Have you ever felt underestimated because of your introversion? I know that I have, and I’m pretty sure most other innies have as well.
For some reason, our culture has learned to associate quietness with weakness, or even stupidity. We’re told that being outgoing is the ideal, and if you’re reserved and soft-spoken, you are somehow lacking.
Another reason that introverts are underestimated is because of our tendency to speak slowly. While many extroverts can talk a mile a minute on topics ranging from the conversation they had with their hairdresser to the their child’s vaccine schedule, us innies need more time to verbalize our thoughts.
Being the observant people that we are, we know when we are being sized up and deemed lacking. We know that there is so much more to us than meets the eye.
So, how do we address this? How can we show those who underestimate us that we have more depth than they assume we do?
Should we even bother?
I used to struggle with the above questions a lot. I got tired of hearing that people who didn’t know me well thought I was shallow or snobby. I wondered if I should try harder to show them that there is so much more to me than what they see on the surface.
Nowadays, I rarely worry about being underestimated. People still do make assumptions about me. They still size me up and see where I’m lacking. But a funny thing happened once I started knowing my own worth as an introvert, and as a beautifully flawed human being.
I began attracting people who could easily see my value. My people. Instead of struggling to prove myself to those who would never get me anyway, I focus on those who do.
What about you? How do you deal with being underestimated because of your introverted nature?
I look forward to hearing from you!
Lots of love,
Unfortunately I haven’t been able to find a way to deal with being underestimated yet. Although this post gives me hope that one day it won’t bother me as much! Thank you so much
It is pretty tough to deal with, Katie. I know how you feel! Glad to offer some hope. 🙂
Jesus loves you and wonderful things he will do in your life??.
I did not like people always said they did not know who I am. I think: knowledge and self – humor are importing things to leran who we are. Knowledge is so important. Now I see myself and I can explain who I am. Some people will not accept that I am not profiling myself and not join in the foreground. They will not accept me, So, I focus on people who understand things. That’s better. ( Can you read my poor English?) I am glad with your fine blogs.
Thanks for your comment, Arlinde! It’s great that you are now focusing on people who DO understand. And don’t worry about your English. We are an international innie community with lots of people who speak English as a second language. 😉
I gave up trying to impress people long ago. My two closest friendships were formed at the time I learned that lesson. Classic extroverts, they make the effort to know me; and just as importantly, I make the effort to know them. Yes, I’m quiet. I’m not one to engage in idle chit chat, and I’m not easy to get to know. But ask a thoughtful question and I’ll give a thoughtful answer. And if you can make me laugh, not with jokes but with wit, I’ll be that much more likely to consider you at least a casual friend. As a recent work friend said after I laughed long and hard over something she said, “There are advantages to being friends with someone who doesn’t have a filter!” 😎
I agree with everything you said, John! Thanks for sharing. 🙂
Great post as usual Michaela. It bothers me as well when I’m underestimated,especially at work where the majority of my coworkers are extroverted. I’ve learned to let the quality of my work to do the talking,as it is too tiresome and frustrating to verbally prove to them over and over that I am a very capable person.
Thanks Lu! Yes, trying to prove yourself is too exhausting. Better just to let your presence and your work do the talking. 🙂
What a great post! I don’t know if I am being underestimated, but I think I am often being judged by how quiet I am, or how I don’t want to indulge in small talk. The truth is, if we are comfortable in our skin, we would just not be bothered by all the “noise” around us. I think sometimes age and experience would help us to become more comfortable with who we are. I know when I was in my 20s and introversion was still relatively unknown, I was definitely going through a lot of difficulty trying to “fit in”.
my ex friend is totaly extrovert and she acted like i need a cure,she would fight all the time and when i have different opinion on something she and her sister would say that im not that much around people and that i dont know.I know how it feels to be underestimated because im introvert.thanks for post.
You’re welcome, Sanja. It sounds like it is a good thing that she is your “ex” friend. xo
I think what people see in us is the top of the iceberg. The bad thing: they may underestimate us. The good thing: they may be really surprised by us.
Most people think quiet means shy so they don’t give you credit.
I have heard so many times things like: “wow! Did YOU do this?” “Did you dare do that? By yourself?” “You are so talented”, “you are so brave”. It is admiration, but it is also surprise, because they don’t expect it from you. “You Zumba?!” In a way it makes you feel happy, appreciated, in another way it makes you sad, because you wonder, yes, me, the quiet one did it. Why do you think I wouldn’t?
All my life I have been judged, overlooked, or looked down upon because I really don’t speak much. It used to bother me and make me really sad and angry, but i have learned to ignore what people think or say about me. As long as I know the truth about myself, that’s all that matters. I use this as an inspiration to write poetry and stuff. Real beauty lies on the inside anyways.
Judgmental people have been a norm for me. People think letting you hangout with them will help you adopt or earn some traits that could make you an extrovert like them treating our kind of personality as if it is similar to that of a depression that makes them think is the reason why they see us momentarily isolate ourselves with “The group”.
Honestly speaking, even though I got used to having extroverted people around me I still have a hard time trying to express myself more when it comes to panel interviews for a higher post in my work place especially when I am overwhelmingly dominated by a dozen extroverted candidates aiming for the same post I am aiming for.
I have an extravert friends, they think superior and highly over me, but whenever the examinations, defense, recitations and quizzes, they’re always surprise that I always got a higher grades than them. Same goes with my classmates, I’m maybe not the highest in our class, but still, I got the second place as the highest in our major subject, our president and his friend asked me how much I got, I told them my grade to which it shocked them both, like ‘they couldn’t believe’ that I can be better than anyone else. :'( why is it introverts get to be underestimated a lot? Was it because we’re to quiet doesn’t talk much? What are the signs or traits to say that this person is good? These questions always comes to my mind.
cancerian 28/6/1979(premature) why not launch a separate section of star signs(horoscope),like which signs r inro and which signs r extro.
I have been underestimated my whole life. I tried to prove people too but i face rejection, bullying and of course underestimated during my school and college years and still do at work.Now it doesn’t bother me that much well sometimes it does when I feel overwhelmed due to some situations or reasons I realized that God knows my worth. So i didn’t need to prove my self to anyone . So i quietly do my work and let my work speak for itself and believe me it does. It feels good to see faces of those people who think just because im quiet I couldn’t do anything 😎😉