If you’re an introverted woman like me, you may have felt like you were too quiet to be attractive. You saw bubbly, flirty girls get the guy in school, while you felt awkward and frozen in place with the men you liked.
To this day, you might feel like you put up an invisible wall around men that you can’t seem to break down. The words don’t come easily in conversation, and you just can’t seem to “loosen up” and “be yourself” like everyone keeps telling you to.
Worse still, most of the dating advice out there is designed for extroverted women. The experts tell you to just get out there more, flirt, and follow a bunch of rules to get a guy to like you.
Meanwhile, you spend more time having conversations in your head with the man you like than actually talking to him. I know how you feel.
As a quiet, introverted woman myself, I used to feel deeply insecure about my personality. I wished that I could be like the other girls who seemed to always know what to say and when to say it.
They were light and fun around men, which is what I thought all men wanted. It wouldn’t be until years later that I learned the truth.
The truth about what men want
The idea that you have to be chatty and overtly flirtatious to be attractive to men is a myth. Quiet introverted women are most certainly attractive to men. But there’s a catch.
You see, those bubbly extroverted girls don’t necessarily get the guy because they are outgoing.
They are man magnets because of their “vibe”. That is to say that their overall energy, confidence, and the way they carry themselves is highly attractive.
The great thing about this concept of sending the right vibe is that you don’t have to be talkative.
This is why introverted women have an advantage
You see, many women talk a lot, but never connect in conversation. They don’t know how to use the power of body language, subtle sensuality, and poetic communication to make a man melt.
They don’t know that there is an invisible switch within you. Flip the switch and you glow like a star for every man you meet. Men are drawn to your light and your words become secondary.
Of course, you will have to say something. But the first and most crucial step to attraction is flipping that switch and changing your vibe.
How to go from closed off to open and approachable
Have you ever been approached by a man who wasn’t your type? Did you immediately put up your shields to maximum resistance and have a “NO” ready on the tip of your tongue before he even introduced himself?
Or have you walked down the street, arms folded, head down, trying your best to send “stay away from me” vibes to the men you pass? After all, these men aren’t your soulmate. They are too young, too old, too poor, too short, too pompous.
So, you walk around with a closed vibe until you come across a man you like. And then you frantically try to take the shields down, open up, and be inviting towards him. And only him. Can you see the problem with this approach?
It’s pretty hard to make yourself invisible to every man on the continent and then suddenly glow like the sun for one special man.
The secret to changing your vibe quickly is to flick the switch before you even go out. Learn how to turn yourself on, and then glow unapologetically for every man—and every human, for that matter—you meet.
I know you might feel some resistance to this. The idea of lowering your guard seems scary and overwhelming. I’ve put together some tips to get you started.
Here are 3 ways to flick the switch and be a man magnet:
1. Allow men to approach you.
The next time ANY man approaches you, resist the urge to put up a wall. Instead, look him in the eyes and receive whatever he is offering— whether it is a compliment, an introduction, or a dinner date. Drop your shoulders, relax your face, and listen to what he has to say, even if you don’t find him the least bit attractive.
2. Look up.
In my book, The Irresistible Introvert, I talk about the power of looking up. Men are a hundred times more likely to approach you when your nose is not buried in your phone or Kindle.
When you look up, you’ll see that men are everywhere and abundant, and many of them are looking your way. They are waiting for you to send them subtle signals that you’re approachable.
3. Kill the Prince.
As an introverted woman, you probably have a pretty active imagination. You fantasize about a perfect prince of a man sweeping you off your feet. But there’s a BIG problem with this daydream.
Your One Perfect Prince doesn’t exist. And even if he does, thinking of him as the only guy for you will scare him away. No man deserves to be on a pedestal. Ever. Look up from the fantasies, darling, and you’ll see that there is an infinite pool of good men out there. Give them a chance.
Having the right vibe is important, but I also want you to know this:
You do NOT have to change your personality to be attractive to a man. Being irresistible to good men is not about pretending or striving. It’s about revealing the sensual glow that already exists within you.
For more practical tools to open up, be more sensual, and truly glow on dates, download my free First Date Checklist For Introverted Women.
I based the First Date Checklist on my experiences going on over 100 dates with men, and consulting with the world’s top dating coaches. It’s one of the only guides made by and for introverted women based on proven tools that really work for quiet gals like us.
You’ll also get exclusive dating and attraction articles on how to use poetic communication, the art of flirting without words, and so much more.
Get the First Date Checklist and Exclusive Dating Content
What about you, darling?
Can you relate to what I’ve shared today? Please do share your thoughts and questions in the comments below. I’d love to hear form you!
Share this article with a fellow innie woman who is looking for love. 😉
Lots of love,
Your article really resonated with me. As an innie who is an attractive woman, I always wondered why so few men approached me. Obviously I put up a huge wall. What your article spelled out to me is that I didn’t have my light on, EVER! My sister, even though overweight, was constantly getting hit on. Picturing her brilliant smile when she talks to people made me understand what you are taking about. I know that my light IS bright, I just have to remember to flip my switch on!
Yes, Darla! I’m glad that the article resonated. It was exactly the same for me up until about six years ago when I had my ‘lightbulb moment’.
I realized I feel more comfortable when I’m more focused on having a good time getting to know my date. The overthinking is still there, but I use it as a compass (am I anxious because I do like this guy or the other way around?) and remind myself that’s about me too. Do you know what’s funny? My dates always say the first they liked about me was my ‘shy smile’ and gentle nature. We don’t know our own power, y’all.
Thanks so much for sharing that! I like what you said about focusing on having a good time, instead of overthinking-great advice. 😉
“We don’t know our own power”
We don’t OWN our power, either.
Michaela is so right. You don’t have to be outgoing or extroverted for a man to fall head-over-heels for you. I’ll preface this by saying I suffer from a bit of anxiety in social situations where I don’t really know anyone (so I guess if the guy you have your eye on is not like me, the situation may be different but I can only speak for myself), but as a man myself I actually prefer introducing myself to women who aren’t extroverted. I’m much more likely to introduce myself to someone who is quiet, sitting in the corner and not talking to anyone else…even if they happen to be looking down (just so long as they’re not looking at their phone). When someone is being super talkative with their 5 best friends, I’m not usually interested. Shyness is attractive. I actually prefer someone who is shy, just as long as you’re sweet and don’t close yourself off to me, just share whatever comes to mind…and if nothing comes to mind, share that too, I just want to be your friend. I’d much rather introduce myself to someone who will be genuine with me and who might be willing to talk about deeper things than just fluffy small-talk. I’d much rather talk to someone who is open to me rather than someone who is just going to write me off.
Thanks so much for sharing that Jon! It’s great to hear a man’s perspective on this. Thanks for appreciating what us quiet women have to offer. 🙂
Right on the money advice. What you write applies to introverted or shy men too. Your advice also applies to anyone who wants to meet new people for networking, looking for a business partner, an investor, a mentor or anyone who wants to connect with someone new. Innies like to have deep connections with a few special people, this is a good way to find them. Nice job Michaela.
I can totally relate to this article. As an introverted young woman, I always thought that my introversion scared men. The fact that I’m really quiet, that I don’t talk a lot in a social event… I used to tell myself: “maybe I’m not interesting enough for them” But, we, Introverted women, have a lot to offer, we can shine in our way and be irresistible. I learn a lot from your articles and I’m so glad that I’m not the only to feel the way I feel. Looking forward for more articles like this one! ?
Good to see this kind of advice going out. As an introvert and a guy, it was always easier to connect with female extroverts because there was more visibly there to connect with! In the past two or three years, for the first time I’d dated a few introverted women and it was really work to try to get them to open up – they would talk, but “the switch” was definitely not flipped on. It wasn’t an issue of chemistry, they liked me well enough, but they didn’t grasp what Michaela is talking about here.
“Do men like quiet women?” Who cares? Honestly, I hope this article title is simply poorly phrased, because I’d hate to think that women’s primary concern should be what men like.
I’m with the saltyfeminist on this one.
And a couple of these tips, primarily #1, raise quite the red flags for me. “Allow men to approach me?” Pass. The last time I let myself be open and unguarded around strange men I was assaulted with a barrage of decidedly less than flattering comments about my body and precisely what they’d like to do to it. Scary.
I’m perfectly happy to keep myself walled off from the plethora of creepers out there. If the right guy (or girl) wants a piece of this, they’re gonna have to work for it. It ain’t worth it, otherwise.
But- what it means- ‘ light on’ ?
There are many types od introverts, including those sensual. I am definitely not, with intelectual / intuitive/ detached Vibe rather. My appearence is good, I really like it, but i will never get that ‘ feminine’ look as you have on your avatar.
Believe me or not, I try various things, and only acting and pretending being an extravert brought me some effects.
Thank you, this was so helpful! It really made me realize that being outgoing isn’t everything.
This article was beautiful from beginning to end and definitely described me to the core. I will continue to work on my body langauage, being approachable and look up at all times so, I can notice who is noticing me. Gratitude!!!!!