As an introvert, the idea of spending time with people, especially children with their boundless energy and endless questions, can feel just as appealing as attending a surprise party thrown in your honor. Not very. But this is just one of those things we can’t exactly avoid.
Whether they’re our own kids, siblings, friends’ kids, or even children we work with (maybe as teachers or caregivers), we can’t hide behind the veil of introversion forever.
So, how can we connect with the children in our lives without always pretending to be the loudest adult in the room?
Here are some tips that genuinely work.
Embrace Your Quiet Nature
The world sometimes feels like it was created to be loud and endlessly social. And then you start wondering if you’re the only reserved person in the room. You’re not.
According to WebMD, approximately 33% to 50% of people in the U.S. are introverts. This means that there are lots of us with a quiet nature and inner strength. We just have to embrace it.
So, don’t fight your introversion. The goal is not to be a loud and boisterous entertainer where kids are. It’s actually to “be the calm” in a chaotic world.
Think about it: children are constantly bombarded with stimuli, noise, and colors. They spend up to five hours every day engaged on their mobile devices, watching cartoons, playing games, and scrolling social media.
In this type of noisy digital environment, your quiet isn’t boring. It’s a big relief. So, stop trying to wear borrowed robes and just be you: quiet, observant, and ready to help.
Learn How Children Think and Feel
Introverts are naturally deep thinkers. We’re observers. We’re good at sensing the emotional current in a room. Put this skill to good use here. Children, especially the younger ones, may not know how to describe what’s going on inside. So, what do they do? They communicate through behavior and actions rather than words. Learn to interpret what each action means.
Spend enough time with them, and you start to see the patterns. You can tell with near certainty what’s in their minds. Or you can read books, watch videos on YouTube, and listen to podcasts that teach how to understand children.
You can also consider online school counseling degree programs. This is a good choice if you’re in teaching, counseling, or would like to get into any of these fields. These degree programs are 100% online, so you can learn at your own pace, even while working.
Here’s the best part: it’s not just about understanding how children think. According to St. Bonaventure University, it will also give you the knowledge and tools you need to help them overcome personal challenges and achieve their goals.
Create Meaningful One-on-One Connections
If you’ve ever been in a group setting, you know how difficult and stressful it can be. But one-on-one connections? We’re masters at it. This is another skill we can put to good use.
So, basically, if you have to deal with children, focus on one-on-one moments. Sit with a child while they draw. Ask about their favorite superhero. Read a story together. What if you’ve got to manage more than one child?
If they’re old enough to understand, and you’re not up for handling everyone at once, take turns. Kids love individual attention, and many of them will prefer this approach. The experts agree, too. One-on-one activities help foster a sense of safety, trust, and freedom in children. And for us, introverts, it’s the perfect space to build genuine connections.
Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty
This one might be a little tricky, but it can’t be helped. We always need a minute to breathe after spending time with people, definitely longer if with kids. But sometimes, we feel guilty wanting to take a break. The thing is, as introverts, our desire for peace can make us pushovers. This should not be so.
Set clear expectations about the amount of time you have with the kids and don’t feel guilty about it, especially if you’re helping to babysit or watch them. Plus, it teaches the children respect for people and their time.
Use clear, simple language so that everyone understands:
“I need five minutes of quiet time, please. You can play quietly in your room, and then we’ll do a craft together.”
If they’re your children, build this type of short break into their routine so that they get used to it.
Celebrate the Quiet Wins
As a reserved person, building rapport with children is a lot different from what you see in the movies. It’s not always laughter and adventure.
Sometimes, it’s just sitting together while you both read different books. Or going on a long walk, just the two of you, where there’s no need to fill every silence with chatter. Do this successfully, and it’s a win, and you should celebrate it.
According to a 2024 PwC publication, celebrating small wins boosts morale at an individual level. It makes you feel good about your efforts — spending a couple of hours with children and actually connecting with them.
More importantly, it keeps your motivation strong for bigger goals, like maybe one day, you’ll be comfortable enough to let your little cousins come for a sleepover, without feeling the urge to climb the walls.
Final Thoughts
Being an introvert is neither a flaw nor something that has to be fixed. It’s just how we are. It doesn’t even mean we’re bad with children. It just means that we’re quieter and more thoughtful about how we engage them.
The good news is that I, you, we, don’t have to change anything to fit anyone’s expectations. It’s just about using our quiet strength, emotional intelligence, and empathy to make every interaction count.
