An Introvert Goes To The Doctor

introvert doctor health

INTROVERT: I don’t feel so good.

DOCTOR: What are your symptoms?

INTROVERT: Well, I don’t like talking very much. But writing is okay. And people make me feel tired, like I want to take a nap. Also, I like to be alone. (Pause.) I mean, I really like it.

DOCTOR: Okay, but are you ill?

INTROVERT: Most of the time, no, but then sometimes I get this funny feeling in my stomach, like I’m trying to do yoga after eating a Big Mac.

DOCTOR: Are you eating a Big Mac when this happens?

INTROVERT: No.

DOCTOR: What are you doing when you get the stomach problems?

INTROVERT: Nothing. Just thinking (Pause.) and not talking. Maybe looking at my phone.

DOCTOR: Hmmm. Did you bring in that urine sample the nurse asked for?

INTROVERT: Yes, one sec. (Reaches into his bag and pulls out a urine sample in a small plastic container.) Here.

DOCTOR: (He dips a test strip into the urine sample, and places it on a paper towel.) Let’s take your blood pressure. (Attaches a blood pressure cuff and takes a reading.) 119/80. Very good. Now, open up.

INTROVERT: That’s another problem. I’m not very good at opening up. I guess I just don’t like talking about myself.

DOCTOR: No, I mean open your mouth and say “ah”.

INTROVERT: Oh. (Opens mouth.) Aaaaah.

DOCTOR: (He presses down INTROVERT’s tongue with a tongue depressor, peers inside his mouth.) Hmmm. Okay. (Goes to glance at the urine test strip, and then sits). I think I see the issue.

INTROVERT: You do?

DOCTOR: You’re an introvert.

INTROVERT: You can tell that from my urine?

DOCTOR: No, of course not. I noticed the book in your inside pocket and the headphones around your neck.

INTROVERT: Is there a cure?

DOCTOR: No. No need. But there are some ways to cope with the symptoms you described. Let me write you a prescription.

Take 2 doses of solitude daily.

Increase your intake of books and Netflix.

Avoid contact with chatty extroverts on Sunday, Monday, Friday, and any day after 5pm.

Avoid operating heavy machinery while under the influence of small talk.

INTROVERT: What about my stomach issues?

DOCTOR: I think I know what’s going on. What’s your phone number?

INTROVERT: I don’t see what that has to do with —

DOCTOR: Please. Just trust me.

INTROVERT: 688-2516

(DOCTOR pulls out his mobile phone and dials.)

INTROVERT: (Picking up his ringing phone.) Um, hello?

DOCTOR: Hey, just calling to chat. How’s your day going? What are you up to?

INTROVERT: I feel sick.

DOCTOR: Yep, just as I thought. (Grabs prescription and adds a line.)

*AVOID THE PHONE.

INTROVERT: Thanks, doc, really. I don’t know what to say.

DOCTOR: That’s normal for introverts. Just write me an email.

INTROVERT: I love you.

DOCTOR: (Laughs.)

INTROVERT: I mean —

DOCTOR: It’s okay. Just follow the prescription instructions and you’ll be fine.

INTROVERT: Doc, just one more thing. (Pause.) You’re not gonna, you know … do that again, are you? Because that was pretty awkward.

DOCTOR: The urine test? No, we’re all good there.

INTROVERT: No, I mean … (Gestures toward the doctor’s phone.)

DOCTOR: Call you? No, don’t worry, I won’t be doing that again either.

INTROVERT: (A sigh of relief.) Thanks, doc. Really.

 

44 Comments

  1. 😂😂😂😂 loved it

    Reply
    • So happy to hear that, Guada!

      Reply
  2. Ahahaha, this is just awesome Dr. Chung! 😉 I don’t remember when I laughed this hard and I so needed it! 😀 Beautiful article Michaela, with such gentle humor that hit’s the spot! 🙂

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    • Thanks Marko! 🙂 Glad it made you laugh!

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  3. I loved this so much! 😅

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    • Thanks, Gloria! 🙂

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  4. too cute ! i loved it
    have a blessed day !

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    • Thanks, Nessia, you too!

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  5. now avoiding the ringing phone makes more sense!

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    • Yes, I suppose it does.

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  6. The cliché with an introvert twist. I loved it. ‘write me an email’

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  7. that was great… one of your best :)-

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    • Thanks, Bob! n<3

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  8. Loved it! Especially ‘dont operate machinery when under influence of small talk’.. this applies to me in the kitchen with friends round lol 😁 Thanks Michaela! X

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  9. It certainly made me smile and oh so true!

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  10. So funny and so true!!! I hate answering the phone just a phone ringing gives me stomach knots!! Loved “you can tell that from my urine?”!!!!

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    • Thanks, Mel! Glad you got a laugh out of it. 🙂

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  11. Not that was funny and so true!!! Oh man, can it get any more accurate than that ?! Haha

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  12. Please keep them coming, Michaela!!

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    • I’ll try! 😀

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  13. Thank you, Michaela! I needed that prescription today!

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    • You’re welcome, Ann!

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  14. So funny! I wish I could get a doctors note to not answer the phone!

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    • Haha that would come in handy!

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  15. This is really what I really want.
    To be understood.

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    • Yes, I think that’s what we innie really need. <3

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  16. This was spot on, and totally hilarious. I needed this today, thank you, Michaela, 😊.

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    • You’re welcome, Amy! Glad you liked it! 🙂

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  17. Lol, really great.
    I’m sure gonna follow the prescription!

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    • Thanks, Esther! Hope it works for you. 🙂

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  18. This was so great!!!

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    • Thanks Natalia! <3

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  19. Thanks Michaela .I like it.

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    • Glad you liked it!

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  20. I actually was suffering from anxiety a lot when I was completing my first University Degree as a Health Professional – a very bad selection for introverted me. Anyhow, I saw my family doctor who told me that if my stomach was churning at lunch time I should eat some carrots. Needless to say, this wasn’t great medical advice

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    • Oh, dear that is strange advice from a doctor! Thanks for sharing, Andrew. 😉

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  21. That’s funny! You have a good sense of dry humor, Michaela… Look forward to reading more. Thanks 🙂

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  22. Oh, I really felt this! Wonderful, funny, and absolutely nailed the punchline. Thank you, Michaela; it’s fantastic when we can laugh at ourselves and relate so painfully at the same time!

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  23. Loved it! Especially the not operating heavy machinery during small talk, very true.

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  24. I am so glad I found you. All my life, I have felt so left out, didn’t feel like I belonged. All my sisters and my mom are extroverts, So I always thought there was something not right about me. I have spent years trying to figure out what autism spectrum I fell under. Since reading your posts, I see that I am an introvert. Everything fits. I see where I fit. You describe me to a T. Thank you . so much!

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    • You’re welcome, Deb! I’m glad you found me, too!

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  25. Very funny! And a great doctor! 🙂 Many times we love to be alone – but good to know you`re not alone! Hmm…if you know what I mean!

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  26. Dear Dr. Chung and favourite grand-daughter, My doctor has tried for years treating what are basically my introvert issues with anti-depressants. Recently I said to her, “They don’t work!” She replied, “Oh, you always say that!” Maybe I should eat a carrot…

    Reply
    • Haha, yes, maybe a carrot is the solution! 🙂

      Reply

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