Introverts enjoy spending time alone. That’s no secret. For many of us, spending hours, or even days, in sweet solitude is the definition of bliss. But the introvert personality type does still need and enjoy socializing with other people.
For most introverts, there comes a point when we reach our threshold for alone time. Loneliness begins to set in and we start itching to go out. The problem is, going out into the big bad world of loud music, crowds, and other humans is exhausting for introverts. Often, we end up feeling like cats that beg to go out, and then want to come back in again only moments later.
This can be frustrating for friendly, fun-loving introvert personalities (yes, we do exist) who really do want to socialize, but can only handle short spurts at a time.
I have struggled with this particular introvert problem on many occasions. Being a writer, I spend several hours a day working alone in front of my computer. And I love it. But it is easy for me to start feeling lonely if I don’t schedule in social activities. By the time the weekend rolls around, I’m clawing at the front door, aching for some human interaction and adventure.
Then, just like a fickle little kitty, I want to come back in shortly after leaving the house. When it comes to socializing – especially in groups – an hour or two will do, thank you very much.
So, how can we make sure that we get enough human interaction to meet our needs, without becoming completely drained in the process?
After much experimentation, I’ve come up with a few simple tips:
Choose the right activities
Not all social activities are created equal. Some interactions are especially draining for introverts. For example, going to any group activity, where talking is the main diversion literally sucks the life out of me. By the end, my brain and my energy levels are zapped and I’m aching for the comforts of home.
On the other hand, group gatherings where dancing or spending time in nature are the main focus, actually energize me.
Take note of the interactions that leave you feeling particularly drained. Do less of those and more of the ones that sprinkle a little sparkle on your soul.
Be aware of your needs
As introverts, it’s important to remember that our way of socializing might not look the same as an extrovert’s. We innies have unique needs, and that’s okay. We can tailor our social activities to what works best for us.
If you know you can’t handle four hours straight of “catching up” with a group of friends, go ahead and make an escape plan. Leave early, and don’t feel guilty about it.
I’m very cautious about accepting invitations to group activities that last the whole day. Only VIPs get me for more than a couple of hours at a time. I’ve learned that it is better for everyone if I plan ahead to protect my energy levels.
Schedule it in
How many of you have ever forgotten to make plans for the weekend until it was too late? This is a common problem for introverts. I think it’s because we enjoy our alone time so much that we forget we will want to go out eventually.
I do this all the time. In fact, that reminds me that I have made zero plans for this weekend. Again. Sigh. Luckily, I have recurring activities in my schedule that force me to go out.
Being part of a Meetup group, class, or club is a great way to make sure you schedule in enough “out” time. Having a couple of extrovert friends also helps. They can act as social connectors who keep us in the know about upcoming events and gatherings.
Most importantly, know that you are not a freak or weirdo because of your cat-like tendencies. You’re an introvert, and we’re pretty awesome.
Thanks for stopping by. I’d love to hear about your experiences with the above problem.
Are there any other tips I missed for helping introverts get enough social interaction without feeling totally drained?
Really great article, absolutely spot on! 🙂
Thanks Peter! I’m happy it resonated with you. 🙂
Thank you for all that you do!
I hope you can help me with a problem that I am having with my family…? My parents are gone. I have been divorced for 14 years. 53 years old. Have always been able to have some time for myself after the work week. I paint acrylic on canvas, was in a gallery, self taught :).
I moved to Indiana from SC. I have cousins and an aunt and uncle in Indiana. I moved into my cousins home to save up and get out again on my own. Before I moved here I was told that I would be fine here, my family had my back. I get here, no one shows up to help me settle in. I was told that my cousins home was nice, he had plenty of room for me. Not so… it is filthy falling apart, no insulation, holes in the wall. There are 3 bathrooms in the house, only one works! I was told that I had my own bathroom :(. I have to go out my door to the outside porch, unlock the front door to go to the bathroom. No fun in zero degree weather! There is a hallway to get to the bathroom from my room but it is blocked because of the holes in the walls that anything can come in and out of. Now…. I work with an elderly woman with dementia 10 to 12 hours 5 days a week. I am so tired by Saturday that I just want to be alone till Monday! Caretaking with no breaks, 55 hours or more. It wears me out…i do not want to go to any family functions of any kind. I have no sanctuary anymore. My family says that I am depressed…. who wouldn’t be living like I am. In fact I told them that I was very very unhappy. I can not believe that they even think living like this is ok???!!! They do not live like this! They also did not tell me that my cousin drinks too much…. sad….
With all of this going on Sat and Sundays are the only days where I can rest…. (in a dirty dump). I tried telling them how tired I am…. that I need solitude. But they keep telling me that something is wrong with me. Seclusion from family is a serious problem, not at all normal or healthy. What do you think????? I feel validated when I come to your site, I feel normal!
I have made plans to move back to sc. Better climate and have a few friends there. Bought a small fixer upper on 2 acres!!!!!!!!!! Outside of charleston sc. I have told my family that I want to go back (have said nothing about the little house!). Do not need anymore grief! I am now looking for work in sc. When I do find a job, i am out of here :)! How do I deal with the family? When I explain to them my need to rest, they text, hit my facebook with messages! It’s horrible! I feel like I am fighting for my life! Going through hell just for a smidgen of peace….
Sorry so lengthy…. what can I say to them to get them to leave me alone? I do not crave being around people all the time like they do…..
Hello Kimberly, it sounds like you’re in a nightmare of a situation right now. I’m glad to hear you’ve already taken steps to change things. I understand what you mean about being frustrated with your family situation. We don’t get to choose our family. Often they can be a great challenge to us. Family is important, but they don’t have to be your main support network. Having a few close friends that feel like family and actually get you can sometimes work better than looking to blood relatives for support.
Also, I am honored that you consider this site a place where you can feel validated. Happy to have you as part of the innie community here! Xo
Thank you for responding! I was venting and I am so sorry to do it on your beautiful site! But this must be a very good example of an introvert at her wits in!? Lol! You are right about family. And yes I am making steps to get my life back on track. The only thing I worry about once I leave here, will be trust issues, especially when it comes to family members. But when you have someone like you and your wonderful site, you make things easier for me and others…. your a gem…. thank you!!!!!
You’re welcome, Kimberly! Good luck. 🙂
Hey 🙂 remember me?!
I just wanted you to know (and you are the first to know!!!) That within a month I will be moving to S.C.!!! Found a job there and giving my notice in on Monday next week! I had to share this with you… you were so very kind listening to my problems… and you gave me strength, and I needed that so desperately. You are so awesome and I thank you with every fiber of my being!!!
That is wonderful to hear Kimberly! I’m so happy that I could be of help to you in some way. Congrats on the new job and good luck with the move! 😀
I knew I liked cats for many reasons! So true! 🙂
Very accurate, glad I found this article. Thanks. ☺
You’re welcome, Eric! Glad you can relate. 🙂
There is a voice in my head that resists going outside – it’s too cold, it’s rainy, I’ll go later, I’ll go after I finish this. If I listen to that voice it gets harder and harder to go out day by day. My personal rule is that each day I must leave the house. Perhaps that doesn’t sound like a big deal to most people, but for me it is often a struggle.
I feel the same way, Jade. Now that I work from home, I can go days without leaving the house if it’s rainy out, but I always feel better if I spend some time in nature each day.
Thank you for this wonderful site! I’m a life-long undiagnosed introvert and have always felt guilty or inadequate about my lack of social skills. With Christmas season upon us I’m dreading the functions where I have to make small talk about stuff I don’t care about! Much like cats, our culture unvalues introverts, i’m so glad I found this place!
As I can’t talk with people face to face they think I am ignoring them or even they feel like , I have done something wrong that’s why I am hiding myself , I just wanted to spread that I am an introvert but they hardly pay any attention ! so , my life started to suck every single drop of my blood , I feel so shame and lame on myself . Need a suggestion .