Being an introverted woman in an extrovert’s world isn’t always easy. People often expect women to be talkative and outgoing. As a quiet woman, you might feel like you are destined to live the life of a wallflower, always feeling underestimated and overlooked.
But exuding confidence as an introverted woman is easy when you stop making the big mistake that keeps many quiet women stuck. I should know. I made this mistake for years, and it led to a lot of exhaustion and heartbreak. Not only that.
It actually lowered my self-esteem—the opposite of what I was striving so hard for! At times, my misguided approach did appear to be working. It would temporarily get me noticed, or make me feel more attractive. But eventually things would start to unravel and I would be left feeling more lost, lonely, and unloveable than ever.
Are you making this big mistake?
The big mistake I made is something you’re probably all too familiar with as an introverted woman. I don’t blame you for falling into this trap. From a young age you’ve received the message that extroversion is the way to success, popularity, and love.
Like most innie women, you are conscientious. You want to be good and do the right thing. So, you push yourself to be more bubbly, outgoing, and talkative. You take it to heart when the pompous jerk in marketing tells you to “stop being so serious” and “turn that frown upside down”.
Why it hursts so much
As an introverted woman these kind of comments aren’t just annoying. They are hurtful. They make you feel like you’re not worthy of love because of something that goes to the heart of who you are: your personality.
But for quiet, sensitive women, pushing ourselves too hard to be extroverted always backfires. We get worn out by too much socializing and not enough reflection in solitude. We disconnect from our authentic self, which leaves us feeling empty, like a hollow shell with a shiny top layer.
Eventually the shine begins to fade, too, as cracks in your energy and self-worth form. There is a better way to build and exude confidence as an introverted woman. And it is much more effective than simply ‘turning your frown upside down.’
After all, building confidence isn’t just about what is on the outside. It’s about creating shifts in the way you see yourself, and how you feel in your own body.
Here are my top tips to exude more confidence as an introverted woman, even if you are quiet and struggle with low self-esteem.
6 Ways Introverted Women Can Exude Confidence
1. Reframe your flaws.
What do you see when you look in the mirror? Chances are that your flaws jump out at you. The same goes for when you assess your personality. You only see where you lack. What do you think confident women see when they look in the mirror. It might surprise you to hear this, but they see their flaws, too, except there is a catch.
Confident women know how to mentally reframe their flaws so that they feel good about themselves. For example, instead of thinking that you are too strange to be loveable, see yourself as a specialty item. Sure, being normal may be convenient, but people will cross town, or even continents, for a specialty item. Own your uniqueness, darling.
2. Stop comparing and despairing.
Nothing is more detrimental to an introverted woman’s self-esteem than comparisons. I know how easy it is to compare yourself to outgoing extroverted women, but it is not a fair comparison.
It’s like comparing apples to oranges. You have different needs and strengths than an extrovert. She might be more talkative, but you are more intuitive. She might be more popular, but your relationships are more meaningful. So, please, just let go of the comparisons. And while you’re at it…
3. Let go of energy vampires.
Have you ever been with someone who makes you feel completely and utterly drained? Not only that, they also make you feel less than, like you are a second class citizen in your own life.
There are people out there who are what I call “energy vampires”, they will suck the life—and the self-esteem—right out of you without offering anything in return. If you want to exude true confidence, it’s important to let go of energy vampires, even the ones who seem to have good intentions. Your energy is precious. Save it for those who deserve it.
4. Stop judging.
One of the unfortunate side-effects of having a busy brain is that you can develop some very destructive mental habits. Constantly judging everything is one of them. It doesn’t help that we live in a society where we are continuously rating and reviewing our experiences.
The next time you feel yourself judging a situation or person, including yourself, do this instead: Focus on emotions, sensations, and observations, without judging any of it as good or bad. Trust me, it will feel good to let go of the need to judge everything. Your vibe will quickly shift from snobbish and stressed to calmly confident.
5. Speak nicely to yourself.
Do you have a nasty voice in your head that won’t shut up? The more you listen to the voice, the louder it gets. Replace the voice’s mean criticisms with kind words. Speak to yourself as you would a sensitive child who needs to be encouraged and loved. Instead of saying, “that’s not good enough”, say, “you are doing your best, honey, keep going.”
6. Dating confidence
I get a lot of emails from introverted women who want dating advice. Exuding confidence is a key part of attracting a high value man or woman into your life. It’s also important to know how to open up, be sensual, and boost your attractiveness, without being fake.
Download my First Date Checklist for Introverted Women and you’ll discover how to shine on a first date and beyond, even if you’re quiet and shy.
You’ll also get my introvert confidence lessons, so you can build true confidence from the inside out—no extroversion required. It’s all free.
Get the checklist and confidence lessons here.
Lots of love,