My Best Advice for Introverts Who Don’t Know What to Say



she wasn't doing anything that I could see except standing there


My best advice for introverts who don’t know what to say?

Own it.

Settle into the quiet bliss of observing and listening. Relax into your own body and know that it’s okay to just stand there, creating worlds with your mind.

Take comfort in your silence. Relish it. Let the whole world wait in hungry anticipation for your words to form. There’s no hurry. You have nothing to prove to anyone, but yourself.

Quiet confidence is sexy

Know that quiet confidence is compelling. It’s sexy. It is such a rare thing in this world to find someone who is not trying to impress. Or be liked. Or fill empty air space with mindless chatter. A person who is completely, unapologetically okay with who she is, and what she feels, is incredibly alluring.

You are a silent lighthouse

“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.”~ Anne Lamott

Be like a lighthouse, shining silently for anyone who cares to seek you. Not everyone will notice your light. Not everyone will look for it.   But the right people will find you.

The power of quiet

You can be strong, courageous and even brazen in your quietness. Or you can be soft, and kind. Your eyes can convey frightening resolve, or tender compassion.

Be inspired by the story of Diego Rivera and Frida Kahlo’s first encounter (they later fell in love and had an epic, tumultuous marriage). A young Frida was watching Diego paint, when his jealous wife, Lupe, began insulting her:

“She sat down and watched me silently, her eyes riveted on every move of my paintbrush. After a few hours, Lupe’s jealousy was aroused, and she began to insult the girl. But the girl paid no attention to her. This, of course, enraged Lupe the more. Hands on hips, Lupe walked toward the girl and confronted her belligerently. The girl merely stiffened and returned Lupe’s stare without a word.

Visibly amazed, Lupe glared at her a long time, then smiled, and in a tone of grudging admiration, said to me, ‘Look at that girl! Small as she is, she does not fear a tall, strong woman like me. I really like her.’”

~Diego Rivera, My Art, My Life: An Autobiography

Frida’s quiet resolve so thoroughly disarmed Diego’s jealous wife that her anger was transformed into admiration.

Such is the power of quiet courage.

Your story without words

Our words do not carry the message of who we are; our whole body is drenched with our story. We convey entire chapters with a subtle glance, a grin, the curve of our back.

So if your words get caught in your throat, swallow them. You’ve already told a thousand stories without ever opening your mouth.

More ways to be quietly captivating

We may be quiet, but introverts can be just as confident and charismatic as extroverts. The problem is that we’ve been going about it the wrong way. There is an introverted path to charisma – no extroversion required (thank goodness!).

Get my FREE Introvert Charisma Blueprint and develop true confidence, self-love & connection in your own innie way. You’ll also get my 50-page Introvert Connection Guide to go from meet and greet to meaningful friendships, even if you’re quiet and shy.

Access The Free Introvert Charisma Blueprint


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Michaela Chung introvert


  1. I really enjoyed reading this post. I’ve always thought my quietness was a weakness,but who knew it could be considered sexy! Keep em coming Michaela!

    • Thanks, Lu! Yes, it most definitely can be sexy. 🙂

  2. This post made me smile. Growing up, I felt like I wasn’t really allowed to be quiet. My silence actually tended to whip up antagonism in my peers. Part of it is how an introverted black man is especially regarded with suspicion. The backlash worsened when I refused to be entertainment. I heard I was “uppity” a lot. Oh well.

    Now that I’m in a position to own my silence, I’m relishing the opportunity to speak only when I have something to say, instead of speaking to make other people comfortable. 😛

    • I”m glad it made you smile 🙂 That is the first time someone’s noted how race can contribute to how one’s introversion is perceived. Thanks for sharing your unique experience with this. I’m sure there are others who can relate.

  3. Hi Michaela like Chatman i am also a black man and i know there certain cultures in the world that are more accepting of introversion than others. African Americans are stereotyped as being loud even by other African American and when that is not the case you are viewed as strange.

    • Hi Marion, great to hear your perspective on this. I’ve heard from Latinos who say the exact same thing.

  4. i randomly came to your this website, well i would say the name is very catchy and i downloaded that free book too.

    so coming to point, i read this blog and came to know how powerful and sexy being quiet is. i am an introvert and god paired me with an extrovert wife. a perfect match i would say. your this blog has widened my vision being quiet in public and people die to listen your views and love to follow your point.

    i last you surely gonna help me in making a dent in universe being a quiet person. doing a great job, best of luck and regards 🙂

    • So glad that you randomly found me, Mandeep! And I’m happy to hear you’ve found your perfect match with an extrovert. 🙂

  5. Own it! Love it! Well said.

    We are kindred spirits. I too specialize in introversion and just stumbled on your site. Sweet!

    • Hi Val! Glad you liked it and that you stumbled upon my site. Xo Michaela

  6. I enjoyed this blog entry. It hits home right about now. I am re-entering the dating world and the man I am seeing is very social. He and I are very comfortable with each other ( we have been friends for years), but I am not sure I am going to be comfortable with all of his friends. The good thing is it has taken me a long time to figure out who I am and there is nothing wrong with me. They can accept me or not. Thank you for the blog entry 🙂

    • Hi Linda! I’m glad it resonated with you. 🙂

  7. I have fell in love with your blog!
    Yes quiet confidence is sexy. I have even got compliments for this trait of mine from guys. 🙂

    • Wonderful, Varsha! Glad to have you as part of the innie community. 😉

  8. This post is from the book of Susan Cain “The power of the quiet”
    You should have said that…

    • This post is from Michaela Chung.

  9. Best article I’ve read on here so far. What a difference between having nothing to say and holding your tongue.

  10. Love this. Completely resonate with this.

  11. This is such a compelling post/article. Thanks. I will save it to help me remember that forcing myself to be something I am not (an extrovert) is not only impossible but also comes off as disingenuous.

    • You’re welcome, Cassondra. Glad to hear it resonated with you. 🙂 xo


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