For a lot of introverts, dating can feel like a nerve-wracking audition. People often have uncomfortable silences or exhausting small talk in face-to-face conversations because they feel like they have to say the “right thing.” Online dating, on the other hand, can change everything. You can think about what you’re typing before you hit “Enter.”
You can also open up at your own pace, and you can connect with people outside of your friends and coworkers. The tricky part? Avoiding that endless cycle of “Hi, how are you?” chats that fizzle out before they even begin. There are ways to get to know someone better, have deeper talks, and enjoy dating without draining your energy.
Move Past the Icebreakers
You may have used dating apps long enough to know that the standard openers can be very dull. A simple “Hey” or “How’s your day?” doesn’t really get people interested very often. Try getting to know someone better through something you see in their resume instead of asking them a one-word question.
Mention the picture of their dog, talk about their favorite camping spot, or talk about the book they listed as a favorite. When you bring up these little details, they naturally lead to deeper conversations.
For shy people, this is where things get interesting: you don’t have to push yourself to make small talk. Think of the chat as a slow sharing of stories instead. On apps where some people are looking for a quick hookup nearby, asking real, thoughtful questions first is usually the best way to make a real connection. When someone sees that you’re interested in more than just how they look, they might open up to you faster than you think.
Share Instead of Interrogating
Online, conversations often fall flat because it feels like one person is being interviewed. You shouldn’t ask ten questions in a row, because that makes the other person feel rushed. Instead, use stories from your own life to break up the questions. If you ask someone, “Do you like traveling?” don’t stop there. Share your own favorite trip and what made it memorable.
This back-and-forth helps build trust, which is what makes chatting enjoyable for shy people. People react better when they feel like the conversation is personal instead of just robotic. This is true whether they are looking for casual dating or a hookup nearby. When you let someone in on a little bit of your life, they are more likely to do the same. This is when the talks really start flowing.
Set the Tone for Depth
Avoid small talk if it drains you. Instead, talk about something that gets you excited. You could ask, “What’s the most exciting part of your week?” instead of “What do you do for a living?” or “What’s something silly that made you laugh recently?” These questions make it clear right away that you’re not interested in small talk.
Introverts do best when they can have deep talks. By setting the tone right away, you can get rid of people who only answer with one word and bring in people who want to have real conversations. Even if someone joined a dating site hoping for a hookup nearby, a deeper conversation is more likely to make a mark than a few one-liners.
Embrace Voice Notes and Calls (When Ready)
You don’t have to make a video call right away. A two-minute voice note about something funny that happened can be more powerful than a string of polite texts. Voice messages are a more natural way for many introverts to connect with others because they feel like they’re just hanging out without having to rush to meet up in person. When the time comes to meet, you’ll already feel closer, whether it’s for a date or just looking for a cool hookup nearby that feels comfortable without being awkward.
Final Thoughts
It doesn’t have to feel like a rehearsed performance or a never-ending loop of boring greetings when you’re online dating. For shy people, it can be the right place to let their personality shine at their own pace. If you don’t have to make small talk, you can enjoy even a casual fling more.
When you make room for honesty and real interest, the best relationships happen. If you’ve been putting off dating because of all the awkward openers, remember that online chat is your chance to skip the script and start building something real.
