Fear of intimacy can be a lifelong struggle for many introverts, both in an emotional and physical sense. Often, simply saying how you feel can seem like the most difficult thing in the world.
You might also find it hard to confront someone when they’ve crossed a boundary, share your true opinions in conversation, or express certain ‘ugly’ emotions like anger or jealousy.
All of the above actions require vulnerability and they can feel scary as hell for introverts like us. And those are just the clothes-on fears.
When it’s time to shed your clothes and get physically intimate, it’s like you have an invisible under armour that won’t come off. Getting close to someone new is beyond uncomfortable and frustrating, because it doesn’t flow naturally like it seems to for other people.
If you’ve ever felt this way, you’re not alone, and there’s nothing wrong with you! In this video, I talk about why opening up emotionally and physically can be so tough for introverts, and what to do about it.
It is possible to overcome a fear of intimacy, without crippling anxiety. It all begins with the mindset shift I explain in the video.
I’ll also show you around the majestic grounds of the hotel I’m staying at right now in Urubamba, Peru, and share things only my fellow introverts will understand!
If you like the video, be sure to subscribe to my YouTube channel. ?
And if you happen to be an innie woman looking for advice on how to open up and be irresistible to men, download my First Date Checklist for Introverted Women.
You’ll discover how to be more open, sensual, and authentic on dates, even if you normally feel awkward and tongue-tied around men you like. You’ll also get exclusive dating content I never share on the blog.
Hi Michaela,
This is a very good video at least for me and definitely answers some questions.
I was looking at the related articles and was looking for answers to two things that have perplexed me for some time now.
How do you know when an introverted woman wants to be kissed? Interested is one thing but physical touch is another. Especially when she’s so stoic and absolutely expressionless even in body language ie. no parted or pursed lips or dilated pupils, etc.
Also, Where do you draw the line between knowing someone is just shy or has a fear intimacy? Could it be a little of both?
I think that my being unable to read this phenomena well enough, has lead to me breaking hearts without intention.
I am assertive I lead, I engage , I state my intentions openly, I’m emotionally available and intimate, I’m real in my actions and no different online to offline. I enjoy being myself. I am sensual not overtly sexual, and I have come to enjoy touch, you know like caressing, hugs, petting, hand holding and what not and it takes me a bit of time to move in that direction due to not having enough indication of interest that it’s OK and welcome.
One of my biggest fears and I think this is why I move slowly is that I’m not looking to be seen as a potential rapist or sexually aggressive, my plumbing works just fine, I just really like to be sure before going all in that I’m making the right choice for both of us.
This for has been a double edged sword, if I read them wrong I could get slapped, or receive a charge, I do have a lot to lose. Also if I read them wrong they may think that I’m not into them, or I’m shy, or stringing them along when in fact I’m doing everything I can to be respectful of boundaries and still show romantic interest.
I was told, by a dating coach to just make a move. I have also been told that if a woman wants you give it to her and I’m thinking don’t I have a choice in that?
I read a forum post on a popular dating blog, about a woman stating that she was getting turned off by the guy she was interested in because they hadn’t done it yet. They made out and that was all. Many women chimed in stating that he must think that his member is small so he’s being shy about it, the woman that started the post said that that wasn’t the problem and not a single woman could really figure out what could be wrong. Several women said to dump him because 5 dates was too long to wait.
And I thought to myself as only one other older woman mentioned, he’s courting you, he said he wants to take it slow, 5 dates isn’t nearly enough time to get to know someone. He values you and see you as potential relationship material, that’s a good thing. Is 5 dates the accepted norm these days? I admit I’m a bit old fashioned in terms of courtship rules.
When I do coaching in relationships I suggest 90 days or 12 dates as a minimum, if you still don’t feel you know the other person it’s OK to wait male or female to engage in physical intimacy. I was told some years ago that a man has to bed a woman as soon as possible if he wanted a relationship with her, because she bonds through physical contact because it releases oxytocin in her blood stream, and I thought to myself, really? Well maybe from a psychology perspective it does work that way, yet how long does that last. That seems one sided to me without emotional connection.
For me I want to know as much about a person as possible, before committing to physical intimacy. It’s not rejection or a waste of time, it’s a secure way to not take value from someone before their ready and build up enough trust so that if a relationship blossoms from the emotional intimacy then there is already a strong foundation built on reality, not the fast burning flames of lust and infatuation.
Lust and infatuation can be done over and over again if there is a strong foundation. If a man is hearing and visually stimulated a woman can use that to her advantage to stoke the flames of passion in a man, like wise if a woman is physically and mentally stimulated by way of her heart, a man can use this to stoke the flames of her passion.
Women may not know this and I want to point something out, if a guy pushes you for physical intimacy before you’re ready he’s testing your boundaries. Get the commitment before going all the way. Minimum 90 days and or 12 dates all questions of importance answered.
Respect yourself and value yourself and he will too. Women are often worried about making a guy mad or frustrating him, if he leaves he only wanted that one thing and it’s a good thing to find that out sooner rather than later. It’s also a good thing to make a guy mad because if he gets angry he cares that means he’s emotionally attached and that means that he will logically conclude that you’re the one.
Physical intimacy in the bedroom is a two-way street! You get what you give. Spicing things up in the bedroom and making your partner uncomfortable are two absolutely different things. You can ask him why you want to role play this situations. People like have all kind of new ways and find new ways for physical intimacy spicing up in bedroom. Depend on you if your comfortable and if your not tell them. Because Physical intimacy in the bedroom is a two-way and both should enjoy it.