We all fall prey to the green-eyed monster on occasion. For introverts, it is all too easy to compare ourselves to extroverts and feel pretty lousy for it. Perhaps, we secretly wish that we could think on our feet like a fast talking coworker. We might buy into the idea that chatty, bubbly women are more desirable. We can become envious of the smooth talking charmer that women flock to.
As grown-ups, we know that jealousy and comparisons are destructive to self-esteem. But filling the gap between knowing and doing is no small task. So, here are a few tips for overcoming this fruitless habit.
Is it really a fair comparison?
People who possess the qualities we lack aren’t any better than us. They weren’t given a bigger piece of the awesome pie. They are just as flawed, but in different ways.
There is a long list of extrovert qualities that I used to covet. I wished I didn’t suck so much at multitasking. I was envious of girls who could be forward and flirtatious. I dreamed that someday I would be the one who always knew what to say and when to say it. Then I had a light bulb moment.
I realized that the girl at work who is great at multitasking also has trouble focusing. The person who always knows what to say might not know when to shut-up. And don’t even get me started on the smooth talker with swag. He’s a jerk. End of story.
Don’t feel bad that someone shines in areas where you sink. Everyone falls short of perfect in some way.
Look how far you’ve come
The only person you should be comparing yourself to is you. You’re not the same person you were ten years ago. And if you look around, you’ll realize that the world has changed too.
What made you weird as a kid is now your greatest asset.
One of my personal mottos is “progress over perfection”. You’re not perfect, but you’re better than you were before. And that’s all that matters.
Whose eyes are you looking through?
A lot of times, we feel bad about ourselves because we are looking though the eyes of someone else. We let naysayers and trolls sneak into our lives and distort how we see ourselves.
Take back your power by saying goodbye to people who make you feel less-than.
Know how to increase your self-worth
Comparing ourselves to others is pointless. Instead, we should find ways to love who we are. I have found that the best way to improve your self-esteem is through self-discovery. Dig deep and figure out who you really are and what you have to offer this world. Set goals great and small and celebrate every triumph.
Absolutely, Michaela – “The only person you should be comparing yourself to is you”.- For me, THIS is the most important sentence in the whole post and especially in life! – But although this sentence is so true and so important, most people forget this so often and even myself sometimes. 🙁 – So thanks a lot for reminding me! I needed this just now. 🙂 –
I think, to “compare” with others can only lead to frustrations, except if we get “inspired” by others, but this is a completely different point! – “Inspirations” can be very useful, but “comparings” makes no sense to me. – Matthias
You’re welcome Matthias! You nailed it when you said “inspirations can be very useful, but comparings make now sense”. Wise words. 😉
Thanx Michaela, I note that one 🙂 “What made you weird as a kid is now your greatest asset.”
I love you for writing this. I do! Thank you! I was feeling worthless a minute ago, and its 2.30 a.m. So it is that ridiculous. Comparing with other people IS a bad habit, and i shall stop it from today. Again, thanks!
Great article! Wanted to add… Most extraverts are not weirded out by introvert tendencies anyways… In fact as an introvert you are desired! Extroverts are probably in a relationship with an introvert on some level on the scale and love that energy. Big plus being desired for who you are!
Thnx Michaela for this beautiful article… Making me realise i made a right choice in life by checking my progress…. Thanx ?