Mae West Quote- A dame that knows

 

Yesterday I shared some advice with introverted men on how they can ask a woman on a date.  Today I’ll offer some wisdom on dating an introverted man.

Before we get started, it is important to make a distinction between introverted men and shy men.  Shy men lack confidence.  They don’t approach women because they are afraid of rejection.  Of course there are other reasons, but this is the predominant one.  An introverted man may or may not have confidence.  I will focus on introverted men who are self-assured.

There are several reasons why a confident introverted man does not approach women.

 

Why he doesn’t make a move:

  1. He is inexperienced with women.
  2. He is used to other people approaching him.
  3. He wants to observe before acting.
  4. He is not looking for a relationship.
  5. He wants to create some space between himself and the woman he is interested in.

Most of the above points are pretty self-explanatory.  Number five, however, needs more exploration.  An introverted man might distance himself from you even if he is attracted to you.  This is very difficult for women – even introverted women – to understand.

Remember what I said about introverts taking the polite approach to flirting?  Well, this has a little to do with that.  An introverted man prefers to get to know a woman slowly.  He creates space between you and him because he wants there to be space.

It is not your job to close the space.

This is the most important piece of advice I can give you about dating an introverted man.  Don’t move in.  Don’t interpret his distance as a cue to start doing all the work for him.  Instead, the best thing you can do is to invite him into your space.  In other words, encourage him to approach you.

I am going to tell you exactly how you can invite any man to approach you.  But first, I need to explain an important difference between how men and women fall in love.

How men and women fall in love

It is very rare for a man to fall in love with a woman for whom he felt no initial attraction.

For women it is the opposite.  Countless love stories begin with the woman feeling complete disinterest.  The same holds true in real life.   It is very common for a woman to end up completely enamored with a man she did not even want to date at first.

You should take away two things from this information: 1) There is no point in chasing after a man who expresses no interest in you early on.  2) Be open to dating men for whom you feel no attraction at first.

Aside from the distance factor, there is little difference between attracting an introverted man and any other man.  The key is being open, approachable and authentic.

Be open to ALL men

The caveat is that you have to be open to all men approaching you.  Remember how I said that it is much easier to attract love when you already have love in your life?  This truth applies to dating as well.  Going on dates attracts more dates.  It sounds ridiculous, but I promise you that it is absolutely true.

Be receptive to all men flirting with you.  Say ‘yes’ when any man invites you on a date.  Only say ‘no’ if he truly revolts you or endangers your safety. It is as simple as that.

When that introverted guy you’ve been pining after finally makes his move, resist the urge to do the work for him.  Remember, an introverted man is not necessarily shy.  He could be very confident and masculine so he does not need you to hold his hand through the courting process.

The exceptions

But what if he’s inexperienced with women?  Or what if you know he’s interested, but he still won’t make a move?  Everyone always wants to know about the exceptions.

If you know this man is interested in you, but for whatever reason he won’t make a move, there are some things you can do.  You can be a little more obvious about inviting him into your space.  This involves letting him know that you enjoy being with him.  You should also allow him to see more of who you really are.  This is more difficult than it sounds.

If you decide it is absolutely necessary for you to ask him out, please keep a few things in mind.  How you behave in the initial stages of dating determines your positioning for the rest of the relationship.  So, if you start off doing the inviting and planning, be prepared to continue in this manner.  Most women become frustrated quickly when they take on this role.

My advice would be to only invite a man on a date if you are certain he is interested, but lacks the experience to make the first move.  While on the date, explicitly tell him that you enjoyed being with him and that you would really like to hear from him again.  If he doesn’t take the bait, let him go.

It’s worth it

In truth, dating an introverted man can be frustrating at first.  Things tend to move more slowly than with a more extroverted man.  But it is worth it.  Introverted men can make wonderfully loyal and committed companions.   Once you’ve earned his love and trust, he will share a secret world with you that no one else gets to see. You might be surprised at how passionate, sensitive and fun he can be.

Good luck!  Check back here tomorrow for some thoughts and advice on introvert-extrovert relationships.