Introverts are known for being people of few words. We are accustomed to others telling us that we are “too quiet”. Negative feedback about our quiet nature can leave us feeling like there is something wrong with us. Because of this, we might find ourselves wishing that we were more talkative.
I have felt this way at many times in my life, especially as a teenager and young adult. I thought that individuals who could talk a mile a minute were somehow superior. After all, these people were popular. They seemed confident. They were able to slay dreaded awkward silences with a continuous stream of words. Never mind what those words were.
As long as they didn’t drop too many F-bombs, I figured that talkative people were doing better than I was. I knew that others found my quietness strange. But the way many teenagers made conversation seemed foreign to me. I honestly didn’t understand how they could have so much to say.
I once read that the average woman speaks about 20,000 words a day. Clearly I am not the average woman. I don’t think there has been a day in my life in which I have spoken 20,000 words. It sounds exhausting.
In the past couple of years, my admiration for very talkative people has dwindled. The reason?
Words Have Power
As a writer, I am a strong believer in the power of words. Words are like living things that get into our minds, our hearts, our walls, our spirit. They have the power to change the energy in a room. They can uplift us. They can connect us. They can hurt us.
You would think that recognizing the power of words would make me envious of people who use them in excess. But the opposite is true. Knowing how influential words are allows me to see that they are widely abused.
In the world of writing, there is a saying:
“Just because it happened, doesn’t make it interesting.”
Can I get an amen? Because introverts tend to speak less than extroverts, we often find ourselves downstream from some Chatty Cathy unloading every mundane detail of her life on us. The words flow out unfiltered. There is no editing. No thought as to whether what she is saying is interesting, important or of any value at all. She simply verbalizes every experience and passing thought that is rattling around in her brain.
When people use words in this manner, it dilutes their power. There is nothing admirable about using words simply to fill air space. They are meant for so much more than that. Instead of creating connections, empty words create barriers. They jam up all the space that could have been used for deep thought or thoughtful sentences.
This doesn’t mean that every conversation should be deep and philosophical. Or that people who have the gift of gab are inferior. It means that we should be aware that words are meant to have a purpose. If we have nothing valuable to say, it is better to stay quiet.
It is meaningless conversations – not awkward silences – that we should fear. Tweet this
Knowing this has helped me to embrace my quiet nature. I want to infuse more meaning into my sentences, not more words. I don’t need to say 20,000 words a day to get my message across. I think 500 or so will do just fine. Come to think of it, everything I just said can be condensed into a few simple words:
Your website changed my believes about myself.Now I know more about myself and i know that I’m not strange.
thank you
Maryam from Iran
You’re very welcome Maryam! I’m so happy that my website has helped you. xo Michaela
Thank you for the article. I’m a sensitive introvert and at times I can become very introverted given the situation. In the past I have felt as though I needed to “apologize” for being too quiet, when in fact I’m just in my own thoughts and I cant stand small talk. Recently, I’ve started to embrace my natural nature. Recently, during a card ride with my in-laws, my MIL says” Whitney, you’re so quiet?!” My response: “Yes, I know.” I’m learning that at times people may be uncomfortable with silence and that’s ok too.
I just discovered your website and I’m already in love with it!! Everything you wrote is a total match for I have been experiencing 🙂 Thank you so much for creating this site!
Glad to hear that, Cathy. You’re welcome. 🙂
I believe that words are important and as such try not to use them needlessly in conversations. Some days I don’t even feel like saying anything so I don’t, there’s no point in forcing something that does not come naturally. That being said, sometimes I want to contribute to a conversation but by the time that I have thought of a response the opportunity has passed. I am also haunted by people speaking over me or interrupting me in the past.
I get told I’m quiet all the time.Ive always taken it as a criticism and its probably why I hav’nt fully accepted myself yet.I just find general chit chat quit boring… I feel guilty about that..I don’t understand how people can say so much about something that isn’t really that important or interesting….I think whats wrong with me?why cant I talk as much as that?I doubt id speak 20,000 words in a week let alone a day.I love listening to people’s passions and subjects where people have strong and thoughtful views but I really do struggle with small talk.Its the feeling I’m being negatively judged for being quiet that stops me accepting my nature.Thanks for posting this today Michaela 🙂
Thank you for your article . Thank you for letting me understand myself more. This is one of my most important article since 24 years. I have attened my bf’s sistee wedding and i am told by my bf and said many ppl thinking i m just too quite, they dunno what to talk with me . At that time i crying and feel offensive because i feel like i did sth bad and ruin the everything when i just be myself. I am capable hold convo during my work maybe i know i am making momey so i telling myself i need to be talkative and smart. Somehow i cant stand with some topic not related to me. However i know i need to improve myself, its hard for me but i will try x
Best Regards