INTJ patrick king

Hi, my name is Patrick and I’m an INTJ.

In a nutshell, this means that my natural tendency is to observe, analyze, and scrutinize any situation I find myself in, regardless of the context. Some might call it cold and calculating, but I prefer to live life in an efficient and optimized manner (so I tell myself).

When I’m by myself, I’m completely at peace with it. In fact, because I run my own business, I view being a “cold” INTJ as a massive boon because I can focus and hit my milestones like no other. The INTJ nickname of “The Architect” is somewhat apt.

That’s because work and business are mostly built on the currency of results and a defined end goal. When I see a goal and purpose, I can quickly articulate the steps needed to get there and execute. I’m adept at breaking down how something functions into small steps, and it’s a big part of why I’m good at what I do – teach conversation and social skills.

But that’s not what life is all about.

Don’t ask me to be carefree

When I’m with my significant other, friends, and even family, sometimes it can actually be a significant hurdle to enjoying the life that I’ve built for myself, so to speak.

The foundation of relationships and friendships really can’t be quantified with a purpose or end goal. How can you quantify “fun” and “enjoying yourself?”

And that’s what I mean by the title of this post – No, I can’t just relax.

Believe me, I would love to lose myself in the moment and operate in a carefree world like some friends I know, but I just can’t. That doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy myself and have fun, but there’s always background static of “What about this or that? How can this improve? What’s the end goal here? I wish it was this other way.” It always feels like there is something to scrutinize and analyze.

In some sense, this puts me behind self-imposed bars where I feel like I’m on the outside looking in during a party or social gathering.

An INTJ will choose logic over emotions

And then there’s the part where I sometimes operate on a Terminator level in the face of strong emotions – Does Not Compute.

I actually think most INTJs have high emotional intelligence, but that doesn’t mean that we choose to act on it. Just because we are able to separate emotion from our decisions doesn’t mean most people can or should do that. This leads to INTJs hearing things like “You’re so blunt” or “You need more tact.”

Our biggest weakness? Listening to someone describe a problem and not being able to resist giving unsolicited advice – emotional catharsis is often a distant second priority to solving the actual problem.

The best analogy I’ve come up with for myself is that INTJs can’t help but see the world as a constant chessboard. Strategic thinking can benefit you in some ways but hold you back in others. As you can guess, emptying my head and stopping the chatter is key to my sanity.

Of course, this doesn’t mean that I’m not a mostly-functioning human being with emotions and joy – I’ll just be thinking about it the whole time ☺

For more about Patrick and succeeding socially as an introvert of any kind, go to to pick up your free trainings and materials on better conversations and avoiding awkward silences.

Patrick King is a Social Skills and Conversation Coach and international bestselling author based in San Francisco, California. He focuses on using his unique emotional intelligence and understanding of human interaction to break down emotional barriers, instill confidence, and equip people with the tools they need for success.

When he’s not helping clients conquer the world, he’s either fronting an 80′s cover band or training for his next 10k.