If you are of the Briggs-Myers personality type INFJ, you’ve been accused of being “creepy” once if not ten thousand times. Our ability to focus, notice, and remember, as well as our hardwired intensity, all lead to situations in which our introversion is interpreted as weird, spooky, freaky or downright creepy.
I wasn’t looking, I was just…looking.
Back in middle school, I developed a reputation for noticing all the little adjustments, zip ups, and smooth downs…Especially amongst the females of my social group.
If a bra strap required attention, I was watching. When a downed zipper was put in its proper place, I happened to be looking. Spilled chocolate milk on your crotch? Don’t worry, I won’t tell anybody.
But it’s not that I was specifically scanning for these embarrassing situations. I noticed everything. The mundane and unmentionable as well as the horrifying and eyebrow-raising. Nobody cared that I witnessed the receipt of correct change from the lunch lady, but if I could attest to a hallway wedgie removal, then “John, why are you always looking at us?”
867-5309
Credit card numbers. Phone numbers. Middle Names.
Just a few in a long list of data that I can’t help but remember. Once I’ve used a credit card a couple of times, those 16 digits are written on my brain. When I recite the card number, expiration date and security code as I order something over the phone, my wife looks at me and shakes her head.
Admittedly, the phone number skill has faded with the advent of the cell phone, but back in the day I just needed to hear the seven-digit sequence once, visualize the numbers, and it was locked in. Especially if she was cute.
As a teacher, I have access to a lot of data about my students. Addresses, their parents’ names, their middle name. Recently during a playful moment, I commented “I know everything.” A student replied, “Oh yeah, what’s so-and-so’s middle name?” I didn’t even think, I just spat it out. And I was right. I was almost as amazed as they were. I must have seen it listed somewhere.
But, no question, a group of middle schoolers in 2015 see that sort of inside knowledge as “creepy!”
I swear, I’m not looking at anything
Face-to-face conversation with a lot of eye contact can be very uncomfortable for the INFJ. I often find shoulders, hands, shoes, or t-shirt logos to focus on when the intensity of one-on-one conversation becomes too much.
I’m certain this is misinterpreted most of the time. My conversation partner will brush off her shoulder as I speak to it, check to see if his shoe is tied while I listen to him talk, or turn her body away from me as I study a t-shirt logo while answering her question.
I’m not looking at their shoulders, shoes, wedding rings or torsos, I’m simply not looking at their faces. It’s easier to listen to what my partner is saying when I don’t have to also interpret his facial movements.
No, I’m not a “creeper,” I’m just not crazy about eye contact.
Seriously, I’m not angry, I’m just…thinking
My gosh, nothing is wrong! I’m just deep in a trance within a daydream. We INFJs have all been asked if we are ok because our face has wrenched into a look of discomfort as we navigate that wild place known as our mind. We can look sick, tired, angry, drunk and, in some cases, comatose.
But we’re just thinking, planning, rehearsing, reviewing and sometimes even plotting. It’s almost as if the facial muscles take over while we’re on another planet.
There’s another misinterpretation involved with this level of intense thought. When it’s time to discuss something, especially after long periods of quiet, the verve with which we enter the discussion and ping pong the palaver can be mistaken for anger.
I’m not mad, I’m just ready for my opinion to be heard, and I want people to understand it. And agree with me, because after the reflection and analysis I did, I’m sure I am correct.
No, I’m not “strange and overly intense,” I’m an INFJ.
If you’re interested in connecting with other INFJs from around the world, join Introvert Spring’s private INFJ forum. We are truly a buzzing community! You’ll gain access to unique and 100% private discussions, INFJ blog posts, member events, and videos.
Nodding your head in agreement as you read this?
I figured you would. Share your comments below, or on our forum. We’d love to hear from you!
Except for the paragraph about the credit card, telephone numbers and middle names (my memory is terribly unreliable!), I can relate with this article.
I not only see, but perceive, smell, sense all that which is supposed to go unnoticed, bad faces and gestures people throw (unconsciously) at others, fake tones and unsincere compliments, fake personalities hiding behind the screen, sometimes all these making me feel uncomfortable myself.
And the section about looking angry, overly serious, mad or sick (funny), when we are only browsing that never ending web that is our brain is so well described!. I am convinced that that´s one of the reasons we embrace a) moments of solitude often and b) a few good friends who get used to our expressions and won´t be asking us every five minutes if we are ok or looking like they would rather run away than be witness of our “cripiness”.
Analia, I completely agree about the solitude and a few good friends. Both allow us to just be ourselves without having to worry about being judged or, worse, explain ourselves.
Oh my gosh YES me too! in fact, I have to really pretend I don’t notice these things almost 100 percent of the time, because people get weird about it or defensive because of embarrassment and I hate for others to feel embarrassed.
Hehe yes ,, the move your eyes away and change facial expressions before they notice you’ve noticed
Absolutely holds true for any other INFJ and its so freaking tiring to pretend that I do not notice everything but duh I do! And the wrenched look face , I am told that I look and sound angry most of the time when I am not ! I am just perfectly ready to be heard. I really like this article 🙂
This is so me…..my kids use to occasionally say “settle down mom,,,you dont have to get angry about this” and i would tell them i am not angry just passionate about the subject,,,,which was precisely the case. Although my kids are not infj they are intoverts and greatly value a bit of solitude each day. My husband of many years is an extrovert and love constant interaction with others….it makes for an interesting life but we realy balance each other out and it works. My 2 sons each lived out on their own for a year then moved back home…..better harmony and balance at home.
I loved this. It even made me chuckle a few times!
🙂
Found this blog tonight and I just keep reading and reading and reading… Nodding my head and this post made me giggle. I was feeling extremely alone today after a very over-stimulating day (a work off-site in a loud chaotic place). I’ve found some peace here tonight knowing I’m not weird and I’m not alone.
I love this. Although I’m not quite as skilled in the memorizing part, I definitely have the “noticing” trait. Sometimes I just wish that more people would read things like this who aren’t INFJ’s. It would make some things so much easier.
It sure would, wouldn’t it?
This article is so accurate, especially the part about having strange facial expressions when I think. I get sooo many comments after I drift away about being angry or sad, and I kinda laugh inside because it strikes me as funny how they have no clue what I was doing or that they have probably never been asked why they were sitting so still for a long time. This article is very good and spot on!
Glad you liked it, Crystal. It comes from the heart. And I’m glad there are some kindred spirits out there…
We are not alone!! 🙂
I swear, I’m not looking at anything and Seriously, I’m not angry, I’m just…thinking part. I totally relate.
This is really great to read because it rings so true! I get asked a few times a day “are you ok?” yes I’m absolutely 100% fine, my brain is just so far away.
Love the part about how we notice everything. I often wonder how others DON’T notice some things – tone, minute facial gestures, mannerisms, etc. It is plain to us but others don’t seem to pick up on much of it.
In another sense my mood or emotions (can’t think of right word) change visibly if I sense someone is not comfortable or they are unhappy about something. When that happens i seem to go out of my way to make sure they are enjoying themselves or that they’re ok. Anyone else like that? And then the person will apologise for ruining my time, when in fact they’ve made my day by letting me help them, (also lightening the mood and emotion.)
We are strange ones. Haha
Hi jen__s_,
I also go through that process of noticing other people’s discomfort and wanting to do something about it. It’s almost as if I can’t help myself. Same with happiness and beauty (inner/outer), I feel like I have to point that out. And it does make me feel better to help someone. It can make my day.
Regarding the little details, it can become overwhelming and exhausting, specially if I’m surrounded by people or in a place with a lot of information like a shopping mall, a supermarket, a bookstore, best buy…, but I find it absolutely interesting. It’s as if I was constantly on an active research on human behavior. I believe it does creep out some people, but I can’t really help myself, I’m like a child in this regard. Because of this, whenever I find myself in a classroom or a similar situation where a speaker is teaching something, I have to look down to a piece of paper and even try to write down the speaker’s ideas, otherwise I’ll get lost on the speaker’s clothing, mannerisms, facial expressions, ulterior motives for this person to be here today, how many people in the room seem to be actually listening, the female/male ratio, the person that believes is discretely eating their boogers without being noticed, if the ceiling is missing a neon light, what would be the best escape route in case the zombie apocalypse was to start there and then, and so on.
Unlike John Lindholm, I am OK and I like to look into the eyes of the person talking to me, but sometimes this can become very weird when you notice that the other person has acknowledged this and suddenly a second level of communication starts developing through the eyes. I don’t mean necessarily romantic, but some sort of clicking or suddenly feeling naked. I don’t know if anyone here knows what I’m talking about, but it can be very powerful and/or uncomfortable. That’s when I look somewhere else to avoid giving the wrong idea of intimacy.
And I used to know the names (middle name included) of my schoolmates and the students from the other classrooms, younger and older, even if I didn’t know them personally. Similar thing in college. Similar thing with my brother’s classmates. And also, I agree, cellphones have dumbed us down by holding a lot of information for us that we used to keep in our memory. But from there we can spark another story, so I’ll stop here.
Thank you all for sharing.
Hey there! I am totally in to you when you were speaking about looking into people’s eyes. I feel that they could find out my whole life, feelings and everythink about me. And I am also afraid not to be understood as something romantic, which is not. This is always a challenge for me most of the time when I have business meetings. Sometimes it helps me a lot to take off my glasses so that I can’t see clearly the people’s eyes and face…it gives me a lot of confort 🙂 (it’ s a little cheating ).
greetings,
Raluca
I totally get the eye contact. I can look into someone else’s eyes and it’s like I’m not listening to eve words but I am. It’s so weird. I am very good at short term memory and I know my credit card number by heart.
This made me laugh XD
So creepy accurate!
Yeah. I still remember the phone number of our house we moved out of when I was 9, 42 years ago. I still remember my passport number from the summer of 1985. Numbers, names, dates. Minute detail of certain scenarios. And, yes, I want every detail I can get.
When I have something important to say, and I hesitate, it’s not me hesitating about saying it, it’s me trying to make sure I am saying the right part first. And before I have that intense discussion with you over parts of our relationship, know I have had hours worth of conversation with you in my head. Sometimes I forget what parts I have actually told you in real life. And sometimes that means I forgive you before I should. I do have an amazing capacity for forgiveness, but don’t use that trait to walk on me.
I remember music and lines of dialogue from films and TV shows because I am an audio learner. I have whole operas in my head. I also get accused of being over excited when I talk about something I know well, it surprises people because I am often invisible when I am not interested in small talk. I also find prolonged eye contact too much in conversation and talk to the wall or looking slightly away from the person.
My Mom nick-named me “Alice” when I was a kid for daydreaming and being “in outter space” much of the time. Aside from her, I was told to quit daydreaming all the time by others and focus more on math, science, etc (I believe most INFJs should be nurtured in a WAY different direction in middle and high school than traditional academics). I can’t memorize credit card numbers but I frequently memorize license plates and phone numbers (creepy! Lol).
Other than my close friends, people tend to ignore me in conversations even though they’ve mentioned how opinionated I can be. I’ve also been told that I have “outlandish” humor and ideas. I’ve had some women tell me I’m too independant and too strong of a personality but at the same time, everyone calls me for advice and help especially in crisis situations and I’m always getting gifts from girlfriends thanking me for my kindness and support. Sometimes this is really confusing!
Omg.
I was nodding along to the post the entire time.
I understand the credit card number, the remember tiny details of my friends, the very strict no eye contact policy I have with a majority of people. I truly get it when you tell that people often shake you out of your daydream to enquire if you’re okay. Thank you so much for this post.
Totally spot on, it made me cringe…the eye thing, and the damn numbers (credit cards, bank accounts, phone numbers, even tax file no) made me laugh out loud. It really is great to read about other peoples experiences as I know no one like myself in my social circle
wow that touched me highly ?
Maybe there is different kinds of INFJ. I don’t recognize myself on this one, while I totally recognize myself in some other articles. Maybe I am just a non-creepy INFJ ;p
I love this post.
All my friends are afraid of me. I’m always thinking about something, so my face is usually blank. What scares them is when I unconsciously stop moving. Some times they will wave their hands in front of my face to try to “get me back in reality” I’m aware, I’m just not there.
I also have a knack for remembering things. It’s gotten to the point now, where I remember things by accident. Dates, images, faces, words, phrases, codes, numbers, etc… It wasn’t until recently that I was able to atribute some these abilities to my constant observing. To others, it looks strange, to me, it’s just an observation.
Nevertheless, they still think I’m creepy. Maybe I should smile when I’m in deep thought, although, that might not look quite right…
OMG! I get all of this too. I get the resting bi*ch face comment.. my sister used to yell at me all the time when we were younger because she said I was staring at her. I honestly did not remember staring at her. I’m just very observant. I have also gotten in trouble with middle school peers for looking at them too long. I just never thought I was doing anything wrong! I feel like I’m on the wrong planet most days. I hate to socialize and tonight is New Year’s Eve and I have to go to a party and I’m really dreading it. At least there will be animals to play with! LOL
You have no idea how much this spoke to me. Especially the part about the remembering phone numbers, and minute details of a person. It even creeps out myself. Often people were like whaaaat?
I keep figuring out what my husband has got me for my birthday, without knowing how I know – I spot clues without realising it and subconsciously put them together in the weeks or even months before my birthday, and time and again I suddenly just know what he’s got me – it’s been happening since we were first married 37 years ago. I have learned not to let on that I know, so I don’t spoil it for him! That’s just one clear example of the somewhat eerie “knowing things” that goes on at a subconscious level, picking up facts without trying, not realising they are being stored, until the moment when they come together and add up to something. I can understand how INFJs who don’t know about MBTI could end up thinking they were psychic. And that’s not mentioning knowing who is at the end of the phone when it rings, or nowadays with mobiles, picking it up to answer it before it rings or glancing at the texts just before one come in from someone I was thinking of – that’s another whole “creepy” experience that I am very used to.
Because I have had a non-corrected hearing impairment most of my life, I was unconsciously reading lips and looking at people very directly–all while being an INFJ and not aware of that either! People would talk to me for a few minutes and tell me everything and anything! They saw that intense interest and would admit things they never told anyone. At the same time it was disconcerting to me because I knew what other people were feeling so strongly that sometimes it was hard to sort out my own feelings from others’. Once I realized what was going on I worked to listen to what was me and what was coming from other people.
One note: I have a really easy time predicting storylines in movies and tv shows so I have learned to keep quiet and not give away what I am just guessing is the plot. Anyone else find that?
This is so true to the point I have to play dumb or act stupid so that I won’t creep the people around me. I’ve experienced this many times and even if they didn’t say it out loud, it was written all over their faces.
Seeing into others peoples thoughts and actions and anticipating what was comming next kept me really stressed. Things i assumed others picked up on like i did, but no, it went over there heads….then later i am thinking…….i told you so…..anyway,,,,had to go on antidepressant for bout of depression….for better or for worse the antidepressant calms it all down for me….now there is less insight, less noticing details, less memory, less stress. Instead of 100 tabs open in my mind at once, its only 30 or so.
This is spot on.
Can u say what is INFJ
Ugh….I found my world in these articles ? A hundred % accurate ?
I have exactly the same thing with phone numbers,licence plates,and school resources.
Anything people need to locate they ask me at my place of work.
I also have lots of people share everything about themselves to me constantly its quite overwhelming.
I have learnt to just listen and not become a rescuer,or a people pleaser,which has been quite the learning curve.
Thank God Ive found my people
Hello, I recently went on a date with an interesting girl, who, during a lengthy discussion, revealed to me, her interest in psychology. She provided a link to the Myers-Briggs Personality Test because she felt I would find it interesting. She was right. I took the test and my result came back as INFJ-T. Of course, I began to look for more information concerning what it meant, and discovered explanations, backed by study, for why I experience life the way I do. Hello to whomever reads this.
BTW, I also have that uncanny ability to remember numbers, but, I have a very poor sense of direction (I need maps or GPS, LOL).
For a long time I categorized myself as INFP but I think I’m far too analytical and also during my best days, I observe I act and think more like an INFJ. Anyway, I’m aware that I have this knack of turning my head (completely out of nowhere) to witness a scene ranges from cringey to embarassing – like turn my head to someone who appears to be normally walking who will suddenly trip himself, raise my head from the book I’m reading and see someone trying to discreetly pick their nose. Also, Idk if it’s an INFJ trait but I find that what I watch affects me – not just emotionally but in mannerism and speech. Like the accent and nuances will rub off on me theb it will linger for a time. Is there anyone who do the same?
I totally relate! Don’t forget the part where when reaching back in my brain to recall so thing I stare into space for a nanosecond not realizing people thing I’m standing at them, their crotch or maybe cleveage and am labeled creepy or probably gay when all I was doing was taking a minute to process while not looking into your eyes.
This article is SOOOO relatable to my entire life. Wow!
I can’t help but notice everything in my surroundings. Before leaving a place I’ve “met” a bunch of people without even talking to them. I just observe their mannerisms, speech patterns and subtle things that they do.
Glad I’m not the only one.