Every highly sensitive introvert has experienced this.
You’re sailing through daily life, ticking all the boxes for health and wellbeing. You’re exercising, sleeping plenty and eating lots of green stuff.
Then, without warning, you have what I like to call an “unruly squid moment”.
I came up with the term just now, but it was inspired by an unforgettable experience I had a few years ago involving a giant jar of seafood antipasto.
My Italian friend got me hooked on the oily appetizer, which consisted of baby squid, shrimp, peppers, and oil. It looked gross, but it tasted delicious. One day, a nearly full jar slipped out of my hands and shattered onto my dark hardwood floors.
A mess of unruly shrimp and squid jiggled atop a massive puddle of oily brine. The tentacles. The oil. The overwhelming scent of seafood —
It was all too much.
I managed to clean up the mess, but the floors stayed slick with oil residue for weeks. The fishy stench lingered for nearly as long.
I never ate seafood antipasto again, but I had plenty of “unruly squid moments” nonetheless. There have been many times when I felt shattered by my own emotions, and frustrated by their unruly ways.
Feelings that ‘should’ have been washed away by the passing of time resurfaced uninvited and lingered long after I told them to get lost. This kind of emotional residue is the reason many highly sensitive (HSP) introverts unknowingly leak energy every single day.
Emotional Overwhelm
The frustrating part about being a highly sensitive introvert is that no matter how much we plan our life, and structure it to suit our needs, we cannot avoid our own emotions. Of course, we still try.
We hide, we numb, we deny – all in an effort to side-step the discomfort of feeling our emotions. After all, highly sensitive introverts feel things deeply. A surface scratch is easier to deal with than a sharp knife to the centre of your soul. Just sayin’.
Author Elaine Aron explains:
“We feel so intensely. It is part of why we process everything very deeply—we are more motivated to think about things by our stronger feelings of curiosity, fear, joy, anger, or whatever. But this intensity can be overwhelming, especially when we have negative feelings.”
As painful as it might be to truly feel our emotions. The alternative is worse. Unacknowledged emotions cannot be released.
Just like the oily residue my antipasto fiasco left behind, our unfelt emotions stick with us and find other ways of getting our attention. They can raise quite a stink.
Bestselling author and spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle put it this way:
“If you cannot feel your emotions, if you are cut off from them, you will eventually experience them on a purely physical level as a physical problem or symptom.”
Sadness leads to sickness. Stress attacks our heart. For better or worse, our emotions impact our physiology. The good news is that we can use this knowledge to our advantage.
4 Steps To Release Emotional Residue
1. Notice your emotions. Many HSP introverts spend years trying to control and numb our emotions. We get so good at suppressing our feelings that we stop noticing them. We become totally disconnected from our emotions and have trouble both identifying and expressing them.
The first step for releasing emotional residue is to start paying attention to what you feel on a daily basis. Check in throughout the day and practice labelling your feelings at a given moment.
2. Sit with your emotions. One unique advantage of being an HSP introvert is that it is harder for us to escape our emotions. Many distractions are simply too overwhelming. We need our alone time to survive.
If we use this time alone to truly be present with our emotions, they will naturally pass through us and be released.
3. Circulate your emotions. Humans are meant to move. Outer movement changes our mental and emotional state. There is no denying that.
Often we overlook the fact that our internal systems are constantly in flux as well. Nothing within us is designed to stay stagnant. Including our emotions. To keep emotions moving, we must remove the blockages we’ve built up in their way.
4. Release your emotions. Just like skin cells, emotions come to the surface to be gently sloughed away. We don’t cling to our dead skin cells, desperately trying to stick them back on. Why should we do so with our emotions?
What about you?
Are you a highly sensitive introvert who struggles with emotional overwhelm? How do you cope?
Please do share your experiences in the comments below. 🙂
Love,
I am definitely a highly sensitive introvert and I really think life would be so much better if I weren’t. For example, before a job interview I’m stressed out and after the interview I am so sick to my stomach. My nerve’s are in the worst state ever and I get so stressed that if I can, I have to lay down and take a nap just to take the edge off. I know this sounds ridiculous, but this is how my brain is wired. There has got to be a way that I can reprogram my brain and loosen up. It affect’s my life a lot.
Hi Rachael. I know what you mean. It’s hard to feel things in the body. There are ways to work though this, which I’ll be sharing in upcoming posts plus the free Intro To Energy Healing class Alexa and I are putting on next week. 🙂
I would love to be a part of this
I am typing not to reply but to share one thought. We don’t laugh on same joke if repeated again and again , so why we keep suffering from the same problem see I am not accepting any answere. I need a reason
Ya I also have the same question.
Im going through Emotional Processing or overwhelm. How I deal with it is haphazard.so far so any ideas very welcome. so far I talk about it with people i know. I ponder all aspects of the so called source, knowing all the while i could be wrong. I usually ring up a help line. Eventually I get an aha moment. sometimes in the middle of the night. and the problem is often nothing like i ws thinking or another aspect of it entirely. but it takes weeks or months and is very stressful. Often it could be the situation not the actual person but I have thought at first it was the Person. but then I know I feel uncomfortable in a situation that is ambigous.or where people cannot talk except for smalltalk endlessly for months and months or even years. So I know the group needs some kind of healing or re think of how they operate. This is especially so if there are other HSP people in the Group. It actually gives me pains in the gut. and i want to avoid it but being me I kind of intuit that it is more than what meets the eye so force myself to persevere. then I get the aha moment but then doubt if it is true enough. so then will edit and sleep on it and then run it past someone else, hoping not to make a fool of myself and also looking for clarity in my thinking. Other people often dont perceive what I perceive and Im wary of a rebuff or being thought strange for my conclusions.
You might find this of interest – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFKVVP8KXd4
I’ll add that energy psychology (which is the broad category containing EFT) works for me.
Thanks for sharing Jim. I have dabbled with EFT and plan to do more. 🙂
Hi Michaela,
I’m so glad your are connecting to the HSP factor that often goes with introversion. I am often caught up in overwhelm. If I’m in a crowded room I get by using my acting skills, meanwhile internally information is coming at me from everywhere. I seem to have less filters than other people, and I am often trying to beat it to the next exit as soon as I’ve fulfilled any social obligations. One on one is fine, or even two or three. It’s just the crowds that throw me off balance. I have just started to learn to feel my emotions instead of suppress them. I am also trying to stay more open and not shut down as I once did. Have you ever heard that the more open you are, (especially if your are sensitive,) the stronger your capability for having psychic experiences. Highly sensitive people often jam their mechanism by shutting down, when actually if they remained more open their psychic abilities would develop.
This great text depicts situation I had this morning. A group job interview. A group activity plus a job interview. Hell on earth. 🙂 It lasted more than 3 hours… I was so overwhelmed (since I’m an extreme HSP), that at one moment I wanted to jump off the window into the fountain outside. 😀 I cope with these kind of situations by having and giving myself alone time. That’s the key, for me at least. Having alone time after this kind of over-stimulated activities refreshes me and restores my energy. Group job interview with strangers, believe me, I am still shaking on the thought of it… 😀
Thank You Michaela for 4 steps on how to release emotional residue, they are really going to help a lot. 🙂
You’re welcome Marko. Oh, a group interview does sound torturous! Glad to hear you give yourself the alone time needed to recover from such energy assaults. xo
You get a lot of respect from me for writing these helpful arcielts.
I am living this right now. I was forced to leave a job because my insanely keen auditory sensitivity. It was a bad situation where the employer got away with breaking ADA laws. I had thought I was done with anger. I thought that by writing about it ad nauseam I had purged myself. Then came the denial of unemployment benefits. This was in mid July, and I have been seriously depressed since. I’m not sure what I could have done differently, but it is now clear to me that writing alone will not exorcize my demons. I should know better, as an HSP I have an arsenal of coping tools–but I seem to have lost my toolbox.
Hi Renee, don’t be so hard on yourself, lovely. We all have “unruly squid moments” and struggle to pick up the pieces. I hope the resources I share this week will be helpful to you. xo
I am in a very similar situation and am thinking of quitting but I’m concerned about being denied UI. Did you have any documentation from a therapist supporting that the job environment was causing you health issues?
Oh wow, can I sure relate to this.
For years, well as far back as I can remember, hearing the statements “Quit your crying”, “you’re to emotional”, “you’re to sensitive” caused me to push them down and build up what I thought was a wall of emotional strength. Fast forward years later, I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and the list of other ailments that seem to come with it. Denying myself the respect of being who I am to try and please those around me because no one seemed to understand, let alone neither did I.
I am so thankful now at my age to finally connect with others who share this gift of “feeling” everything. I’m still struggling to embrace this and understand how to best use my highly sensitive self in service to others without the suffering.
Thank you so much for sharing your gift with us Michaela. I love reading your newsletters ?
Yes Paula, I agree. It is about surrounding ourselves with the right people.
As an HSP and INFJ, I have spent years controlling and masking my emotions. However, there are still times when I am emotionally overwhelmed and the flood bursts the gates, so to speak, and I end up in tears in situations where I seriously do NOT want to show my feelings to others. Either I don’t know them well or it is not an appropriate place to cry (such as a meeting). Once the tears start they can be almost impossible to stop and often I have to excuse my self to the bathroom to let them out. Then I am upset with myself for being so emotional AGAIN and this prolongs the whole embarrassing situation. Often the feelings will continue for hours and sometimes even days. I am such a master at hiding my feelings that most people won’t even realize what has happened even when I have tears rolling down my face! I don’t understand how people can be so unobservant but I am glad in these situations that they are. What is worse is when someone does notice and I have to try to explain what is going on. I do not want to expose my vulnerabilities to people who don’t really know me and I feel like I end up just making it all worse.
The way I cope after this happens is retreating and spending as much time as possible by myself to let the emotions release. I have good insight into why I am triggered so rather than spending a lot of time dwelling on it I try to do positive healthy things for myself. Of course sometimes I just end up wallowing in a distraction like TV but that’s not so bad in small doses either. 🙂
Yes Lily this happened to me again very recently and I totally understand what you have experienced. It is so important that we take really good care of ourselves after this happens.
Michaela, this couldn’t have come at a better time. Lately, I come home from any outing, regardless of scale or enjoyment, utterly emotionally overwhelmed. I remember only too well how soulless I felt as a teenager when I had repressed all emotions – stopped using contractions in my speach, started wearing “trousers” instead of jeans, stopped leaving my house…
I know I can’t go back to a world devoid of feeling.
But to let my emotions rise to the surface, to gently release them?
It’s got to be worth a try.
Thank you.
As a HSP, INFJ, “Gifted Adult” (intensity/complexity/drive) I struggle with emotion overwhelm dispite my best efforts due to my environment/picking up on others emotions/sensory overload like you mentioned – and I often make it worse cuz I crave mental stimulation; I have a lot of interests; love problem solving. This all makes for a daily struggle between what I want to do & what I can handle – so I do the things you mentioned (great post BTW) and I would add humor, music and prayer.
Oh you describe my life. Love my job but it’s so overwhelming, noisy and busy. What to be part of the banter but it sucks my energy like a Dementor and the alternative is total quietness, have no in between.
THIS. This is me exactly. You are not alone Mary, and it is so good to know that I’m not alone either as an HSP/INFJ combo. We are specially gifted but with this comes a burden.
As a child I was lonely because I had a hard time making friend. I never felt I was good enough. At nine my Grandfather would tickle me until I cried and then one day I turned it off and was no longer ticklish. Today 40 plus years later, I wish I was ticklish. I don’t laugh, I am not amused, I don’t find enjoyment in very much. I think it is too easy to turn off feelings. I crave alone time so much that I tell my family they can stay home and help me with something menial that they don’t want to do – or they can leave for they day. They leave. The only place I feel I am good enough is when I am at work, because the participants allow me to be myself…. but I feel very separate from the other staff. I don’t feel part of the team. At one point I felt the staff were my friends but then I had a party where they all said they would come – not one did. I used to feel I was part of the team, now I feel that I am a casual worker, no one important. I used to want a wedding reception with my friends from work, but now I know, they are just acquaintances, who will not develop into true friends. So, why bother with a reception, I won’t have anyone to come to it. I have a song going through my head, it says “I’m not sick, but I’m not well”.
That’s how I feel. I share my feelings with the people in my house. I don’t ask them for anymore or any less. I just need them to know that I’m really not perfect.
I’m an highly sensitive introvert too. Whenever I have to spend the whole day outside it’s a torture to me and when I get home I feel so drained, I often have a headache and I physically need to be alone.
I love being alone. Sometimes I can spend days in a row alone at home watching movies, reading, or simply doing nothing.
I feel so different from the world around me. I feel like nobody understands, and when I try to explain I’m either laughed at or being told to get a grip on myself and stop acting like an old lady (I’m 26). Or worse, people make me feel like I’m just lazy… It’s wearying.
I’m starting a new job next Tuesday and I’m awfully stressed and scared I’ll end up dead tired at the end of the day. Not to mention the fact I’m already exhausted of putting on a mask to fit in…
Thank you Michaela for your articles, they’re a great help. Cheers from France 🙂 (and sorry for any language mistake)
You’re welcome Elodie! Cheers from Canada. 😉 xo
Hi Elodi I can totally relate. When I was younger I hated being in a crowd and it totally frazzled my nervous system I never understood why I felt that way, I never felt like I truly belonged in this world and that something was wrong with me. But ever since I discovered I was H.S.P I can now make sense of my brain and I understand that I process more sensory input than the average person. I feel normal now that I know that there are many people out there who are just like me and after all there really is nothing wrong with me except that I need to do things differently and respect my emotions by honouring my true self and never try to be someone I’m not.
Hi…..i am sensitive.
I always suppress my feelings and don’t know how to express it.I would like to express myself but it isn’t coming out.
Can anyone help ?
Hi Raul, can you write down all your feelings? You could even take a moment to really feel them and then draw what you feel. Or write a poem. If you’re kinesthetic, you can move your body in a way to express your feeling too. These are the expressive arts. They really help me express or get the emotions “out”, externalize them. Just thought I would share. I know it’s 2.5 years later, but just in case you were still asking….♥
Thank you Michaela for these tips I’m so glad I found this post. 🙂
You’re welcome, Anele! Glad you found it. 🙂 xo
Definitely highly sensitive. How many times have you heard the words” just get over it”? Again the answer for me is spirituality. And I have to write about it. That seems to be working. Still coming to terms with some old hurt recently. Thank you for contributing to this site. I knew I was introverted but my mind blowing moment was when I learned that I NEED the alone time that I have always sought out for myself. And I DID think something was wrong with me. I check off every box on the introvert characteristics list! BTW, I must disagree with you on one thing tho…. introverts ARE superior beings…
Great information but lacks the answer to one simple question… How?
Notice and sit with your emotions I can get. Circulate and release? Especially release… I Don’t know how to do that.
I’ve always been exceedingly sensitive and my feelings are easily hurt. Several months ago, on two separate occasions, someone I barely knew hurt me emotionally at a time when I was already in a dark place. This person is a close friend of someone I greatly admire which has made these events even more painfuI. I pretend that nothing has affected me but I’m very sad. I’m a strong person and I will get over it, but I’ll never forget how this person made me feel. I’m being good to myself healthwise and distancing myself from contact – and I accept that this is all I can do. I also accept that not everyone has to like me, but I wish this person hadn’t been so unpleasant to me. One day the hurt will fade, but right now I just have to accept the painful feelings and work through them.
I am a highly sensitive person who as I believe is also an introvert. I love sitting alone in a quite place or at nature side, I need my morning and evening routine to stay calm, I don’t like changes but I’m trying to force myself sometimes to do some and encourage to try new things. Half of my life I feel like I’m afraid of something, of ast experiences, of future outcomes, of people who will lie or lough at me. I’m working with preschoolers and I feel like I can trust them more than adults, I have better contact with them, more understanding. Beside my work I have a cat and it’s a blessing, I feel safe at my own world. But I would like to have a family, my boyfriend want me to move in to his flat and I’m terrified… I feel happy, excited, curious at one time and just half hour later I feel sad, worried, unsafe. Then again my feelings are changing, I can plan for half day how we can reorganise his flat so that I can feel like at my place there and then suddenly I feel like it’s not going to happen, I’m not worthy to make such changes for me, my paintings are not enough nice to hang them on the walls, I have way too many pics of my family/friends to keep them all around the house and finally I’m afraid that he won’t understand my morning or evening routine and I will need to change as well and that paralize me and I just want to stop, freeze and make it all go away. I don’t know how to deal with it.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I thought I was crazy, I didn’t realize other people like me existed.
Funny thing with me is that I love emotions that linger, that way I get to experience it and understand it. But other times I try to control them ir order to deal with a difficult situation and get exhausted. But to be honest I’m still trying to figure out if this is me, or whether I am an introvert or extrovert.
Oh I am clearly an Introverted HSP! Life can become both overwhelming and exhausting having so many feelings most of the time. Also, dealing with so many of these feelings inwardly can make life at times feel lonely.
For me I walk. I walk almost everyday. Miles upon miles outside on sidewalks and paved roads. Many that know me comment on how often they see me out on these roads. Most comment of my dedication to keeping on track in a world that deals in terms of fitness. And indeed walking is wonderful for physical fitness. But, it is walking that is my saving grace for so much of my emotional well being. It is so very therapeutic! I am grateful for each and every day I have that my physical body is capable of pounding the pavements, so that my mind may have time to both plug in as well as unload! Many of my friends and acquaintances comment on how they’d love to join me. But, it is in that time, when I walk alone, that I find much clarity! Or at least establish a road towards some release and a path towards lightness! If every Introverted HSP could tap into whatever it is that works for them so they may find their breath and bring some lightness back! This is a wish I share with each reader!
It is so wonderful to know I am not alone! For a while I didn’t understand why I felt things so deeply, and why I couldn’t deal with my emotions. I am so good at avoiding emotions I can go months before I finally let the emotions have there way with me. I have recently started on a path to become emotionally healthy and I realized I have to let myself feel in order to heal, and therefore grow. I am horrible at processing negative emotions and I have a hard time coupling with, rejection. I take it way to personally. Anyway I am trying to grow as a person and live a more healthy life, thanks for sharing Michaela
I connect with this on so many levels. I am now realizing that I have been hiding from negative emotions for many years. It wasn’t until recent seemingly increasing negative news concerning a family member did I realize that I feel overwhelmed… because previously I put feelings like this in a mental box, locked away, only to come out when they boiled over.
I have a hard time with negative emotions in particular as well. I know I feel pleasure and beauty from simple things more than others too. Those moments are, of course, easier to process.
We’ll see where this exploration goes. Be kind to yourselves!
I read this article, and it frustrated me. I’m not saying the article was bad. I think its intention is good…but it provides no real strategy to accomplish what it’s suggesting.
For example, how does one “release” emotions? How does one “Circulate” emotions? It’s all so cryptic.
Of course “Now” at age 51, I actually know what that all means, but I actually suffered a GREAT deal before I came to the “how” of these instructions. Back in the day, when I was…well…and inexperienced raw nerved super highly sensitive human, I would by books and more books…that would say things like…”sit with your feelings….observe your feelings…let your feelings pass,” and no one could also say, show, express…what that looks like…”for me.”
That was the issue, really. The writers and lecturers were “themselves.” They were not “Me.” I had to learn to translate all that stuff into “Ian speak…” which, admittedly has lots of pictures…very few words. LOL.
Let me simply say what actually worked best for me: Finding really caring people to share my feelings with (trusted friends who keep your stuff sacred). People who share their true feelings with me (in a sacred and safe way) so that there is some comparisons and contrasts.
A therapist also REALLY helped….but not commiserating types full of sympathy and dig out all your traumas just to inforce what a victim you are (and if they do and never move past that phase…skidaddle quick as you can to a more reliable therapist).
I never felt change or more power over my feelings and overwhelm unless I could actually reality check against a high integrity and empathic person. Having a close trusted mentor…was the only way I was able to understand what this article is talking about. And it took years and years of suffering to finally get to a place to realize…I really needed help with the process.
And I’m an INFJ! Great at helping…not so great at receiving help from just anyone. We are very discriminating about who we let in. Me? High integrity people only! And brave people comfortable with true compassion (which actually has some sharp edges…not all soft and fluffy like we imagine, really) and your best interest, literally, in their heart. Or….and…a REALLY good, professional…objective (yet empathic) therapist ALSO helped.
Reading quick “do this” without instruction, context and…experience shared? Was more frustrating for me then you can imagine…I felt I’d spent years as a failure because I had no clue “why” letting go of emotions was…not happening…why “sitting with me emotions” kept putting me into a dark night of the soul….
Sorry for ranting. But this…is important for me to share. Please…don’t anyone take it personally. I just want to point out…that as a young man…I truly suffered with stuff like this…because it made no sense…because, as stated…I could not find the…ability on my own…it was NOT Inate for me. I needed help.
Peace.
Thank you so much for saying this. I am a 26 year old female and just this past week I discovered and am learning about hsp and I feel like for the first time in my life I’m learning who I am and starting to understand myself. It’s strange, I stumbled upon this information by typing “why am I so sensitive” into a google search at work after the plant manager yelled at me, making me feel stupid and embarrassed in the middle of our safety meeting for about the 5th time. In elementary school I was always “that girl who cried all the time” and to this day I don’t understand why I had what they called “panic attacks” in the middle of class almost every single day, usually when it was math time for some reason. Other kids looked at me like I was crazy or pathetic…even second graders have the capacity to do that….or maybe I just felt that way on my own and made it up in my head, I don’t know. The teachers and my parents didn’t know what was wrong with me or what to do with me, I could feel the confusion, frustration and sometimes disgust in their voices, body language and how they looked at me. To be honest I don’t blame them, I can imagine how exhausting it must have been and still is at times to deal with me, I exhaust myself on a regular basis to this day. I just don’t understand why all of this tension and emotion builds up inside of me, I can’t figure out where it comes from it often blindsides me. The only word I can think to describe it is maybe dread? My heart sinks, I get that drop and falling feeling in the pit of my stomach like when you’re on a rollercoaster, my throats gets extremely tight, my mouth and eyes start to water….and it usually just comes out of nowhere and I can’t control it because I don’t even understand it at 26 still! My parents started sending me to the school guidance counselor in grade school, I think I only went twice because I didn’t understand why. And they had to pull me out of the middle of class and all the kids would get quiet, and watch me get up and walk down the hall with the counselor, like I didn’t stand out enough, all I wanted to do was be normal and just be ok. I knew the problem was that I cried too much and in front of people so after grade school I just tried my best not to cry. In a way I feel like the majority of my life has been trying not to cry, I try to ignore it and pretend like things didn’t bother me. Adults, my parents and doctors all just said I was extremely sensitive and had anxiety was all, I just needed to not let things bother me and stop taking things too seriously. HOW?! How can I do that? Just tell me how and I will do it! I would love to do that and don’t you think if I could I would?! I hate feeling things the way I do and ignoring it just isn’t working anymore, if I’m being honest it never really did work, 6th grade to 25 years old have been the hardest years of my life but people at least think I’m normal now (if they didn’t know me when I was young) because I don’t let anyone see me cry or my emotional melt downs. Well, any boyfriend I’ve had in that time period are usually the only ones to witness those moment and as you can imagine those relationships don’t last more than 6-8 months each. The past few months I’ve been seriously considering going to see a therapist again, I tried one time in college but only went to one session. I guess i just feel already defeated when I think about everything I have to somehow explain to this stranger and somehow make him/her understand me and how I feel, that feels impossible to me, like this monumental task and it could go wrong so easily and in so many ways. I feel like the therapist will just say I have anxiety like everyone has always said and write me off. I really feel like hsp is so much more logical in my specific case but they would probably just think I’m weird if they never heard of it or don’t believe in it’s scientific support. See I just went off on this huge tangent and I don’t feel like I conveyed my message or depicted myself accurately at all. I’m just so overwhelmed. At my lowest points, ever since I was very young, it always came down to this thought in my head after a long exhausting day of struggling to be ok “Jesus, I just was not meant for this world”. And don’t get me wrong, 99% of the time I did not think that in a sucidal type of way, I just meant that it’s so obvious to me I wasn’t made for this world, like God didn’t program my mind to function in a way that would enable me to move through life as intended, instead I have to swim upstream and fight the current for some reason. Also, right now I’m feeling overwhelmed by negative emotions for some reason, but I’m not depressed at all, I never have been I don’t think. I just get I guess extremely anxious and overwhelmed in some situations some days for some reason. But also, when something good happens, I think I derive a much higher amount of joy from it than most do. For example I get this intense feeling of pride in myself when I accomplish big things, especially things I was scared to do or took a lot of independent strength and effort like getting my bachelors of science, getting my motorcycle endorsement, becoming a certified forklift trainer, etc. those things all scared the shit out of me but made me so incredibly happy and proud when I did them and still do. Hell I didn’t get my drivers license until I was 21 because I panicked every time I got behind the wheel! This turned into a way longer post than I intended, just thinking out loud I suppose and I fully don’t expect anyone to read this. Maybe I’m looking for someone to confirm I’m hsp and nothing is wrong with me, I don’t know? Like I said I’m just starting to try and figure myself out at this point in my life and it’s all very confusing because they’re so many factors and possibilities I guess.
Bottom line: I just want to understand why I am the way I am, what’s wrong with me if anything, and learn and comprehend what it is I need to do to be able to regulate my emotions in order to have a successful stable relationship, happy career and internal peace.
These past few days, I have been feeling very strange with myself. I don’t understand my behavior at all. I used to ignore this strange behavior of mine but later then I felt the need to analyze my emotions and actions. I am a Highly Sensitive Person too. I easily get affected with other’s people words or actions (even though sometimes it’s not really directed to me). A one single word could ruin my happy day and it’s really frustating. I easily get emotional but doesn’t want to share my tears to the world. I want to feel belonged but wants to be alone most of the time. I only select the person or group of person that I would talk to and not comfortable being in the large crowd. Yet, I’d like to look appealing especially to others on first impression.
I need to understand more of my behavior but thank you for your help, Michaela, from the Philippines. I am now starting to understand the portion of me.
I have believed for a long time, that I was an empath. Researching this, lead me to all these befuddling,acronyms!
INFP? INFJ?
WHAT AM I???
I am more confused then before.
I took the quiz, and what I read, really didn’t describe me to a “t”. Is that normal?
I am struggling with life, I have had both knees replaced, a hip replaced, quit to retire, got a job and was let go, moved out of a home of ten years to a smaller home( all in less than 2 years). I am so hyper sensitive, prideful, and intraverted that i can hardly handle my 45 year marriage anymore, let alone all the other issues. I feel as if i am falling into a depression, I suffer with seasonal depression to. I dont drink alcohol and i dont smoke either, I have used anti depressants and choose not to any more. I belonged to a self help program for many years which helped but my intrvertedness has kept me from attending. Somehow I have been able to make it through the day. It helps knowing what i am dealing with…..sensitive intravertok
I have found exercise is the answer, I got into a disagreement with my SIL last night we have very different political views I have an autoimmune that requires me to live a low stress life. I am on the surface quite a easy going individual, having said that any form of disagreement/antagonism causes me great emotional distress. My release from such pain and inner turmoil is to work with it as best I can, I allot the problem a certain amount of time to be thought through as I have always been under the surface a worrier, though those that know me well find it hard to believe, as I am generally cool, calm & collected. Because of my health I need to live a stress free existence, there is no way around it. Having said this it is very hard to live in this modern world in a stress free/low stress environment. For me exercise with a purpose makes a huge difference, I have a process of going into the pool, & working through each & every situation that is affecting my current mental well being, & give myself permission to let, or accept these feelings & behaviours as part of what has happened, I also acknowledge that I can learn from my reactiveness, & the fact that we’re all human and often don’t have the strength to deal immediately with what the outside world is bringing to our door. I know that when I am tired & are at my lowest I am more likely to react badly to things that may be would be best left alone. I find that an apology or also an acknowledgement of what has happened often makes me feel better, & helps in the process of working through what has happened. But ultimately we need to have a process that works for us as individuals, & helps keep our layers of the psyche & emotional reactiveness as in balance as possible.
Thank you so much for sharing. I am going to send this article to my boyfriend in hope he will understand me a little better. Blessings to you. ❤
I am a 38 year old woman and introvert. I am currently in a mess of emotions. I have this great boyfriend. He’s 45, very present for me, and I always felt like he was the one. I enjoyed his time with me. He even alienated his house which is an hour away just to spent time and nurture this new relationship (we met last May)
A month ago i went to Arizona and we live in Washinton. There I went out. My boyfriend already had trust issues. He got on my nerves and I thought i can’t handle this. So I met someone while there. We partied, the next night I stayed at his place. And though we messed around, we never actually had intercourse. But, I did take his number home. And we have flirted all month. During this time my bf became increasingly all over me taking my time. Idk if it was because I now had someone else on my mind. My boyfriend’s kids mom died Sunday of a failed liver. He has two girls. We were supposed to go to the Seahawks game but he left to go be with his kids. While he was out the door I couldn’t wait to talk to the guy I met who works at the white house in D.C. and he wants to fly me out there. I haven’t wanted Shaun my bf around all week. He doesn’t understand even though I tell him I need boundaries and emotional safety. Yesterday I had it and went to my therapist and told her I need help. So she had me tell him do not text me at all for 3 days. I told him if he wants to see a therapist tomorrow, Friday and have those two things explained then I would see him then. He also said I cannot text Alex my dc guy during this time. I lied and told him I have not been. It has been two days now and I haven’t heard from my bf. But last night i stayed up until 1am talking to and laughing with D.C. my bf and I were flying to the Grand Canyon next Wednesday for 5 days. Alex wants to take me to D.C. I do love Shaun. I am so curious about Alex. I have shut down to Shaun because of my introvert personality yet I’m so open with Alex. Alex and I could never be together because he lives across the country yet I’m willing to sacrifice my great bf? I’m writing this because I am afraid my need for time alone without Shaun is a classic example of my introvert. But at the same time I’m open with Alex D.C. who has experienced this? Will I wake up one day and regret losing Shaun over this shutting out I’m doing to him? He is in misery and he feels he’s losing me and maybe he is. Idk what to do.
Yes i am a highly sensitive hsp. I never really enjoy life. I am always worryi g about something. Yes i do have some happy moments in life but generally i find the world to be an ugly place. I feel all negative energy in the world everyday. I feel everyone emotions. I am now a stay at home mom and love it because i can avoid the world when i want to. I used to work in the corporate world but everything about it made me sick. I changed jobs alot as a result. I feel everything so strongly and am very selective about the people i call my friends. Sometimes i hate being an hsp because i think to enjoy life u sometimes have to live in the moment but as hsps we overanalyze life and always thinking about the future. Sometimes it sucks but also i love it cuz it helps me to make good decisions in life. I can see through people and see situations for what they really are more than other people. I often find myself asking why people do not see things the way i see them or cannot see why something would lead to disaster like i do . My intuition is very strong and always right. Sometime it is creepy. I always feel spiritually connected to God in a very strong way. The most fun thing about an hsp is that i have zero tolerance for bullshit.
I think the correct term would be “neurotic introvert”. Considering that extraverts tend to feel more and introverts tend to be more neutral, I don’t think that being “highly sensitive” has necessary anything to do with introversion. Are people with PTSD HSPs? Does that also make them into introverts? Otherwise you are just an introvert who also happens to be an HSP.
The problem I have with these labels is that they never explain anything and so are largely useless. You have traits x, y and z; congratulations, you have disorder Q. Great, now what, what does that even mean? Without understanding the cause it’s almost impossible to solve anything. It also creates this RPG-style, “I want to be special” , self-diagnosing olympics. And I say this as an introvert with ADD.
Newsletter plz
So for the past 8 or 9 years I used to smoke weed to stay calm, observe my emotions and not let everything overwhelm me. Today I decided to stop smoking weed and work with my emotions. It’s a really tough day but your article really helped so far.
I’m so happy to hear that! I recommend looking up some healthy tools to cope with anxiety. They really do work.
One of my coworkers asked me recently how long it’s been since I’ve cried and I couldn’t tell her. For years, especially working in management, I’ve worked on keeping my emotions in check. As a HSP INTJ I have been trying to find a balance that lets me maintain my calm but give me the space to feel my emotions without drowning in them. I’m going to take these tips to heart because I know my emotions are manifesting in physical ways that are self-defeating. Thank you for writing this; it’s extremely helpful!
I’m am INFJ and I used to shut myself off from everyone when going through depression, pretend I was okay when all I really felt was anger, sadness or just nothing at all. I’d comfort eat and impulsively spend money on clothes and makeup. I’d also write a lot. Writing is one of few things that keeps me sane.
I recently went through a painful breakup and an unwelcome job change. It led to stress and emotional overwhelm. And I could’ve pretended I was okay but at 32, I thought I was too old for this and I want to be honest about how I feel more than ever, even if it is difficult.
I wrote all of it down, how everything made me feel, in a draft letter to the person who hurt me. In my handwriting I saw my confusion, my anger, my sadness and how hurt I was. It was incredibly cathartic, feeling all of my feelings as I wrote them. I’m still getting over the experience. Only time lessens your pain and people who genuinely understand the situation and will be there for you.
Direct your thoughts to something productive. And if possible try to make friends with people related to your activities. Take a vocabulary and read words and definitions of them, because you cannot think beyond the words you know.