I’m a highly sensitive person. That means that I am sensitive to stimuli, particularly emotions, loud noises, smells, and busy environments. Nowadays, I know that my sensitivity comes with many advantages, but it wasn’t always this way.
Before I knew that I am a highly sensitive person (HSP), I spent a lot of time feeling isolated and confused. I didn’t understand why I was so easily overwhelmed. I would get home from school and social activities totally exhausted and then feel guilty for being anti-social.
If I had understood what I will share in this article, I could have saved myself a lot of pain and frustration. Here’s what I wish I’d known sooner as an HSP.
6 Things I wish I’d known sooner as a highly sensitive person
1. Emotions are our strength.
When you’re a highly sensitive person, you feel your own emotions deeply. You’re also more sensitive to the emotions of others. This makes you especially susceptible to emotional overwhelm.
My mission in my teens and early twenties was to control and hide my emotions. I tried to put them in a box in the basement of my being and never take another look at them. The problem was that the emotions always found a way of sneaking out.
I would get emotionally triggered and burst into tears. Stress also made it impossible for me to ignore my emotions. And that’s a good thing!
The deep emotions of a highly sensitive person are our secret weapon. They are the compass that lead us toward our best life. They also fuel our creativity and intuition. Our emotions often know the answers before our logical brain does.
2. Pretending is a waste of time.
One of the most common coping mechanisms of the highly sensitive person is to put on a mask and pretend to be tougher than we are. But there’s a problem with this approach.
It literally pains an HSP to be fake. This is because by nature we are very genuine people. We have great difficulty engaging in activities that don’t light us up. We also find it excruciating to interact with people we don’t truly like. If we follow our natural inclinations, we create an authentic life with meaningful friendships.
3. Passion is essential.
“You were born to be among the advisors and thinkers, the spiritual and moral leaders for your society. There is every reason for pride.” —Elaine Aron
One of the most endearing quirks of the highly sensitive person is our passionate nature. We need to be utterly obsessed with our projects or we don’t care. There’s not much middle ground.
This quality can be dangerous if we aren’t aware of it. A highly sensitive person without some sort of creative outlet for our deep emotions will likely feel anxious, unmotivated, and frustrated. We might try to fill the void with busyness that only serves to drain us more.
4. Focus is a key ingredient for HSP success.
When you’re a highly sensitive person like me, having too many tasks to complete at once is beyond stressful. Multitasking is enemy number one for HSPs.
I wish younger me had spent less time trying to do it all and more time focusing on fewer activities with more meaning, which brings me to my next point…
5. We are driven by the search for meaning.
A highly sensitive person can’t just shuffle through life like a zombie. We need to find meaning in our relationships, and other pursuits.
Superficial friendships feel painful for us. Since socializing can be particularly overwhelming for the highly sensitive person, we’d rather not even bother if there’s no chance of true connection.
When I went on an Introvert/HSP retreat in Peru in April, one thing really stood out to me. Everyone else there had the same desire for meaning. We wanted an experience that would enrich our mind and soul. We also wanted to have deep conversations with interesting people.
I loved spending time with other introverts and HSPs because we could seamlessly flow in and out of meaningful discussions. We also respected each other’s need for recharge time. As one participant noted, “we recharged together.”
The next Introvert/HSP retreat is taking place in January 2019 in Guatemala. Many of the spots have already been snatched up, so if you’re interested in finding adventure, meaning, and connection in Guatemala, get all the details and reserve your spot here. Use the promo code INTROSPRING50 for $50 off
If you have any questions you can email organizer Melissa Renzi at info@melissanoelrenzi.com.
6. The right diet is non-negotiable.
Highly sensitive people are more sensitive to sugar, alcohol, caffeine, and chemicals. We are also more sensitive to hunger. We can become emotional and unable to focus if we haven’t eaten enough.
Oh man, do I ever wish I understood this sooner! I spent most of my teens in a chemical fog from all the processed food I ate (lunch meat, chemical-laden sauces, chocolate bars). For the average person, eating that way might seem like no big deal, but for a highly sensitive person, a careless diet can be detrimental.
The way I eat nowadays keeps my blood sugar stable and my mind alert.
Over to you
Are you a highly sensitive person like me? Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences below. I’d love to hear from you!
Love,
Omg, you just described me to a T. Its crazy how our minds also can manifest in our physical body. : )
Glad you can relate, Jamie! 🙂
I’m so one. I felt so different from the others when I was a child. I still do today, but at least now I’m at a point where I’m accepting myself more.
I love your article! ☺️
Glad to hear you’re more accepting of yourself now, Sinesta. 🙂 xo
Thank you for this article. Gives a break down and description of some of the wonders we and I go through as an HSP. I always thought I was close to being a bit autistic in a way. Such a clear view of the world, its like watching the world in HD mode. Smells, vibrations, emotions, feelings, tastes, sounds, and etc its like they are all connected and amplified. Always searching for meaning in EVERYTHING. Even joy and happiness can and will become overwhelming if I do not control the feeling. Control in a healthy way of course. Examples, listening to calming music, meditating, solitude introspection, exercise, caffeine free teas/drinks, essential oils to smell, time management, writing, (Creative outlet), and etc.
I am also capable of reading peoples current to deep emotions. Its as if they too are amplified so I always assumed others can see my emotions as well. Growing up I would “mask” them, as explained in your article. Its all connected, and those of you who live this life, I understand you, finally lol. 😉
Thanks for sharing that Rubin. Watching the world in HD-well said! 🙂
Great article as always Michaela! I always read through your blog posts and get something out of them that is refreshing! As a HSP myself these 6 tips are incredibly important to understand for both my well being and for my relationships with those around me.
These points took me years to understand even as a person who has an exceptionally high IQ. If I struggled to put these points into practice I don’t know how others who aren’t as gifted as I am, manage!
I also need to thank you personally Michaela as you started my journey of healing after reading “The Introvert Revolution” in which I was finally able to stifle the guilt I felt for being overwhelmed and allowed myself to take the time to recharge.
I taking the time to get my thoughts in order gave me the opportunity to be diagnosed with ADD, OCD, a stressed induced Auto-Immune Disorder of the brain, and an IQ of 168.
There’s still quite a ways to go, but I still found that taking the time to let yourself say, “I need a break” has been the best way to move forward!
One other thing that has helped is by trusting God and praying. Knowing that you aren’t in control and giving your anxieties to someone who promises that they are is the one thing that has given me the ability to make sense of it all.
Meditation and mindfulness help, but you can’t do it alone! Again, as someone with very high intelligence, if I struggled with this and needed God and others to get me through it, it only reinforces the fact that we need to step outside ourselves and support each other!
Thanks again, Michaela!
Thank you so much for sharing that, Austin. I’m so happy I helped you start your journey! 🙂 I agree, prayer can make a big difference. xo
Love your posts, Michaela… It’s so nice that we at least all understand each other… Thank you so much!!!
Thank you Joanne. Glad you can relate! 🙂
Hello there, Michaela! I don’t fit in the HSP personality in point of view but I agree with all that. Emotions are essential, having a passion is essential, pretending also is so exhausting! I think that everyone in this world should be able to chose every little detail in his/hers personal life. And always stay true to itself. 🙂
I really enjoy your blog. Thank you! I only found out recently that I’m an HSP. It really makes sense to me and I often felt misunderstood or people would complain that I’m too sensitive. They said I would grow up one day and develop a thick skin. Many years later, my core being hasn’t changed. At least now I understand and appreciate who I am. It’s also made me the mother and writer I am. (I also can’t take caffeine and alcohol, neither can I handle being hungry or large crowds or shopping malls.)
Your title ‘What A Highly Sensitive Person Wishes She Knew Sooner’ creates a quandary for me as I am a highly sensitive, introverted male. As a longtime follower of your work, I would be curious to know if it is geared more towards the female population? Thanks.
It is titled that way because I am a woman and I wrote it, but I believe men can relate to it too.
As always, thank you for your insightful writing. You are making a tremendous difference for so many – even for those of us who don’t like being “labeled” HSP, ADD, ADHD or OCD. Your words hit home. Growing up in the Chicago area facilitated the development of a thick skin. But I can not deny that I am still very sensitive to my own and other’s emotions. And I have often lost focus and motivation through the years. Your articles help remind me that I am not alone and that there are specific ways to enhance my way of being to be joyful, productive and at peace. One question: Is the retreat in January 2019 for women only? Thank you again for sharing your personal journey.
Hi Robert, thanks for you comment. No, the retreat is for both men and women. 🙂
You described me perfectly, too. Thanks for what you do.
Wow! You’re talking right to me. I never thought of myself as a highly sensitive person. An introvert for sure, but I guess I haven’t really researched traits of a highly sensitive person. Thank you for this!
This was a great article and I can really relate too. It also helps to read it now because I’m feeling exactly all these things mentioned in my emotions and start to feel like I’m crazy. Its very helpful to know and understand a little better senstivity and I’m glad I can understand, it makes me feel better.
Thank you for sharing this article
blessings
Lovely Michaela, in every words of your article, you describe me and which filling me with tears. I feel, I’m not lonely. I wish you were my neighboor so we can drink coffee sometimes 🙂
I wonder, did you ever hear Human Design? I wonder of your thoughts about it.
Love this post. We are very much alike and it feels so good to know there’s people out the like me. I’m interested in the retreat. I’ll have to follow up on it for next year. 🙂
I love this article and your blog, Michaela!!! I do wish that I had known these things back when I was young. It has been so helpful to find others who are like me and who understand me. I am the only highly sensitive person in my family of 5 kids (and the youngest one). I never felt understood and was always trying to be an extrovert like the others. Growing up being an introvert seemed to be a flaw of mine that needed to be corrected by everyone and myself. I was mocked/criticized for thinking and feeling too much and being too sensitive about what other people think and feel. I was shy and insecure in who I was. I have been on a journey since my childhood to find and accept who I am. When I was 18 I did not like myself, but I came to realize and see me as one created by a loving God TO BE an introvert and a sensitive person and that it is a VERY GOOD thing with a purpose!!! It has been a life long journey but I have come to love and accept myself and to be used to bless other people with my introvert advantages. Recently I was with my 2 older sisters for our first extended time of 10 days to be together after living overseas for 28 years. I was excited to share with them my journey to acceptance of myself so they could now understand me and appreciate our differences as both being good. It was fun but also very frustrating. They still did not understand me and not seem to even want to hear about my life there or personal discoveries, struggles, and journey to learn to love myself as God made me. They didn’t want to talk about meaningful conversation (only fun surface stuff) or about feelings or personal growth. It was too deep for them. I was told that I think too much and that talking about people being an introvert was putting people in a box and making excuses (for not being like strong, and confident like them). I just wanted them to understand me and see me and my growth and appreciate me NOW as I am and not for who they think I should be. But I was cut off/interrupted from talking about meaningful things and from sharing the truths/lessons that I have learned the past 28 years that have set me free while I was away. I am sad that they still do not understand or even seem to want to understand. It was hurtful BUT I cannot control their responses to me. I can only control my thoughts and beliefs! I know I am loved and accepted by God and can be confident within myself and before God for who I am and was created to be! Thanks you for your blog and the very helpful truths your share for all us introverts out here! It truly is good to know I am not alone and that we all share similar challenges in our relationships with others. God bless you, Michaela!!!
It’s “excruciating” to interact with people you don’t really like? Honestly? If so, I’m really curious what word you’d use to describe a third degree burn or having your leg and hip shattered in a car accident. And it “literally“ pains HSPs to be fake. Really?? Where exactly? Your skin, your bones? Abdomen? Is it a sharp pain, or deep ache? Does it go away the second you stop being fake, or last a long time after?
Hi Michaela,
I’m 57 years old (almost 58) and learned I am an INFP a couple of years ago. Pretty sure I am an HSP too.
You said, “A highly sensitive person without some sort of creative outlet for our deep emotions will likely feel anxious, unmotivated, and frustrated. We might try to fill the void with busyness that only serves to drain us more.” This is me, right now. I am so drained that even trying to get back into the creative process feels exhausting.
So, I’ve decided to give myself a little grace, and just allow myself to breathe and be for a few days, and then see what speaks to me.
I always enjoy getting your emails.
Thanks! 🙂
This speaks to me. Thank you for posting.