Do you ever feel like you are mentally and emotionally done and done, with a side of done? If youāre a sensitive introvert like me, I have a feeling that youāve experienced mental burnout more than once. And you know it aināt pretty.
As introverts, weāre easily overstimulated, which is just a technical way of saying that everyday life can feel like a slap across the face for us, especially if we are also highly sensitive.
Me Brain no wOrky No More
I have to admit that I am dealing with mental burnout myself right now. I just finished the manuscript for my second book, The Year of The Introvert, and it took so much out of me. I feel like my womb is sore from all the words it produced.
Also, after spending weeks by myself in front of a computer for sixteen hours a day, I am extra sensitive to external stimuli, like noise, light, and crowds. Mostly, I just want everything to go away.
I know that I have to be extra gentle with myself right now, or I am sure to have a meltdown at the most inopportune time. Unfortunately, it wouldnāt be the first time.
Introvert meltdown at the mallĀ
The last time I had such a meltdown, I was walking through a mall in Brisbane Australia, when tears suddenly started to uncontrollably ooze out of me. And then, to make matters worse, one of those kiosk sales people intercepted me just as my mouth started to quiver and the tears really started to flow.
When he saw that I was crying he looked horrified. At least now I know how to scare off pushy salespeople in two seconds flat.
Iām actually surprised that I feel this way because I figured since I was working alone I wouldnāt get too mentally overstimulated. I actually thought I would spring back up like a sponge the moment I submitted the book. I was certain I would be excited to come out of my cave and go out dancing, and socializing. Not quite.
All I wanted to do for the last three days was read with the lights dimmed, and covers pulled high. I still feel like I could sleep for days, but I am slowly crawling my way back to normality, like a sloth trying to inch its way across the highway.
So, if you are struggling with emotional and mental burnout, I really do know how you feel. I also have some quick tips to get you through.
How to recover from mental burnout:
- You really do have to give your brain a break. Thereās just no way around it, dear. That means turning off screens for a while and just staring into the distance like a cat, or meditating, or picking your toe lint ā whatever requires no mental effort.
- Dim the lights, turn down the noise, and close the door. When youāre suffering from mental burnout, your brain is extra sensitive to external stimuli. You pretty much want to turn your home into a baby incubator until your brain calms down.
- Put off decisions. If youāre feeling truly mentally overloaded, the last thing you want to do is try to make a bunch of important decisions. In case you havenāt noticed, decisions take a lot of mental energy. If it can wait until tomorrow, let it wait. Speaking of which …
My heart wants a nap
Last night, after somehow scraping up the motivation to meditate before bed, I started thinking about my plans for the next few months. Iām in Ottawa right now, but I am debating spending some of the harsh winter in Mexico.
I decided to ask my heart what it wants. An image of a cartoon heart throwing up its arms and saying, āI just want a nap” flashed in my mind. I chuckled to myself. “Okay, heart,” I said, “I will let you rest. We can leave the decision making until later.”
Maybe this is what your heart has been trying to tell you, too. Itās so very tired, and just wants to rest for a while.
I know youāre worried that if you rest, you might not get back up, but you will. You will rise, and you will return to your life rejuvenated. Or at the very least, you will find a way to inch your way back to life, one baby sloth step at a time.
How does mental burnout effect you?
Do you struggle with mental burnout? How does it feel for you, and what do you do to mentally repair?
Xo,
When I have mental burnout, I need a noise free, bright light free, people free place to be because my brain just shuts down. I am not able to find words, and even when I do, they come out slurred, and I sound like a drunk. The other day, I just started crying because I couldn’t take a break from a very busy, people and activity filled week. We had a baptism and a Eagle Scout Court of honor for two of my sons with grandparents involved, one set of which was staying at my house. All this after a Thanksgiving with lots of company followed by a huge birthday party for my son the following weekend. It was three weekends clear full of activity that I was in charge of, which meant lots of preparation during each of those weeks. Plus, I have a husband and four children and am often over stimulated in my everyday life, when there are no special occasions. Yesterday three of my children stayed home sick from school. I got to the point where I just could not be awake anymore, and from 2 to 5PM, I slept as hard as a rock, which is THE ONLY thing that males me feel better when I am to that point. I feel much better today. Now for managing the rest of the holidays without overdoing. Thankfully no one has asked to come to my house for Christmas, and I don’t have any special occasions in the family, except my 26th anniversary. My husband and I are going to do our usual nice dinner out at a quiet place, a movie, and stocking stuffer shopping for the kids. It is always a good time, and since it is just the two of us at dinner and the movie, stocking shopping is fun! At least for a while. ?
This is part of the reason why I live on the outskirts of a major city, (though friends & relatives have tried to persuade me too move closer for my own “good”) I can’t deal with the constant business of life in these city’s or the boredom that leaks out of many of the suburbs. For me even when everything goes quiet the lights are too bright, there is still too much energy coming out of the roads & the buildings etc. I have been known to do exactly what you did walking through a shopping centre in tears, because everything is just so overwhelming & it’s too much. The thing is very few other people understand what we go through, they are so immune to, or have well developed defences to the OTT nature of “life”in these types of environments. So in many ways we are forced to take a break or space our work out more evenly so that we don’t end up burning out, or melting down because our deadline was way to tight (this is coming from the worlds worst procrastinator) My answer is to have a home that gives me the choice of engagement with others or to shut the curtains & hideaway from the rest of the world. I suppose I’m lucky that I’m able to do this, but we need to be able to draw that line in the sand, so that we’re able to maintain that fine balance between getting the kind of interactions we need externally, but also preventing burnout from occurring. Great article thanks for sharing this, it’s a fine line….
You just described me. In every way. People think I am weird and shut them off from contacting. It drains me in every way though I genuinely connect and be sensitive to every thing I encounter. Everyone dearly loves my company but it overwhelms me to the point that I end up shutting off pushy people who take my sensitivity for granted. I dread all kinds of parties and the shallow interactions involved. My family thinks I am depressed about something and thinks I need help when infact I feel much fine.
When I’m really burned out, I go into my totally quiet and dark walk in closet, with a pillow and a blanket, and a hat on. I just take a really quiet nap with no stimulation all around me. It really helps.
Agreed everyone. My hubby is very extroverted and he and his parents dont seem to understand that what’s wrong with me. I’m burnt out and taking 3 out of 4 kids out isnt really a break.haha. I need quiet and space and my 9month old isnt providing that. Ppl ask why I dont paint like I used to…it requires a relaxing zone which I haven’t had since I was 25 ha. But seriously tho I’m still able to b a great mom i do stutter in speech and my intellectual side looks nonexistent as i dont really have time and energy to research anything. Does anyone else feel stupid because they’re so burnt out
I’m going through that right now š I’ve been working my butt off all year with few breaks growing my business. This week I’ve been feeling physically exhausted so I’ve slowed down. I chose to skip a business function last night because I just didn’t have the mental and physical energy. I’m looking forward to Christmas week when business stops and I can rest and do what I want.
Hi Kristin, everything you wrote resonates with how I’m feeling too. Due to cutbacks at work, I’m now doing the work of 3 people and having to learn different skills, work with different departments and interact with a whole load of staff. I feel mentally exhausted and when I get too overwhelmed, a little fragile..
Have a lovely week off at Christmas and Good Luck with your new business..x
Michaela,
Thank you for writing this! This was just what I needed to hear. I am in my Senior year at university and we have finals week coming up. I am facing mental burnout as well, and you reminded me to take some more time for self-care. So I am going to go home after classes and take a nice long bath :).
Thank you for that essay Michaela. It was fun to read and I laughed out loud at the “picking your toe lint” line! So did your heart tell you to get the heck out of the bleak north for a while? I luckily live in a state that gets plenty of sunshine. I can deal with cold as long as there is sun! Anyway, wishing you peace and joy this holiday season in anyway you wish to find it!
Nice post, Michaela. Long time reader, first time poster here.
I am currently healing from CFS, which involves a lot of overstimulation, but also have found out just how introverted I am, despite not seeming so. I have realized in retrospect that overstimulation was always a part of my life, even pre-CFS, but was remedied by finding the nearest pet, guitar, or place without the party and people.
That said, it appears overstimulation occurs on a spectrum, seeing as there is a distinct difference in the kind of stimulatory reaction I had as an introvert vs an introvert recovering from CFS. *Noting also here that introversion occurs on a spectrum as well*. So what I am wondering, is if CFS and related conditions are disorders of central sensitization(of the brain and nervous system), could introversion be a very mild form of central sensitization(even in spite of the benefits such as introspection, thoughtfulness, meaningful conversation, and the unique ability to enjoy quiet time and silence, as well as nuanced non-verbal communication, both with others and with the outside world)?
PS Take some time to really rest and quiet your nerves down. Silent mind, silent body(+adequate time). Thanks for all of your contributions, both the blog and the book. I enjoy reading.
I can relate so much to this I might cry. I have kids with big issues. One has been on/off depressed for 2 years. She tries so hard to be extroverted when she’s an introvert. She just wants friends but people don’t get her. She’s easily misunderstood. My other daughter is on the spectrum. My youngest is a boy. But as a mom, I’m finding the disorganization of raising kids to be super taxing. Nothing is ever as it seems. Its hard to know what to expect day to day. One day, all three kids had anxiety about something and my HSP personality was about to burst.
I feel misunderstood and have distanced myself from many relationships. Mainly its too hard for me to be around people who are fake or just plain selfish. So my friend list is small. Sometimes so small, people tell me they are concerned for me. But dealing with kids is all I can handle right now. I’m too frazzled to take on friends and new relationships when it usually means more emotional investment. Maybe in the future I’ll have more time but I’m perfectly content to just be by myself or with my dog. The outside world frazzles me with all their problems and needs. Its hard for me to take on too much of that with all my own heavy problems.
I’m a creative and my brain is always on over drive. I have ideas constantly floating around. I want to do things, try new things but feel disappointed that I can’t do it all. Sometimes I just go to sleep and surrender to the fact that I just can’t do it all. And that’s ok. Mindless moments are important as are naps.
Thank you for sharing this. I hope you find peace soon.
Elle, that is exactly how I am. I have stopped contact with inquiring and over concerned friends who want to motivate me which in fact overwhelms me. Every relationship including family members is transactional and my behaviour seems impractical and worries everyone. āWill you ever be happy?ā Is the constant question people have when In fact I am so much fine inspite of the issues I face as a severe introvert. I have discovered that I can draw energy from my own quietness and that is the ultimate thing we all human beings need to realise that happiness and solutions are all within us. An innies world inside is as beautiful as the outer one. What others see as withdrawal is my soulful time.
Let all the nothing inside your mind out & see what your emotions mean when saying everything is wrong.
I totally get this.
Not only do I need a nap or quiet time to myself, if I donāt attend to my signals, Iāll start noticing thoughts like I just want to be held or I want my mommy. While neither of those are a negative thing, in the context, for me it means do something or you are going to crash. And crashing is never pretty.
I just recently when through one of these. (A couple days ago) ā is it weird that I try to enjoy them because afterwards I have a clear mind and can start being more creative and Iām more happy.?!heh thanks for the advice as always ^^ <3
I have had meltdowns when I didn’t listen to myself and instead forced myself to go beyond my limits. I was afraid of saying “No” to other people. But the meltdowns were just worse I’ve learned it’s so much better to just take the courage to say “No”. I’ve learned that honoring my limits are far more important than I initially thought. Now I know how to draw the line.
Perfectly describes my current state š This is a great post!
A frequently-used coping mechanism for me is to literally slow my body and mind down when I’m in private and away from the world. I’d imagine it looks much like the sloth action shots displayed above – so it would be quite a ridiculous sight to the casual observer, but it works for me!
I so totally relate, I find my fuse gets very short when I’m drained, also my brain literraly refuses to work, it kind of gets “stuck”…can’t remember words to songs I know I know, sometimes I can’t find words, hahaha like my internal dictionary refuses to kick in! My coping mechanism is to take a “me-day”, a day in the middle of the week, where I just be, get up when want to, take myself out to breakfast/lunch with a book to keep me company, go watch a movie, talk to no-one, and sometimes if finances permit a spa treatment…. this helps me a lot!
OMG! This is me to a tee! I too get so mentally exhausted I just want to nap for like ever! I have also had the emotional breakdown come to me out of no where which resulted in 3 hours of sobbing uncontrollably. Thanks so much for your advice & blog. It feels good knowing that I am not alone.
Wonderful article, Michaela! I find being on the computer to be very exhausting after awhile even if I’m alone in my quiet, beautiful home office. And malls are just plain horrible. The key is to recognize when you need a break and take it. Looking forward to your new book!
I’m so pleased I have found this website. I too have struggled for years with how I’ve felt, unhappy with always having to explain myself.. I now have accepted that I am an Introvert and have embraced it. I quite enjoy the fact that I now know what makes me happy and how to look after myself when I need to escape from everyone. I too find people ‘drain’ me. I can’t bear being around loud and vexatious people.
Bright lights, loudness… just makes me want to run away, to a wild, windswept isle, off the West Coast of Scotland!
I’ve been single for a while and whilst I love my freedom and solitude, I do crave the comfort of being with a partner. I do however, wonder if I am even capable of ever being back in a relationship.. But I certainly don’t want to die a lonely old lady.. I’m currently 49yrs old..
To all my amazing Introverts across the miles.. I wish you all good luck. x
Have a lovely peaceful Christmas. x
Finally, everything makes sense. I’m in my walk-in closet with a bottle of wine, lights off, a pillow and a blanket. I just got to the point of constant frustration of not being able to take care of myself. I’m a single mom, with one child and I hate to sound selfish, but I never get a break. I have a really hard time taking care of myself including exercising. I’m never alone, it’s so frustrating.
I can completely understand this. So well. Am in the process of trying, diligently, to find my purpose and calling, because being the INFJ that I am, I don’t want to waste what little youth I have working at a job, or working toward a career that could potentially be unfulfilling in the end. And because of additional personality traits, including the tendency want to not only be something, but have that role truly become me – my identity – things like this are made to feel like a personal life or death scenario, lol.
So the process of trying to decide what to do for the past year or so has been exhausting, leading me to, right now, a mind in need of repair, and a heart stretched thin with despair from the possibility of having to “settle,” lest I run out of time to do anything at all. Because alas, it is yet another year, and soon another birthday will pass. So I’ll wait, in hopes of rising, as you mentioned. The things we have to deal with, right? lol š
Your site is such a blessing, you know. It has truly been such a help. Thank you, and happy new year to you and my fellow readers!
I can relate to every single comment when I am over whelmed tears begin to stream down my face and i just completely shut down! when this happens i need to retreat some where dark and quite and just cry it out!!
Thank you for this article Michaela. I feel like you and I are breathing the same air. It’s so refreshing to feel understood.
As I was reading, I thought about how I always knew I needed to book a holiday when I kept wanting to cry at work (not my usual calm-under-pressure persona at all), and had fantasies of having a cattle prod in a holster on my hip. I would have fantasies of sitting in a cafƩ with a good book and be blissfully absorbed in it.
I thought as I was reading I love to come home from work to my house and turn on my vintage lamps, low-watt LED bulbs, dim lighting and instantly reduced mental stimulation. I would change out of my work clothes and in winter would put on my PJs, which would help me shift gears instantly — it’s like my body releases it’s own pavlovian supply of sedatives. A hot bubble bath is medicine too, and before I needed reading glasses, I’d read a good book.
If I was wired by adrenaline from work, I’d go to the gym on the way home, and prop a book up on the treadmill. It would reduce mental stimulation, and the focussed activity would help me to shift gears while my subconscious would begin to process all the information, conversations, human interactions, and emotions of the day.
It’s such an important life skill for us to be able to manage our stress and to listen to our internal indicator that says ‘limit reached’ before we hit the wall, or burn-out. “Closed for mental repairs” is so clever.
Last week my 13 yr-old niece said to me “last weekend I stayed in my PJs and read until midday”. I said proudly “good girl! It’s an important life skill to be able to relax and take yourself off your ‘to-do’ list, and to schedule nothing but quiet time”. She smiled at me. She’s one of us.
Did I mention I was proud? I was pleased to have that moment to validate her feelings and experiences.
I love this so much, Michaela!
Plus, sloths are the absolute bomb! <3