correctly.

So I’ve put my favorite lessons into a FREE mini-course called “Enjoy Small Talk.”

Get Instant Access to Enjoy Small Talk

You’ll learn how to…

– Video #1: Uncover the power of small talk
– Video #2: Overcome boredom
– Video #3: Stop nervousness around new people

…so you can unlock your INFJ powers and start making friends. Whether it’s at the office, weddings, or just waiting in line for the bus.

If you get nervous when interacting with new people and find yourself stuck in your head, this free course is perfect for you. You’ll especially love it if you tend to analyze and understand things before doing them.

Dan Chang, founder of The Friend Formula, is a conversation skills expert who empowers shy people to talk to anyone and make new friends. He has been featured in The Huffington Post, Business Insider, Lifehacker and INC.