Introverts don’t open up to just anyone. If we let you in, it means you’re special. Not everyone gets to see the many layers of our personality. In fact, sometimes, we can seem like two different people in one body.
Around people we don’t know very well, we find it hard to open up. To them, we might come off as aloof, cold, or one-dimensional.
These acquaintances love to point out how “serious”, “quiet”, and “calm” we are. And sure, we might be all those things, but what they don’t realize is that we are also so much more.
Our besties know that we are a treasure trove of awesomeness. Around them, we share all the little nuances of our personality: our pet peeves, our sense of humour, our eccentricities. We also feel comfortable sharing our secret wild side, or our silly side.
It might have taken years to get to this level of comfort with our closest friends. After all, we don’t go flashing the underpants of our personality at just anyone. We need to know that a person is accepting, loyal, and trustworthy.
So many beautiful layers
But once we trust someone, man, are they in for a lifetime of surprises. The introvert personality is like a present that you unwrap again and again. Just when you think you’ve discovered everything there is to know, you find another unexpected layer.
Acquaintances will never understand this because they only see one dimension of our personality. We’re usually okay with this. But sometimes we meet someone new, who we really do want to open up to. It’s painful to desperately want to connect, but feel like we just can’t get past our own walls. Don’t lose hope, dear!
Here are some tips to open up to someone new:
Take a step-by-step approach.
Gradually share more about who you are and what’s important to you. You can start with simple things, like your likes and dislikes. Later, you can share relevant stories and experiences, and eventually you’ll feel comfortable being more vulnerable and sharing your secret fears, and dreams.
Don’t wait for an invitation.
We introverts spend a lot of time wishing that people would ask us just the right questions, so that we can open up. Go ahead and share without invitation.
Drop non-verbal clues.
Talking isn’t the only way to share who you are. This is good news for quiet introverts, who often get tongue-tied. You can drop non-verbal hints about what’s important to you through your clothing, hobbies, art, and overall vibe.
It’s okay to be selective
Remember that it’s okay to be selective with whom you open up. The important thing is that you let someone in. After all, you can’t let your beautiful gift of a personality go unwrapped. Give someone the chance to delight in your many layers.
Over to you
Are you selective about who you open up to? Share your thoughts in the comments below if you please!
The cartoon in today’s post was yet another little gem done by my nephew, Brandon Chung. 😉
Love the illustrations your nephew is doing for your articles, they are a great visual representation of your thoughts. He is very talented !
Sometimes I meet someone and our ‘souls’ are already connected. We share, I usually cry, and we know that our lives are now interwoven on some level. Always one to one —
I very sensitive in the worse way. When I was a child, almost everyone wanted me to just talk, like I have a button I can press so I can be sociable. Those were frustrating times.
Today, I do open up to one man. We have our disagreements, but overall, we love each other. He’s so great.
Yes, I am selective in to whom I open up. However, I open up more and more as I get older and more comfortable with myself. So, now, I feel like my decision to open up or not to open up is based on Spiritual discernment and less and less on fear.
I am very selective about who I ‘share’ even general stuff with. I speak little about my home life. As a result I have been accused of being aloof, reserved and people have assumed there is not much beyond what they see. The truth is, I have a life and a very full life but I choose not to share every part of it. In today’s society, if you do not share an event/occasion then it simply did not happen.
Nice article. This is one aspect I still greatly struggle with in my life – opening up to new people. Sometimes I come across people whom, without speaking to them and just getting a general sense of their vibe or hearing them speak to other people, I know I could become good friends with, and I’ll secretly hope they’ll say something to me to get a conversation started, meanwhile I’m too afraid to make the first move. This is something I really want to master.
I deeply relate to this-all of it.Before a year ago, I’d always needed that ‘special invitation’ to share the various hidden ‘innie’ treasure layers of mine with anyone I’d love to consider special. Although I’m still selective, I now get along really well with people and I’m working on becoming a better introverted human. Thank you Michaela, you make it easier to embrace the innie nature. Please tell Brandon I’m inspired by his work.
Very selective. I have two people who see me as I truly am. A best friend and a girl I love more than anyone in the world. Rest of the world gets the acquaintence treatment.
She is very extroverted and thought I was too because when we are together, I can’t shut up. Lol
That is until she saw how I talk, or better said, don’t talk to other people.
Suffice to say that she has my undying trust, love and that classic INFJ protectivnes in all situations, no matter what.
Few people you let in can enrich your life more than hundreds of acquaintances. You just have to find the right ones.