“[A]t school you might have been prodded to come “out of your shell”—that noxious expression which fails to appreciate that some animals naturally carry shelter everywhere they go, and that some humans are just the same.” ~Susan Cain
The Protective Shell
Like turtles, introverts arm themselves with a protective outer shell. This comes in handy when we face people and situations that endanger both our energy levels and our self-esteem. It also helps us survive insults and criticism from insensitive extroverts. Unkind words bounce off our shells instead of penetrating our soft, squishy interior.
Our shell manifests itself in our guarded nature. We tend to be slow to trust new people and slower still to reveal our true selves to them.
The Porcupine Effect
For some introverts, metaphorical armor isn’t enough. Years of enduring hurtful comments from brash extroverts (ie. “you’re weird”, “party pooper”, “you’re too quiet”) can cause us to develop a porcupine-like exterior. Our spikes begin to come out at the mere mention of the word “extrovert”.
One need only browse through the comments section of introvert blogs and pages to confirm that many introverts harbor feelings of hostility toward extroverts. Some honest self-examination revealed that I too have succumbed to the porcupine effect. Well-intentioned extroverts stir up hostility in me because they remind me of people who hurt my feelings in the past. Speaking of which …
The Extrovert Bully
A few years ago, while standing in line in front of Darcy’s Pub, I encountered an introvert’s worst nightmare: the drunken, obnoxious extrovert bully. I’m sure you’ve come across his species before. This kind of extrovert is loud, pushy and completely oblivious to the feelings of others. He relishes spewing slurred insults at anyone who seems different. He is also master of pointing out the obvious (ie. “you’re really quiet”).
That fateful night, Captain Obvious decided that I would be his target. Being the genius that he was, he immediately picked up on the fact that I was different. “Why are you so quiet?” he stammered loudly. “It’s weird and I don’t like it. You should talk more.”
Words escaped me. A vicious retort formed in my mind, but couldn’t find its way past my lips. Instead, one of my loyal and totally fierce extroverted girlfriends unleashed her fury on him. But it was too late. The damage was already done.
This experience and several others sharpened my quills and made me more leery of all extroverts.
The Wounded Turtle
Of course, the porcupine effect isn’t the only way that introverts react to extrovert bullying. Often, neither sword nor shield can protect us from hurtful words and situations. Instead, we internalize things. We begin to believe that something is wrong with us. We become like a wounded turtle whose shell has been ruptured.
So, what happens when a turtle’s shell is penetrated and her gummy green interior is pierced? Well, if this tortoise is anything like me, she’ll lock herself in the bathroom and cry for 20 minutes because someone told her she’s strange (don’t tell anyone, but this actually happened to me last week – can you recognize me in the picture below?).
Has anyone else had a wounded turtle moment like mine? Do you become a prickly porcupine around extroverts? How thick is your shell? Please share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section below.
I’ve learned how to deal with a lot verbal, insensitive junk over the years but ‘one-liners’ can be the worse. I’ve spent many hours in my mind, coming up with my response to something said to me but probably already forgotten by the person who blurted it out. The more I understand the dynamics of introvert/extrovert, the easier it is to deal with but it still catches me by surprise and I either retreat into myself OR slip into the bathroom, lock the door, turn out the light and process the hurt.
The good news is that I’m able to keep my thoughts much more constructive these days which helps me a lot. I refuse (the best I can) to slip into feeling sorry for myself or be a victim. I’m really thankful for the resources for helping myself such as this blog. Thank you! Also, I just finished Susan Cain’s book,, QUIET and it was a huge help in equipping myself to function WELL in an extrovert biased culture.
I haven’t been a wounded turtle in years. My shell has become way to thick for outsiders. The only thing that can hurt me are my own thoughts, and I do not need any assistance in that department.
Happy on the outside, a steadily chugging diesel with a heart of iron on the inside.
Sorry, meant to make my own comment, not a chain on yours.
I do have a shell but also a hot temper and can be very aggressive when need be!!!!
I used to get people coming up to me and saying “You’re so quiet.” Once I heard a couple of colleagues whispering “She’s so quiet.” When I was younger and more shy I would take this home with me, and brood.
Later as I matured and grew to be more comfortable with who I am, someone else came up to me at work and said “You’re so quiet.” This time, I turned around to face him with a big smile. “Yes, why yes I am. Do you have a problem with that?” He mumbled no, and left. Which was fine with me.
I can’t tell you how empowered I’ve felt since employing that little phrase. It works like a charm!
My favorite’s to use are “and your point is..”,”yeah,and what about it”. then just stare at them for 2 seconds until they feel uncomfortable and they walk off.
I like this technique!!! I know this will work ’cause it’s just so pointless to bring it up to our faces. They only do that ’cause it makes them uncomfy and they feel entitled ’cause we live in an extroverted society. Innies like us don’t ask them why are they so loud…’cause most social situations are loud to begin with, crafted by extroverts.
My reply to him would had been “if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything”. That says it all! He could either take that to mean: for him, that he should not speak unless he has something nice to say OR that I don’t have anything nice to say to him so I am not saying anything. Its left for him can figure it out!
Marge,
You are an inspiration and you just touched on something I’m trying not to do: to slip into “poor me.” The way I fight it is to tell myself that I am too tough and competent for that “self-pity crap” as I love to say.
I relate entirely to this. It’s like you want to speak up, but your tongue doesn’t want to work. It’s a really debilitating feeling. 🙁
Sometimes just keeping it simple, with a statement like “You’re kidding, right?” does stop them in their tracks… there are no hard and fast rules, but reacting to someone as if they seem like an unruly child (which is how they seem) does seem to shift the dynamic in such a way that these folks don’t quite feel so overwhelmingly dominant.
Ha ha ha, so funny some of the suggestions and life examples. You need to have a good laugh as an introvert now and then.
I was bullied last week in a way that caused me deep mourning and humiliation.
A woman from my church came banging unannounced on my front door!
Boundary lesson #101…NEVER OPEN A DOOR TO AN OVERTLY ANGRY KNOCKING PERSON!
Opening four inches I was faced with an angry accusatory situation!
Accused of blocking multiple people’s phone calls!
What? Huh? Where? When? Would not escape my lips!!! Lol.
SHE CONTINUED: DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU???!!!
Again, words would not appear.
Finally in self defense I managed to blurt:
“My phone is out of service. It renews in two days.”
Holy Fong Fong! What on earth???!!!
According to this woman, I was somehow unbeknown to me was expected to take a woman for a long 200 mile round trip!
Huh?
Apparently the usual driver was sick. I was expected to fill in with no communication to me about it? Huh? And apparently there were a lot of other people involved that were all trying to reach me?
Well how should I know when my phone was out of service?
I was being gaslighted by psychopaths and a smear campaign had been launched and was in full swing by “flying monkeys!”
I went into deep thought for that week. I was not going to ever restore my phone service.
The only reason I did was because like mentioned above, I did not want to be poor meing. I needed to be strong for me.
My daughter is expecting. I want to intercept her phone call once grandchild #14 arrives!
So I made it through. I did not shrink. I trudged forward!
HorseFreak That is a great way of of explaining it. You always think you will know what to say, but when the times come, the words just won’t come out!
I don’t think said bully is actually a bully, they’re just really outspoken and unsympathetic.
I agree with you there. When I get into arguments with my extroverted friends, everyone else thinks I’m in the wrong because they are good people. I just can’t tolerate their mouth diarrhea.
“mouth diarrhea”! hahaha PERFECT!!
Also, I think the term “Extrovert bully” is kinda insulting to Extroverts. It’s just called a bully. Not all extroverts are jerks, but that odd phrasing suggests that being mean is an “extrovert thing”
I was, and have always been, a wounded turtle. Just looking at your (lovely, by the way) drawing of the turtle reminded me of all the times I’ve done this. I went to therapy for a while, and one day my therapist told me that she though a lot of my problems were caused by the fact that I was this “wounded turtle” (she used the word internalizer). A lot of the things I would talk about were the mean comments people, especially my brother (who is an extrovert through and through), would tell me. It never helped that I was an HSP, so everything bothered me. It’s taken a while, and occasionally I slip up, but I’ve gotten better at allowing comments to just bounce off so I can ignore them. I hope it gets better for anyone out there who is a wounded turtle too!
I wonder how you process the negativity you get from others ’cause I still haven’t found a healthy way to do it that will work for me. I am still a wounded turtle most of the time. Sometimes I just cope up through my own humor or I redeem myself and get back to them by owning my weirdness and strutting my stuff. Idk if it works or if I just defend myself momentarily but don’t really heal.
When I was a young teen I was bullied by extroverts a lot (even forced to participate in stupif stuff), and it wasn’t long before I took on the porcupine effect. When I did, though, that’s when they accused ME of being the rude one. -_- Even my own parents did. But all I was trying to do was defend myself against the scolding and teasing.
Hi Anne, sorry to hear that you were so unfairly treated. It must of been especially hard having your parents side with the bullies. I’m hoping that with more awareness and understanding about introversion, more and more parents will learn to teach their children that being introverted is okay.
This die shy I’m dealing with RIGHT NOW. I am the mean nasty person for trying to stick up for myself and my values- the weird one. And my family is always telling me that it’s my tone and I’m judgemental and have even asked me to “not be sure” or put them above my values…
Wtf? I can’t for the life of me figure out how to talk to them and share anything I think without them being offended and then telling me it’s me. Can’t we all just live and let live? Why are my different opinions and values so threatening?
Dang autocorrect. This is what I’m dealing with right now*** sorry.
Yup. I hear you! We live in a culture that favors extroverts, in part by viewing them as strong and friendly go-getters. Introverts are depicted as all of the negative opposites to that: weak, self-centered and unmotivated. What ever happened, “Still waters run deep?
How awful of your parents! What is your relationship with them like now? Have you ever talked to them? What an unloving thing for them to do, and how badly they let you down in that respect. I’m so sorry. I was lucky in this regard, with my family. We were all introverts. Whatever other problems my family had, they were civilized people who were sympathetic to me at almost all times.
for my last comment, when I said “have you ever talked to them” I meant have you ever been able to talk to them about this topic, and their betrayal. I assume that overall you do still talk to them… wasn’t meaning to imply you didn’t…
That sucks! And I can totally relate to that. During these situations I just tell myself at least I am not the one who is on the other side – insensitive and intentionally hurting other people. I take pride in my character instead. Sometimes I fight back like a porcupine; other times I pick the silent treatment instead. I back off when I can and when I think it’s wiser to do so. Either way, though, people still disapprove :)) What matters in the end is that we do what we can to protect ourselves and stand up for ourselves.
When I was young I use to cry and avoid people…. as I got older I started to lash out and tell them to get out of my face (and they did, they left me alone LOL). They were not use to me saying anything at all. So when they saw that I had had enough they were shocked! In fact there was no repeat! When all was said and done….then I would go home and cry….!!! I did not enjoy acting like that at all, because that wasn’t me….
Once I was alone only then I would cry….
Sorry for messy message…. I have my cat trying to help me type!!!
That’s okay,I know how much cats love putting their paws wherever they feel like it. Thank you for sharing your challenges with this. I know that there are a lot of introverts out there who can relate.
A cat is an introvert’s favorite animal. I have one too
Omg Kimberly you described it so accurately – I felt as though you were describing my own experiences and what I did :)) It must be a source of comfort for us to know that we are not alone, although it’s very sad as well that these things happen to so many of us. Just a week ago I lashed out on my brother after he lashed out at me. I just felt at that moment that I won’t take his behavior towards me anymore. I’ve had enough. If he thought he was rough, well, I wanted to show him (and I did) that I was rougher! He backed down actually. Then latet on I felt so so bad about what happened and how I behaved. I’ve decided to avoid future meltdowns that I would just ignore him. That’s the only way I knew I could do on my side. I can’t control his behavior but I can prevent conflicts from happening again. I also wanna protect myself ’cause of course nobody wants to be treated like crap and I don’t want to behave that way as well. My brother and mother are both bothered by my silence. My mother is lobbying so hard for me to talk to him again but I reaffirmed why I am doing this and why I can’t give her what she’s asking me to do. She seems to understand me more now. But it’s secondary actually if they understand me or not. I am just satisfied with the fact that he has not messed up with me since. Even though I still feel misunderstood, at least I have more peace now than before. Have you tried doing the silent treatment and how did it go for you?
My years of harbor inc resentment for individuals whom were extroverts. The typical loud and boastful type has caused me to carry a lot of rage and bitterness to the pony of wanting to physically harm someone. But my true nature seems to keep me on level ground and helps me make the right decisions compared to those typical extroverts who react the instant someone makes them upset. I like and dislike the person I am at the same time if that makes any sense. But the biggest criticism that’s difficult for me to handle at times is when people say I don’t stand up for myself. It’s so frustrating at times I even thought about taking my own life.
Hi Joshua, thanks for sharing your experience with this. You bring to light the heavy burden of carrying the weight of resentment toward extroverts (or anyone, for that matter). I’m glad that you can see how your introverted nature has helped you to take the higher road even when it has been difficult. And I hope that with time you’ll be able to release some of your anger so that you can feel more lightness and joy. 🙂 Much love. Xo Michaela
someone told me, “weirdo. you always sit there and stare at people.” then suddenly, a ran out of patience and said, “at least i’m not empty.. like you.” 😀 then she ran. 😀 lol
I am a wounded turtle .I can definitely relate to your situation .
Gday m8. I wonder why its ok for these people to constantly insult us. IM pretty sure mr loud mouth would not appreciate it much if i told him he is to noisy and he should shut the f up more. Any one els c a double standard. Thanks Michaela love your work.
yep definitely a double standard! i think this is because extroversion is much more common in society than introversion and is therefore seen as normal, so we are considered to be in the wrong for criticising this “normal” behaviour. at least in my own experience, extroverts have always seemed far more likely than introverts to both conform to and reinforce societal norms of behaviour and more importantly, to expect the same of others. i have met far more introverts who are willing to accept each individual for what they are rather than how they socially fit into their surroundings.
I actually think introversion is more “normal”/common than true extroversion. Most of us have some varying degree of what we are calling extroverts. I read an article recently on the extroverted-introvert, which was – in essence – about people who can pretend to be extroverts in social situations but would rather be home. So the real reason for the double standard, as I see it, is that our society has created an ideal about extroverted people. The reason is that extroverts appear to be confident; they seem to be willing to take the kind of risks that expose you to criticism, but also increase the chances of success; they appear to be able to withstand attacks because the are willing to speak up and respond. As a result they give off the impression that they are brave, and we all want to be brave; we that “one moment in time when [we are] more than we thought [we] could be.” The thing we have to remember is we are not alone and that we can be successful, happy, and brave just as we are.
Exactly! Extroverts usually find it easy to point their fingers and judge others so openly without reflecting and looking at themselves first. When someone’s behavior makes them uncomfy they immediately want it to be stopped/changed. I have encountered this so many times, too, and I usually respond by telling them how I never command them to behave in certain ways or feel only certain kinds of emotions in certain kinds of situations because I don’t have the right to do so and none of us has. That usually stops them from blabbing any further.
No wonder some extroverts come off as entitled and arrogant and pushy and like the world revolves around them. Well, I suppose cause the world DOES revolve around them.
I wonder if they realize how hypocritical some of them can come across? Do they ever stop and think what it would feel like if it happened to them in their version?
“Omg! You want to go TALK to people? Weirdo!”
“She’s STILL talking! Can’t be quiet for a second!”
“Did you hear? He’s going to a party!”
“Goy, I know you need to talk and party and stuff, but some day you are going to have a heart attack doing all that. You are going to keel over!” So said introvert goes to try to make the extrovert take more down time and talk less and stuff to “save him from a heart attack from all that stress.”
Just imagine….if the world kissed introvert ass instead of extrovert.
Some Extroverst: “You have to attend to me. Oh what you mean you are burned out and need to be by yourself? But but what about meeeeee?” (Perfectly acceptable.)
Some Introverst: “I need time alone. We can do something together for a while, but right now I need a break.” (Absolutely self centered.)
Some Extroverts: “I can’t be bothered to just sit still with you and color in your adult coloring book. That’s so lame!” (Totally understandable)
Some Introverts: “Can you please shut up for one second? I can’t even get a word in edgewise!” (Oh my just so rude!)
Rule of thumb is: It is ok for extroverts to do it, but not introverts. Extroverts need human time? Perfectly fine. Introvert need a break? Oh how rude! Extroverts tell Introverts to open up more. (Just trying to help). Introverts dare tell an extrovert to “please be quiet.” Oh that is just the most nasty thing ever!
Yep. Seems pretty hypocritical to me.
Pilbab: Joe, there is a party this weekend. You gotta come!
Joe: I had a hectic week. I need some down time.
Pilbab: to another extrovert: Joe is such a low life! He’s not coming to the party! Why doesn’t he like me? How selfish! He says he needs “down time”! He thinks the world revolves around him! He needs to get out more! Open up! Why can’t he think about what I need?
Next weekend.
Joe: Pilbab, would you like to spend time with me watching the clouds? Then after that we can sit under a tree and just be quiet. Maybe read a book or draw?
Pilbab: Omg! That is so boring! No thanks. I am going to go spend time at the other party going on this weekend.
Joe: Oh, that’s fine. No problem. Another party? Well, if you ever want to watch clouds let me know. It’s cool.
Pilbab to another extrovert: Omg! Joe wanted me to watch clouds and read books and not talk and ugh! Doesn’t he know that I require to be with people and talk! How could he do this to me? How could he be so selfish!
I think I’m more of a porcupine compared to a turtle. Well in my country school toilets are unsanitary so I usually cried most of the time at class or outside. At class I rest my head on top of my hands and cover it firmly to avoid being seen by others,because of oblivious bullying commentary. I was a child back then I didn’t have much of a shell, but the shell that was meant to form within years of experience is still not strong enough. I have now created a social façade to lock and store my introverted self in the presence of others. But this social appearance isn’t enough to retain my chitin shell. Certain days I do feel like that my rage( even though there has been several anger issues in the past, my parents counselled and helped me most of the time) is beginning to erupt regardless of how many counselling that I have gone through. When I’m angry, anguished and feeling threatened my so called friends begin their extroverted attack on me until their satisfied (But I do take my revenge, at least sadistically especially during exams and homework) and now I’m a porcupine reserving malicious ways of exhibiting hostility towards anyone i.e extroverts who can’t shut their trap about the interact society, debating etc.
And I wrote this comment from my smartphone using only my right hand. It’s difficult to navigate through grammar and punctuation. Please Understand.
Well..I usually end up make making those insensitive extroverts my enemy…If they try to hurt me..then it’s futile..I have little to none emotion inside me…they will end up hurting themselves more than I’ve sustained…
For me, when someone says “You’re too quite” to me, I don’t react to it because that commnt is a fact. And I’m not insulted by it. The worse case scenario is when the person is pushy and persistent and is trying to drag me out of the shell. I’m a very respectful person and try to understand everyone. If they don’t return the favor for my privacy and needs, that’s when I develop the spines and carry on the hatred especially when I even explained my introversion. Because those what I really need, understanding and respect for it.
Hi Gabriel, that is a great point that being told that you’re quiet is just a fact and, on its own, not an insult.
Thanks Micha
Anyways this is a great post
Maybe there are others that you made?
I’ve noticed that a lot of people love to point out how quiet I am, whether it’s an intentional put-down or not. I think naturally everyone is drawn to pointing out differences over potential similarities. I’ve had to train myself to smile and chuckle amongst those who’ve only met me for the first time. And for those who are making rude comparisons I’ve also rehearsed a few sarcastic comebacks, which I deliver in a deadpan tone…”Why are you so obnoxiously loud?” Usually it’s enough to throw them off guard so I can walk away. But of course, that’s not to say I haven’t been hurt before by abrasive confrontations.
I think it’s a matter of realizing that disrespectful people exist and personality type has nothing to do with it. As introverts, we just have to see those comments for what they are, a reflection of insecurities, a need for power, etc. — and realize it’s not worth our care. Going out can drain me, but I’m 26 and I love craft beers with good friends. I’m not about to let some tactless person (extroverted or not) ruin my fun.
Thank you for this post! I am an introvert that also happens to be an HSP (highly sensitive person) but I am THEE QUEEN of snappy, insulting, & soul crushing one liners ;D. I tend to keep to myself unless cornered, pressured or provoked and those that have ever attempted to do such, have met my wrath with the result being that their feelings are thoroughly hurt and/or they never mess with me again (muhahahahah!!). For instance, I am usually the “quiet one” in group outings and as such, I APPEAR as an easy target. So, in this particular instance, I was hanging out in a nightclub with friends. This idiot guy decides to come over and tell me why my attire was so “uncool” and then proceeds to apologize because it is “uncool”. So I respond “Really? because I actually feel special/cool because you thought enough of me to interrupt your whole night to come over and tell me how uncool I am”….needless to say, the conversation was pretty much done for. On another separate occasion, I told a guy that I was sorry that his mom had abandoned him as a child (which was disclosed to me at an earlier time). He attempted to use my past against me only to have me laugh blatantly in his face. As an intuitive introvert, I have the uncanny ability to “see” peoples strengths and weaknesses. If the person is a good spirited person, I inspire them to be better . But if the person is a narcissistic A-hole that only cares about themselves (which is the only reason why anyone would go out of their way to BULLY others), I use who they are against them and destroy them. To the drunk annoying extrovert guy mentioned in this post,“Why are you so quiet?” he stammered loudly. “It’s weird and I don’t like it. You should talk more.” I would’ve said A. “well, thank god I do not exist to appease your desires (insert eye roll and ignore face here LOL) ” or B. “Whats weirder is you thinking that I give a shit/actually care about your opinion” (snap!)
Any introverts interested in learning the art of the snappy comeback should email me LOL free of charge!!
You definitely sound like a scorpio.
You certainly have some good responses there! I need inspiration like yours to deal with an old pork chop who’s badass malicious, will your skills work for workplace? I have retaliated back at her at times but there’re many incidents where I ignored it because she is highly skilled bully at that and i need shut her up effectively. What is your email address?
Hello. Can I please have your email address as I need some of your snappy comebacks desperately. I hope to learn them for when I need them and will use them as amp. Thank you so much !!!
Samuel
I Samuel, snappy comebacks aren’t actually my specialty. Being honest and unapologetic about your needs is usually best. 🙂
I always get asked the most annoyed question every introvert dosent want to hear.
Why are u so quiet? Why so serious? (Which btw is very rude and inappropriate of them to say, its like saying why are u the way u are)
I am so tired of hearing that that i actually avoid social gatherings/situations.The only place it happens now is work. Whenever i get asked that question i wish i could come up with a sarcastic snappy comeback right away, and not an hour later. That way i wont appear to be a shy weak target of bullying to them. And they will never ask me again and just leave me alone to do my work. Im not a shy person so i know i can talk back to them If at the time i knew what to say.
Anyway, my question to u is, what would your sarcastic/comeback answer be to why are u so quiet/serious?
A good comeback is “Why are you so loud/rude?”
Yes. I used to do this very thing at my inlaws house. I would go in bathroom or my car and cry. I’ve done it at my own parents home as well. I have set up strong boundaries since then. I often wonder if the extrovert has any idea how mean they sound in these situations- granted sometimes I can handle it better than others. I have learned staying away either all together or very limited visits are the key. Now to just deal with the guilt that sometimes goes with the boundary setting. I have to learn that I might make others mad by these protective strategies but I wonder if the E’s who bully ever worry about hurting my feelings- NO!
Introverts like me don’t love loud, useless, pointless chat. It freaks us out inside. And people call us antisocial or boring, cause we don’t talk about a new perfume or a new remix album. We just say what we need to say and just as much as we need to say. We can talk all day for a reason, if it comes to that. We have our own wonderland within ourselves and only one or a few person we find very special can see that world. And we care deeply, we see deeply, we feel deeply. I think people who tell us to come out of our shells, don’t truly understand the calm and the depth introversion gives. But everyone is different, so we respect the extroverts just the way they should respect us.
Great article. Why are we so quick to THINK of good comebacks but have a hard time verbalizing anything when under fire?
as a young child to becoming a young adult,i never really understood my need for solitude . it probably wasn’t until my early 30’s that started realize the nature of my being . I grew up learning to be the turtle ,just crawl into my shell and hide . yes , I taught my self to go out and socialize ,but a lot of times it was so tiresome .I became a drunk ,so that I could tolerate the rest of the world .been working on that problem above . thank you for helping me to understand even more about myself .
In high school my shell was extremely thin. For my ENTIRE freshmen year, I hid in the bathroom during lunch time just to avoid the crowd. My family and I moved more than 1000 miles away and the people in my new city seemed so different and unfamiliar to me. I was just warming up to the people in my old city and then BAM, I have to start all over again. Anyway I was teased a few times in my new school and didn’t really know anyone that well and felt safer in the bathroom. I am so ashamed of this and have been for so many years. I’m upset with myself for doing that to myself. I should have done something else like, read a book outside or ate lunch alone somewhere other than the bathroom. I was just afraid of being ignored by others and overlooked. I had no idea I was introverted. I thought I was just weird. I’m so glad I’m comfortable with myself now. I’ve grown so much through the years and feel more accepted in the world.
That all resonates hugely with me Kemi – and probably a lot of us here. I think school is most likely the first place we are exposed to how different/’odd’ we are. It took years after I’d finished school for me to realise why it had been so exhausting and stressful. Think about it; shut us in a room full of 30 (or however many) kids, many of whom will be hostile by default to anyone ‘different’ and expect us to concentrate and learn?! No wonder the teachers thought I was lazy – I was having to zone out that incredibly hostile environment in order to survive the day! As you say ‘I had no idea I was introverted. I thought I was just weird’ Perfect desciption.
Omigosh Kemi, I did the same thing! Only I spent lunch in the library instead of the bathroom 🙂 Don’t feel ashamed, there are a lot more of us out here than I ever knew- I wish I had discovered that sooner…
All my life I’ve put up with the usual comments from extroverts but there was one extrovert in particular who took extreme offence to my introverted nature. I was at a party with a good friend and a lot of people who knew me well enough to allow me some time to warm up to the party but it was the first time I had ever met this bully and I got all the usual comments from her within the first 10 minutes of meeting her , “why are you so quiet? what’s wrong with you?” etc. Later on in the night we all went to a club and she sat next to me and demanded to know “what my problem was”. I finally snapped and said “what the fuck are you on about you don’t even know me” after which she tried to punch me in the face. Absolute psycho.
I’m so sorry you were treated that way by that obnoxious, bitchy idiot. I would’ve punched that rude bitch so hard in the face so she wouldn’t have had a mouth to talk with. Seriously, you said and did nothing to her.
I played a role of the super communicative extrovert to avoid being called antisocial as the result i became exhausted and people immediately rated me as “antisocial”. I hope i ll find a new job.
I worked in an office full of extroverts before I truly understood what it meant to be an introvert and got this constantly. It was so stressful it made me sick.
Now, I think the key issue here is that it’s them feeling uncomfortable by us “*I* don’t like it … Talk more” – it doesn’t make it any easier for us, but it helps to distance from their crappy behaviour.
And socially, if a guy did that to me – I’d flip him the bird, then have some angry tears at home. No one should demand that we perform – we’re not monkeys.
A few weeks ago I went out to lunch with a few co-workers. We went out and got pizza which sounded really great at the time. I ordered a piece of cheese pizza and thought to myself “This may look really stupid, but I am going to eat this pizza with a fork because I don’t want to look like a pig”. A couple bites into my pizza a loud co-worker asked me “Do you always eat pizza with a fork?” Her comment caught me off guard and I replied “No, but the pizza slice was too big”. The entire table started laughing and I became so embarrassed that I started balling in front of everyone. I turned away and told myself that it was so stupid that I was crying about this. I left the restaurant wanting to live under a rock.
I get teased a lot by extroverts myself. It’s happened so often thar I want to punch them hard in the mouth. However, the alternative for me is to wear headphones. I confess, if extroverts don’t get the message I have no trouble being rude to them. I think that the ideal hell for extroverts is having their mouths permanently shut.
That’s awful! 🙁 It’s common for extros to brush off offensive things they say/do because for them they’re no biggie. But for innies like us almost any remark or gesture that says we are weird or wrong hits us hard because we have lived our lives feeling like an outsider so we have internalized this. And of course we reflect more than extros so we are usually more sensitive of our own and others’ feelings, too. I have had that same feeling, too, of living under a rock or inside a cave far far away.
I’ve encountered the extrovert bully, and that is what they are! Usually find they require liquor to loosen the tongue so the nastiness can easily drip off;) I go tortoise, retreating inside for safety…also my ability to say anything vanishes.
I’m reading this at work at the start of the day and truly my eyes began to moist… I recognize every bit of it. The last cartoon is so lovely. Not so long ago I described myself also as a turtle during a piece I wrote. It was for a girl I was totally gone for but of course I never send it. I just put in on Facebook hoping she would read it sometimes. She wasn’t even one of my FB-friends! :-). Meanwhile I got the nerves to ask her and later on I couldn’t stand it anymore and send her the story in a private message. She reacted nicely. And a few years ago, during a course, I had to think of a plant which described me. I came up with a very long small cactus with a beautiful flower on top. One has to look up to see the beauty. See the comparison with the porcupine? 🙂
My mom is extroverted, and often rebukes me for not interacting more with people. I’ve tried, but it’s killing me inside..
I have spent my Easter break with a group of friends and at least a couple of them are competitive extroverts; they not only need to speak louder than the other, but also keep interrupting each other, telling the same stories over and over again in which they seem to take particular pride in boasting about partying and drinking. The rest of my friends, being a lot more modest, seemed to join in and participate. I suspect that in some cases it was just to feel like they did fit in, but still. Meanwhile, I felt like I had been left aside as a mere witness without the right to even give my opinion, because they would simply not pay attention to the fact that I too had something to say and was indeed trying to do so. Whenever I mustered the courage to voice something, I was interrupted or they would just raise their voices so that mine was not audible. I even told some of them that I was feeling pretty bad and their answer was something like, “well, this is what happens when you travel with us”. There was no trace of understanding whatsoever. He basically implied that it was all my fault because it was me who had to either accept that behaviour or not join them in the first place. I could take it or leave it. There was no way they would try to step in my shoes. The result is that I would simply keep quiet because trying to fight that back on a daily basis was draining me and also because I needed to organise my feelings and ideas in order to discriminate what was making me feel so miserable and still does.
Today I finally reached the conclusion that the root of this problem was whether I was asking too much from these people or had the right to ask them for some understanding and support. And today I also found this blog and I am thankful for these posts and comments, because now I can see that I am not a problem or have any. I am probably and introvert and there are other people out there who share my problems and understand me. I am definitely starting to feel better.
Funny thing: When an extrovert told me I was “too quiet, ” I always accepted that as a compliment. I translated that phrase to mean that I wasn’t like the messenger, who was often rude and in other people’s space.
Introverted behavior to me seems like good manners, extroverted behavior seems like poor manners, and extroversion seems like a very unattractive personality trait. I’ve always had a hard time understanding why extroverts questioned and even critiqued me rather than emulating my behaviors. I felt bad about the snide criticism of course, for a time, when I was young, but it also made me angry and contemptuous–why were people with worse behavior questioning me?? underneath it I couldn’t make heads or tails of their baffling implication that the extroverted behaviors were somehow “better.” If anything, extroverts should strive to become more like introverts–quieter and more thoughtful and emotionally self reliant. Extroverts just seem like problem personalities to me. Even the nicer well meaning ones are often irritating, hyper, demanding, draining, and dull. The unpleasant ones just don’t seem like good people. I know this might sound harsh to some people, (which is very hard for me to understand, I feel like I’m making fair, coolheaded observations here) but i know this is hard for some people to take. Extroverts themselves, or people with very extroverted loved ones, sometimes balk at my criticism of extroverts (even as they encourage or make excuses for extroverts who bafflingly, inexplicably criticize introversion!) Yet I stand by my observations.
I agree with you! Innie traits are on the side of good manners as opposed to the extros’ ways. Whenever someone would insult me for my intro qualities, sometimes, instead of fighting back I just remind myself that at least I don’t behave like a psycho – insensitive of others’ feelings and intentionally hurting people so they can feel good about themselves. I’m not the one who lacks self-awareness, depth and basic good manners.
At this point in my life (now middle age) if someone says something foolish to me or insulting or insensitive, my instinct is to say “You’re kidding, right?” People usually seem taken aback and don’t know what to say. I wish I had had that insight when I was young. I attracted the strangest inappropriate comments from the most impertinent personalities on the planet. Fat lot of good it did them, I barely recall the foolish remarks, but only in a broad sense, in general, that I got foolish comments. I don’t recall the individuals who made them at all. Only that I encountered a lot of bad personalities with lousy manners in my time. And they never managed to change a thing with me. Oh well!
Well said! I feel exactly the same way!
“Why are you so quiet?” he stammered loudly. “It’s weird and I don’t like it. You should talk more.”
Jesus,i guess i never heard such stupidity in my life.If that was with me…
First,i would make a choking sound in my throat.Then,suddenly i would explode in a loud laugh.Finally,i would ask him sarcastically: “Really?*Smile*I should talk more,just because you want?Wow, i didn’t know that i lived to please others.*Roll eyes,pick the cup and take a sip*
Occasionally I have the thought of looking up someone on Facebook who said something foolish or insensitive to me (usually at work) and I was too introverted or shy or timid to say anything back at the time. These comments might have happened YEARS ago but they still sting if I think about them. Anyway, the thought is to message them and tell them what I really thought of the remark and how it made me feel back then. I have never actually done this but somehow the thought seems soothing to me. I doubt if the perpetrator would even remember the remark…..or remember ME for that matter.
Has anyone actually ever done this and how did it work out? Just curious.
I am an introvert who has been bullied, teased, and harassed by behemoth-mouthed extroverts. It happened to me when I was going to dinner at a hotel tonight! A security guard bullied me by screaming at me for throwing my after dinner garbage in the “wrong” waste can! I was so furious with her! She did it because she felt that I would not stand (oh, big surprise, I reported her to her supervisor!) What was messed up was that two couples were screaming, cursing, and getting into a fistfight! Yet when I tried to talk to a restaurant employee, they absolutely refused to confront that guard! Needless to say, she allowed those fistfight to happen and didn’t do zip about it. So I pose the question: Are loud, rude, and aggressive the new “norms” for so-called “good behavior? ” Note to self: The irony is insane, for lack of a better term……
Well I have as a result of being assaulted today
Responding to a bully in an aggressive manner has worked for me several times, particularly in school. The problem is subtler if you need to function within the complexity inherent in most “grown-up” environments, e.g. like working in an office.
Somehow, ‘talking and laughing too much’ or ‘making a lot of noise’ (most likely for no reason at all) are traits people often attribute to the “good guys”, even if that’s not even remotely the case… These people will make everything to provoke you in front of others, but to deal with it effectively presents a more complicated challenge: If you don’t respond and ignore them, they will think you are submissive and therefore easy to manipulate. If you do respond – even in a polite, yet firm tone – they will tell others (who are usually more fond of them instead of you) that you are rude and aggressive and that you cannot even stand an ‘innocent’ joke (they easily switch between the roles of the ‘aggressor’ and the ‘victim’) – so your character is inherently problematic and it is ‘justified’ for them to hate and sabotage you.
Another problem with extroverts is that they tend to master the “art” of pretense, so even when they smile at you and pretend they want to be friends with you, it is likely that they say the worst things about you behind your back. I think that this is the more damaging kind of “war” towards an introvert, as they can hardly respond to back-stabbing attacks (you need a clique to deal with it, something that an extrovert possesses for sure). They will also quickly point out your mistakes (if any at all) and exaggerate about them, while they may even spread malicious rumors about you… Such cowardly behaviors pose a greater threat to an introvert than words directly told to him/her.
Yes! Everywhere I have worked, this has been the case. I am driven to do a good job and advance my career. Older men in particular that I have worked with seem to REALLY hate that. Being quiet & ambitious seems to go against whatever it is they want females to be in the workplace. They single me out and it becomes a game. I’m too quiet, uptight, sensitive, etc. etc. I’ve tried ignoring them. That doesn’t work. I’ve tried lashing back, that just causes them to get together as a group and go at me. I’ve tried treating them as respectable adults….that’s a joke. In the end, I realized that a lot of people get bored easily and they look for entertainment…male or female. If someone is not interested in entertaining them (which I am not), they hate it. Where I work now, the people sit around talking 3/4 of the day. I talk with them for about an hour, then I spend time working or reading. They can’t stand that. One of my boss’s begged me once to “say something fun” and he stood at the door of my office laughing with a coworker about my “lack of personality”. I am very close to asking him if entertaining him and my coworkers is part of my job description. If it is, they need to add it to my paperwork, then fire me for not performing. I also found that extroverts can’t stand that quiet people are content when they think they should be bored. If I get bored, I find things to do. Annoying coworkers because I don’t have anything else to do or because work is “not fun” doesn’t appeal to me at all. It seems pretty childish actually. So what I see happening is those of us who are introverts come off as parents who think things through and extroverts are a lot like children, wild and impulsive with a lack of self-control. Once their mouths open, whatever is in their head flies out. They defy and resent anyone who rains on their parade and those of us who are more even keeled resent their obnoxious behavior.
I find extroverts to be really annoying. They act like they know it all when they are right about something or have achieved something but if you havent its because you are stupid or not confident enough. For example at college today our dept. Head came in to do a feedback survey. She was asking for improvements to the course or school and i suggested that during enrollment self funded students get fast tracked as they dont need loan advice which is a middle step in the enrolment process. This loud guy was like well you should have asked to be fast tracked, did you ask? I said no and he said well you should have asked then, I did and I got seen straight away. It was said in such a na na na na nah tone and really antagonistic. They seem to take pleasure in stepping on people who are already down. Anyways, I was always taught que jumping was impolite but these boorish types do all sorts of socially unacceptable things and get away with it. Then I was having a conversation with someone else about not continuing the course next year as it has not helped with my employment prospects. That guy had an argument with me saying he refutes that there is no work, theres plenty of agencies, and that im not looking hard enough. Ive been a PA office manager for 11 years i know how to go about looking for a job and i tried agencies with no luck. But he totally embarassed me in front of the class making out im being defeatist. I was so annoyed but of course couldnt say anything because of this curse. The words just dont come out. I feel like introversion should be a disability. People are so mean to me for no reason. I have never said an unkind word to this man yet once he had the opportunity he took it upon himself to engage in a confrontation with me and make me look weak and stupid. He just hates me for no reason. He has always avoided me but talks to all the other loud mouths until today when he thought he would pick on me. I hate being like this. If introversion was a gene that could be cut of of my future kids i would so do it. Then again i will not have any future kids because this disease is hereditary and i wouldnt wish it on anyone. I live in a big city where extroversion is praised at work and the city is built around them. I feel like im suffocating and theres no country to hide in because everyone is like this and strives to be like this! I cant take it anymore why was i cursed with this disease? Ive heard all the positive stuff about nothing being wrong with introverts but if the rest of the world cant see that yet then you are at a disadvantage. This has badly affected my life, no one takes notice of me unless to bully me and kick me when i am down and i lose out on promotions because of introversion and fear of public speaking. I even get anxious and need to warm up to my friends if i havent seen them in a while. I dont want to die but living like this is so hard.
Freshman in high school, got a crush two months ago, thick she’ll in back to take bullying, thin front for live related stuff. I planned out telling her how I felt on Monday at luck on a Saturday. I rehearsed every outcome I thought of (I thought) Monday comes, I walk towards her table. I see her friends encouraging her towards something she’s nervous about, I’m confused. She tells a guy (I didn’t ever really even like this guy) that she likes him, they start going out. Front is shattered, back is thinned, I’m extra vulnerable for the next week, I take everything seriously. I shut myself off, I talk to nobody unless necessary, not even my friends, always listen to music, in order to shut myself off from conversations. I retreated into what was left of my shell to avoid getting hurt like this ever again. Front never healed, back is fine now. I’m still in my shell after two weeks, and I haven’t talked to her much after it. I still beat myself up inside sometimes over it whenever I see them together.
I’ve got to write this down if only for my personal therapy. I have a neighbour who is a very kind and caring but an extravert to a point that I think is a sickness. She has to fill her day with things and people. She loves company. She’d entertain every day if she could get enough people to come round. Every Sunday she has a kind of open house lunch which is a great idea but it’s gone a bit weird. If you can’t go you need a really good excuse for why you can’t and you if you just feel like a day at home slobbing about then you get a whole load of questions and sly remarks until you end up lying about some fictitious friend you’re meeting up with. And then I feel bad for lying and bad for not being stronger and just saying I want time to myself and bad because I know she’s a good woman and one day I may be sorry she’s not in my life. Oh too complicated. Well this week my husband has gone away leaving me in glorious freedom to wander about my house and garden, to talk to myself, to read, to paint, to garden. To walk the dogs and eat what I like and to day dream. All so important to me. The first time in years I can do this. My neighbour has just rung me about tomorrow – Sunday- I don’t want to go. I want a day alone. I couldn’t say this so I just said I was busy. I got the third degree from her. Doing what? When? Who with? Again and again asking as if she’s trying to trick me like the police do when they question a suspect. I’m shaking because I know it’s weird and bullying but it’s making me feel bad as a person. So invasive. Open house don’t think. My sense of tranquility has gone and I’m steaming mad at letting it get to me. So I’ve written this down and I feel a bit better.
Yeah you are in a difficult position and I can relate. Thanks for sharing and I’m you felt better by doing so. I usually have this situation at work, with extro colleagues who wants to chat all the time. Whenever I would go somewhere else to work on my own (i.e. a vacant room), instead of getting the cue, they would push me more – each of them would “visit” me and have a “quick” chat or they would intentionally pass by to say hi. They just don’t get it! :)) What has worked though is when I tell them I just have to finish something and can’t chat right now. They are usually taken aback by this but it works. They say sorry and give me the space that I need to well, work, which what we should all be doing, anyway. When I want to and when I can I also initiate fun chats with them. This neighbor of yours may really be nice and she may really mean well. I think you can be frank with her that you’d like to attend the lunches but maybe not always since you have plans for yourself, too. And to be in friendly terms with her maybe sometimes when you really want it, you can pay her a quick visit spontaneously since she’s open to those things. She’d probably like that and respect your boundaries, too. Sometimes extros just crave attention and togetherness so much that come off as pushy. Sometimes they particularly go after innies, too, cause somehow they crave our energy and approval, too, even though they won’t admit it.
I think extroverts can’t stand being alone so it becomes other people’s responsibility to entertain them. If an extrovert were to turn down an invite from an extrovert to stay home alone, its seen as rejection or some kind of rift because why would an extrovert do that? They would prefer the company. So unfortunately, not understanding an introvert, they see a decline as rejection or some slight against them. I have told I don’t know how many people, it has nothing to do with you. I like you. It still doesn’t sink in. I’ve come to take the attitude that that’s their own fault for not being able to see outside their own selves and their own needs. I understand an extrovert’s needs to socialize so I go out of my way to accommodate them and then explain myself and ask for what I need in return and it seems like everything on my side falls on deaf ears. So I understand your issue. It is not your responsibility to constantly entertain your neighbor.
You know, I’ve often wondered why people always commented on how I was letting others take me for granted. I’m an introverted 16 year-old and whenever there’s a group-activity in school I’d always find myself doing the job on my own (whenever no one helps or care anyway).
But never had I experienced the feeling of desolation or despondence due to my “extroverted and uncooperative group-mates”. I’ve always loved doing things alone, and though it might look like I’m letting others loaf around by taking me for granted, the truth is I just don’t know how to mobilize them (because they never listen). So I end up doing the work alone and I think doing it alone helps me focus rather than forcing the inevitable to wield to my puny will of introverted charisma.
I’ve often wondered how many introverts in the Philippines are like me. Oh, in case I forget to iterate I’m Filipino. Love the Philippines but I just get this feeling that my culture doesn’t love me.
I wish the once beautiful reserved culture of the Philippines would come back. You know, it wasn’t always like this. Long ago kids were not allowed to face visitors and are often told to hide in their rooms. The quiet was respected and listening was celebrated.
But somehow, through the modern world, the once valued silence and restraint is now banished and replaced by brashness and fast-talking mouths.
ive spent a lifetime of bullying and rejection women wont date introverts they say we have no personality so ive always been alone probably always will
The past few weeks at work have been a breeze as an introvert (harsh sarcasm). I was in the break room when another employee was reading the company handbook. He slid it over to me and said “here’s the section on personality”. That really irks me. Personalities are diverse, they don’t only classify as loud and outgoing.
Another co-worker likes to sneak up on me to scare me. Today he goes “do you know why I scare you all the time? it’s the only way to get any kind of reaction out of you, otherwise you’re just blah.” He then crosses the line to try and ‘solve’ the puzzle as to why I am quiet, he comes to the conclusion that it’s probably my medication. I’m hesitating whether to bring this up to management or just let it go.
Have you tried confronting them in very blunt/witty ways? Usually extro bullies or bullies in general stop once you stand up for yourself. Extro bullies in particular are taken aback by intros’ unexpected responses, ’cause while we know much about them, they don’t know much (or anything at all) about us (not only ’cause we talk less but also because they observe others less in general) and so they don’t know how to “counter-attack” other than to play the victim or play dumb or both. Eitherway, they usually stop messing with us once we share with them a preview of what we can do and that we actually know more than what they think we do. Our self-awareness and strong sense of identity are scary to them.
Count me in, been battling it until now. Like thinking of a witty/sarcastic remark but I end up making a silly laugh instead. I’m in between a turtle and a porcupine. I resort back to my shell if I get pissed & just want inner peace, then sometimes I’m a porcupine; taking all the remarks until I have enough needle to stick it in that person’s face. It does get tiring whenever you have to explain or say something to defend why you’re being quiet/serious even if there isn’t anything wrong with it. Sometimes, you’ll realize extro bullies don’t actually care about the reason behind it, they just want your attention or make fun of you just for the heck of it. We don’t actually need their approval, although it does get annoying whenever we encounter them in school or work. Eventually, you’ll find a friend that’ll just click. We’re good at observing people, we’ll know when to trust someone or not.
Thanks for sharing this article.
I can say that introversion didn’t help me get through elementary school… I was always bullied for my quietness and differentness… I had no means to protect myself from bullying so I was really feeling the wounded turtle effect then… I am still a wounded turtle when bullied, but I have a porcupine effect side to myself also
I agree with alot of you all out in cyberspace. I am a highly introverted person and a majority of the people that i encounter don’t and cannot believe it when i tell them. my career is in sales. my grandmother was a true introvert, my mother is also a introvert however she can get out and socialize and even be the life of the party even though she despises it lol because she never stays out at any function very long before she is headed back home. i follow in those steps however however with my career it forces me to interact with people more. The quiet demeanor helps because i can listen and hear people around me and has helped me be a successful leader, sales rep and a better parent. My son is also introverted and mostly keeps to himself. Now my sister is the absolute life of the party she can strike up a conversation with a complete stranger and talk to them for hours she is a true extrovert personality.
That being said the extroverted people the consensus of us are talking about are not really extroverts in the true sense they are really just insensitive self centered people that are shallow and feel threatened by someone that is not like them and or is not part of their clique and a lot of them like to claim their title as power also, so beware of this as this is something that creates bullying in life, and the workplace. so beware of that mislabeling.
so there is nothing wrong with being introverted i makes us more successful caring and real people better mates in our relationships and when we get pushed to far we know exactly what to say and do to put a stop to the insanity from the insensitive others around us.. When we speak we are actually heard and listened to because the other people talk to damn much and have nothing to say buy yadda yadda yadda 🙂
one piece of advice i will give to everyone on this board is the teach yourself to just let it all go and search for the truth just like some of you already have. you are a quiet person that would rather listen to the people around you than join their ridiculous reindeer games. Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer and Herbie the elf were Introverts and look how they turned out!!
Merry Christmas everyone enjoy your life don’t allow the loud mouthed over talkative people steal your JOY!!!
Do you guys ever experience that you always have to defend yourself whenever someone is overreacting from the way you act? Like they think you’re a loner or strange just because for example, you don’t have a personal social media account or you just prefer being by yourself when you work? These extroverted bullies really gets annoying.
I mean, new year is almost coming. Don’t tell me up until now, they’re still not aware of people being an introvert? I mean it’s also another type of personality & not some kind of disorder.
Wow- look at all these comments and spread over 2 years- this post really hits home for a lot of people.
I have been an introvert all my life to varying degrees and now in my 40s have reached acceptance and peace with who I was created to be. God makes no mistakes, and my need for quiet and serenity is as natural and beautiful in its own way as a sunset or waves on the shore.
Unfortunately I still have to deal with obnoxious people (coworkers, bosses, fellow volunteers, you-name it) who will not accept my introversion and tell me I need to “come out of my shell”. Sigh. What’s ironic is that some of these people are introverts themselves, who have spent their lives pretending to be boisterous extroverts and are miserable as a result!
No thank you. I am content to embrace who I am, and continue to do so as I advance in age.
I can completely relate to this so much. Ever since I was little, everyone was always asking why I’m so quiet and that I should “get out of my shell”. Having a verbally abusive father didn’t make things better either. Every time I would try to talk, even the littlest bit, he would get into my face and yell at me. Having a 300 pound man get into a 5 year olds face was a little traumatizing. So I grew up thinking if I don’t do anything wrong and I don’t talk back, then no one can yell at me and everything’s going to be ok. I basically made myself become a robot, and thats how I am at work.
But over the years I realized, there was nothing wrong with me. I’m just quiet. That’s who I am.
Every time someone says something nasty though, I’m the type of person to stay quiet and bottled up. It’s definitely not healthy, cause one of these days I feel like I’m gonna snap, and it’s not gonna be pretty. I have such a hard time knowing when I should let things go and ignore it, and when I should speak up for myself…
And finally there’s this girl at work where every time I meet her, she has to say something childish and immature. She’ll call me ugly, curse at me, flip me off, whatever she can do to hurt me.. it’s been making me so mad lately I’m honestly thinking about going off on her. Let her show what a “quiet one” is really capable of.
I’m glad more people are understanding about introverts ? Introverts lets unite!!
Extroverts bully because they do NOT like or love themselves, so they take their frustrations out on the quiet person. Madonna wrote in one of her songs, ” You can NOT possess me.. ” People who are mean, nasty, cruel, disrespectful have no right to control another person’s feelings.. If you believe in the Karmic Law, their shit will come back to haunt them one of these days..What goes around come around. My advice, ” Try to be yourself in a very insane world , that we live in..” Everyone’s got an opinion, but what really really matters is that , if you are happy being who you are, then do NOT let the opinions of others rule you…. Light a candle, and ask the Universe to protect you from these monsters… When the candle goes down, give no more thought about these control freaks and ask the Universe for guidance and protection. You might see and feel a difference over the course of weeks or months… Peace !
My sister is an extrovert and she gets her energy from hanging out with me. She doesn’t have other friends. Unfortunately I don’t have the stamina to go shopping with her and her 1-year-old at 8:30 every morning. Worse still is when she takes my reluctance too personally and thinks I am “acting out” and “being lazy” for wanting to have a chill morning and read books. Not to mention I am a bit of a silent pushover with a guilt complex, so trying to show her that not wanting to go out every day isn’t a secret code for “I suddenly hate you now” is a nightmare to get across.
This usually ends with me, defeated in the back seat babysitting her kid while she drives us to the store and I listen as she goes on and on about work and her husband and interrupts me when I try to add to the conversation.
It is a flippin chore to be around her and I wish I had the words to tell her that I am not the person she wants me to be.
I think my biggest problem has been when I try to go out of the metaphorical shell and interact with others, but instead of appreciation, I get slammed for screwing some hitherto unknown law of interaction that seems like it was made up on the spot. I tend to take that as a rejection of my best efforts. I, am wounded turtle, only I don’t cry. I keep internalizing everything indefinitely, while thinking of ways to creatively insult the offending party using vocabulary he wouldn’t understand. The other problem is being pretty much the only male introvert around, and therefore unable to commiserate with anyone.
Yes, I do agree that introverts shouldn’t be dragged in conversation. An introvert will usually like a meaningful conversation, not the “Hello, hi, what are you doing, what did you did this weekend”. As an introvert these type of questions are soooo boring, I just want to get out of Earth and spend my entire weekend on the Moon. Why does anyone could like to know what I am doing?! Nearly, EVERY family member greets in this way.
I have a constant conclusion on the extros and the innies. Extros require constant need for attention born from their need to be the center of attention. Innies know who they are and don’t demand others to confirm their self doubt. During babble talk I am never asked my opinion because they know I have one they don’t want to hear because it will divert their attention span. I have have been known to raise my hand i.e. asking to break-in to the endless babble to change the subject to a subjective topic.
When ignored I leave the area.
I know and they know the conversation was boring and off base.