introvert social

Most people know that introverts socialize differently than extroverts. We take longer to think before we speak, get drained more easily, and tend to listen and observe more. But the biggest differences in the way introverts and extroverts socialize happen before we even get to the event. To help you understand what I mean, I’ve put together 6 ways introverts approach socializing differently.

6 Ways Introverts Approach Socializing Differently

1. We regret plans we made when we were feeling more extroverted.

Sometimes introverts overestimate how much social juice we’ll have left in the tank at the end of the day or week. We accept an invitation when we’re at the peak of our social energy cycle.

At this point, we’re feeling pretty perky and blending right in with the extroverts. But by the time the event comes, we feel drained as heck and deeply regret making any plans that involve leaving the house.

2. We secretly rejoice over cancelled plans.

Now that you understand the first point, you’ll get why introverts do an inner happy dance over cancelled plans. We secretly wanted to bail, but felt too guilty to do it. We breathe a double sigh of relief when someone lets us off the hook. After all, we’ve already worn out all our excuses for staying home. 

3. We need to mentally prepare for social activities.

Drop by anytime, the door’s always open—said no introvert ever. Introverts don’t like people dropping in on us unexpectedly, because we need time to mentally prepare for social activities.

As a card-carrying introvert myself, I only have two modes: social mode and introverting mode. The transition from one mode to the next isn’t necessarily automatic. My brain needs to warm up to the idea of socializing beforehand.

4. We like to know all the facts about the event before committing.

We introverts like to know what we’re getting ourselves into before we agree to any social activity. You can’t blame us, we’ve had too many traumatizing experiences at parties and events that others deemed ‘fun’. Here’s the thing.

An introvert’s definition of fun can be wildly different than an extrovert’s. That’s why we need to get all the details before we say yes: How many people will be there, how long is the event, what will the vibe be, will it be easy to escape?

5. We are selectively social.

Don’t get me wrong. Introverts aren’t anti-social. We’re selectively social. We’d rather stay home than go to a social activity that depletes us without offering anything in return.

If it’s not an activity we find entertaining (FYI, beer pong isn’t exactly an introvert’s idea of fun), why bother? We know we have very limited social batteries. We don’t want to waste our energy on people and places that make us want to scratch our eyeballs out.

6. We want to go out, but then we want to come back in.

Introverts are a lot like cats in this way. We hover at the front door, debating whether we really want to leave our comfy, peaceful home and face the energy assault of a social event.

If we choose to go out, we’ll soon be fantasizing about the comforts of home. If we stay home, we’ll feel guilty for not ‘seizing the day’ like our extroverted friends say we should.

I hope you could relate to what I shared. If you want some introvert friendly tips for making friends and feeling more confident when socializing, subscribe to my mailing list. You’ll get a free 50-page Introvert Connection Guide. 

Over to you

Did I miss any? Let me know in the comments and feel free to share your thoughts on socializing as an introvert. I’d love to hear from you!



Michaela Chung