Yesterday I shared some advice with introverted men on how they can ask a woman on a date. Today I’ll offer some wisdom on dating an introverted man.
Before we get started, it is important to make a distinction between introverted men and shy men. Shy men lack confidence. They don’t approach women because they are afraid of rejection. Of course there are other reasons, but this is the predominant one. An introverted man may or may not have confidence. I will focus on introverted men who are self-assured.
There are several reasons why a confident introverted man does not approach women.
Why he doesn’t make a move:
- He is inexperienced with women.
- He is used to other people approaching him.
- He wants to observe before acting.
- He is not looking for a relationship.
- He wants to create some space between himself and the woman he is interested in.
Most of the above points are pretty self-explanatory. Number five, however, needs more exploration. An introverted man might distance himself from you even if he is attracted to you. This is very difficult for women – even introverted women – to understand.
Remember what I said about introverts taking the polite approach to flirting? Well, this has a little to do with that. An introverted man prefers to get to know a woman slowly. He creates space between you and him because he wants there to be space.
It is not your job to close the space.
This is the most important piece of advice I can give you about dating an introverted man. Don’t move in. Don’t interpret his distance as a cue to start doing all the work for him. Instead, the best thing you can do is to invite him into your space. In other words, encourage him to approach you.
If you’re really interested in meeting a more introverted guy it can really pay off big to look online where guys like this tend to be a lot more comfortable and willing to make the first move. Before choosing what app to use you should always find in-depth descriptions like the several month-long One Night Friend review that the guys over a Beyond Ages put together if you want to get the best results.
I am going to tell you exactly how you can invite any man to approach you. But first, I need to explain an important difference between how men and women fall in love.
How men and women fall in love
It is very rare for a man to fall in love with a woman for whom he felt no initial attraction.
For women it is the opposite. Countless love stories begin with the woman feeling complete disinterest. The same holds true in real life. It is very common for a woman to end up completely enamored with a man she did not even want to date at first.
You should take away two things from this information: 1) There is no point in chasing after a man who expresses no interest in you early on. 2) Be open to dating men for whom you feel no attraction at first.
Aside from the distance factor, there is little difference between attracting an introverted man and any other man. The key is being open, approachable and authentic.
Be open to ALL men
The caveat is that you have to be open to all men approaching you. Remember how I said that it is much easier to attract love when you already have love in your life? This truth applies to dating as well. Going on dates attracts more dates. It sounds ridiculous, but I promise you that it is absolutely true.
Be receptive to all men flirting with you. Say ‘yes’ when any man invites you on a date. Only say ‘no’ if he truly revolts you or endangers your safety. It is as simple as that.
When that introverted guy you’ve been pining after finally makes his move, resist the urge to do the work for him. Remember, an introverted man is not necessarily shy. He could be very confident and masculine so he does not need you to hold his hand through the courting process.
The exceptions
But what if he’s inexperienced with women? Or what if you know he’s interested, but he still won’t make a move? Everyone always wants to know about the exceptions.
If you know this man is interested in you, but for whatever reason he won’t make a move, there are some things you can do. You can be a little more obvious about inviting him into your space. This involves letting him know that you enjoy being with him. You should also allow him to see more of who you really are. This is more difficult than it sounds.
If you decide it is absolutely necessary for you to ask him out, please keep a few things in mind. How you behave in the initial stages of dating determines your positioning for the rest of the relationship. So, if you start off doing the inviting and planning, be prepared to continue in this manner. Most women become frustrated quickly when they take on this role.
My advice would be to only invite a man on a date if you are certain he is interested, but lacks the experience to make the first move. While on the date, explicitly tell him that you enjoyed being with him and that you would really like to hear from him again. If he doesn’t take the bait, let him go.
It’s worth it
In truth, dating an introverted man can be frustrating at first. Things tend to move more slowly than with a more extroverted man. But it is worth it. Introverted men can make wonderfully loyal and committed companions. Once you’ve earned his love and trust, he will share a secret world with you that no one else gets to see. You might be surprised at how passionate, sensitive and fun he can be.
Note that there are a lot of romance scammers out there who pose as introverts to gain your trust without revealing much about themselves. This is why you should run a proper background check on your potential partner using a lookup tool like Information.com. That way, you can ensure that you have all the vital details about him ahead of time and that you don’t fall prey to any scams.
Good luck! Check back here tomorrow for some thoughts and advice on introvert-extrovert relationships.
Hi there. I have been dating a friend who might be shy and at the aame time an introvert. But the thing is that we haven’t been dating for awhile and it makes me wonder if he lose interest in me or just having that space for himself. We exchange sms more than we really talk. Actually, we did not get to really talk much before even though we know each other that long. There was a time we lost contact until we met several months ago which he started to ask me out. He did not ask me out before though I had a feeling that he likes me. I never did thought of that so much before since I was in a relationship then. But when we met again few months ago, I began to fall for him suddenly. And it makes me wonder a lot and sometimes making me crazy thinking why he does make consistent trying to contact me even by just sms. I tried giving signals I like him so not really sure what to do now… Like if I have to wait for him or just forget about him making that effort anymore.I hope you can help me.
Hi Wynns,
Its sounds like this guy is not ready for a real relationship – or he isn’t interested in pursuing one with you. If a man is not consistently contacting you, the best thing to do is move on and allow other men to flirt with you and give you the consistent attention you deserve. When this guy does contact you, be warm and accepting, but have the mindset that there are plenty other men out there and you don’t have to wait around for this one.
Thank you, Michaela, for your advise/opinion.
You’re welcome, love. 🙂
Thank you very much for your advice. As an extrovert, I seem to attract introverts naturally, and I don’t know what to do with them. The slow getting-to-know-you phase wears thin after a while, and I’m afraid it’ll degenerate into disinterest. So I keep more than one coal in the fire, if you get my meaning, because it’s not worth pinning all your hopes on what may turn out to be a losing horse. The introvert I like now seems a bit jealous of me, because other men approach me and flirt with me (he’s also competing for me against a fellow introvert, a friend of his), but my philosophy is that jealousy does light a fire under people’s behinds and gets them to move. I’m not deliberately trying to make him jealous at all, but neither am I at his disposal: I’m a limited-time offer. Again, thanks for the read; if he’s worth it, he’ll eventually use the phone number I gave him. I’m patient — but only to a point.
Wow.. I hope it works out with the introvert you like! Hey, let’s talk about this and all things introverts away from this thread Saiyuri!
Emi
I’m not sure what to do. I’m an abivert. And there’s an introverted guy who keeps reaching out to me but he hasn’t asked me out. I always enjoy him. We find it easy to talk. When we’re in crowded rooms, he waves at me (secretly–he initiates it) and after the event he comes over to hang out and talk to me. Lately he invites me to hang out with him before events. Of course I do it because I like him.
He brags about me to others. He volunteers me to host parties at my place when he wants to cook. (He’s a really good cook.) We can talk for hours about books, pets, vacations and food. A couple of weeks ago, we were with a handful of friends, and I was talking about a disappointing relationship I went through last year. He blurted out that he wants a woman to make the first move. I said that I would never do that again because I was so humiliated last time. Everyone was looking at me and raising their eyebrows as if to say, “Hey, you need to make a move here. He likes you.” But I didn’t.
Sometimes I get tempted to reach out romantically, but I think it’s best to let him continue at his own pace. I can’t tell if he’s just being polite and friendly or if he’s thinking of me a more than a friend.
Yes, let him continue at his own pace, as you can’t control his actions. BUT know that keeping your options open, and flirting with other men will normally speed the process along because he’ll realize you won’t sit around waiting for him forever.
Hello Michaela,I need your advice,many thanks in advance!The thing is, I met a wonderful decent guy on a language exchanging web site where people from all over the world master various languages.So i wrote to him asking to Skype with me in order to find my weak areas in English. He was so kind to have answered me and was willing to help. we had a nice conversation and after that he started to write me on a daily basis. We had been spending hours, days and weeks on Skype and Whatssap, we both did not expect at all that we would have so much in common and become so close. Unfortunately we are from different countries, but still we managed to talk to each other every single day. He promised that he would do everything to make our meeting real. We have known each other for three months, then something went wrong, at a certain moment I felt like he was not anymore interested in our communication, he disappeared for several times, went “offline” not writing me for weeks and after some time appeared saying that he lost his phone, was hugely busy and blah blah blah..He warned me that sometimes he needed to distant himself from other people and to get over his problems.I never bothered him with messages, never came across as a clingy annoying girl and some day suggested that we should part on a good note for I see there was no interest for him in talking to me anymore. He said that I got it all wrong and that he did not mean at all to seem distant. But still nothing has changed since that conversation, he wrote to me very seldom, sometimes did not respond to my messages at the same time being active on social net..We have not parted but again have not talked for more than two weeks already( we agreed to talk on skype but he forgot) I do not know what to think, I blame myself only for his giving me a cold shoulder but cannot find any reason why he neglects me. I knew that he was really into me. Sorry this is so long, many thanks for your help in advance.In your opinion,does such a behaviour has something to do with his introversion?Or any introvert would be able to find some time for a girl who he was really interested in?Thank you so much for your reply!
Hi. Im not sure if this is a problem but it seems to be one and i hope you can help me. Im a man and i consider myself an ambivert and it’s really hard for me to let my friends understand my perspective about love. So this is the case, i’ve been trying to work things out with this girl i really liked when i was younger (we met again last month, 7yrs after our last encounter and surprisingly I did not feel the same 7yrs ago but it’s not a problem i think maybe i just have to know her more so that’s when we started working things out). I told her that maybe it will be better if we have an idea of who we are now since we missed a lot from each other in that 7yrs so i think we should get along more often to get to know more of each other and to be sure if i really still am the kind of guy that she likes after having an idea of my personality. But the problem is i do not communicate thru sms unless it’s urgent or an emergency or it is really important plus we barely see each other so im not sure how will this work. I dont know if i should continue or should i just stop it
I find your tips for dating and introverted man very helpful. Unfortunately, it rings a little too true and I reacted defensively to his polite request to just be friends for now. It seemed reasonable since we had only been just friends for the very short time that we texted. However, I assumed that he was trying to end all communication or either warn me that we could be nothing more. I was rude towards him. How do I approach him to continue our friendship where we left off? I don’t want to miss out on a good thing, but I don’t want to be hurt either.
Please i need your advice .
I’ve been dating avery introvert guy for6 Month now. At the begging he used to chat and chase me. And encourage me to move faster in the relation. Courting me and talking about marriage
Till we had sex.then he became more and distant
but keeping the relation 0in few standard mesgs daily
He even canceled seeing each other several times . though we didn’t meetin 2 month
We Can spend 2 weeks with No Calls
But onceJ take space he comes will nice flirting messages. and then again the same
I told him several times but change is very minor and dont Last.
what do you think ?shall I give up on the relation?
Thankyou
Hi…. Have been friends with this guy for two and half years thou we stopped talking for a while then later we got incontanct again and decided to date.. He has been a nice guy even though we are both introvert and am hot tempered. Anytime he wrongs me it takes me time to forgive me but this time we had issues and I walked out from him and his friend back to my city since then the relationship has been suffering even though I told him am sorry but his still cold at me. Please what can I do to get his love back,i realize I am really in love with him.
So there is this guy and he is an introvert. But he seems to have been different around me and he is also different outside of school. like he seems more social when we were at band practices. And the one thing we always said to each other was, “mmkaayy”. like bc of that character off of South Park(its funny mmkaayy). but we’d be just back and forth saying mmkaayy for like 5 minutes or whenever we could. Him and I have flirted back and forth at band practices but at first i didnt know how i felt about him. But when our band participated in the 2017 Rose Parade and we went out to Cali and spent 6 days there, for one i realized i really liked him and two we were flirting alot. like messing with each others instraments and i took his hat. And while we were in the neighborhoods of Pasadena waiting to march a little over 5 miles, me, him, and one of my other friends were all goofin off and every now and then i would stop talking and just sttaring into his eyes and he did it too and i tried not to but fpr some reason i couldnt stop. Then we started taking about our gloves bc Tubas and Flutes have different gloves, and then we ended up “hand hugging” and lookin into eachothers eyes and i really couldnt figure out at the moment what was happening oh my. And later that night our band was goiong to the Queen Mary to eat ,dance, and celebrate, so i told him and my gal friend that im not a super good dancer and i have never slow danced before so i would probably suck at it and then he said, ” I could teach you” and i said, “okay how bout later at the queen mary?” and he agreed to it. And he mentioned that hes still lookin for a gf and i said youll find the one for you and so will i. i said that while smiling probably. And then at the queen mary i got him on the dance floor and we were doin like cupid shuffle and stuff like that first. Party in the USA came on and me and him started loudly singing it , he is so funny and cute. And eventually a slow song came on but i was in the ladies room so i raan out found him and got on the dance floor and i said, ‘May i have this dance?” and then he said, “hey thats my line.” and i said “then say it and then he did. so when we started trying to figue out how to dance bc as it turns out he really doesnt know how to dance i guess bc he kept sayin that he didnt know what he was doin(that And he kept reiterating that he is a gentleman throughout the experience.) the slow song ended and then that new iish Justin timberlake song Cant stop the feeling came on and then i said screw it and we slow danced to JT oml. After we slow danced he had to take a break ig and go to the bathroom and somewhere in that time frame he told me that he is an introvert and i told him that im an extravert but introverted with some things. And then me and him took pictures together oml they cute. Anyways the next day we get back to Flerdda and things to me seemed different. But they werent hes just introverted. i asked him to sadie hawkins dance last tueday and one of my friends videoed it and my other friends just wouldnt go away. He said yes and seemed happy forgot who he was and i told him his name and that is is pretty awsome and he said my name and that im equally awsome. but three days later he said hesitantly, “you know i like you as a friend right?” that literally took m,y breath i didnt really know how to respond other than uuuuuuuuummm nno i didnt but thaniks ig and then he said i thought id tell you before things got out of hand. So for about 4 days ive been so confused about it all. Like i feel like i did something wrong or maybe was too much. but imma wait till the dance and see how things go bc maybe we should get to know each other more. besides i think i prefer getting to know somebody before i date them anyways. ugh help mee! sorry fpr the rant btw!!
I’m left wondering after a few dates with an introverted guy I’m really interested in whether it’s come to an end or if hes creating the distance you mention. After saying he’s very attracted to me and liked me a lot asking to be friends is more than a little frustrating. We talk but I want more and am left wondering if he’s rejected me or put me in the get to know you better first box?
Im in the same place, I dont know whether I have been rejected or accepted but he keeps asking about me though he never replies about his things I have asked
Hi Michaela
I’m in this situation where I meet a lovely and handsome man at my local gym where I regularly workout, but I feel I’m somehow on my way to miss it up and mis my chance (if I haven’t already). I guess I better give you the whole story so you get the picture. In the beginning of this summer around June/July I meet him once and asked hims some question about some weights by chance and then I didn’t see him for almost half a year partly because I had a break from my workouts there. I then recently started working out again and one time I could feel someone observing me who turned out to be him. It too me a couple of times to realise that I’m actually interested in him as well, but because he makes me nervous because I kinda like him I’ve somehow failed to smile at him or ask take contact such as asking questions or so.
Once he smiled like a really big smile at me, but from afar so I wasn’t quite fast enough to get it ha ha. Then I caught him watching me again (also from afar) where we had a longer time of eye contact which was lovely and he was also looking as I left the gym before him. So I thought okay then its pretty obvious right! Then tonight I went to workout again and I warmed up running (I always warm up he never seems so hmm). I thought I saw him working out on the first floor (I was on the groung floor) in the reflection of the mirror, and sure enough:) When I’d finished running he stood there looking at me again from a safe distance. He then went to the same area where I always work out first and also did some workout. I had to use some part of a machine where he and another guy was standing and I then of course asked the other guy if I could borrow the “thing” – I mean why didn’t I just ask the guy I like. He was kinda looking at me as if ?? So then he did another machine in the same area and I chose to do the same, but I had to wait for my machine first. And before I’d finished my 3 sets he’d finished and so he went back upstairs to lift more weights which he’s already done, but he now chose a bench close to where I usually sit. But I was so confused and not knowing what to do that I just went upstairs, so stupid. I just dont know if I still have a chance ? And what would be my best option next time I see him. Should I still try or just forget it? I think he must be an introvert as he hasn’t really taken initiative to talk yet. And as for me I’m partly introvert when I’m shy (or like someone), and at times more extrovert when I feel in my safe places/environments.
I would really like not to mis this chance and revert the situation if possible.? Please help thx
I am an introverted woman and right now I am seeing a man whom regardless of being funny and attractive has 0 experience with women. He is obviously introverted as he spends most days alone and doesn’t seem to mind that very much as he mostly stays in touch with friends online.
He actually asked me out the first time but expressed then already that he is not the type to make plans etc. which I quickly noticed myself.
I have asked him out everytime we’ve seen each other except twice and everytime he thinks he ruined the day for me by being weird or awkward so eventually I told him that I actually like him to which he got really surprised but said he likes me too and after this he started acting more affectionate towards me and we started to text a lot more than before throughout the days.
The last couple of days though he’s been offline on all his social media except one so i’ve kept in touch with him there. He ignores some of my messages completely so I wondered if he wants to cut off our contact but he said no and that he’s never said that, not quite seeming to understand why I would even think that?…
He said he wants to keep seeing me but he still continued to be distant. This is very confusing to me but I suppose he needs his own space especially if he’s used to and comfortable with being alone most of the time?
Of course this creates frustration in me though as i’m not a very confident person myself and tend to take things very personally and feel offended and hurt. I think that even though I am also a pretty lonley person I do enjoy spending time with others, especially someone I am romantically interested in, so therefore I can’t quite process how someone can be interested in someone but still need space but I can be understanding… If someone is open about being that way. I guess i’ll just need to accept it if I want to keep seeing him.
I’m new to this site and I feel at a loss here. I started working at a college and met this really cool introverted guy (who has quite low self esteem). He was coming to my workspace to chat with my co-workers and he started chatting with me more often. Since we have been texting, he stopped coming to see me. But, I say he has low self esteem because he doesn’t understand why I’m interested. He says he knows he’s awesome, but doesn’t see why other people would think he is. He called himself an enigma. I reassure him all the time that I am intrigued by him and really interested. He told me he isn’t ready for a serious relationship, but we have been texting each other for over a month literally almost every day. Even if it’s a few messages, it’s every day. I’m an extrovert. He knows that. I start getting a little jittery when he doesn’t text me back right away, just because I’m attached to my phone. LOL. Sad but true. The point of this comment is, I need advice on a few things. Because he is a computer guy at my workplace, he can’t really talk via text while at work. It sidetracks him and he gets frustrated. So, I stopped. He doesn’t come see me anymore at my workstation, so we only text very few sentences at the end of the day, but on weekends we talk a lot. I have asked him numerous times to hang out with me outside of work and he has made excuses why he couldn’t. Well, he finally agreed to have dinner at my house one day this next week.There are no sexual intentions there. But, we have also made plans for his birthday that same weekend, at my house. I feel exhausted always being the one to reach out, or do the inviting just to be turned down. I was insanely surprised that he agreed to have dinner at my house! It shocked me! Just because I’ve been turned down so much. Then his birthday dinner at my house was a compromise to a really expensive outgoing gift he rejected. Which is fine. I was offended for a short while until he explained his reasoning. I just don’t know what to do here. I feel like I’m putting in all the effort, and while we do talk almost every day, if not everyday, why is he only wanting to come to my house? This will be our technical first date I guess. Any advice is helpful!
Dating a loner does not have to be difficult. When I realized that I love an introvert, I researched extensively to know more about them. That made it easy to understand loners, and it helped me avoid getting hurt whenever my partner seemed like they were not interested in me. As a result, we developed a strong bond, and we are currently in a very stable relationship.