Most introverts have wished at some point that they were more extroverted. We are constantly bombarded with propaganda that implies the extrovert way is the best way – or, for some, the only way. It has been coined “the extrovert ideal” and it is a standard that has been hanging over our quiet heads our entire lives.
We are told that success in school, business and our personal lives depends on our ability to behave like extroverts. Fast talkers, social butterflies and larger than life personalities are celebrated. Introverts … not so much.
If you’ve ever wished you could tell funny stories like the class clown; or always knew what to say like the prom queen; or how to speak up in groups like everyone in the popular crowd – you are not alone. We have all felt this way at one time or another.
It wasn’t always this way. From what I can gather from my extensive research of Jane Austen books (okay, maybe just the movies based on her books), quietness and a reserved demeanor were once considered virtues. I’ve often thought that I would have fit in better in the 19th century.
When I was in high school, I was devoutly religious (now I’m religiously open-minded). I mistakenly thought that church would be a safe haven where my introverted nature might be accepted and even admired.
Wrong! The giant church I attended housed a large and bustling youth group. It was one of those new age, hip and happening youth groups that attracted “cool Christians”. Ugh.
Even at church, the scarlet “I” of introversion made me stand out like a pig in a chicken coup. All the popular girls at church were extremely outgoing, outspoken and the exact opposite of me.
I felt awkward. I felt overlooked. I felt inferior. Even when no one is saying it explicitly, the world is whispering, introverts don’t belong here.
Nowadays, I still don’t feel like I fit in. And that is a very good thing.
Why struggle to fit in when you were made to be extraordinary? Click to tweet.
So, do introverts feel inferior? Whether your reply to that question is “sometimes”, “all the time” or “seldom”, the all-encompassing answer is too often. We should never be made to feel that who we are isn’t good enough.
Introverts have so much to offer the world. The sooner we recognize this, the sooner everyone else will too.
As introverts, we have the gifts of focus, thoughtfulness and deep reflection. Click to tweet.
Introverts know that great ideas flourish in quietness.Click to tweet.
Introverts have beautiful minds and majestic inner worlds. Click to tweet.
Introverts know how to listen, both to words, and the subtle messages carried on the wings of silence. Click to tweet.
In short, introverts are awesome. And anyone who disagrees should spend three hours locked in a room with 40 new age, hip and happening, hyper-extroverted, teenage Christians.
If this post resonated with you, please spread the word by sharing it through your various social networks. Invite others to join the quiet introvert revolution.
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I am age 46 and have always felt inferior until recently when I began learning about and accepting my own introversion. I am finally realizing that I am not “broken”, and I am going to start loving myself the way God made me.
Society as a whole s definitely anti-introvert, but for the most part I don’t think people are deliberately cruel. I do tire of being made to feel invisible (people ignoring me entirely, or they ask a question, but don’t listen to the answer and then start talking to someone else while I’m still getting my thoughts out), but at the same time, I know I bring it on myself because a lot of the time I prefer to hang on the sidelines. My husband has even told me he sees me put on my “invisibility cloak” when we are out and about.
I used to hate feeling excluded and not getting social invites from other women in my couple’s circle. Now I’m coming to realize that I only wanted the invites so I could feel included, not because I was interested in actually socializing with these gossipy, chatty women.
I’m going to stop beating myself up, and accept that I’m hard to get to know, but realize that I’m a fun, likeable, talkative person when someone does get to know me. For those who haven’t taken the time, it’s their loss.
Thank you, Pam, for sharing your thoughts and experiences on this. You touched on a lot of great points. I agree that we should spend our energy on people we actually want to socialize with and vice versa.
Thank you for writing.
You’re welcome! <3
Thank you so much for your response. Self acceptance is the key, and I don’t wish 2 b in a group that isn’t in alignment with my goals and desires. Sometimes it’s good 2b invisible.
Same deal Pam! I I only want the invitation so I could feel included too.
Those who take the time to get to know me see the hidden treasures I have to offer. Others, well, to be honest, I feel sorry for them.
I wonder how many people have turned away from the good things in church for just what you described in your post? I know I have, over and over again for many years. My new understanding of introversion is helping me see where my given strengths are and my ‘church experience’ will never be the same. Adam S. McHugh’s book opened up new paths for me and I’ve been reading up on the traits of ‘Celtic Christianity’ which is very satisfying for introverts versus the Western traditions of Catholic and Protestant churches that grew out of Roman origins. Thanks
Margie, it’s really great to hear that you have been able to have a better church experience by understanding and embracing your introversion. Thank you for sharing.
Having a sister-in-law that was the church secretary, my husband and I got wrangled into being on the roster of Greeters and teaching Sunday School. Those were SO not in my realm, and I remember the stress it caused me. I also helped with decorating bulletin boards and painting scenery for VBS; tasks which were much more agreeable to the introvert in me. I will say that being involved in various helping capacities did ease my regular Sunday experience, because it helped me get to know people I normally would not have interacted with.
Yes, the great thing about church is that there are lots of ways to serve and get involved that don’t require the gift of gab. Thanks for sharing.
I had some negative experiences at church, too…. Strange that it seems like they want you to become part of this group and do all these other things that aren’t even related to God (in my case) in order for you to “fit in” there. I ended up being wrangled into various dinners and book clubs and just was worn out from all the chatty women… All I wanted to do was go to church!!! It all felt like some weird competition that I was watching. Who was the best housewife/Martha Stewart. I was an outcast and a half, being unwed and without children at 29. I threw in the towel when my “friend” there started pestering me about my fiancé, trying to say God wouldn’t want me, a Baptist, to marry a catholic, and even went as far as to say he was a Satanist >_< Stupidity. I just pray at home, now. I'm sure God understands.
Julie, thank you so much for sharing your experiences as an introvert at church. I couldn’t help but laugh at what you said about being an outcast as an unwed 29 year-old. I’m certain I would be considered a spinster if I went back to church today, at the age of 28.
I had some confession to tell too. When i was in my grade-school all my cousins were involved in a singing group in our church, they invited me to join the group, i accepted it, but honestly during our first practice i really felt that i don’t belong its like they’re different because they’re rich and we are not, i felt inferiority. So i decided not to join again, and everytime they’re calling me to join i always find a way to make excuses. Just until i found out that i am an introvert, that’s when i understand why i felt that way in our singing group. Well now i don’t have any feelings of inferiority for i know now how to handle myself and already understand what introvert is. Proud to say i am a successful online businesswoman. For introverts who also want to became successful in any business here is one website that helped me with my online business and this is http://www.paychecktoprosperity.com/ I hope and believe that this can help you too. Thanks so much for posting this topic, i can really relate with your blog.