If you think being introverted in our extrovert-obsessed society is tough, try being introverted AND the rarest personality type in the world. That is exactly what INFJ personality types are up against.
INFJs make up just one percent of the population. Because of their rarity, INFJs inevitably face many unique challenges. Let’s take a look at them, shall we?
Overwhelm
Most INFJs are empathic and highly sensitive. In other words, they deeply feel the emotions of others. Combine their sensitivity with their innate desire to help those in need, and you have a recipe for overwhelm.
Being creepily observant
INFJs have a unique ability to pick up on subtle cues that others miss. They use their keen observation skills and intuition to read between the lines during conversations. Sometimes their ability to read people can be misinterpreted as creepy or intense.
People pleasing
Because INFJs genuinely want to help people, they often fall into the trap of being people pleasers. They give and give and give some more, all the while neglecting their own needs and desires. Learning to say “no” and establish healthy boundaries can be a lifelong challenge for INFJs.
Feeling like an outsider
It can be lonely being such a unique snowflake personality! It’s easy for INFJs to feel like outsiders who don’t fit in.
Losing touch with their true self
Because they feel so different from everyone else, INFJs often try to ‘fix’ themselves by mimicking other more common personality types. They might get so good at pretending that they fool even themselves. It becomes more and more difficult to reconnect with their authentic self.
Confusing or offending people with their behavior
INFJs are known for being great conversationalists who others flock to. They love people and love to socialize. Except, of course, when they don’t. Just like any other introverted personality, INFJs lose energy during social interaction. At a certain point, they need to be alone.
Naturally, others are confused, and sometimes offended, when a usually sociable INFJ shuts down and wants to be left alone.
Overthinking
The INFJs love of the mysterious and complex can be a double-edged sword. It’s easy for them to over analyze things to the point where they lose sleep. They can also become so absorbed in what’s happening inside their head that they lose touch with the outside world.
A New Place For INFJs
It can be lonely being the rarest personality type in the world – but it doesn’t have to be. Join our community, and feel connected to other INFJs who get you.
If you’re interested in connecting with other INFJs from around the world, join Introvert Spring’s private INFJ forum. We are truly a buzzing community! You’ll gain access to unique and 100% private discussions, INFJ blog posts, member events, and videos.
Are you an INFJ? If so, feel free to share your experiences below. 😉
Xo,
this is me. Get so wrapped up in my own problems that I cannot think of anything else. I’ve been unemployed for a month now and it has been overwhelming, yo say the least.
It’s even tougher being an INTJ male in this world because your peers all look down on you for being male combined with having the unmasciline traits of emotional sensitivity that so many people mistake for weakness and find unattractive in a man. Thus I have eventually been forced to seek a sense of comfort within isolation. The music I compose is my only salvation now, but I’ll be lying if I were to say that loneliness doesn’t rear its miserable head once every bluely moon.
Hello. Has anyone had experienced something similar to this…I’m standing in the excruciatingly slow moving checkout line, one of my top dreaded emotionally overwhelming chores because I’m stuck surrounded on all sides by people who have a miriad of emotions that I feel all at the same time. I barely survive this unwelcome onslaught by knowing freedom is coming as soon as I walk outside and quickly distance myself from other people. As I looked around for an escape if it became more than I could bear, I looked a face that was looking at me, our eyes met & we just looked at each other. There were no obvious expressions that I saw, we held our gaze for an unusually long time, 30 seconds maybe, it felt calming and blocked all of the other flood of emotions that I was being overwhelmed by. It didn’t feel awkward or weird to be staring at this stranger. It felt good and I felt thankful and enriched, powerful and able. No awkwardness after ending the “look”, no smile or nod. Did I, an INFJ, just get assistance from another INFJ? I feel this is what happened. Can I please get some feedback from whoever cares to share it. Thank you. Enjoy your lives.
Yes, this has happened to me before. We are few, but we are out there!
woa~ 1st thought i think. myb u just fall in love with someone. but hm,, so when we meet INFJ by eyes we can calm down like that? woa thats interesting, Fighting to survive friend. Until we meet someday somehow..
I wanna engage with people, but can’t find the words that i feel, and even when i can i can’t express them as shown as confident, I know what i’m saying is true to my self respect and or morals, but i fumble to say it. i very much struggle with how peple talk with no remorse about what they say, and are ok with it, it has made me cold, and thats not who i am. I love who i wanna be, and love how i can see what others can be. infj fucked life..
Yes! This has happened to me and it’s magic. I think we feel so alone our whole lives that just feeling truly connected for a few seconds leaves a lasting imprint. We are not unicorns. We are seekers. I get others and deeply want the same. I don’t know. I just live for these moments. It’s warm and comforting and rare and I love it.
Aww..believe me, just the right fantastic woman will come along and adore you! She will..! It will happen..!
Don’t despair, somewhere is aching, longing to meet someone like you. I’m an ENFP if I met a great INFJ before I got married to my ESTJ husband, I’m sure I would have been happier. I would give anything to have someone sensitive, and thoughtful about emotions (he is thoughtful in a strictly practical sense.) Don’t stop searching for her.
as seperate observer who’s main modality of interaction with the world at large is observational awareness, this is the only advice I’m actually, functionally qaulified to give, some days I can only please one, and due to sustaining my own vitality well, I choose to please myself.” And for those parasitic, actively selfish energy vampire motherfuckers who demand you overextend you’re self just to satisfy they’re desries at you’re loss, and no they can’t and won’t give a shit about the harm done to you personally unless forced at point of arms to take account for it. Believe I’m trying to teach you better than to use methods that can and eventually only will blow up in you’re face. Truly study how such matters do or do not actually work. You may in fact be supprised by what you find out
It’s very difficult to be this personality type until you begin to understand yourself. At that point, for me, understanding my personality type set me free to be me. No longer did I feel weird or out of place. I felt free to be me and enjoy it. My daughter is a lot like me. Understanding myself assists me in teaching her about her strengths. I hope she can grow up and be empowered by drawing from her strengths, and be at peace with knowing that she is fabulous just the way she is!
Hi. How did you begin to understand and accept yourself – allowing the freedom to ‘be’?
I have felt out of place all my life and 2 years ago had a medical trauma that I ‘crashed’ from and it began a journey of extreme psychological overwhelm as I was bedridden and isolated from my previous busy life for 20 months. My wife who became my carer became very distant and the stress I suffered caused a very deep ‘nervous breakdown’ (ambiguous term for bodymind collapse) and I sought treatment, which has helped a bit… but only recently have I put the pieces together and tested multiple times, discovering I am an INFJ…. everything (and I do mean everything) clicked rather intensely for me – but it has left me feeling somewhat overwhelmed and depressed that I am this complex personality type. I can see why I do what I do, why I get to a point of needing escape from people but crave social acceptance too, why I am intense and people don’t initiate – at the moment I don’t feel at peace with myself, far from it….so, How do I embrace it?
Hi Andy, I totally related to your story, you sound like me about a year ago! I’ve gone through my whole life being an INFJ and not knowing it! Last year my relationship went through some very hard times and I was suffering terribly. Then one day I came across stuff about INTJ (and when I did the test I was INFJ) and both these describe me perfectly! It was like someone actually got me for the first time, which was true, because I was for the first time, meeting myself! I have since learned I’m also very introverted, highly sensitive and I can now embrace those things, not feel weird because I don’t fit in. However I did feel very overwhelmed at first, because during counselling for our marriage problems, I also had issues of codependency, trust issues from my childhood and anger issues. I felt SO overwhelmed with all these ‘issues’ I had, I contemplated suicide for the first time in my life. Like really understood why people do take their lives. Because everything was overwhelming and I felt incredible guilt for my past actions!
However, I have found a way to deal with all this stuff, and that’s to meditate. I use an app called Stop Breath & Think, and as I am new to the process of meditating, it has helped to guide me through the process and in the end, feel better, so much better, in fact better than I have ever felt because rather than everything overwhelming me, I can slow down my thoughts and make sense of the world. It’s a simple, easy thing to do and you can do it in private so no one has to know. I wish you the best and hope you find peace in knowing your true self.
I get what you’re saying. Once I read about my personality type I started to feel like maybe I’m okay after all! Like you say, I felt free. I’m still an INFJ though!
Hi there! I’m an INFJ too and definitely relate to these. The ability to pick up on subtle cues as to how other are, (or as to whether they feel slightly frustrated with me!) can be exhausting. Sometimes maybe we know more about how a person is than they do themselves.
Ah, this is so me, a classic INFJ. I grew up feeling extremely different, lonely & isolated, often wondering “Who am I’. I truly, really didn’t know who I was, who I was meant to be, who I should be, plus suffering from associated anxiety & depression. Happily, now much older & wiser, I know exactly who I am – a friendly, sociable introvert who loves to help others and hates being the centre of attention. I now understand why I don’t always fit in and don’t always WANT to fit in, I often need ‘me’ time to avoid feeling overwhelmed and I’m very selective about what situations and stresses I expose myself too, hence my life is MUCH happier! It has taken me a long time understand and like myself but I finally got there. All I can say is thank you Internet for leading me to websites like this that have helped me to recognise and understand myself!!! And thank you Michaela for helping me to understand myself and making me realise I AM different but also normal!
Absolutely.
This article hits me hard to the point its creepy its like it was written by my stalker. Lol.
The thing about losing myself, yes i get confuse most of the time of what to do, the right thing to do or what my heart wants to do(like helping people)
I learned to say no! Coz people took me for granted. Feels awkward but my brain says i have to say no or they might use me again:( the feeling when you’re in need and they just shrugged you off.
And the part about overthinking, ues i am always in my own world even when im outside with someone. And the super observing ability, i know when someone is already pissed or mad, and in a crowd i usually just listen to friends conversations and observe them. Only now i realize im creepy lol
I am an INFJ, and I completely agree with your points! I feel extroverted from the look when I am helping others, because I have extroverted feelings, but then after some time, I need to be left alone. What scares the most people is my intense thoughts combined with intense emotions.
hang in there brotha!
Oh my gosh, same. I have such intense emotions associated with just about everything. I’ve found that people describe me as very intense and in some ways, it kind of scares them.
Omg you have nailed it. Especially when you said people get overwhelmed by your intense thoughts and emotions. I guess the trick for us is to tone that down a little when we are with extroverted sensate types. They least can handle us. We seem to heavy for them. Thanks for sharing.
Well hey, I’ve already said this once and i could say it again- It’s so painstakingly hard BEING ME , you know?
And it becomes even scarier when you start to think really deep about what fate has in store for people like you…..
Heavy use of metaphor in my communication. I’m 49 years old and just now coming to understand that I lose people when speaking on a metaphor. It comes in handy when giving a presentation on a complex subject, but it does seem like I lose at least a quarter of the audience due to inability to make the connection. It also helped when I discussed ‘big picture’ ideals with my teenage children.
Yes I understand your point regarding the use of metaphors…but I tend to use them qute a lot as well in order to get my points across to people, and in a way it can either be a bit like holding someone by the hand and leading them to a destination via a certain route…or in some instances it can leave people thinking that you have just left them with a complicated mathematical equation to work out amongst themselves..(like one of Jesus parables to the Pharisees)
I remember a work colleague replying to a statement I made about me visiting the gym regularly saying….”eh but your not even buff”
To which I simply replied…
“..and guess what? I know people who can go into a pub sober…have a few drink’s…and come out sober”
I can’t say why some people do not have the ability to make the connection via metaphors, but I think it’s probably the same as not being able to understand the interpretation of symbols in a dream.
This is so accurate. It is really really hard to be an INFJ, a blessing and a curse. But it is an amazing thing. Like others have said, I have always felt so misunderstood and alienated and alone, even if I didn’t realize it. I felt like I could not really connect. But taking the Myers-Briggs test helped me so much. I can understand that I am not crazy, and I have a few others out there that I can connect with, even if it is 1%.
Ditto Katie. I have exactly the same feelings from time to time and the MB test helped me turn a corner in my life. I’ve found through my experiences that the people I often connect best with also possess the same iNtuitive & Feeling preferences.
it can be a lonely existence sometimes but refreshing to begin to know who we really are.
hahaha. ..just happy to here this…I like you …honestly. .haha
Scarily accurate. Can relate with all of them (a lot).
Love this! people perceive us as crazy a lot of times because of how drastic we can act both introverted and extroverted. We have a uniqueness about ourselves that can be a blessing
and a curse. The intensity of our feeling can be so overwhelming at times, but this is what makes us so beautifully perfect, we see life through a different lens!
Nice to meet other INFJ’s!! This article is indeed accurate. I am thankful to have this personality type. MUCH more of a blessing than a curse in my view.
Love,
Reva
I’ve been accused and when I say accused I mean yelled at by people close to me about my behavior at a party and how everyone thought something was wrong with me and that I was mad or how I don’t show emotions or care about a situation. When in reality I didn’t know anybody there and was left to fend for myself and that I care so much about the situation I don’t want to loose my cool and loose site of the details and why this situation is truly important even though I don’t the need to pump my fist and shout it from the roof top.
My word, each of those hits home with this INFJ. The first two on the list work in conjunction to wipe me out often… I can very quickly sense a person’s mood by reading their face, which in turn gives me the opportunity absorb their emotions. Exhausting, especially if the person is not in a good mood.
I know what all of you are saying. Been through a lot. I am 59 and had the added glory of being ADHD and an INFJ. I almost did not survive elementary school. Taks a while to sort out your own feeling from others.
I completely understand, Clifford. I have some OCD, ADD, and I am an INFJ, so I have a lot going on, too. I drive my step dad crazy because I am very up and down in my behavior, and he is an INTJ or an INTP, but I have learned how to deal with it. I think that these things are very interesting and I am slowly able to accept myself more since the discovery of my personality type.
The last statement just really nailed me. I definitely think too much and sometimes I get lost inside my head. As an INFJ, this is really a spot on.
I am a female INFJ and I’m constantly thinking of the plight of humanity. On one hand I can’t believe we have gotten as far as we have, then again I think we have so so far more to go. I worry about universal things and then nothing at all. I am a contradiction. I can be a chameleon and it confuses people. Because I come across aloof and mysterious. I have found tech and technology mixed with spirituality is the most rewarding. I can contemplate the universe and at the same time I can make my ideas real.
In business I am good. In my personal life I am a mess. Relationships come and go. I have a cat and he is my best friend. Because I am so astute at non-verbal communication. On the outside I’m ‘successful’ and run my own business. But I daydream too be a philanthropist and a humanitarian. I have come to terms that one cannot do everything in this life and thus my dilemma. What to do each day to make it count. It drives me crazy. And yes, I believe in God (not religion) as my anchor or I would probably be more of a mess 🙂
It could be me, but I’m even worse – I can feel and I know that I’m different, that I’m “more” talented / gifted / capable….. than many others, but I couldn’t show it “to the world”, I feel like as misunderstud genious, I’d like to do something really great for the world and the people, because I see all that what it needs to be done……….but in the end it’s somehow “nothing”, I’m frustrated, I’m asking myself whether I missed my life and the task I had/ have……or will in the end at least somebody know and appreciate who I am? I’m 62 now, I’m a medical doctor, I don’t want to be anymore in this harsh structures of the society, and I’m still having the hope that one day I will escape and make people see what’s behind this awkward person…………yes, as some said – it’s a bless but also a curse – but I’m proud beeing a INFJ and someone special – together with the rest of this 1% in the world!!
Ljiljana, you have described perfectly. As an INFJ (born under Scorpio no less!), I, like you, have always believed in my special purpose, but also felt, and still feel, that I’ve let the chances pass me by. It’s nice to know I’m part of the “1%”, and gives me hope that if other INFJ’s can be successful in finding and living their purpose, I will, too. The finding part was easy for me (I’m a musician), but the living part has been a little tougher. :o)
This is me to a T. I often feel that it’s really hard to understand myself, I change everyday.
Yes i am INFJ and this describes me perfectly my exact scores on my personality test are I 100% N 75% F 25% J 44% …. I have always felt like i cant connect with most people and don’t fit in and now i finally know why…. We are only 1% of the population …. i just wish i had atleast 1 close friend here where i live who is also INFJ that i could have a friendship with and connect with because it gets lonely sometimes being INFj
This is exactly how I feel too, you are not alone! Was just thinking this yesterday that it would be so nice to have an INFJ friend around. It gets so frustrating always trying to be there for people but never have them be there for you in the same way. Because they really just don’t get it or understand! So hard.
Same as you pall ..
Yes! I’m always struggling with feeling like I’m a special snowflake for being highly intuitive and sensitive and at the same time wishing I was just like anybody else. I yo-yo between people not believing I am introverted (because I can be a smart ass) and just wanting to leave social situations early, and feeling like I am too judgmental because I keep seeing right through people’s masks. When I meet someone who I perceive as truly genuine, which is extremely rare, I want to bask int heir energy (which I think freaks them out in the end). I crave true connections but then people exhaust me, and I feel bad for humanity and all the masks they feel the need to wear. It’s exhilarating and isolating at the same time.
Very well said! I feel identical to this!
Throw in a HSP/Empath bonus and a straight male…every day is unique..today my female roommate told her friend she was going to have her pants hemmed and the first thought that popped into my mind was “hey I can sew” holding back or deciding when to or not say what is on our mind is a challenge. ..
I so wish I understood these things about myself growing up…learning about myself and that I’m not crazy or that anything is wrong with me has been so liberating…I now embrace my INFJ self and the complexity and uniqueness that accompanies me…I now want to empower others out there like me not to be ashamed of their rareness and beauty of being different.
Michaela,
You nailed it on this one. I am an INFJ and appreciated your insightful approach. The intensity you reference in your post can cause people to quickly turn the other way. I had an employee that came to work for me and after about six months wanted to confide that when he first met me he did not like me at all. When I asked him why, he said, “I really don’t know. I’ve been working for you all this time and I think you are one of the nicest people I know.”
I laughed and he asked why I thought it was funny.
“It isn’t the first time I’ve heard it.”
Indeed. The ‘intensity’ you refer to can be quite off-putting. That combined with the Introvert’s desire to avoid repeating what has already been said makes INFJs appear anti-social even though they are quite content with the couple individuals they are in the company of.
Keep up the great writing. I’ll add you to my reading list.
May God bless you and keep you.
~Seanchai
All of these points are so accurate! I felt very alone until I truly began to understand my personality type. The world really can be overwhelming and tricky as an INFJ!
OMG!!! That’s like dead on.For a time I was so worried especially about the creepy observant thing as it’s actually creepy . I am still in the habit of acting like I didnt see anything or noticed anything going on.It’s actually a relief to know why my energy gets drained after a little time with people . I am so proud of being this personality type even if it sometimes suck.We are like the rarest type and that I think is awesome.
I am an INFJ also I’ve learned to listen to my sixth sense about people as I’ve been right every time.My friend & I were in a clothing store & the male owner was standing there & I told my friend we need to get out of here NOW!! He later attempted to rape a woman who came into the store
These steps describe me soo well. I felt so much the sensitive outsider that is always content being the wall flower. It is hard for me to even admit it here on this website. Thank you for posting and opening a door for me.
Superb write-up! I’ve dealt with the intricacies of being a INFJ forever. As a child, I was the “smart kid” that came across arrogant because I could not deal well with stupidity. In college, when everyone was ready to go to the clubs after drinking for hours in our apartment, I was completely out of gas and wanted to stay home. To this day, I see things others do not, and struggle to explain my thoughts and ideals to others. I’m always afraid I’m being judged because of the weird looks I get when explaining things. It’s been a strange trip, but now that I’m closing in on 50 years of age, I really don’t give a damn what anyone thinks anymore. 🙂
I inherited my familial manic-depressive gene which made dealing with my INFJ personality a breeze. I once shared a deep friendship with another INFJ and the ease of being has rarely matched that relationship, except for an exceptional marriage to a superb INTP. Think of that, love conquers all…
Although having this personality type is hard at times, I think its quite wonderful because it, in my opinion makes life a lot easier in terms of people, just because I’ve been able to observe my life I now understand how to help or even just talk to anyone. It makes High School a lot easier for me because I know just by looking at someone if I should go up to them, or wait for them to go up to me. I remember in 10th grade, this boy had just moved to my school in Michigan from texas. He was so nice, and we became great friends, well later in the year, things were starting to fall apart for him and he just kept bottling up his anger. I knew he would eventually burst, and he did. During class this girl he had been with kept bugging him to open up to her. He’s the kind of person that when hes ready he’ll say something. If he’s not, don’t keep bugging because it overwhelms him. I knew this at the time ans so I had let her know, she stopped for a while, then later that day after lunch, she started getting mad at him for not telling her and he blew up. He started screaming at her and everyone in the room then he walked out of class. The teacher followed him and I followed after. The teacher started hounding him, Luckily I had a good relationship with the teacher so I had politely told him that I could handle my friend and that he shouldn’t get involved because it would only make things worse. After a bit of persuading the teacher reluctantly left us in the hallway and I took him to the doors, I said ” Are you alright? I think some fresh air will do you good.” He looked at me and then looked at the door and walked out, I followed him and we both sat down on the steps outside the school, He started clenching and releasing his hands in and out of fists and so I grabbed them. He looked at me confused then he started to completely relax his whole body. I cant tell you why, I’m not even sure why but I could start to feel his anger just dissipate. I was amazing and I’m so glad I helped him. We’ve been best friends ever since, and I’m still the only one he’s ever met that has been able to calm him down when he gets worked up.
I am also an INFJ. I can relate to this >> “They can also become so absorbed in what’s happening inside their head that they lose touch with the outside world,” this happens to me on a daily basis. I daydream so much and get lost in my thoughts that I lose awareness of what’s around me. I also find it very hard to connect with people, and it takes me a long time to warm up to people I don’t know or it’s hard to be myself around people until I fully trust them. I’m quiet and introspective, & don’t like talking that much, unless its about something that I’m interested in. I have always felt like I don’t fit in anywhere. Good to know there are others out there like me.
I am also infj. I can totally relate to living in my own world. I may even be having a conversation with someone else and start veering off in my own mind. It’s a daily struggle at times. I also have a hard time being around emotional people. I sometimes feel like a sponge absorbing their sadness, hurt, or even anger. Then I feel guilty for wishing I was more coldhearted because their feelings are overwhelming me. My employment requires me to work with many people in the public. I’m constantly bombarded with so many different “vibes”. I get good vibes, bad vibes, & sometimes vibes that I have no idea what it means, but I can feel it! I’m in my 40’s and still have so much to learn about myself. Hope this makes sense.
This is so true. I am having a hard time managing my time as I could not stop helping others and now I’m all worn out. I don’t even keep myself free on weekends! Saying no is really difficult especially when you’re good in teaching. I work during the daytime and teach at night and also studying at night for a counseling course. Oh how kind of me 🙁
I just don’t want to wait until my health takes a toll on me.
“They love people and love to socialize. Except, of course, when they don’t.”………<3
All my, everything that I am (I don't lost my self….I never had i, never beeing alone, always beeing connected with someone someone).
What i want to find out :
Were do I run so blindly 😕
I'm expecting something, to happend, to change….everything what is now is….temporary.
I don't have time to take care of my self, to organise in real life…. is like working on South pole. U hang up, hope to survive and when u come back…u have also money.
Is it only me or are others like this. I could explain more but Im sick in reading others life drama, so not mine.
I just recently was introduced to the Meyers Briggs test by a friend (a psychology student). After being “sorted” several times into the infj house. I decided to do some research, rather obsessively. Almost everything hit the mark. It was almost scary. I recently quit my job in retail literally because I wasn’t being listened to and it was making ill, emotionally and physically ill. The problem was a supervisor who is rude selfish and lazy, but worst of all she lied. I was the last person on staff to put in a formal complaint, even though I disliked her after the first week we worked together. Needless to say I got overwhelmed. Hopefully this little discovery will help my self awareness.
I think being lonely is the biggest problem I have to deal with as an INFJ. Over the years I’ve learned to “love” being alone, but it still gets me. It sucks because I’m not alone because I’m cooped up in my room most of the day, but because I’m an outsider that sees the world SO differently. I can easily put myself in another person’s shoes, but when others try to put themselves in my shoes, it’s a strange, unique fit. Eventually, a lot of people give up on trying to get to know me, but I don’t give up on them. I didn’t mean to make this comment into an epic pity party…just saying how I feel.
Being lonely is unbearable. Apparently we are loners who has a hankering after society.
I feel that on a spiritual level. I don’t think you’re being pitiful. They are real, valid feelings that deserve to be expressed and deserve to have someone listen to them. It’s like we’re outside a fishbowl, looking in. Except the fish think they are just like us, until they realize we’re not in the fishbowl.
“It’s like we’re outside a fishbowl, looking in. Except the fish think they are just like us, until they realize we’re not in the fishbowl.” That’s a unique, perceptive, and well-stated observation. Yes, that’s exactly how it is. And then the fish wonder why we don’t get in the fishbowl with them, and they wonder why they can’t get out of the fishbowl to be with us. But we can’t and they can’t. Thanks!
I wish I had known this when I was 20 instead of so much later in life. It’s been a bumpy road trying to set successful boundaries with people. I never married, in part, because I would lose myself in the other person. I called it being outside of myself.
I’m also highly intuitive and an environmental sensitive – I can hear what your stuff is saying. Anyway, it’s good to know that I am not alone.
Boundaries are the key to evolving for the INFJ – being able to say no, and to be treated with respect – I ended up teaching boundaries, communication, etc. and it literally drained me but in the end, it made me a better person because now I can teach it to others. And essentially, if we have good boundaries, it means that we really like ourselves.
I really like being alone – and there is a quote “if you are not sweeter than my alone time – go away” – it goes something like that. I agree with some of the posts here where you can be really successful, but in our personal lives, it is alot harder. I find in my own little world, people generally irritate me so I like them at a distance -but not with me and my animals – the peace I have made for myself.
So socialize in small doses – my work is where I help people, so I don’t find I need much but the INFJ is meant to be in a helping profession or somewhere where are are making the world a better place. If your career does not line up with this, you will be throttled and frustrated – so the key is to find your passion, and use whatever job you have to fuel that — somehow, it WILL be in making the world a better place.
Yes, on the subject of above said I am. I think the list as a matter of fact is much longer =D What are we gonna do? As I have read recently ”why should you fit in, if you were born to stand out” 😉 peace
most infj websties I have seen like don’t say anything about overthinking and that confused me because I over think things all the time but I’m glad to see that a website finally put that!
~A fellow infj~
word! Overthinker to the max here. Keeps me up at night. Makes relationships a bit more problematic cause I want to ‘fix’ everything and then notice every reaction to that.
grew up trying to be an enfp for having friends. used to be unable to say no. fatigue shows on face when in a conversation. being accused of making weird faces when alone or staring at another’s face for too long an awkward time (hey i was thinking). sigh. Hello everyone.
Oh my word, I’ve been needing to find some INFJ resources. “They deeply feel the emotions of others…” I cannot tell you HOW many times someone else’s soul has given me a case of diahrrea! lol.
I’m an INFJ and honestly, I hate my social life and absolutely hate everything about socializing and also hate myself. I’m damn near committing social suicide, but then I might end up as a psychopath. Would that be better than being depressed? Idk.
Bull’s eye! I had been trying to ‘fix’ myself but the change never persists. I introspect a lot and enjoy the thought process. 🙂
I used to think something was seriously wrong with me… probably largely in part due to the fact that people would tell me to change, be different, I “need” to do thus and so. I’ve taken and re-taken personality tests, thinking the results will be different… but it’s always INFJ! I’m trying to better understand myself and appreciate myself for who I am, rather than beat myself up… but it’s hard. Especially when it disappoints people and doesn’t conform to “social norms.” Arrrgh. Not many people understand me, so it’s a relief to see and read experiences which so closely mirrors mine.
Hey all…
I am from India…
Yes I am INFJ
As I discovered these four letters it felt like all my questions are answered…
( But it was only for me)
When I start explaining people to not change me and value for who I am
People still don’t get me…
That saddens me alot.
But I always feel so special and so unique that
I let these people think all they want …
Atleast I know my worth..
I always have difficulty in making friends…
I always have to choose …
Always …
I think so deep when I talk to someone in my class
I notice every little action evry little move he / she makes…
Deep down I am getting my answer to…
Whether I should let that person inside my world or not …
And I always always get a feeling of left out
Of being wierd
Of being alone
When in social situation
When I go on one-to-one basis … I connect depper and deeper with people …
It’s like the bond is always strengthening…
It’s feels so nice to finally know the person inside out for his trueself …
It was honestly such a relief to learn I am an INFJ. Everything I’ve read makes me feel so connected, like I belong (even if its just to a personality type). The hardest thing, for me, is not having any INFJ friends. I just think it would be so beneficial for me to have some. You know, people who truly care and understand – because that’s our nature! This is a little weird but I’m willing to try if it scores me a true, life long friend.. But if anyone feels the same way feel free to contact me through my Twitter or my instagram accounts and maybe finally a friendship I can be myself in will be reality. Haha I’m corny, I know. But I have to give it a shot! For my own peace of mind..
Twitter: ashleybaby___ (that’s 3 underscores)
Insta: ash.kaa
Feel free to dm me. Peace!
@Ashley, I made a group on Meetup for NF types. Great for meeting similar folk. Perhaps you could do the same in your town…
I can relate to everybody here that’s introverted to the point that it’s really really hard to interact with people.
I feel so happy when Im at home alone reading or listening to music and chilling and going on my laptop but the minute Im with people my energy drains so fast, it’s kind of weird and so tiring;;;; and it just …… sucks because extroverts dont understand! They think there’s something wrong with people who dont live up to their expectations;;;;
That’s so true Karen, I’ve experienced the same thing always felt like an outsider and extroverts would simply dismiss me as weird or strange. I was so glad the day I discovered I have this personality type now I have the freedom to be myself without feeling bad about it.
2% of us they say. Most of my life I’ve felt alone no matyer how much love I’ve been shown at the end of the day I am misunderstood by most and they think I’m a mystery. I hate being called mysterious makes me feel alone like there is no one that will take the time to sit back and observe and learn who I am like I do them. Constantly find myself in arguments because I’m mentally different from those around me and it’s really hard to find others on the same intellectual level or intuitive level that I can connect with. Life of INFJ I suppose. A constant search for your “intellectual twin.”
It was a releif to find out I was INFJ as I seriously started thinking that I am crazy. I always felt so different to everyone else. I never thought of myself as an introvert so I used to spend a lot of time listening to other people’s problems which was seriously draining me of my energy. I since made a lot of changes in my life. I also strarted to beleive in my intuition. I used to dismiss so many accurate predictions about the future which later all materialised. If I could chose to be any MB type I certainly would not chose to be INFJ or being HSP but this is who I am and I’m trying to embrace it. The thing I hate most about it is the self sacrifice and putting everyone else before me,taking all the responsibilities that are not even mine on my shoulders. I am in my mid thirties and I am just waking up to the fact that I spent the last 15 years taking care of my parents and my sisters and almost not even living my own life. I feel very used. The compassion is sometimes almost killing me like walking past a homeless person and giving them all my money and putting everyone’s needs before mine. At least I am more self aware now which will hopefully help me.
I’m so glad to come to this site. Reading the blog and the comments make me feel relieved. I always try to fit in but then feel awkward in a group. No need to repeat what everyone else has said. I just need to remember to be myself.
spot on the points above!!!
but i have to add i fantasias a LOT and daydream all the time is this common among infj or is it my own personality quirk
Hooray !!! I finally understand what I am. I am an INFJ. Thank you so much Michaela for leading me to this realization. And, thank you for calling me an unique snowflake personality. This makes it so much more gentle for me. Toodles, Andrew 007
I can’t tell you what a comfort it is to know that I’m not alone! My whole life I’ve never fit in any particular box and have felt like an outsider. Always. It had left me wondering if I was mentally ill sometimes. No longer a freak, but a rare snowflake. Glad to have my brethren out there.
The most irritating thing is that some people think that I’m acting. I look childlike and much younger than people of my age. When I do something that doesn’t fit my looks, people judge me and think that I turned bad. The thing is I have a dark side!!!!! Can’t they understand to not judge by looks!!!!! It’s really infuriating when that over talkative guy made snide comments telling me to stop acting
Hi I have always been a bit of a loner as long as I can remember I preferred the world in my head reflected on the real world than society’s view , and I remember from a very young age watching adults and bein appalled at the lies and back stabbing they got up to , I was a bit wild when I was young but there was always this burning feeling to be a truly good yuman being , as I’ve got older that feeling as intensified , ide go out with friends and realise I had to wear a mask because my thoughts and veiw s were about the meaning of life and destroying the ego being honourable and honest with oneself , not who had the most money best looking woman car and so on , but I would sit back smile sorry but it was all very fake to me , I never felt more at home than when I was walking down the canal path alone just me and the trees no judgement no vanity , my truest friends are mostly fictional but all characters from books , i never new about empath or Infj just thought I was a deep person , I always got told oh you think too much and my personal favourite you have too many hang ups , but like I said this feeling as grown as I’ve got older I saw something horrible on the news sometime back and it took me a long time to get over it in fact I swear I had survivors guilt and I didn’t even know the person involved, now I just want to be a good warrior I love our beautiful planet I hate how our so called leaders treat it I hate how man is so obsessed with competition and power I can not listen to lies and hypocrite s who just want to be cruel to others and forget there own sins , I try my best to help any in need , I truly want to be honest with people but when I am I fall out with everyone so now I stay quiet neither agreeing or disagreeing, I write lots of quotes like except what’s not reject able and reject what’s not except able , my imagination can be the best of friends and the worst of enemies but I wouldn’t be without it though a mute button sometimes would be nice ha , anyway that’s me God bless .
@rambleman, stay strong beautiful 🙂
I always felt so misunderstood for as long as I can remember. I often hate myself for not being ‘normal’ like my other siblings. I only just found out about my INFJ personality awhile ago and what a relief to know that I’m not so alone like what I thought before. That there’s another like me out there..
Great article. I feel like being aware of all these things I’ve been feeling for years and seeing them put into words help me accept who I am and stop feeling like I will never fit in today’s society. Thank you.
I always think that I didn’t fit in in this society too. And I’ll wear out joining social activities. I would rather be the listener than to actually voice out my opinion at times. I feel so odd abt myself till I found that I’m not the only one here. However, I’m still wondering I will ever get more friends in my life as I’m getting lonelier with my friends shifting elsewhere.
It’s just great to know that I’m not alone out there, and that there really are people that feel this way. Thank you for writing this.
I learned I was INFJ about 3 years ago. Finally I felt normal and ok! I’m not trying to be like others – I’m finally ok with who I am 🙂 I was able to understand why I felt so different than others.
I too heard “you think too much”.
Also understand why I get so nervous about social situations…crazy how it works: I want to connect and have good friends…but the sensitivity and intuitions of others masks giving inner distress of powerlessness to help them…well sometimes it’s easier to stay out of some social situations. Plus, if I can forget myself and be too intense, turning people off…and that is so hurtful!
I’ve been able to help my family understand INFJ. Each of them took the test and now we all understand ourselves. Sure am thankful personality tests like these are available.
I have read through many of your comments… fellow INFJs. I find myself cooing adoradly over the sentiment and the axnt of many of you finally feeling permitted to be “yourself”…YES…we can…and we should. I found out I was this type many years ago quite by accident. A job had requested I take the test. I took it ten more times after reading the results…lol. It was quite the epiphany! A friend recently called to check on me…..I can “hide out” working on my ” for the greater good”… and ashamedly, be a poor correspondent. She said ” I’m glad you’re okay”…and added…”while you’re out saving the world….would you just have a sandwich once in a while”? LOL! My dear ones….let’s remember to take care of ourselves as well. I wish for you all to be accepting of your true nature and remember…with great power comes great responsibility. 🙂 Go and do the things you dream ( and know can help realistically). I am honored to read all of your words! Oh…and please remember…”you can do no great things…only small things with great love”. !!
Lots and lots of getting to know myself more in here.
“Except, of course, when they don’t. Just like any other introverted personality, INFJs lose energy during social interaction. At a certain point, they need to be alone.”
“They can also become so absorbed in what’s happening inside their head that they lose touch with the outside world.”
“INFJs often try to ‘fix’ themselves by mimicking other more common personality types. They might get so good at pretending that they fool even themselves. It becomes more and more difficult to reconnect with their authentic self.”
And i went for many therapist sections with no specific result, but this post helps me a lot.
Thank you.
It is only recently that I found out I’m an INFJ which has helped me understand the feelings that I have had for many years. I have always been incredibly sensitive and have struggled with this all of my life. Losing our Mum when I was 12 just over 40 years ago was a living hell – no support services, no extended family to lean on – one that I have struggled to recover from. Many times I have thought that I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up – that it would all be over. It can be difficult dealing with work with so many strong personalities. Socialising can be a trial – I accept invitations then want to back out as the event date draws closer! Talk about crazy! I feel like a bundle of contradictions – a lot of people think I’m very outgoing as I have a warped, dry sense of humour, I can be incredibly intuitive and read situations as though I have psychic powers, then I can vanish into the ether if I have had too much ‘peopling’ and need to recover. Luckily I have few close friends who ‘get’ me – I don’t know where I’d be without them! In an ideal world I’d be on a property in the mountains, breeding therapy/assistance dogs and possibly writing a book. Thanks for this wonderful site – I know I’m not alone out here!
INFJ problems:
I can look into the core of somebodies soul and know them almost immediately like some sort of unexplainable voodoo, but my own inner world is far to crazy, deep, and complex for people to understand on the same level…
INFJ Problems:
I can look into the core of somebodies soul and know them almost immediately like some sort of unexplainable voodoo, but my own inner world is far to crazy, deep, and complex for people to grasp on the same level…
Being this type of person is incredibly difficult, I wish it wasn’t :/
I agree! Especially at work! I find the same re-occuring frustrations with every job. I am dedicated and an excellent employee – but look out when I don’t feel appreciated.
I agree with most of the posts, it’s really really hard to be an infj when no one understand the MBTI personalities.
They tend to call me crazy, loner and over sensitive and complex .
I lost most of my friends, I can’t reach my crush and my family doesn’t want me….
I want to retain my hope and color my world, but all I can see now is black and white.
I stopped socialising with most of the people around me for almost a whole year.
My friends and family betrayal was too much for me to handle. Hearing my crush marrying my best friend after he was soon sweet with me killed all my feelings.
Don’t get me wrong, I still love him and consider her my bestie. I don’t want to harm anyone who harmed me…
Not because I am a good person, it’s because whatever will happen to them it won’t heal my wounds.
I think whenever I talk with a group of people I make fun of myself, even when I say something people laughs.
I don’t know what to do, no… I don’t want to do anything.
All what I want is to live on peace.
People thinks that I’m strange, the other day one of my friends was convincing me to change myself. But I don’t want to be a copy cat. I like being unique and wise … do I?
I’m sorry for jumping from a topic to another, it’s because I am entering another depression period and I want to escape from it faster than usual.
The teenage and young adult years would have been so much easier to process had I known I am INFJ. It was like coming home to complete realization that being so different was ok. I had come to the conclusion on my own that I was always going to be very odd and different then other people. When it was recommended I take the MB test it was so strange to read and exact description of myself and very comforting to know I was not alone.
I remember thinking when I was about five years old that I needed to keep an eye on all the other people in my life and family to figure out what motivated them in order to stay safe. My environment was never safe no matter how much they tried to pretend that it was. As a result I was set apart and much of my life has been lonely despite relationships, children and friends. Whether I was born with the INFJ personality or developed it as a result of my experiences is something that science still debates. I think I was born this way. I am grateful. There were so many ways I could have lost my ability to survive, there were so many more negative paths I could have followed but I thought about those people. I empathised. I analysed. I examined behavior. I drew conclusions and erred if anything, on the side of compassion. You see I love people in small doses and for controlable periods of time. I am the life of the party and one of the first to leave to embrace the solitude and silence of the night. I am an INFJ.
I am an INFJ and almost all of the above said features are true for me. I usually had this feeling of being weird and different than anyone else and it was a huge relief when I found out about my personality type and that I am no way weird, just different.
And about the alone time mentioned in the article, It’s actually one of my SURVIVAL needs! :)) It somehow confused my friends in college, since we were together all the time but every now and then I went for a walk all alone, without even letting them know cause I needed to be ALONE. And they were like “where were you without us?????” :))))
It didn’t had anything to do with them though, It was just me trying to recharge!
Oh, and again as an INFJ when I am speaking to someone I always pay close attention to every little detail like the change in the tone of their voice or every little facial expression which makes me able to know how they are feeling even when they are trying to hide it.
Well put. YES… alone time. It’s like a start feeling smothered, then irritation comes, then the other person(s) pick up on it – and it goes round and round.
Glad to have found this group. It feels lonely and isolated being this personality type. You often feel like you are too much for most people to handle so you end up holding back.
And then are you resentful that you feel you have to “hold back”? Boy I do… especially at work. I truly believe we need people to encourage US and nuture US…. cause it feels like that’s what everyone wants from me all the time. Having this personality type is really wearing me out.
Hi there, I am an INFJ too. From what i read in the above article it makes me believe that i am actually normal 🙂 I am so glad its just not me but all of us have these abilities(yeah,that’s what i call it.it’s our superpower .it’s very handy tbh)..I mean you tell a person that you can feel their turmoil or sadness and that it is actually affecting your mood too ,they look at you like you’re crazy . What they don’t understand is it’s really hard to cope up with peoples’s emotions sometimes .Even cant rely on my family to understand why i gotta stay in my room alone for a while , why i don’t wanna go to that party or festival and oh god ! that dreaded question …Are you feeling ok? you are being so quiet. I hate that i need to explain why I need some alone time to them again and again .I have honestly never encountered a person who thinks like me and that just reminds you how isolated and alone you are .I am so glad I came across this article.Thanks michaela for making me feel normal. 😀
I have generally always felt ‘alone’. This is the first time I have read that other people feel the same way. It feels amazing. I have always known deep down that I am a bit different somehow but could never pin point it and thought I must have a problem. That I must hide this until I can make myself better. That I must be a bad person to not want to do or enjoy these things like everyone else does. I can fit in for a while, and can even forget myself sometimes, but at the end of the day, I know I’m not comfy or totally at home with anyone, unless it’s just me and my cats. That’s when I’m at my happiest. I’m always left unfulfilled by my friendships and relationships. It hurts that even my own mother doesn’t get me. When I get reminded of that, that’s when my loneliness really stings me and I will cry and be scared that it slips into a depression again one day. I hope that one day I will meet a male INFJ who I get and who gets me. Maybe then I can feel fulfilled. But to meet an INFJ, who I am romantically attracted to…. That really would take a miracle.
I feel sad that I typed in to google ‘How to stop being so INFJ’ because there are many aspects of being an INFJ that I enjoy. I find myself being taken advantage of again and being treated so badly. Although it happens less these days it hurts so much when it happens. I find it hard to be on the end of bad treatment when I would never do it to another person. I find it difficult to understand how people can behave the way they do.
🙁 my dear
Hello….
I’m INFJ. I did a lot of different personality tests, even with different systems and the diagnose was INFJness.
I read lot about the subject and it seems that can be bless and a curse at the time.
Lately, I’ve been experiencing the curse side.
But I’ve been wondering the cause of beeing like this. Is it physiological, does it depends on our experiencies. If it does what kind of experiences.
All the best
Ricardo Sousa
Oh, I can’t believe that you all have my problems too..sometimes I have strange feeling about who I am? I have been lost in other people lives ..I completely forgot about myself… Now I have 28 days before being 24 years old.. I think I should care about myself more..I should find my own way to be..I wanna stop feeling shy stop being nice and just be my true self , I am looking for clues to live life free,I would not any more staying in others people’s prisons(not care about what other think about who I should be)
I am an INFJ as well. I agree with a lot of the comments. I have found for myself I hate being misused by other and I truly do give of myself. I’ve learned to set boundaries, and am still learning. I think the most important thing though for our types is boundaries so when all is said and done you can respect yourself, and recognize and respect that you have listened to your inner self, helped a person to the degree,you can and simply move on. I have also recognized that others have the choice of listening or not and they live with the consequences, not me. I can see where things will lead and I tend to care more from a distance. It’s helped me. When I’m around certain people, my intuition has taught me to ‘listen’ I try visualizing techniques to insulate me from their toxicity that is sending alarms off in me. It has been a process and I would say it continues to be one, about myself and others, and how I react to them. I have taught myself that it’s okay to be step back or ‘insulate’ myself, it’s called modesty. I’m not interested in being the hero, I simply want to feel peace and inner calm. I tend to avoid people who are controllers, and manipulators, and then pretend that that’s normal behavior. I find them suffocating. I think that once you accept that’s the way you tick, and that certain traits in others has a very toxic affect on you, overall you’re much happier and you can easier attain the inner peace INFJ’s need. I used to worry I wasn’t a good person by not sacrificing myself, my husband taught me that as an individual I’m far to important to allow others to rob me. It’s okay to be who you are and allow yourself the dignity to be your best by taking the breaks and recharging etc you need at the time you need it!☺️
Hello all! I’ve been enjoying the feelings of belongingness in this crazy world by reading a lot of the articles and comments from this forum by others INFJs. Truly curious here because it’s something that has been bothering me deeply about society for the past few years: Is anyone else extremely frustrated with social media and its ubiquity? I get so upset because I hate bragging of any sort and can’t stand when people are not being truly authentic! (i.e many women posting picture after picture painting their lives as perfect and so full of happiness). I want to see both your trials and tribulations! To really know you and feel a bit of your soul and see you express your vulnerability. I also can’t stand the thought of many people being so wrapped up in their social media ‘image’ online being presented to the world while there are so many important issues to be discussing and causes to get involved in! Everything just feels increasingly narcissistic and selfish. I feel a deep desire everyday for a strong sense of community and togetherness but everyone is too focused on building themselves up. This has been extremely hard being a 23 year old woman who has distanced herself from social media because of these beliefs and I don’t want to engage it. I feel like I’m an old woman sometimes with my beliefs when it comes to technology and how the world connects now. But at the same time, I realize that it allows many introverts an opportunity to have a strong voice online whereas in real life situations, they may not feel as comfortable doing so.
Sigh…I could go on and on. I also feel like I’m a bag of contradictions. Not just about this issue but others as well. Seeing things from too many perspectives! Thank you to anyone who may chime in on this and who read my long lost. Sending love to all INFJs.
Very hard to blend in.
I am fifteen years old and I am so grateful to understand that I am one of the INFJs — the rarest personality type in the world. I have to admit that It is hard to accept and embrace my uniqueness at times, but this article has given me strength and reassurance. Thank you.
I am an infj.. I have an infp friend.. She doesn’t only understands me but also she helps me out to recharge myself. In this lonley, if i can count on someone it’s her..
Help Me!!!
I’m drowning at the momemt.
I need like mined people to relate to, who understand what it’s like to live this complex, unique, precarious life.
Please write back and give me some positive encouragement. I shine and struggle all the time as an INFJ (male). So hard sometimes. Right now i’m struggling 🙁
Bit off more than I can chew; friends, family, work, relationships etc.
Tired, fatigued right now.
Marc
xx
i don’t know what to reply. but i think i should reply. i know i’m not at your place so i can’t give the best advise. just mmm believe you will survive. recharge by sleep. when we close our eyes. people know we r tired and hopefully they will shut up.
I don’t know where to start….its like a endless coversations in our head with people. Every INFJ face same problem….can’t be able to communicate with particular person or act in some situation but we have every possible conversations with them and handled every situation in our mind. Some times, we want to be an idiot or ignorant like others, so we could not feel emotions so deep. For others…an INFJ is a gift but for self its a curse nothing more than that. We can’t trust not others and can’t connect others. It just destroy us sometimes. What we need another person to understand what we fell and respect our privacy. Ya INFJ doesn’t care ur looks, wealth, or anything if u can just clam them from there ridiculous brain thinking. Since its one of rarest personality can’t expect other to help. Help urself, fix ur mind, be ignorant for some time, do stupid things, live in music and dance with it, do some art work, follow ur heart….and lastly calm urself. I learned from many fails. An INFJ persobality can be a gift for u….but we have to stop taking it as curse. Believe in urself. If have any doubt cantact me
I would love to just let loose and throw all cares to the wind. I often obsess over the idea but I always stop myself. I realise now that that is just plain stupid, I will not enjoy myself if I worry about what will happen. Hang the possibilities! I think my main problem is I am always around introverts at school and we go through the same problem without talking about it, but given the chance we talk about the craziest stuff.
This is… rather frustrating actually. For years I assumed there was something wrong with me, then several years ago (say 2007 or so) I took one of these personality tests in a team building thing and it clicked a bit. When it came back as being an introvert in the 1% or less category everyone else was surprised; many saw me as an extrovert because of how I acted with them. I didn’t remember the name of the category until I took a random test online from a friends facebook fee of all things, which I googled, and here I am.
The thing I hate the most about this is always feeling alone regardless of the number of people you are with. As I write this I am killing time between sessions at a work convention; even with 18 coworkers and 180 more people here I just can’t… be a part? Not completely. It’s frustratingly hard to express. It doesn’t help that I have a head cold so my tolerance of others is very low. Many things from this list are bang on; I work in a situation where I end up counseling troubled youth and while the ability to figure out when they are more genuine or not is useful, it destroys my home life when I just sequester myself from my family after a rough day. I would change if I could.
life do get better.
I am infj. I am sensitive towards many situations. I keep on thinking about things, how to correct them,what could be the possible solution for a particular problem. I am caring and love to help people beyong my reach. In my childhood, I didn’t used to speak up. I used to keep on thinking what to reply whenever i used to be alone. This thing shaped my personality. Now, i have become quite straightforward, which tends to hurt people. I react to situation there and then sometimes in a offensive manner, due to which lose my good relationships, my friends. Even i guilt about it. I lose my energy badly in groups. If i over socialise, then it takes day or two to get back to my actual schedule. There are two prominent things that revolves around in my mind is improvement and second is change. Improvement of myself, society, country and world. I like change a lot. Change in wearables, reading , and eatables choices, everything. I feel isolated in groups, then i tend to copy extroverted personalities.
Then and now, I’m still at lost on how to be completely belong in this world. I always thought that I was fake because I always pretend to be someone I’m not and not too mention the people pleaser. I’m only 24 and I just found out not too long ago about my personality type. This kind of article really helps me deal the struggles I’m having as an INFJ type, although I really know who I am. Everything here is very accurate for me. Thank you very much for sharing this.
Thanks for this blog, I’m glad Google brought it up when I typed in “infj relationship problems”. I have bailed out on so many relationships. I think I just get too self-absorbed. Makes it hard to believe I can ever have a relationship where I show up 100%, but knowing this now later in life, gives me hope I can be more aware of these tendencies. And just fricken relax about it.
Sometimes I feel very lonely being an outsider. I always look at people and think, will they ever truly know how I feel and think? And the answer is no, because I now know that I am an INFJ personality type which makes up 1% of the population. And now it all make sense, and I am proud of it. Being different and unique has always be inside of me, literally…I tend to over think things that it brings me to the edge of insanity. But now I am happy, because knowing I am different from most makes me special. I only found out a week ago I was this personality type. Two weeks ago, I cried when a fight broke out in my soccer game. No one else on my team cried, just me. Now I also realize that it is just me, and well i was embarrassed at the time, i no longer am.
Hi, I’m Nat and this is my first day (night?) on this blog. I decided to log in, because all these post were just sooo accurate! I felt alienated since I remember, and never met someone who could understand me. Some people were using, manipulating and, in the end leaving me; combined with my sensibility and low self-esteem I got into serious mental health disorders (depression). I won this war but now I still keep fighting for myself, as illnes left me “masks”. I used to wear masks of cheerful teen, good student, great daughter etc. to make others believe I’m fine and please them. Realising I am unique, helped me close that chapter of life. Since then building confidence, and finding out that my features are special, not awful or worthless as I thought before, has become my passion; because now I can finally say that I LOVE MYSELF AS I AM.
I hope you all, delicate and cherish INFJ soulmates will realise that you are 1)not alone 2)different in a most beautiful way 3)worth everything in this world. Good luck!
I am an INFJ married to an ISTJ, and I feel like I am dying bit by bit. I have absolutely no privacy, my partner has no respect for my time alone to recharge, and/or be creative. My passions are writing, and creating stained glass and mosaic pieces. I no longer do anything with these outlets. To everyone, my life looks like I have the world by the tail…a beautiful home…and steady partner. Since I finished decorating my home, I am bored out of my skull. I joke that I am a “Velcro-Wife.” My husband has no friends, and no hobbies. He does Sudoku and watches television…and watches me. I am starving for alone time. I feel like running away most days. He’s a good man, but I was so much happier when I was alone.
I am currently 15 years old and am in secondary school, I often feel out of place or don’t know how to act in most social situations. I often ask myself “What if?” and still don’t know who I am. I often overthink things to the point I avoid them. I often overthink how people perceive me to the point of anxiety. Reading this makes me feel almost normal as other people feel the exact same thing. I think the main reason I struggle is that I wear a mask, often hiding my inner feelings around anyone I am not very close to. I think it may be because I’m afraid of rejection, but I am coming to realise the only person in my life rejecting me, is me. I feel as if I have spent so long pretending to be someone else, I don’t know myself anymore. I am honestly looking forward to finding out, I believe that it will do me many favours in the long run. I’m still not actually sure if INFJ fits me completely, though the majority is creepily true and relatable. I think realizing this is the first step to finding me, even though me being me will overthink this and hide under a rock. I think I need to take a small yet significant risk, I will probably feel better for it. I just don’t know how to do it or what to do.
Anybody else constantly have people asking you, “what’s wrong?” Or, “Are you okay?” when in large social gatherings? Yes I’m okay, I didn’t really want to come in the first place thanks for asking, now let me pet this dog over here in the corner while I watch and listen to the rest of you all…
I feel this.. like sometimes I can be such a social butterfly that I actually shock myself, I can greet strangers and help someone in need in a heartbeat but then if a cute boy smiles at me I will literally not.look.in.his.direction. And don’t get me started when I know I did something to make my boss mad about.
Hi there,
my Name is Johnny and I would like to share this – cause i cant figure it out my selfe:
i found this thread because i wanted to share my story. So I googled INFJ Forum, and landet on this Page that i choose to share with.
After learning about INFJ I felt pretty exposed.
I Live in the Swiss Alps in Switzerland, in a remote Village in a Skiresort –
The reason I am here is because i walk home every night after work thinking if i am the last normal Person on earth.
For me “normal” is a wage definition.
My friends call me crazy because I jump of mountain cliffs with a wingsuit to pretend to be a bird.
For me that is normal – and sombody wiht a 8 – 5 Job that has five weeks holyday a week tells me I am crazy!?
So let me take you into the story of how i became a Hotel Director of a four star Hotel in a Swiss ski resort with no Hotel education.
(excuse my english as i am nativ swiss and a bit high)
I finished my IT exams at the THZ Zürich after my parents pushed me into the IT profession.
It was realy interessting and I found pleasure in it.
after the four years of not to much education i got hired by a realy great company called EMC2 – the biggest data storage company at the time – maybe still…
i worked there with a good income… got a cool car from the company and was treated well.
The income was definde by the amount of work i had to do.
so the more i wanted, the more i worked.
after some time i realized that i have not seen my best friends for quite a while.
i was so into a corporate world i could not see whats going on right infront of me.
The Job was interessting and intense – but never relaxed and fun.
I need to enjoy what I do – so as they payd me some money for 1.5 years i decided to quit everyting.
I left my Job, relationship and continet.
with a one way ticket to south africa i gave up my ruled, ordered and from forrenigers influences curved roads and took steer of my own jurney.
i learned how to fly.
base jump – step by step.
If you are not bored by death yet i am truly amazed!!!
Since I was a child I was a child I was drawn to doing “clever-stupid” things.
It’s ok – just be smart about it.
So my true passion was to fly.
I just knew that if i can fly i will find my way.
So in Southafrica i meat one of my beat friends. He showd me how to base jump. not as a teacher, but as a friend you put your lifes hand into.
I found true trust.
Ground deep – if you fuck up i am dead trust.
we travlled all over south africa – jumped everyting we found. Got cought – mostly got away.
We tought me to be pacient. to not hurry and rush.
That is the reason i am in BASE Jumping since over 10 years.
– the statistics say the average lifespan of a jumper is 6 years.
– we all know statistics don’t count.
So there in South Africa i live in a small garden shed, in the back of a backpackers that was my home for a long time.
I followed my dream to fly. i started skydiving and nothing else had space.
i did not want to go fly with the other guys in formation – i just wanted to understand air on my body and then jump of a cliff in a wingsuit.
so after endles accuracy landings my mentor finaly took me to the first bridge jump. and by coincedence my very best friend Tobi was there.
I was exited an ready – frear and respect – but mucho will and motivation that made i not be the main feeling my brain projects.
I would never of thought of what a world i would enter with this one jump of a bridge…
– after pulling a reserve parachute from jumping an aircraft and landing in a castle where i moved into, two weeks later because i found the love of my life.
– after having to leave her and continue the quest because i could not change my moral compas
– So two years later i go back to Switzerland – the Mekka of BASE Jumping.
Getting an IT Job to get over the rounds i build up a life again in Zurich.
It does take a while – first mail in the post was the TAX. they are fast man.
anyway – i had again an 8 -5 job that i actually liked.
there was a great team, i could get along with everybody and work was fine.
After one year work gets routine. i wake up and realize that i do the same thing everyday.
Johnny – you will do it tomorrow again.
Monday – everybody wants to talk about how amazing the party in Zurich was and how wasted they got home somehow
Thuesday – Kinda same stories just less detail and more shit added to it then the last story.
Wednsday – Everybody ist talking about how they look forward for the weekend allready.
Thursday – The start talking about where the gonna go on the weekend
Friday – get hammerd
Saturday – kinda fine, not even a hangover, all good… oh shit, 11.00 o’clock…
Saturday – check the instagooglefacetweet and swipe trhough facebook. realy.
Saturday – the club or the bar or
Saturday – so many people go to hang out at the shopping mal. (who would go hang out in a shopping mal? i do not get it… and doing a selfie with the floor in the background?
am i going crazy?
Saturday – the club.
repeat.
I was lucky that my boss i had after i left a job defined by routine was cool enough to let me go and showed me a way on my path.
I was going to Lauterbrunnen, a valley with hughe 800 meter shier cliffs and 220 waterfalls, every weekend.
he told me i would rather move up there and live there (maybe i was shit at my job and he said that – but i dont think so.)
so i did. I wanted to buy i house and motiveate people to make a kommune with me.
In the end i rented a little house under a Exit-Point called “High Ultimate”
all my friends came for a housewaring and rank all my beer. so i opend a bar – bed and breakfast and a business.
it was a place wiht a good vibe. no fancy lounge, but lot of love.
the jumpers would land in the garden, we had BBQ every evening, fly home and have a beer.
In winters i would travel or work at ski-school as a snowboard instructor.
love tho teach the people stuff, and kids too: chess, sky, skate etc. and happy I can give them back at 4:00 PM
so after we lost many of friends during this time, i had to have a break.
it was intense, it was three years of jumping – travelling – special connections and much much more.
Still anybody with me reading?
so i got back to an IT job, also i was not allowed by goverment to party for three years after the BASE Race event couple of years ago.
back to a job from 8 – 5 and a routine.
nothing drives me more crazy then a routine! not shit – that is one of the top ten.
But still – i try to find love in everything.
so after staying in thouch with all the good energy people, i get to work in a hotel.
After two years there i end up today as a hotel director.
I did never work in a environment like this before, but trough my travels and not going on group trips, i got to meet all king of people, and got to see the good in all of them. sometimes you just have to look a little closer.
letting go of everything in the beginning made me get everyging. BASE jumping gave me the confidence, and i new i reached my child hood dream.
So now i am here, young-mid-age – travelld to Cambodia, South Africa, Tunesia, Indonesia, America, Brasil, Kanada, Thailand, Malaysia, Laos, New Zeland, Australia, England Kuba, Jamaica, Portugal, Spain, France, Mexico, Egypt, Sweden, Arctic Circle Finnland/Lapland, Norway, Italy and and and… jumping from everyting we found for nearly ten years.
Sneaking in skyskrapers in New York, buzzing frineds in wingsuits in Monte Brento or motivate eacht other to jump from a mining tower by minus 40 degree C in the arctic.
getting to know the most inspiring people that took me along the way.
choos the onse you get a good feel of.
No i dont know what to do anymore…
I read about telekinesis and the wave theory of light – not sure if i am going crazy…
and nobody believes me anything. the even ALL believe a building falls perfectly into into it selfe by coincedence. – realy – I mean REALY?
but it is not event a big picture like that. people around me just do not see the most simple solutions to a conflict. thousands of years of war and we would just not learn…
sorry snaps thought.
so here we are – in world whrere people belive in something called moeney.
something they see as value – even though it is just a diget on a account.
the say they just bought gold with their app. – where is it?
what would happen if all people would go draw their money at the same time? i dont know – can somebody help?
it is a bubble that the are not abled to leave in their mind. it can not work people! but yeah, Trump got president – who i am talking to…
Never did this, feels good to share.
So now here it is:
what should an INFJ do to get happy.
I am in a fucked up world with not possibility to change it, and looking around into a society just looking into their iPhone.
I do not even want to work with this, thats why i am in the mountians, but now routine got me again.
so where to go, what to do???
Anybod ever been in a similar place? like i am not moaning about life. it has always been good for me and easy.
but now i kinda do not know what to do anymore…
Do good? what would that be? where is the line to bad?
I dont really believe in the sense of the church. it is an institution that has raged for many many decades and put a big part in „our“ moral compass. not good! a bit, but not to much.
I do belive in other life out in the universe – how small minded and ignorant does one have to be to not see the size of it?
Look at the Deep-Fiel pictures of the Hubble-Tele, thats just a fraction of the universe!
as long as i do not know – i do not believe and i rather admit to not know then just saying something i heard.
Sorry, bit stoned and mind-writing here.
If you INFJ – how do you handle this?
thanks for reading – if anybody did.
Some of this bio seems too fantastic to be true, but then I think, why would anyone waste their time to make this up? You are searching for the ultimate thrill, an encounter with God! I know you are put off by church, but a true church is one where those who have encountered God meet to worship Him together. Your biggest, most frightening thrill will be to meet God in this life. Remember Moses? or have you read? How about the Apostle Paul? These men have met God. Another thrill seeker is Brother Andrew, get his book, God’s Smuggler. God is the answer to it all. Jesus said He came to give life and give it more abundantly! The happiest people on earth are those who know their Creator! You can know Him but you have to seek Him. I hope you do! John 3:16
I’m 25 and I’ve only just found our my personality type is an INFJ and I’m able to relate with everything. I’ve just fallen out with a very close friend too and studying the INFJ door slam I think I’m pretty close to stage 3. I often over think things to the point of severe anxiety. I also only recently have sort of “fell in hole”. I’m starting to get overwhelmed of all the school work and my relationships with people. I’m not sure if my lack in effort and motivation recently in school is down to laziness or something more but I intend to find out. This article helped me!
I’ve been desperate to understand what’s ‘wrong’ with me. My entire 50+ years of life… Feeling like this, feeling different, misunderstood. Lonely, my entire life. I have beautiful children, grandchildren. But lonely, out of place.
I was, once again, wanting to die this morning. I don’t wish, it even think, I can commit suicide. But I definitely go through times when I just want to die.
I prayed hard this morning. I wasn’t looking for any info that may help me. Getting tired of looking for the reasons… The why’s????????? But this INFJ popped up online, started reading, and whoa…. Can it be this? Is this the hell that has been my life? The choices I’ve made? Because of this?
I’m coming out of what I think was a nervous breakdown. I’ve been homeless three months now, sleeping in my truck, getting continuously screwed over by people, all people who I swear I hate now but desperate to love. Desperate to help them! When I can’t get any help! I’m so lost and soul sick, fucking soul sick, I honestly don’t know how to handle this life, these situations. I’m so done.
There are different levels of I, N, F, J and et. al., then there are associated close subcategories of combinations of the other personality groups as well, that further defines the individual, as for myself, IINNNNNFFFFFFFFFFJJJJJJJJJJ-AAAAA/TTTTTTTTTT, would be more accurate for myself, and MBPI doesn’t measure passive aggressive nor psychopathic personalities. Thusly, in essence, my life has been a living hell with punctuated periods of heaven, while all deep romantic relationships so far, have been unmitigated disasters and near long term near death experiences for myself, with ridiculously long healing and recovery times lasting many years, after and upon their dissolution. But I am completely happy to be who I authenticity am.
I can totally agree with all of these but mostly with losing touch with ones true self I feel that I can relate to this. When I found out I was infj I was like wow but are you sure. I wanted to be 100% sure that I was one. I was trying to find connections from when I was younger to now. I was trying so hard to get the final answer that I lost sleep. I was trying to figure out my feelings and what did I actually think. It was extremely hard because I felt that I was swayed by other people’s opinions on how I should be and think. I met two INFJs and one turned out to be my bestfriend and girl in my class. The possibility of that happening is very little considering INFJs make up 1% percent of the population so I thought so many people can be mistyped as INFJs then I found out large amounts of people are typed as INFJs so you that made my mind try to dig deeper. I questioned a lot. I still ami know that humans are complicated and can’t be categorized into 16 personalities perfectly. Maybe I am an INFJ or maybe I’m not but I feel that I am who knows .
Sorry if I misspelled somethings .
This is very me! But I’ve always got INFP as result in personality tests… I’m most likely HSP, so could it be why I so much relate to this? Also my childhood was very traumatic… and I was lost for so many years. I have a love-hate relationship with these personality theories. I mean I feel like I could be INFP INTP INTJ INFJ ENFP ISTP…. and then again I wouldn’t like to be categorize or categorizing others…. K, bye
for me..? i don’t know, the more i want to understand myself. it become complex and complicated. Some of this problem match me. But some not. Even to answer a quiz to know my own personality too its hard. And i’m ambivert, a blood type A, an sagitarius, 1st in family, hypercreative mind and more. All of them built up my complicated personality to become more alien then INFJ alien itself. And now at 27 years old myself. i still don’t understand my own. plus i can’t focus and stay at one routine one place for too long although i know rule and routine and management and being orgonise is good. but.. . and somehow i forgot things easily. i don’t know myb i have the short term memory syndrom. and now i just act base on mood. and just let go anyone who want to pass by me. i mean some friend or what ever. and used to take thing for granted. cause the more i give my heart the hurt hard i have to deal with. so i ignore pain by run. and try let myself win most the time. or will use my mask poker face when i think i should be good. Deal with people and shut my mouth. Cause my voice kill people. And thats it. i don’t understand myself. Even me will fight with myself. and no one win and lost. hate myself but loving myself too.
ok thats all. i don’t know what i try to talk about. ^ ^ hoho
Hi everybody ! Being kind of late discovering that im an infj
, Im turning 40 soon. I must say its so releasing to finally understand that its nothing wrong with me im actually THE way im supposed to be. Crying as im writing this, im male and My life feels like it s moved from hardship to hardship. I have struggled with depression and such after a divorce i never really could let go. And never understod why i was alvays feeling like the odd man out. Once again i have tried to get into a relationship but with someone who dont understand me att all. Now for THE second time in My life om going through this maelstrom of feelings when were talking about ending THE relation. And THE only thing i can see is how im finally going to get some much needed alone time finally.its strange to Wake Up like this i have been immature in some way i think.
all I can say is, I’m a walking contradiction and a 30-year-old wreck or a time bomb of fun and spontaneity. dafuq im doin?