Every so often I get a message from a frustrated extroverted woman who is smitten with an introverted guy. Usually said woman has already looked through my blog posts, desperately searching for answers to her dating dilemmas. She is having trouble interpreting the introverted guy’s behavior. She wants to know if he hasn’t made a move because he isn’t interested or because he’s introverted. Other questions that often come up are:
“Should I try to hold back, and be more reserved around him?”
“Can an introvert extrovert relationship work?”
“Why is he so flirty on Facebook and then barely talks to me in real life?”
Being the hopeless romantic INFP that I am, I do my best to help these women. Below is the advice I typically give. You might find it surprising.
What I tell extrovert women who <3 introvert men
1. Stop overcompensating and pursuing him. Just because he is an introvert, doesn’t mean that he is incapable of pursuing a woman he is interested in. If you want a man who will treasure you, treat you right and make you feel like a lady, you need to shift from being dominant, pursuing, and trying to control things, into a more feminine energy …
2. Tap into your feminine energy by allowing men to pursue you and staying open to ALL men flirting with you and asking you out on dates (not just the man you like). If a man does not pursue you – whether he is an introvert or extrovert – it is a bad idea to push him. If he likes you he will pursue you.
If he’s too shy to even make a move, he is not the man for you. You will be putting yourself in a position of always having to be the planner and pursuer, which does not feel good.
3. Just trust me on this, beautiful. I know from A LOT of dating experience. And I have dated many many introverted men, too. It is always better to lean back, give some space, and allow him to pursue you.
Make it known that you like him, by flirting in person and being open and receptive when he approaches you, but resist the urge to message him or devote much time to Skyping with him. As a gorgeous, confident woman, you must never give away your precious time and energy to a man who is not actively pursuing you and making you feel good.