Introverts have busy brains at any time of the day. But at night our mind goes into overdrive. Of course, this can be very inconvenient when we have to get up early in the morning. But it’s more than that.
Our nighttime mental Olympics can leave us fatigued and on edge, especially when our thoughts are more self-critical than constructive. Fortunately, our brain doesn’t always torture us at night.
Sometimes, it takes us on a magic carpet ride through our most delicious fantasies. We want to stay awake because our imagination grows louder late at night. We like to stay up listening to the thoughts that tell us our dreams really can come true.
There tend to be some recurring themes when it comes to what introverts think about late at night. Here are some of the most common thoughts that keep introverts awake:
What an Introvert Thinks About at Night
Feeling guilty about everything
We introverts are prone to guilt. I’m not sure whether this is a nurture or nature thing, but by the time we reach adulthood, guilt is our default emotion. We feel guilty about not going out enough, not talking enough, not being enough.
When we get up the courage to put our needs first, we feel guilty for being selfish. At night, our sense of guilt lurks in the corners of our bedroom and shouts at us from the shadows: “You can’t sleep now, you must stay up and feel bad about everything you’ve ever done!” it says with a crooked smile.
Trying to solve your greatest life struggle before bed
Like anyone else, we introverts have our problems. Some of these challenges are so complex, we can spend years trying to untangle them. Even though we know we didn’t find the magic solution the hundred other times we tried, we will still set out to solve our greatest life struggle right before bed.
Need to get up in seven hours? “Great,” says the introvert’s brain, “now is the perfect time to try to figure out your life’s purpose, and deconstruct your relationship with your parents.”
Fantasizing about your crush
This one is too tantalizing to resist. Romantic fantasies are like a late night treat for introverts. We wait all day to unwrap and savour them. Even though we know that they might rot our brain and leave us disappointed with the harsh reality we face in the morning, we just can’t help indulging our fantasies before we fall asleep.
Regretting something you did five years ago
Isn’t it great when you are all cozy in bed and your brain decides to drudge up a cringe-worthy memory from five years ago? It could be an embarrassing moment, a messy end to a relationship, or a goal you didn’t quite reach.
If you’re like a lot of introverts, the regret has to do with things you said or didn’t say. You feel bad that you couldn’t properly express how you felt in the past. Your brain tries to convince you to pay penance for your misgivings by reliving your regrets right before bed.
Imagining yourself being interviewed on T.V.
This might seem like more of an extroverted dream, but hear me out. Imagining ourselves being interviewed by Oprah is the ultimate fantasy for introverts who don’t feel comfortable talking about ourselves in real life. We secretly wish that people would ask us the right questions and validate our answers. The interview fantasy fulfills our desire to be heard and appreciated.
Having imaginary arguments
Introverts are known for hating conflict. But we can be fiercely argumentative … in our own head. Make an introvert angry, and you can bet we’ll be up late at night having imaginary conversations about the incident. We can be very assertive and convincing during our made-up arguments. In real life, we will avoid conflict until it’s absolutely crucial to speak up. Even then, we might just send a text instead.
Worrying about the whole world
Climate change, North Korea, the dwindling bee population, animal cruelty, human trafficking — these are just a few of the world issues that can keep introverts up at night.
I’ve noticed that, as I’ve gotten older, I worry more and more about what’s going on in the world around me. I feel guilty if I can’t find a recycling bin when I’m out, and I truly have been worried about the bees lately. I guess this is a good thing, but it’s not so great when you are trying to get a decent night’s sleep.
What about you?
What do you think about late at night, Innie Friend? Please feel free to share in the comments below. 🙂
Also, be sure to let us know what you think of my nephew Brandon’s new cartoon!
Xo,
P.S. I have introvert goodies for you. Join my mailing list and get introvert articles, ebooks, and confidence lessons. You’ll also get my 50-page Introvert Connection Guide.
This is certainly me Michaela! I have constant thoughts going through my mind. I overthink everything and at times it gives me anxiety.
I go back to conversations I had years ago and give them my own version – a version where I come out on top. There are and were many times where I am too slow/fearful to respond and I berate myself afterwards.
Finally I am learning to understand myself, why I do things the way I do, many were and are strange to others who have little understanding about being an introvert. I have come to realise I have a little autism too – that was not at all surprising since I knew I was “different” “weird” since a child.
I enjoy reading your blog posts.
Oh my goodness, yes! I just started a new job; I kept waking up all night long after my first day thinking about everything I had to learn!
I smiled and laughed reading this entire piece because it’s 100% me. That’s why I say I’m a night owl. It doesn’t matter how tired I am. The moment I slip into bed, get nice and cozy, and close my eyes, my wonderful brain says, “Let’s get this party started!” My life’s purpose and deconstructing my relationship with my parents… 😅😅😅
Sometimes I do math all night just to exhaust my brain so I can try to get to sleep at a decent hour!
I remember I went down this wonderfully strange rabbit hole where I researched about goats for like half the night (needing to leave my house at 7 am!). I was exhausted. I told my new acquaintance about it when I met up with them, and it turns out their family raised prized dairy goats, and she knew all about goats! We had a very delightful conversation 😂😂😂 You just never know when this information is going to come in handy.
I’m recalling my funny late night musings because I don’t want to stroll down memory lane with the not so fun ones (read: previous relationships, why I’m still single, my complicated relationship with my dad, why I don’t like talking on the phone, etc.) 🤷🏻♀️
The cartoon is great – have enjoyed all of them! I have done this nightly routine of mental aerobics for as long as I can remember. Thanks for the month of blog posts. It’s been nice to have some “innie” bedtime stories to relate to and reflect on during this extra busy season.
Yeah, I worry about the world too and neglected animals, guilt in tonnes for that time I spoke rashly to my grandmother in 2014 and now she has Alzheimers and I have no way to remind her and tell her I’m sorry, my recent crush, and the fact that he just moved out of town. Then my alarm says I will have 4 hours 15 minutes of sleep….
I love the cartoon.
Love this list! I do the same thing, although I usually test as an extrovert or ambivert! Maybe it’s just human nature? Or human nature for sensitive humans?
I find that there are people who worry a lot, and people who don’t. I wonder how closely it’s correlated with I/E versus perhaps other traits? Do INFJ’s worry more than an ISTP? Do ESFP’s worry more than an ENFP or ENTJ (just throwing some personalities around)?
Great post, and great blog. This is why i can´t sleep some times.
I often think about my ex, and recent dates and girls i been with, what i did wrong etc, when in reality, i did nothing wrong.
This is so draining and keeps me away from dating. And i keep hearing all the time what a nice guy i am, “why have you not settled down yet”. 34 singel, man and introvert, guess thats way.
Thanks for the blog. Really what i needed.
Jonas from Sweden.
I love the following below. Why? it made me smile . . .
“Need to get up in seven hours? “Great,” says the introvert’s brain, “now is the perfect time to try to figure out your life’s purpose, and deconstruct your relationship with your parents.”
It is so true! I go to bed early to wake up early, run, then coffee/read and go to work. But, so many times I have found myself in front of the seven wonderful hours to sleep and my brain says “great, wonderful quiet time to think about a few things. So, let’s think about this, about that, what you said, what you shouldn’t have said . . . etc, etc.”
When I read the posting, I couldn’t avoid to show a small quiet smile.
Mikhaela,
You totally nailed exaxctly what runs through my head and keeps me up st night – in fact, I’m pretty sure I went through the whole list just last night!! Just wanted to day how much I appreciate your blog and knowing I’m not crazy, there are other innies out there like me. Love the cute cartoon too !
I had all of these thoughts fill my nights for many years. I finally realized how these thoughts were poisoning my mind and attracting more of the same into my life. I learned to pay attention when I wake up in the middle of the night and do positive affirmations instead. “I am young, I am strong, I am healthy” “I am grateful, I am joyful, I am loving” Now my life is filled with happiness and abundance.
I laughed at the article, because it is still true… even though, like Peter, I’ve worked hard at ‘positive thinking’ methods… having a mantra of positive ‘I am…’ thoughts I try to use when my ‘native’ thoughts lean towards anxiety promoting thoughts. I love Louise Hay (bless her recently departed soul)… she taught that we can ‘choose’ a better feeling thought. Easier said than done, but over time you get better, and you catch yourself quicker. Even when running late, you say ‘time expands when I need more, it shrinks when I need less, I am always on-time’… no matter the reality, you feel better and actually move faster because of positivism affect on the brain. Now, I just need to work on the random things I do late at night rather than sleep… reading, playing a game, researching some random interesting helpful thing, self-help videos, YouTube self help, fave music, meal planning, perfect routines, how to be more productive, America’s Got Talent favorite moments… um, blogs… Just shut it down already! Tomorrow is another day and you will appreciate the extra rest…
This hits the nail on its’ head for me.My mind is contastly racing with guilt and anxiety.
All of the above and here are a few more:
How am I going to take care of myself when I am old/sick
Recycling fights or conversations I wish I could do over
Omg this is so me! Every night….crazy…mindfullness maybe would help
I am new in here and allready recognize so much.
I also worry about the bees – and all the beautiful butterflies and so much more.
I am almost pleased to know so many have over active minds at night, because I am not alone then.
Ironically last night my mind was wandering and then remembering a Party a friend (no!) held I didn’t get invited yeeeaars back..”There must be something wrong with me!” I thougt. “How can it still haunt me?”
But before I got my cat, I would lie awake for many more hours, worrying – and the nexst day would hit even harder.
Thank you so much for this blog ♡
Before some months ago, my thoughts at night used to be brimming over with almost all of what Michaela described. Some great, some really disturbing. But I’ve managed to learn how to chose what thoughts to focus on. So instead of burning my energy on guilty thoughts of the day, I embrace the shortcoming and I think more on what I can do to be better. In a way, I still “struggle to solve my greatest life struggle before bed.”
Wow. Your article really resonated with me, especially the part about being interview. I frequently fantasize about being interviewed in a personal setting. Great article!?
When I was younger this was definitely me. But this was me all over. I found that it led to nightmares, at one stage it got so overwhelming I had to take a sedative, but this did also happened to collide with a new flatmate that moved in an started to use the washing machine at 3 am, I still wonder if this was a warning at that time. (anyway that’s a whole ‘nother story) I got to a stage where I was dreading going to bed at night as my brain even for me was going into overdrive something shocking. So after I moved out of that place & got into a place where I could actually relax, I started to order my thoughts I developed the concept that if the thought was more than a certain amount of time old it was irrelevant & I relegated it to the history bin & so it went on, if it was work related & needed attention it went straight into the urgent bin. I imagined these I gave them a certain amount of live time before I went to sleep, keeping in mind I went to bed at 9pm to be up at 4.30 a m. I also was painting a lot at that time which helped me process a lot of my stuff that I had going on at that time. I was also at the start of relationship that I didn’t know where it was going at that time, so bits of that often floated into this process.This may seem like a lot of processing time, but I had just been through up til then a really difficult time in my life with a lot of changes that were sudden & unprecedented. I realised that I needed something that I could practice & that was easy & worked well it just took time to refine it, which I realised was the best part about it, you can adapt it to your own needs. I believe though that once you find a filing approach it can really give you the rest you need & the opportunity to work through what is relevant & what needs to be relegated to the vaults. It unfortunately especially if you have a very reactive mind it has to be practiced, I gave it 5-10 mins every night (if I wasn’t too tired) each evening before I went to bed. I can’t say how long it took to work, but I still use it 15 years later, but I think in more of an unconscious way as well. I also read a book something that is light & unrelated to your current world. I try to fit in a bit of exercise with my dog in the morning it seems to help my mind relax, getting the balance right between resting the mind & using the body also in my experience helps as well.
Yes! All of these things! Thank you, the recognition made me smile. Related to the restless mind at night for me right now is the fact that it is january. Do any of you experience a build up pressure in january? For me this month is the absolute worst each year. Maybe it is the “this year I am going to do things differently..” or the “I need to go out there, and start doing things, for real!” Making calls and stuff.. Have to get a new job for starters.. So much overthinking happening.. So much pressure.. So much tension, so many sleepless nights.
Good article Michaela. I laughed at the same part that Luis did. My mind decides to go on a deep dive into my past very often late at night just before bed. I think this is one of the best reasons for me to try to got to bed earlier. I think that when I am very tired, I lose some of my ability to keep my mind at bay. I have read that people are most likely to make unwanted or questionable purchases late at night when they are tired. This is good for online retailers but not for those of us who are trying to keep our overactive brains from turning on us.
Interesting that you equate being an introvert with being a night owl. I am definitely both, but I have an extravert friend who is also a night owl.
Also interesting that you list only negative nighttime thoughts. Night is my best thinking time, and I often feel energetic, motivated and inspired.
(Sometimes I wonder who I could be if the rest of the world–the #^&$*% morning people– didn’t assume that EVERYONE is at their best in the morning and insist that I go to bed when I’m at my best in order to rise when I’m at my worst.
I’ve found your articles incredibly insightful, but my god did this one hit the nail on the head. Especially with the timing that I read it too.
Right now my thoughts are on the new job I’m due to start next month! Usually I distract my wandering mind with a session of reading in bed, but I think that’s being tested at the moment!
OMG i can’t stop smiling while reading these idk how to say it, its sooo me i’m happy that i’m not the one and only, u describe me so well??
I can relate to all that, omg ? Wow I’m so happy I found your blog because I was wondering if I was the only one to feel like that but I am happy to know that there’s a lot of people like me so I don’t feel alone. I am only 18 years old so I used to tell myself “maybe I’m not normal” and sometimes over thinking can be really exhausting so yeah I’m all here for your posts, ebooks, advices.. and all, I hope that can really help me overcome this situation, thank you so much.
Ditto. I have imaginary arguments/discussions, etc. Ponder the relationship/dating I am in- did I hesitate, not say enough, say too much, what if I would have said this and he would have said this, etc, etc, etc…
So true!
I discovered a part of myself. I overheard a friend’s conversation with another about the interview either of them is going to do. They anticipate a question like ‘tell us about yourself’, and the answer would be ‘am an introvert’. So I had some time off my bar course class and looked up the deeper meaning of the word.
after reading the article, I think I discovered something about myself and a reasonable explanation why I do certain things the way I do. I have an extrovert friend who does all the talking and I, all the listening. Wow, it sometimes irritates her but that’s who I am.
My mind also does all that’s talked about in the article about the introvert’s brain in the night.
I feel a little more confident than ever about my social life. I do a lot of talking as a lawyer, but only at times when am required to.
Thank u for the article. I wish I could get in personal touch with u. I feel u communicate directly to me when u write
Just read this. Yep sounds like what my brain does. “Why am I so tired?”. And then the arguements I should have had in the past but did not know the words to use to win the the point in the argument.
As a child I was tired and didn’t want to go to school. Then dealing with and overwhelming relative who’s athoratative mentality would make me freeze.
The above was lack of vitamins, Aniemic for energy and not knowing how to handle overwhelming people. Lots of things that were not applied in the big world at the time.
Still think back from today why I did stupid things. Worried how sad I feel.
Just thought of a way when an introvert wants to sleep but the mind is still thinking. Get a pair of ear plugs. I use these and for what ever reason it puts me to sleep. Hope this helps.
First of all I want to apologize, for a long time ago I unscribed myself from the list. Referring to this article; yes, I can agree with most of it. Always feeling guilty, regretting so much about things has happened, the persons Ihurt many, many years ago, though some does not live anymore! And then all my phantasies, which can hardly stop in the evening, or sometime in the midnight. Oh yes, it`s just because I had such a sweet and lovely relation with “my Joanna’ but it came to an end more than a year ago. Getting older- now 74- I`m still amazed about all these feelings! And though it took years to discover I`m an introvert, a normal but otherwise man, to accept myself thanks to Michaela…
You hit the nail on the Introverted head! Thanks to your interview with Arnie Kozak from 2015, following his steps to quiet those brain swirls has given me precious sleep. Applying his last step for “Transitioning.” I bought a rebounder. Definitely one of my best purchases ever! Now I get out of bed and bounce away while my brain processes all those swirling thoughts. Works like a charm!
Hi! I’m 15 years old and I’m also an introvert. I have a younger brother named Ruan, and he’s an extrovert. But we get along nevertheless.
I stumbled upon your website earlier today and I must say it’s been very liberating to read all your posts. I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe that everything in this world has a reason for happening, and a purpose to fulfil in everyone’s lives, so God bless!
I read this post and I can totally relate to some of these thing you’ve mentioned here. Especially the one about regretting things you’ve done in the past and that keeping you up at night.
Two years ago me and my family went to my grandparent’s farm over the Christmas holidays. We were to stay for a whole week just before Christmas Day. When there were only 4 days left some more of our family arrived. Our Uncle Rian his two daughters who we’ve never met. Their names were Rozell and Ronei. Ronei was 2 years older than me and Rozel was at Ruan’s age.
Ruan and Rozzell were a perfect match, and me and Ronei got along good as well. Actually, Ronei was the first real friend I’ve ever had who understood me and accepted me just like I was.
But when our stay was almost over they told me that they were moving to another city. I was so upset that I locked myself in my room for the whole day. I didn’t say goodbye when they went or ask where they were moving to. I find it awkward to talk about them so I don’t ask my parents if they know anything. So I still feel super guilty sometimes at night. It hurts alot, makes me not want to do anythingbut cry for hours on end. What’s even weirder is that it seems as if my brother’s all but forgotten about them!
I dunno if I’ll ever see her again, but I guess I’ll just have to go on with life until something come up. Thanks alot for these posts, they help alot! Proud to be an introvert! X-D
Hi Juan, thanks for sharing your story! We introverts cherish the few true friendships that we do make, so it makes perfect sense that you would be upset about your cousins moving away. I would have felt the same way. xo
Five years ago? LOL try twenty!
Truly a great post as well as others in this same vein. I am a female INTJ. Sometimes I say I am INTTTTTTTTTTTJ.
As noted from others; mindfulness helps, also meditation. I’ve learned how to calm my mind but it has taken A LOT of practice. And yes A LOT is indeed two words. Look it up.
Thank you for this reading material.
I guess I should be thankful that I’m not this athletic in my mind while trying to sleep. I LOVE being in my blanket and cosying up to my bolsters. I get so caught up thinking of how soft they are and of the whole comfort of just finally being able to roll in bed that I just don’t think of anything else, hehehe! I smile as I cuddle up and just… sleep with thoughts of sleeping! xD
Hi Michaela, it seems you read my mind! ? Somehow I think to all thoughts you wrote… In addition I figure out the whole plan of tomorrow’s activities again and again. Result: I’m ready to go at 4:00am… Fortunately, your posts are doing so much to keep my mind calm, thank you! ?
RECOGNITION!!???? Bless you lady! I feel like I just released and wiped out many, many years of “You are…” critical messages – started from other brain-mouths and then I adopted them for ugh repeats. Not any more!! HA!! I am such a normal Introvert ??.
Re the beautiful, amazing bees ? and all those other nighttime outer-quiet inner concerns (of which I too have many) – I keep a pad of paper close and everytime one pops up I write down a trigger word ie Bees or climate change or hunger or children in cages or privatized prison abuse or Monsanto’s poisons, or pipelines, or, or, or… I also, if it comes up will write a person’s name and their “what” of my concern. Once I write the trigger word for my daytime challenge, I let the thought go. MDC (my daytime challenge)is to pick one, possibly two items of the list and write that word on my “What Are You Going To Do About It?” It may be research, for instance I found out the Netherlands has amazing “save the bees” efforts going on right now. Before I learned about that I researched all the theories and provable facts on why they are dying. There’s more yet the gist of this is I educate myself in my concerns and then I take action. It could be calling my Senator on a daily basis, writing a post, making sure I take away every possible contribution I may have unknowingly been making, therefore adding to the problem and I stop.
By doing this I shorten my lists of concerns because I am taking positive action – this too connects to my positive affirmations by making them more palatable and energized because I am connecting my hands and feet to those positive words – I am doing something which as well eases my concerns!! And it makes room for all the new ones! ? I know me well!
Just a note: I’m still waiting for Oprah’s rep to call. Not sure I’d Say yes though because that means I’d Have to actually talk. In front of people? ? I may just leave that in the fantasy section.
I had to laugh at this one, because I no longer can keep track of the number of times I’ve said “Oh hi! I was just having a conversation with you in my head!” (Yes, often more of an argument) and s/he says “Oh! What about?”and I reply “Ah, right now that’s between my brain and me.” The reply? Looks like this ??? and I offer a cup of coffee.
Thanks again!! ? I need a power nap. I have the feeling I may up awhile later tonight ?
Feeling guilty about everything: like, literally all day long. :/
Trying to solve your greatest life struggle before bed: why not? not feeling guilty!
Having imaginary arguments: like, if I could have clear communication, why should I? it’s not my fault. 😛
Worrying about the whole world: that I do it for distraction.
also worrying for my future, feeling bad about my day, mostly negative thinking.
I’m glad I’m not the only person to do several of these. I’m surprised that the interview one was on there. I’d love to be on a good podcast or tv show that asks great interview questions.
I totally relate to this post. I could fall asleep right away and then wake up after a couple hours with so much on my mind! It truly became a problem for me until I found the right medication that helped me stay asleep. Now I understand this is normal for me. I also hate conflict – I seem to shut down when things become loud and I want to retreat until things calm down. My heart is big though for the least and lost and I started a non profit to minister to those with HIV/AIDS in the early 90s, for 20 years and hopefully made a difference in their lives. That feeds my soul. Now at age 62 soon to be 63, I have learned to be much kinder to myself. I have learned I need time to process things, and to walk away if someone becomes loud with me letting them know we can talk later when they calm down, also I’ve learned to avoid big crowds that are too loud, and many other things. And I have accepted that I’m not weird but this is normal for me. Of course, I married an extrovert, and after 35 years together he understands me and gives me space. I am so blessed!
My standard treatment for “late-night mind” is to put on a cd of a good fiction book and let it read me to sleep. If the library ever stops stocking cd’s I may never sleep again!
I woke up this morning after having a busy, stressful dream. It has already affected my attitude for today. I need to take time to get my head straight now. This all started because I went to a stressful website last night, Linked In, and ended up feeling bad as I usually do when perusing it. Then I went to sleep with my insecurities brewing in my brain and not surprisingly my brain rewarded me with dreams of feeling lost and insignificant. You are so right that we introverts beat ourselves up for every misstep and mistake we have ever made. Thanks for posting this older article because it has helped me right now in 2021!