The holiday season is an extremely difficult period for INFJs. Many of us dread this time of the year, not because we hate it, but because it can be an eerie reminder of our loneliness and lack of meaningful connections. All those pictures of happy gatherings on social networks are not making things any easier.
INFJs and holidays are not a good mix
This article holds special meaning for me, as this will be the first time I’m away from my family during the holidays. Don’t get me wrong, I spent previous New Years and Christmas alone, but I was within driving distance from the people I cared for.
I love my independence, but being alone as an INFJ during the holiday season and so far away from everything and everyone makes me feel lonelier than usual. I never had a close, understanding bond with my parents. Being an HSP, it feels as though all my emotions are amplified tenfold.
Just by reading your emails and messages from the last few weeks, it’s obvious to me that many INFJs will be alone during this festive time. And there’s nothing wrong with being alone, but it’s easy to slip into loneliness during the month of December.
Being an empath INFJ, I understand the emotions that try to find their way onto the surface. That’s why I’ll share with you the two most important reasons why INFJs don’t like holidays.
Why INFJs don’t like the holiday season
1. Loneliness is felt more than ever.
Like I said, all our senses are increased during the holidays, but none as much as the feeling of being lonely. Unlike being alone, loneliness makes INFJs feel as if we are not good enough to be with someone, and that we are not worthy of having authentic, understanding company.
2. Lack of a meaningful connection.
While many are overwhelmed during this time, INFJs feel somewhat empty. No matter what our family or friendship situation, it would be nice to have someone to hug when the clock strikes midnight. This time of the year amplifies our sense of not having that special someone, whether that’s a friend or a partner.
INFJs don’t hate the holiday season, but we don’t like it either. There is a fair number of those who do of course, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But from my experience as a INFJ coach and a writer, we are more likely to avoid celebrating December.
However, I would also like to tell you this.
You are not defined by the time of the year, nor how many people you surround yourself with at the table.
The most important thing you need to remember for the holiday season as an INFJ is that your value is not measured by how many presents you get, or how many people remember to send you a “Happy New Year” message.
You are already enough
It’s all about waking up on January 1st and knowing that loneliness won’t go away with someone else’s presence. It’s about realizing that you were enough before, and that you will be more than sufficient later.
Your value as an INFJ is not decreased just because there’s no one there to acknowledge it. Even if you feel crappy for the holidays, who you are doesn’t depend on who is there to hold your hand or give you that midnight kiss.
Spend this time however you choose. Do what makes you feel fulfilled, no matter how small it may seem. You earned the right to indulge yourself my dear INFJs.
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, I’ll probably order a huge vegetarian pizza, be in my PJ’s, and play video games throughout Christmas and the New Year. 🙂
How do you feel about the holiday season my fellow INFJs? Feel free to share your thoughts, I would love to hear from you!
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I find that the most painful part of the holidays is gift-giving. As an INFJ, we are observant and like to know people deeply, and can be great gift givers because of this. But it can be painful to receive gifts from people who put very little thought into them. Subliminally we can read that as someone not really caring to know us and that feeling gets compounded by disappointment and then guilt. Also shopping for gifts for the people we aren’t close to but feel obligated to give gifts to can be rough, because we don’t want people to feel like the first scenario I described.
I agree Rachel. Gift giving (and receiving) can be a painful process for INFJs, especially when we receive one that never had any clear effort put into it, since we invest so much time and care into choosing one.
100% agree. When I was younger I just always said don’t get me anything instead give to a charity or something cause that felt worthwhile to me. Now I’ve finally given into researching what I want and just telling my loved ones. It took a lot of coaching and sharing just get it off the list but I’m finally good with that now.