Most INFJs have an idealistic view on the world. Not only do we notice everything, but we also see it through the eyes of an idealist. However, this is not an advantage all the time. In some instances, it can be a huge struggle for INFJs to perceive the world as we do. It can be pretty overwhelming actually.
Seeing the world through the eyes of an INFJ
Those of you who have
followed me for some time and read my articles know that I’m a hardcore
idealist. No matter what bad things are happening in the outside world, I’m an
eternal believer that good always prevails. Which is why I sometimes face an
inner struggle only INFJs understand.
Because I see the world through the eyes of an idealist, I’m more likely to
feel disappointed by the actions of others. If I see someone asking for food on
the street (this is what happened yesterday), my immediate reaction is to go to
the nearest bakery and buy a couple of meals. But not everyone thinks like
that.
Also, being a protector, I believe that everyone is good and kind by default. This way of thinking caused me many sleepless nights when facing reality. As much as I love my idealistic INFJ nature, it gives me headaches sometimes.
That’s why I’ll share 3 main struggles an INFJ idealist faces, and hope they will help you better understand this phenomenon that is unique to INFJs.
3 struggles of the INFJ idealist
1. We see the world how we are.
I deliberately put this as a struggle because not everyone has your heart my INFJ friend. Few do, actually. When we look on external events and people, we create this idealistic trait that often makes us feel lonely and misunderstood. Our eyes see all, but they also cry a lot when they do.
2. Loneliness is amplified tenfold.
INFJs already feel lonely as it is. So, when you expect others to have the same levels of empathy and desire for feedback as you do, the result can be terrible. Our personality is prone to anxiety, and to a feeling you’re probably all too familiar with: Not belonging anywhere. Our loneliness is increased to a level where even the support of our loved ones is disregarded.
3. Withdrawing into isolation.
Don’t get me wrong, we love our alone time as all introverts do. But when our inner INFJ idealist feels upset by everything wrong going on around us, withdrawing to an unhealthy isolation as a protection becomes all too real. Our communication is reduced to a bare minimum, and we lose the will interact with people all together.
All the struggles I wrote here, as scary as they may sound, are real for the rarest personality type. But that doesn’t mean they are permanent. You can overcome them.
Being an INFJ idealist is a gift, not a curse
No matter how many times
you feel disappointed or saddened by what you notice, every emotion is better
than indifference. I always say that I would rather feel all the sadness of
this world and experience happiness afterwards, than not feel anything at all.
It’s not in our INFJ nature not to be idealists. Regardless of how much sh*t is
happening, you keep being you. There is enough negativity as it is, so be the
one who will spread that sparkle of positivity. You will be outnumbered, but
hey, quality over quantity, right? J
If you ever hear that being an INFJ idealist is a curse, remember this:
It
takes only a small ray of light to pierce a well of darkness.
Keep shinning my dear INFJs, even when it’s hard and challenging. You won’t have the support of everyone, but that’s okay, we don’t like big crowds anyway. 😉
A Safe Space for all INFJs
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Are you an INFJ idealist too?
How does this make you feel? I would love to hear your experience with this! Feel free to share your thoughts in the comment section below.
Xo,
Marko
oh Marko !!! you have, one more time, ‘hit the nail on the head’ … thank you for this article
Thank you so much Ingrid for your kind words! 🙂 And you are so welcome!
I really enjoyed reading this. One thing I have found is that so many people appreciate my “positivity.” I always have a smile and laugh easily. Life is really hard, but I find that there is ALWAYS some good – even if it just the sun piercing the clouds after a rainy day.
I love being an INFJ – I have found my place and a few close friends who encourage me to live this amazing life.
Thank you for your thoughts. I always enjoy them, and learn from them.
I’m so glad to hear you enjoyed reading the article Rebecca, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. 🙂 I agree with you, there’s always good to be found behind every smile. 🙂 So wonderful to hear you love being an INFJ, you are so welcome!
Marko, I’m crying right now ?, sometimes I don’t know how to manage these struggles, they make me feel like a burnt out candle or a halloween pumpkin. Thanks for this article, it’s what I was searching for.
You got this, Belen, trust me! Allow your emotions to come out, but always remember that you matter too, and all the care you give to others, you earned it too. I know it’s hard, but there is nothing wrong with you, there never was. 🙂
Hi!
I just found you and your articles, and over and over I keep saying omgosh that sounds just like me!
It’s so nice to read all these things and know that I’m not alone. My life has been quite a struggle, but at 50 yrs old I’m starting to really love me for who I am. Better late than never. Lol
Thank you so much😊
Thanks for this great article, I can 100% relate to what have been said
You are so welcome Caroline! 🙂 Glad you like the article!
Really appreciate this article Marko! You’re spot on with how INFJs feel. It can be a struggle to be able to see everything how it “could” be instead of how it is. But it’s a gift to be such a visionary and to be able to see the possibility for improvement in everything and everyone!
As always, thank you so much for your kind words Chelsey! 🙂 Indeed, it can be difficult for INFJs to see that “could” instead of reality… Thank you! 🙂
Really beautiful (& beautifully written). Love it!
Thank you so much for your lovely words, Christi! 🙂
Thanks for your article, Marko! I’ve always been so sensitive and empathetic since childhood and I’m in my 50’s now. It’s taken until my late 40’s to discover that I’m an IFNJ and HSP, and though rare, knowing that there are other people like me and that there is nothing “wrong” with me helps!! In fact, I like knowing that I am a rare type! The negatives are really hard. I have struggled with clinical depression for many years, generalized anxiety disorders and social phobias. Feeling the pains of other people and the world’s problems in general is so overwhelming especially when I’m at a very low point of depression, that it can make me not want to live (rare to be that low…) But I always pull out of that because of my faith in God and self-care I have learned. I am extremely sensitive about animals and hearing or reading even just headlines about animal cruelty upsets me so much, that I cry as if it happened to my animal, and I feel that I hate people, but I know there are good people who do good for animals… Sometimes I almost have to ‘numb’ myself emotionally to animal stories because I cannot handle the pain. I care about humans, too, of course, but I can’t help that I’m even more sensitive over animal cruelty. Maybe it’s their vulnerability and innocence?
Correction… I meant “INFJ”
You are most welcome Linnea! 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing your story, and what you’ve been through. You have such tremendous courage and strength! Thank you once more!
Hi Marko
Is the community still a thing? I signed up for the forum but once I did everything disappeared.
Hi Krystal! We are closing the INFJ forum on July 1st. If you want, feel feel to email us with your login email so that we can fix this for you, and so that you can download all the INFJ resources before we close the forum. 🙂
This article, like others I’ve read, hits the nail on the head and identifies issues that aren’t mentioned in other INFJ sources (which often mention the same th8ngs over and over again). I enjoy this content which to me is original and new. Thanks!
Thank you so much for your kind words! 🙂 I’m so glad you liked the article! 🙂
mr marco
i want to ask for help
i have a hard time with insecurity feeling
please how to deal with that as an infj
AM I the only male in the comment section that isn’t Marko?
very lonely in here too, haha.
Andrew P you’re not the only male INFJ
I’m 45 and when younger I clearly was more INFJ, now I test as “_N__.” I also married an INFJ.
I had enough with being an perfectionist – so crippling – and started following a new philosophy: “80% of perfection is better than most other people’s bests!” It’s still a challenge at times. So when I struggle with a perfectionism, I ask myself if its within 80% of perfect and I can move on.
How do I Join the INFJ community of subscribers and get INFJ goodies? 😆🤔
Lots of love, INFJ_GD.BIGBANG3 💘