Most introverts struggle with feeling misunderstood. Others misinterpret our quietness as a sign that we’re snobby, sad, angry, or boring. They may also underestimate our intelligence.
It’s not your fault
When you’re an introvert who thinks and feels deeply, you’re an anomaly to people who accept the status quo. These people refuse to see you as a multidimensional person.
They label you as the quiet one, the shy one, the reserved one. You’re not allowed to have any traits that contradict their narrow view of who they think you should be.
I know the pain of feeling misunderstood all too well. Being misunderstood because of my introversion used to make me feel guilty. I thought there was something wrong with me that I needed to fix ASAP.
Nowadays, people are much more accepting of the fact that I’m an introvert. But they’re still confused by my seemingly conflicting personality traits. How can I be an introvert and a performer? How can I be social and also need lots of space?
The truth is that most introverts are a beautiful blend of contradictions. We can be quiet and serious one moment, and silly and sassy the next. We might have gifts that put us in the spotlight, but also relish putting on our invisibility cloak.
Regardless of the reasons that you’re misunderstood, it still hurts. But it doesn’t have to be this way.
Here are three ways to deal with being misunderstood as an introvert:
See the positive side of being misunderstood
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be great is to be misunderstood.” When you live and think outside the box, it’s impossible to fit in with the masses. And that’s a good thing.
You’re not here to live someone else’s life. You’re here to stay true to your unique gifts and passions. If you confuse the sleepwalkers, you’re doing something right.
Do it anyway and don’t apologize
“I have nothing to explain. As for being misunderstood, I have grown accustomed to that.” —Fan Bingbing
Whatever your strange passions or quirky characteristics, embrace them whole-heartedly. When you stop apologizing for who you are, people start treating you differently.
They may not understand you, but they will respect you. Your bold authenticity will also help your ideal friends find you. Which brings me to my next point…
Find the right people
We all have an innate need to feel seen and accepted. If you constantly feel misunderstood by those around you, you probably haven’t found the right friends yet.
There are people out there who will accept you just as you are. You can find them by setting an intention to open yourself up to connection in just one small way.
Making real friends doesn’t have to be complicated. Choose the lowest hanging fruit by reaching out to someone you already know and like, but haven’t hung out with in a while.
You can also revisit a social hobby or passion that you’ve pushed aside. Or simply be more open in conversation about your hidden gifts and interests.
I wrote a 50-page guide on how to make friends as an introvert. Go here to get the Introvert Connection Guide for free.
Above all, remember that there’s nothing wrong with you if you feel misunderstood. Seek to understand yourself first, and then unapologetically share what you find with the world.
In other words, you do you, boo.
Toodles for now.
Love,
I think some of us make it even harder on ourselves when we’ve tried in the past to ‘act’ more like the extroverts and then we either get tired of acting that role, or just want to be more authentically ourselves. This change can really cause more misunderstanding and a feeling that we need to explain ourselves even more.
So true I remember I tried being extroverted for a year which made me feel so lost
This is a great article, especially for people who just discovered that they’re introverts. Many of us can relate to these experiences. As a seasoned introvert, I’d add that we shouldn’t rush to judge people who misunderstand us. After all, they can only go by what we show them, and unless we are already comfortable with them, that’s not much. Let’s be careful not to presume that we’re being judged as well. Most people are too preoccupied with their own affairs, and in most cases probably don’t even notice us. Let’s be comfortable in our own skin, and be who we are. People aren’t likely to make judgments. I love the point about “Whatever your strange passions or quirky characteristics, embrace them whole-heartedly.” Don’t let people dictate what’s important in a conversation. What’s important to them might not be important to you and vice versa. What makes them the best judge? You say something to someone, and they think you’re weird? So what? Had you said it to someone else they might have found it fascinating. There are people of all types out there, each with their own passions and interests, and that should be celebrated.
What bothers me is how people see that kicking butt, taking names, and running roughshod over people to get the job done as excellent signs of good leadership considering the fact that in many cases, they are signs of poor leadership being committed by many bullies and narcissists
Where does it say that you can’t be an introvert and be an entertainer at the same time? Many of the world-famous actors, actresses, and comedians are introverts, and/or are quiet, shy people