introvert who is best friends with an extrovert

Are you an introvert who is best friends with an extrovert? Join the club. The introvert-extrovert friend pairing has been the go-to combination for ages. Why?

Well, we all know the old saying, “opposites attract”. Even though introverts and extroverts are on opposite ends of the personality spectrum, we often attract like magnets. And when you think of it, it makes total sense.

Extroverts are the yang to our yin. They are the sweet to our savoury, the outtie to our innie, the — well, you get the point.

There is no doubt that introverts and extroverts have complimentary qualities. But some of the very same characteristics that send us flying toward one another, like two love drunk hippies in an open field, can also cause conflict.

As an introvert with an extrovert best friend myself, I can honestly say that this friendship combination has the makings of greatness … but it also has the makings of a migraine. So, don’t feel bad if the friendship feels frustrating at times.

Not everyone will understand your struggle as an introvert who is best friends with an extrovert, but I certainly do! That’s why I’ve put together 7 things only those of us with extroverted besties will understand.

7 Things Introverts Who Are Best Friends With an Extrovert Will Understand


1. They either light your spark or drain your battery — nothing in between.

Your extroverted best friend tends to have an an all-or-nothing impact on your energy levels. He has an uncanny ability to light you up and make you feel like you can conquer the world, or at least the lame party he insists you attend.

But sometimes your extroverted best friend can have the opposite effect on you. His constant buzzing about exhausts you and you wish he would just chill for a while.

2. Sometimes you wish you had them all to yourself.

I’m not going to lie, I am a possessive friend. If you’re part of my tight-knit circle I want you all to myself. That ain’t gonna happen with an extroverted best friend.

Sometimes, you will feel inadequate because your extroverted friend doesn’t seem to need you as much as you need her. She spreads herself thin across an an endless list of friends and fun activities. Meanwhile, you would be content to just hangout with her everyday of the week.

As long as your extroverted friend makes time for you, you’re happy. But you feel frustrated on the days when her busy social calendar means she can only “squeeze you in” for an hour, as if you’re a business luncheon or a PTA meeting, instead of her most loyal (and awesome) friend.

3. Their FOMO annoys you and your FOGO frustrates them.

By now you’ve probably gotten used to your extroverted best friend’s Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). He feels this strange urge to go out and seize the day all the time.

Meanwhile, you are more likely to experience Fear Of Going Out (FOGO), which means you either get left behind or dragged out to whatever sparkly activity has caught his eye.

Sometimes, you actually have a good time and you’re thankful for the extra push to go out. Other times, you count the minutes until you can go home and be alone for a while.

4. They keep the friendship exciting.

One of the reasons you were drawn to your extroverted best friend in the first place is the way she makes life more interesting and exciting. She takes you on adventures and helps you to see the world from a new perspective.

You love how she can tell a story in a way that makes you feel like you were actually there. You weren’t, of course, because … Netflix … but you still like to hear the highlights.

5. They’ll try to make everything a group activity.

Extroverts have this strange obsession with turning everything into a group activity. Their philosophy in life is “the more the merrier”, so what’s the big deal if they invite a few other friends along?

Believe me, for an introvert, it is a big deal. You’re okay with group activities under certain circumstance, because you mentally prepare yourself for the ordeal. But if you think you’ll be hanging out with your best friend and then suddenly someone you hardly know shows up, you’re not going to like it.

Thankfully, your extroverted bestie has realized this about you, so he tries to keep things one-on-one for the most part.

6. Sometimes you put them on a pedestal.

We live in a culture where social capital is a sought after currency. More friends equals more power. A packed social calendar is proof that you are important. This might leave you feeling inferior to your extroverted best friend.

You put him on a pedestal, thinking that he must be a better human because he can fill his schedule with so many fun activities and friends. The fact that you’re happy to devote more of yourself to fewer people seems decidedly uncool.

Just for the record, your extroverted best friend is not the hero of your story. You’re not the Robin to his Batman, or the floundering fish to her mermaid. You are different, but equal. So, don’t ever let your extroverted friend make you feel less important because you’re not as popular or outgoing as she is.

7. You’ve become a master at compromise.

Compromise is what keeps an introvert-extrovert friendship afloat. Sometimes, you’ll have to be okay with sharing your best friend with all her other best friends, because you know that this is what she needs.

Other times, she’ll have to be okay with slowing down and hanging out one-on-one with you in a chill place, because she knows that this is what you need.

If the compromise ever becomes too one-sided, the friendship might get thrown off balance and even break. Make sure that you and your extroverted best friend take turns compromising, knowing that your special bond is worth the effort.

By the way …

While you’re here, I want to let you know that my book The Irresistible Introvert has been chosen for Amazon’s November ebook sale. That means that you can get the digital version of my book for just 99 cents (96% off). This only applies to Amazon US & Canada. Go here to get my book for 99 cents.

What about you?

Are you an introvert who is best friends with an extrovert? How do you make the friendship work? Let me know in the comments below, I’d love to hear from you!



Michaela Chung