Have you ever had a hard time letting go of someone?
When an introvert lets a person in, it means something. We’re choosy about who we show love and devotion to. This makes it hard to let go after we finally do get attached. Not only that.
After a breakup, or falling out, we must let go of the dream we had for the relationship. Our tendency toward vibrant imagination makes for very colorful fantasies. It’s not easy to wipe the slate. We’d rather keep painting than let the dream of ‘us’ die.
The person we’re supposedly grasping is long gone. But we’re still trying to dream them back to life, like a balloon inflated by fantasies.
To me you are a cemetery
of sun-filled memories
I mourn you in the day
and revive you in my dreams
-Michaela Chung #micropoetry Tweet this
Yes, it’s difficult to let go. People might be confused by how we can hold on so tightly after several months, or even years, have passed. But there is no need to feel ashamed. Marianne Williamson explains:
“Often, we long for another person because, in an invisible, intangible realm, we’re still communicating, still connecting, still seeking resolution. People will say, ‘You’re being neurotic. It’s time to let go.’ But … It’s not neurotic to grieve a relationship; what’s neurotic is when we don’t. On some level, no matter how disassociated from our feelings we might be, every relationship brings hope – hope that this might be a safe place, a haven, a rest after all our battles.”
It’s okay to grieve. And it’s okay to move on, too. There comes a time when we really do need to set the balloon free. Because, as poet Warsan Shire put it, “you can’t make homes out of human beings.”
The truth is that letting go is an act of releasing ourselves. It is palms turned up and opened wide after being clenched for too long. It is freedom from misplaced hope followed by a long sigh of relief.
“But I still love him (or her)”, you might say. Fine.
There is room enough in your heart to love an infinite amount of people until the end of time. But.
You can only afford to give your thoughts, time and energy to those who return your love, multiply it, give it wings.
So, go ahead and and just release it all: the fantasies, the false hope, the safe haven that couldn’t save you after all. Tape everything to a golden balloon.
And let go.
P.S. I wrote an ebook, on how to connect with the right people as an introvert. Download my 50-page Introvert Connection Guide now.