Dear Innie Friend,
Oh, I’m tired today! I have been in Puerto Vallarta for about ten days now, and I spent the first week doing and seeing so much.
As an introvert, I tend to be like a social camel, storing up energy and then spending it all at once. I don’t really mind these peaks and valleys in activity as it feels natural to me now.
Problems arise when I try to go against the flow and be ‘on’ all the time. Or when I don’t recognize when it’s time to come out of my cocoon again and explore.
Exploring Yelapa, a small beach town near Puerto Vallarta.
The other issue with my social camel ways is that it means my behavior is inconsistent and confusing to others who wonder why I’m chatty one day and standoffish the next. It’s even confusing to me. Take the other day, for example.
I was eating at a vegan restaurant here in Puerto Vallarta. It was one of those places where the owner is always front and centre, working on his laptop, or floating around talking to customers.
He came to chat with me at my table, explaining the various dishes to me in a basic level of Spanish that I could comprehend. On that particular day, I welcomed the interaction because I was at the peak of my social energy cycle.
When I returned a few days later, however, the whole experience felt different. I was starting to feel fatigued from all the outing and abouting and the owner’s friendliness made me prickly. I wished that I could be invisible and he would just leave me alone.
This is one of the hardest aspects of travelling or moving to a new city as an introvert. It’s all very exciting, but also overwhelming. Meanwhile, you’re surrounded by new people who probably won’t understand your energy ups and downs.
That’s why it was so refreshing to go on the introvert retreat to Tulum, Mexico last year. We all understood one another’s needs and there was no need to explain or apologize.
I’ve decided to stay in Puerto Vallarta for all of February, so I’ll have enough time to catch my breath before this year’s introvert retreat to Peru (Peru!!!!), which takes place March 23-30.
How I’m restoring myself
I’ve found that the key to thriving despite my inconsistent social energy levels is to know when and how to restore myself. Aside from going into sloth mode, sleeping in, and moving at a glacial pace, I also try to reduce noise and spend time in nature.
For example, I didn’t sleep well during my first week here in Puerto Vallarta because I stayed in a central neighbourhood that was always buzzing with activity and noise pollution: dogs barking, traffic, the strange screech of Tortillaria machines churning out tortillas.
It was okay for a short period of time because I wanted to explore downtown and easily meet up with friends. But now that I’ve moved to a quieter neighbourhood I’m sleeping much better. I also find it easier to write, which is a very restorative activity for me.
What about you?
Can you relate to my social camel ways? You can share your thoughts in the comments below. ?
Xo,
I can relate, though it’s very, very rare for me to chat with someone unless I’m very comfortable with him or her.
Yes
Totally Relating….good to read i m not the only one feeling this way and that was totally #being_introvert
Anytime im in the same place. I dont want assume. I’ve got a lot of realise. Very intence.
Im having out body experience right now. Often last 6 months
Hi Troy, I wonder what you mean by out of body experience?
I didn’t know there was a name for how I was, but “social camel” is what I am indeed. I have been very content in not having any interaction with anyone in the apartment complex where I live. I DO NOT like interaction with people who are attention seekers. I’m NOT comfortable with anyone unless I know them very well. I am quite happy by myself and my cat.
Inconsistent. That is the perfect word. I can definately relate to that. I’m so incredibly inconsistent. It all depends on my energy and if it’s depleted or replenished.
Hope you enjoy your retreat! And sending happy recharging vibes 🙂
Oh my gosh, reading this was such a comfort. When you described that the owner in the restaurant was talking to you and this time you felt prickly, I totally get it! I like social intervention in “drive-by’s,” that is, just for a couple of minutes and then I’m done. Until I found your website, I just thought I was so weird and I always have felt so bad about myself that I feel this way. I’m only starting to be okay with being different from so many other people.
Absolutely. Finding out I am an introvert is almost as stunning to me as finding out, in my forties (like a gale warning) I was adopted at birth. A social camel describes me well, I go from an extroverted blabber to a dumb like silence that people around me say “you ok Chris?” And I have to make up some lame excuse as to why I am silent.
I don’t know if I’m a social camel, but it’s nice to see you having a good time there. I wish there were more vegan shops at my place…or at least, one that sells vegetarian food.
I can totally relate. Thank you. Your article are so refreshing for me.
I can absolutely relate.This is why I find travelling to different places just to visit people so stressful.I tend to use up all my energy very early on and then fight my way through the vacation and visit.I tend not to accept invitations further away which would make it necessary for me to say for a few days.As I have children living abroad it makes me very sad.
I like how you said that Chris. My Mom and Dad live a couple of states away. Actually Dad has passed so its just Mom now but it is so stressful to me to journey up to visit her now. I use up most of my energy on the long drive and when I first see her. But we are obligated to spend at least another day there before we turn around for the long drive back. By the end of that day I am drained and itching to get back to my world. Thankfully I can just call her but she doesn’t use any other technology so its the best I can do. I used to feel guilt but now I just accept it that that is the way it is.
Yes I can relate 100%. The downside is you are perceived as weird and non-accommodating. I cannot cope with ongoing interaction and need constant time out which does not always go down well. I completely understand myself but do not have the ability to change this trait. It is difficult when it upsets those around me as it perhaps looks intentional when it really is not. Very few people understand me and this is painful to accept.
Any advice?
Hi Phoenicia. I find telling people you’re an introvert in a casual way helps a lot. When I made new friends here in Vallarta, I talked about how sometimes it can be tough to travel as an introvert because I get tired easily and needs lots of time alone. This way, they understood right away not to take my behaviour personally.
oh my…I feel the same as you do. My friends think i’m a snub, and some of my relatives think i’m weird .The thing is i only talk when i’m in the mood to, or when i feel there’s need to. other times i just wish to be alone, sleeping, or just thinking. Although i’m an extrovert. Is it write to say i’m an extroverted-introvert?
Sure, or you could be a “social introvert” or maybe you’re in the middle of the spectrum and you’re an “ambivert”. 🙂
That is such great advice you gave just above. Saying the words, “i tend to be an introvert” or “im pretty much an introvert”… and reminding partners helps too. I’m a partner of one and I also personally relate fully with your PV story. – It reminded me to accept myself when I get anxious or too easily annoyed by the world. I still think I may be a mid-liner (some innie, some outie) but I certainly need the down time. When I was traveling regularly, I built a process that works for me. Now that I’m at home more – I’m confused about my social needs and trying to re-formulate what works. Your stories help. Thank you.
Sometimes my energy level is so high I can talk to anyone about anything but then I think to myself “what are you blathering about”then I scare myself
Other times I just stare and refuel my camel and appear like I am thinking really deep when actually I am trying to rest.
Well said Pata!I know exactly what you mean.
Just a few words
I love listening to other people on this blog. It makes me feel at home
And comfortable.
I relate to you Michaela. My wife and I just got back from a vacation in Vegas. I was around so many crowds of people and took in so much visual and auditory stimulation that I am still, three days later, recovering. Luckily I have a couple of good friends who understand me and though the want to get together for a beer and a discussion of my trip, they will give me all the time I need to recharge first! Vegas is definitely a city for extroverts. As an innie I probably had no business going there. But curiosity over all the fuss about the place prevailed. All in all it was enjoyable. Just need a week to recharge now.
how is it like to be married to an extrovert.How do you do it? please share with me.i am married to an extrovert and it is draining me.
I didn’t think there was a word to describe my high and lows. Sometimes I get scared that one day it’ll ruin my relationship because doesn’t understand me, but I don’t know how to explain it to someone else that can’t relate. It’s really a struggle for me.
This has been so interesting to read and read through the comments. I, too, am an introvert and it is wreaking havoc on my marriage. We went to a marriage counselor and talked about it for several sessions and my husband was told I just need to retreat into myself and be left alone occasionally. When I am feeling like that I tell him I do not want anyone in my bubble, so it’s clear. He always says to me, I want you in my bubble even if I don’t want anyone else in it, therefore he expects me to be the same as him when I just want to be alone. How do others with spouse’s like that deal with it?
M
Maybe you can tackle such a situation by allowing him in your bubble, but requiring that he’s silent while in it. That way he can get the experience of being around you, while you’re able to benefit from the silence.
That’s my biggest thing as an INFJ, for ex. Although I will want my significant other to share my bubble with me most of the time, I just don’t want him to speak while in it. I like the sacred space that is silence, and shared silence can sometimes be even better because just the existence of that natural, comfortable, quiet bubble means they understand you, and, if ideal, also favor that silence, too, without losing appreciation for the time as “together time.”
You people are my family that i was looking for all along.i relate to all (pretty much) these experiences thanks Michaela