how to be confident with women

Do you freeze up and feel awkward with women you like? Even though introverts are attractive and sexy as hell, you may not know how to be confident with women. 

People may tell you to just “be more confident”, but they don’t give you any meaningful steps to do so. You probably already know what doesn’t work.

  • You know you can’t just think your way into being more confident.
  • You know you can’t pretend to be extroverted and “fake it till you make it”.
  • You know you can’t rely on sleazy pick-up artist techniques that feel unnatural (and don’t work).

So what can you do to build authentic confidence—even if you’re introverted and feel awkward with women?

Don’t worry, there are concrete, proven steps to feel relaxed and self-assured with women.

How to Be Confident With Women in 6 Simple Steps

Know your values and strengths

How can a woman see your strengths if you yourself aren’t aware of them?

As we discussed in this blog post, introverted men have many attractive qualities: you’re observant, you’re intuitive, you’re growth-minded, you’re self-aware, you listen.

To feel more confident with women—and anyone for that matter—it’s also important to know your values.

For example, I know that my core values are creativity, connection, beauty, growth and health.

Living my life in alignment with those values makes me feel confident, PLUS it naturally attracts like-minded people.

Challenge yourself

Real power is giving yourself a command and following through. Set yourself up to win by constantly giving yourself small, achievable challenges.

You may challenge yourself to do a HIIT workout for just 10 minutes a day. Or you push yourself to try out just one of the techniques in my Flirting Guide for Introverted Men.

As you follow through on these mini challenges, you’ll gain more and more confidence in every area of your life—including with women. Not only that…

When you achieve your goals you learn to trust yourself. This is what happened for me when I set out to find my purpose in 2012. I decided to try several “purpose experiments”.

I did a fitness competition, entered a music video competition, and did an internship with a media company.

I didn’t win any of the competitions, but I did follow through and keep the promises I made to myself.

This gave me the confidence I would need to later pursue my real purpose (helping introverts like you build confidence and courage!).

Work on non-verbal communication

If you want to know how to be more confident with women, non-verbal communication is essential.

After all, conversations can be very draining for introverts. You want to be able to say more with less.

Let’s start with posture. Begin practicing confident posture before you even leave the house for a date. Stand up straight, look up and pull back your shoulder blades.

Keep in mind that confident men also take up more space. Rather than having body language that is closed and hunched, they naturally spread out (see the below example).

Another aspect of non-verbal communication is facial expressions. If you’re like a lot of introverts, you may have been told that you’re hard to read.

While stoic and mysterious vibes can be sexy they can also be intimidating. Strike a balance by striving to be even just 10% more expressive through your eyes and smile.

Let her see you shine

Allow a woman to see you in your zone of genius and you’ll instantly feel more confident. For example, if you’re a musician, bring her to an open mic night so she can see you in your element.

You don’t have to be a rockstar to impress a woman. You just have to FEEL good about what you’re doing and she’ll sense that.

Other examples would be showing off your athletic or outdoorsy side or sharing your photography skills.

The key is to let her see you in action actually DOING what you’re good at rather than just talking about it.

Be direct

Although it may feel safer to beat around the bush with a woman, being straightforward will make you look and feel more confident.

So go ahead and be direct about your intentions when you approach a woman. If your intention is to strike up a conversation and ask for her number, don’t go up to her and ask for directions or where the bathroom is.

Introduce yourself, find out a little bit more about her and ask for her number. I know that “cold approaching” in this way isn’t ideal for a lot of introverts…

But you may have a female acquaintance in your life who you’d like to ask on a date.

If that’s the case, make it clear that it’s a date rather than pretending you just want to “hangout” as friends. This will prevent confusion for both of you.

Practice flirty conversation skills

If you feel like your conversations with women often fall flat, you’re not alone. A lot of introverted men find it hard to have flirty conversations with women they like.

The good news is with practice you can confidently converse with attractive women, even if you’re normally quiet. My Flirting Guide for Introverted Men helps you to do just that. Grab the free guide here.



Michaela Chung