Have you ever felt so shy around men you liked that you avoided them altogether? Maybe you felt so awkward and self-conscious that talking to a particular man felt painful.
It hurt like crazy because your interactions with this special guy went so differently than how you imagined.
After all, as an introverted woman, you tend to think a lot. You fantasize about conversations with the man you like. You imagine yourself opening up to him, as he looks at you with love and acceptance. But there’s a problem.
Reality doesn’t match up to your fantasies. No matter how hard you try, you still feel shy around men, especially the ones you really like. I know how frustrating this can be.
I used to be extremely shy around men. I would spend YEARS pining after one particular man. Meanwhile I could count on one hand the number of times I actually talked to said man. I would fantasize and long, but speaking to him was a whole different story.
I felt painfully awkward, overthinking everything from my body language, to my appearance, to the few words I did say. Looking back, I did all the wrong things. Maybe you’ve made these innocent mistakes when talking to men, too. After all, many introverted women who are shy around men fall prey to these sneaky traps.
What is NOT working:
Voting for the other woman
As a quiet woman who feels shy around men, you likely do what I did for many years. When you like a man, you automatically assume he would be better off with another woman.
You think he deserves someone who is more outgoing, charming, and sweet. Or more talented, beautiful, and accomplished. In your mind, you vote for the other team before even taking a swing. The secret to connecting to a man’s heart is to always vote for you.
Trying to impress him
Have you ever tried to impress a man with your amazing cooking skills, credentials, life experiences, or intelligence? I sure have.
This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but when I was a teenager, painfully shy around men, and devoutly religious, my primary flirtation tool was baking. I thought I could win over my crush’s affection by baking him cookies.
As you’ve probably guessed, this did not work. Trying to get a man to like you by impressing him creates a vibe of reaching and striving, which pushes men away.
Manipulation and games
One thing that really breaks my heart is the amount of bad dating advice introverted women receive. There are so many dating coaches out there who only focus on tactics, games, and manipulation.
This approach might appear to work in the short term, but it does NOT lead to the kind of true connection and intimacy introverted women need.
For quiet women, it’s important to work from the inside out to change your vibe, open up naturally, and reveal your sensual side, WITHOUT being fake or playing games.
You’re so close, darling
If you’ve found yourself falling into any or all of the above mistakes, don’t feel bad. We’ve all done it. The good news is that it’s very easy to turn things around.
And you won’t need to lose twenty pounds, or get another degree, or go through years of therapy to fix yourself. You won’t even need to “put yourself out there” a lot. Because, guess what.
True attraction is about revealing, rather than putting on a show. It’s about changing your mindset and knowing how to flick the attraction switch so you glow for every man.
I know that this might all sound overwhelming. But having gone from shy and awkward around men I liked, to getting my “PhD in dating”, and feeling like I could be comfortable, sensual, and open on a date with any man—I know what works for quiet, introverted women.
Best of all, with these small shifts, you will see a difference in the way men react to you immediately. It really will feel like you’ve flicked the attraction switch, and suddenly men are striving to impress YOU.
Here are 3 quiet ways to connect with his heart, even if you’re shy around men:
1. Reconnect with your own heart.
When was the last time you checked in with your own heart and emotions? Do you know what your heart wants? Do you listen to it when it is hurting? Or do you drown out its messages with distractions, food, or constant striving for perfection? Here’s the thing:
A man cannot connect with your heart if you are in a constant state of disconnection.
Take a moment now to listen to your heart. Place your hand over your chest and ask your heart what it wants to tell you. You might be surprised at what you discover.
2. Turn yourself on.
There is so much advice out there on how to turn a man on. But the true secret to driving a man wild has to do with how YOU feel. Studies have shown that men get aroused when they know that a woman is turned on. This applies outside the bedroom, too.
Even if you’re shy around men, you can always turn yourself on by doing activities that inspire you and make you feel alive. Wear clothes and underwear that express who you are and make you feel sexy. Do nice things for yourself, and take care of your body and mind.
3. Receive + appreciate.
Feeling shy around men doesn’t have to be a huge barrier. You don’t have to be witty, or even very talkative to truly connect with a man. The secret to cutting through all the small talk and awkwardness on dates is to focus on receiving and appreciating.
This means accepting what a man offers in word or deed with genuine appreciation. When he gives you a compliment, really receive it and allow it to light you up with happiness.
Say a simple “thank you” without feeling the need to compliment him back, or downplay his words by insulting yourself. If he pays for dinner, avoid the urge to get awkward about it and offer to pay half. Instead, say, “thank you for dinner, I really enjoyed that. What a treat!”
You might also receive his flirtations by looking him in the eye and smiling, instead of putting up a wall. Or show your appreciation by complimenting his choice of venue: “I love the atmosphere here, I’m so happy you chose this place!”
Feel more open and sensual on dates
I know that first dates can be insanely daunting for quiet women like us. That’s why I put together my First Date Checklist For Introverted Women. You’ll discover how to be more open, sensual, and authentic on dates, even if you normally feel awkward and tongue-tied around men you like.
You’ll also receive exclusive dating content I never share on the blog.
What about you?
Can you relate to what I shared? What are your biggest struggles when it comes to dating? Feel free to share your questions and experiences in the comments below.
And be sure to share this article with an introverted woman who is looking for love. 🙂
Lots of love,