If you’re a single guy, you’re probably all too familiar with the sting of rejection. Self-critical introverted men may find it especially tough to know how to handle rejection from a woman.
Instead of brushing it off and moving on, you ruminate about what you did wrong. Your mind fills with self-defeating thoughts: “I’m a loser”, “how could I think she’d like me”, “I might as well give up”.
As a member of our private Magnetic Introverted Men Facebook group put it:
“Any suggestion on how to handle the pain of rejection? I can’t help feeling so sensitive to it. After continuous experiences with no gain/progress, there’s a feeling of why bother anymore.”
Of course, this way of thinking only makes things worse. And yet, you may not know healthier ways to handle rejection from women.
As a dating coaching for introverted men, I understand your pain. And I also know that there is hope!
Read on to discover steps to handle rejection that actually work.
6 Ways to Handle Rejection From a Woman
Shift your focus
Much of the pain of rejection stems from being too results focused. Instead of giving yourself a pat on the back for being brave and taking risks, you only focus on how the woman reacted.
When all your self-confidence is wrapped up in other people’s responses it’s impossible to brush off rejection. That’s why it’s essential to shift your focus.
3 things to focus on instead of the rejection:
- The action steps you took, such as initiating a conversation with a woman you like.
- Whether or not you’re staying true to your values and goals (if you are, that matters more than the outcome).
- Other options. As the old saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea, and just recognizing this will help you move on (more on this later).
Change the interpretation
“When a woman rejects me I never really take it personally. I just assume it’s something to do with her—what she wants, where she’s at in life,” said one of my male friends once.
His words made me realize that not everyone interprets rejection as an indication of their low worth. People with strong self-esteem and secure attachment styles make up a different story about rejection.
After all, our thoughts aren’t objectively true anyway. They’re subjective stories tainted by our own experiences and perceptions. So you might as well make up a more constructive story about why a woman rejected you.
Instead of thinking, “there must be something horribly wrong with me”. You think, “I’m just not her type, but I am someone else’s type.”
Accept it graciously
As an introverted man, I don’t imagine that you’d lash out after a woman rejected you. But you might be tempted to be cold and immediately shut her out.
Instead, accept it graciously by saying something like, “No worries, I understand. I wish you the best!” Then you can feel free to excuse yourself and move onto the next step…
In the time right after being rejected by a woman you may feel particularly tender. Part of you may want to self-punish by falling into bad habits like oversleeping, drinking, and eating junk food.
Instead, try to practice self-care by meditating, exercising, eating well and spending time in nature. All these things will help you to better handle rejection from a woman.
Process your emotions
Introverts are known for turning inward. We need time to reflect and process our experiences. It’s the same with rejection.
Take a pause and process what happened by journalling or talking to a coach, therapist or friend about it. This will help you to move on in healthy ways.
Explore other options
Having other romantic options will ease the pain of rejection. I’ve been working with introverted men for eight years now in my 1:1 coaching practice. So I know that most introverted men are inclined to focus intensely on one woman at a time.
But even just noticing all the other attractive women out there will give you a sense of hope. One rejection doesn’t mean that all is lost. There are plenty of other women who could be a better match for you.
More dating tips for introverted men
When it comes to attracting the right woman, there are a few specifics you’ll want to keep in mind.
For example, you’ll want to know how to communicate and create a spark with women, even if you’re normally quiet and reserved.
I go into detail about all of the above in my Dating Masterclass for Introverted Men. Access it for free here.