dating tips for introverted men


Dearest Introverted Man,

I’ve put together some essential tips to help you with your dating endeavors.  But before we dive in, I want to stress a key point that you might have overlooked:

Introverted men are so hot!

Mysterious, introspective, deep, highly sensitive AND less likely to cheat – I’ll take two please (just kidding … but maybe … no really just kidding)!  Think Ryan Gosling’s character in Drive; Johnny Depp in every movie where he is not playing a crazy person (which is not very many); and we mustn’t forget Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice.

introverted man mr. darcy

All of the above examples illustrate how sexy silence can be on a man.  Combine that with a love of deep thought and good books, then throw in a dash of tortured artist – and voila –  you have one irresistibly HOT introverted man!

So, I really don’t know why you need any dating tips, hot introverted man, but I will humor you anyway, and offer some of my best introvert dating advice.

Make the move or lose!

So there’s this girl.  She’s kinda cute.  You like her.  Maybe you really like her. But you just can’t quite figure out how to make the first move.  This is natural.  it’s scary to approach a pretty woman and face the possibility of rejection.  Many thoughts might be swirling through your head, like: “what if I don’t know what to say and there is a long, awkward silence?” and “what if she says no?” and even “what if she says yes – then what?”  I feel your pain, my friend.  But.

You still have to make a move!

It might be kinda awkward.  Your palms might be sweaty.  Maybe your delivery will be a little slow and stilted.  That’s okay.  The most important thing is that you actually approach her.  Here’s why:

An uncomfortable dynamic

If you never approach women, and consequently only date women who pursue you, you end up attracting a certain type of woman.  Most of the time, women who are pursuers are the very same women who will try to overcompensate for you.  These women are more likely to try to control, plan and dominate in the relationship.  This puts you in a position that probably won’t feel very good to you.  It won’t feel good for the woman either.

Johnny depp introverted man

So, in order to prevent the emasculating dynamic described above, you’ve gotta take some initiative and ask that fine lady out!

I know what you’re wondering: how do you go about approaching a woman in a way that doesn’t feel unnatural and scary?  Well, a lot of it has to do with your environment. My innie Internet friend, Sarah Jones, Love Life Engineer at, offers some great advice for the best places for introverted men to meet and approach women.

dating tips for introverted men

I don’t recommend this approach.

The 5 Best Places For Introverted Men To Meet Women

While noisy bars and clubs can make extroverts the life of the party, they drown out gentler and more mysterious introverts. As an introverted man, you have attractive qualities that extroverts don’t have. But if you’re in the wrong environment, women can’t see those qualities.

Think in terms of paintings and frames. If you take a crazy, loud painting like a Jackson Pollock and put it in a gaudy frame, it looks great! This is like putting an extrovert inside a club. If you take a more muted and nuanced painting like a James Abbott McNeill Whistler (my favorite), and stick it inside the same frame, it looks awful and drowns out the painting.

Being an introvert, you want a frame ­ or venue ­ that showcases your best qualities: calmness, groundedness, mysteriousness, quirkiness.

These venues are perfect for you:

  • classes, especially partner dancing
  • museum exhibits / art openings
  • a foodie meetup group (even better if you can start leading one)
  • outdoor events, like hiking or rock climbing
  • comedy shows or improv classes

When you go to these places instead of bars and clubs, you put yourself in the right frame and set yourself up for success.

dating coach for introverted men

Sarah Jones is a dating coach at  She helps introverted men to:

  • be happier and more confident
  • approach women in a way that feels natural to them
  • go on more fun and fulfilling dates
  • learn how to become better lovers
  • transition into a meaningful relationship with ease