create chemistry on a date

Have you ever felt pressure to ‘act the part’ when dating? Perhaps, you feel like you’re going through the motions as you try to tick all the boxes:

  • Be polite
  • Be interesting
  • Smile a lot
  • Ask the right questions

For introverts, there’s the added pressure to be on and open when our instinct is to have our shields up. Although doing and saying all the ‘right’ things may seem like the best approach, it can actually block chemistry.

A lot of people think that a spark is simply there or it isn’t. But there are little ways to create chemistry with just about anyone. The more you’re able to create a spark of connection with anyone, the easier it will be to have a magical time with that special person who gives you butterflies.

5 little ways to create chemistry

Admit you’re nervous

Admitting how you feel in the moment, whether it be sad, nervous or excited, is powerful. It will allow you both to drop the act and feel more connected. A simple, “I feel nervous, but in a good way” can work wonders.

Create warm fuzzies

Focus on topics, questions and stories that create a sense of warmth. Share something that inspired you or made you laugh. Or ask them what makes them feel happy. The idea is to bring up positive feelings that will make your time together sparkle.

As Maya Angelou once said, “people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

Give a compliment

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had girlfriends complain that the person they’re dating doesn’t compliment them enough.

Compliments are more than just empty flattery. Many people’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation, so compliments and words of encouragement (“that’s really impressive”, “you’re so kind”, “thanks for being a great listener”) actually make them feel accepted and loved.


I know it’s cliche, but a sincere smile goes a long way. If you’re going to stretch your comfort zone in any way, I think this is the best bang for your buck. It only takes a little more energy to smile, but it creates a lot more chemistry.

The trick for introverts is to see smiling as a gift you’re offering your date to make them feel appreciated, rather than something you have to do to make a good impression.

Be grounded and present

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again: your presence is enough. Truly grounding yourself in the conversation, making eye contact and focusing on listening rather than judging creates MAGIC on a date.

Create intrigue

Intrigue stems from a sense of mystery. Chemistry stems from a sense of excitement and connection. Finding the ideal balance between the two is the tricky part.

A good rule of thumb is to focus on being warm and present 80% of the time, but also lean back and create a little space between you at times to send off a confident and intriguing vibe.

If you’re an introvert looking for more personalized guidance, check out my 1:1 dating coaching for introverted men.