Do you ever get sick of hearing advice about how to fix your introversion? Thoughtful introverts really take criticism, or even well-meaning advice, to heart. We tend to overthink our flaws and downplay our amazing strengths. That’s why today’s article is all about how to be an introverted boss. And by “boss”, I mean introverted baddass (not team leader or office tyrant).
You see, I don’t want to give you one more reminder of your inadequacies. I know that you already pick yourself apart and feel guilty about each and every way you’re less than perfect. I also know how exhausting it is to be so hard on yourself all the time.
Sometimes, you just need to take a deep breath, let go of the need to be everything to everyone, and embrace the introverted boss that you already are. I hope today’s article will help you do just that.
How to be an introverted boss
1. Stop apologizing for your introversion.
As an introvert you may have gotten in the habit of holding your insecurities in your body, letting your spine curl into an apology. You say sorry for things that actually make you really awesome, like your ability to be alone without getting bored. Or the thoughtful way you approach life. An introverted boss embraces every aspect of who they are, and never apologizes for their needs, opinions, and preferences.
2. Live life on your own terms.
Did you know that one of the top deathbed regrets is living life on other people’s terms? Yep, when grandma is about to breathe her last, she’s not wishing that she spent more time people-pleasing. She’s kicking herself for not flipping the bird at the status quo and living life on her own terms.
As an introvert, people have probably told you that you need to change to fit in. But that will never make you truly happy. The true introverted boss isn’t afraid to do their own thing. Life’s too short to pander to the conformists. Make your own path, and enjoy the journey.
3. Make people hate you.
Okay, this one needs some explanation. When I first started out blogging five years ago, one of the most golden pieces of advice I received was to never try to please everyone with your writing.
The best creators are polarizing. They have a strong voice and their opinions rub some people the wrong way. But the right people identify so deeply with your work that they feel an emotional, often life-changing, connection to you.
So, yeah, if you want to connect on an emotional level with the right people, sometimes you’ll have to piss the wrong people off. Being an introverted baddass means sharing your authentic voice, even if that voice goes against the grain—especially if it does!
You’re okay with not being the nice guy who runs himself ragged just to make others happy. Or the nice girl who never shares her true opinions for fear that she’ll offend someone.
4. Listen to your gut.
A true introverted boss has an insanely strong internal compass and she actually follows it. Instead of ignoring your gut instincts, learn to listen to them. Use your introverted love of solitude to get quiet, reconnect with your intuition, and start feeling (instead of forcing) your way through life. Flow with the river, as the Taoists would say.
The good news is introverts are naturally intuitive. You also tend to spend a lot of time reflecting. Instead of mindlessly going through the motions in life, you feel an innate need to slow down and mentally process everything you’ve been through. Don’t ignore this trait. It’s what makes you an introverted baddass, and just plain awesome.
5. Take more risks.
Don’t let the people who don’t really understand you tell you that you’re too timid to be a baddass. An introverted boss knows that you can be both quiet and bold, thoughtful and ambitious, gentle and fierce.
Unearth your secret desire to see/do/be more than your practical self will ever admit. Drag your dreams into existent even if they come out kicking and screaming. An authentic and meaningful life is worth the risk of rejection and failure.
6. Create with abandon.
Most introverts have a mean creative streak. Unfortunately, a lot of us push creativity aside in favour of more practical endeavours. But the process of creativity is a reward in itself. It makes you smarter, happier, wiser, and more of who you were always meant to be. But it’s more than that.
If you have a gift—if you can write, paint, dance, act—why not make the most of it? As Stephen King put it in his book On Writing:
“If God gives you something you can do, why in God’s name wouldn’t you do it?”
An introverted boss knows the power of their art, so they create with abandon and enjoy every minute.
As for fixing yourself…
If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I’m all about helping introverts to embrace their introversion and live life on their own terms. I never tell you to fix yourself or become an extrovert. But I do share concrete steps on how to build confidence, connection, and self-love in your own introverted way.
Much of what I share never shows up on the blog. It’s all hidden away in my secret innie community (a.k.a my mailing list). Subscribe and you can get all my secret goodies, including introvert confidence lessons, and a free Introvert Connection guide. Go here to subscribe and get the free guide.
Over to you
What resonated with you most in this article? Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below. We’d love to hear from you!
Love,
This article couldn’t have come at a better time because right now I live in a boarding house for college and its so hard to be yourself when everyone is in your business all the time. They usually don’t understand it when I keep to myself most of the time. So thank you Michaela for making me feel like I shouldn’t have to change to fit in although its hard at times.
I feel for you. When I’ve had to share for financial reasons, I found it very difficult. I just didn’t match the others, and was considered anti-social if I wanted to spend lots of time in my room. Always ended in tears! I didn’t have a community like this to support me; I thought I DID have a serious problem.
My quietness is often misinterpreted as passive, laid-back, gentle etc but that’s not who I actually am: do have strong opinions that can /do rub some the wrong way and am both passionate and fierce (and determined lol) in their expression. The people most agitated by my opinions are those who try to shove their agendas and viewpoints down my throat;)
This resonates with me profoundly as the service manager at a dealership, known to be the worst job at the dealership to have and being an introvert has made it even more challenging. The only way I tolerate it is with lunches by myself to reenergize and prepare for the rest of the day. You gave great advice that I will try to use.
What resonated with me was when you spoke about connecting deeply with some and in the process pissing others off unintentionally of coarse! but every day my mission is to live authentically and unapologetic!!! Thanks Michaela!! For your blog and everything your doing to give back be blessed!
Your article has impacted me greatly and it came at the right time.
All I can say is thank you for always reminding me to love who I am. It is never easy to just do your own thing and not try to please everyone. But you have broke it down and explained how and why that it possible and important.
I love it all, especially: “Life’s too short to pander to the conformists. Make your own path, and enjoy the journey.” So incredibly true.
Also really dig #4, about listening to your gut. Yes yes yes!
That’s exactly what I needed to read today! I just got in the side hustle vibe and I could really use some advice from another introvert. Listening to my gut did resonate with me. It’s like I already have the answers to most of my questions, deep inside, but I need to dig a little deeper. Now I know I’m on the right path. Thanks, Michaela! <3
Thanks Michaela. I work in Quality, and do audits. If I am giving support, “you’re doing well”, I’m really good at that, but if I have to give bad findings the fearfulness comes over me; it’s not all fear of giving offence, but equally a fear of what is going to come back at me, as I find it very difficult to handle criticism, anger, negative emotions directed at me. I have a serious ongoing problem with one person and I find myself wanting to avoid him, but that is the wrong approach. I have to prepare before interactions – put my force-field bubble boundary on maximum strength, prepare responses for what I expect him to say, stay detached and unemotional. Good reference: Suzette Haden Elgin: “the simple art of verbal self-defense”.
Am personally an introverted auditor, but the devil in my mind is awakened by clients who think my silence is a sign of weakness. They always regret the decision.
This came right on time. I’m in the process of continuing personal growth, and usI love your content so much. Every since I started following you, I’ve come to embrace being an introvert and working to enhance my skills. You’re truly appreciated.
That’s so wonderful to hear, Sabrina!
Hi Michala I relate on this at a level that a very few people may have experience.
I came from a family of narcissists & enablers, escaped I thought relatively unscathed, though I was an introvert form a very young age. I had little to no understanding of social skills at a personal level. So I struggled on for years, in the mistaken belief that I would be able to pick things up as they went along. Well that never really happened in my young adult. Fast forward to my mid 40’s I ended up with a rare autoimmune, the metaphysical can have a long term effect on our physical wellness. I was lucky to survive it, but my rheumatologist told me that most autoimmunes have a mental, social & behavioural aspect to them, the reality of what my family had put me through & instilled in me became something that I needed to change, I have slowly realised that I had to be more balanced in my thinking & my external relationship with the world. I struggled but I do think that I’m so much better than I was. I’m still an introvert at heart, often easily hurt, but I’m so much more aware of what I need to be doing & how I’m meant to be living my life
Your message could not have found me on a better day..I normally scroll through my emails..and star the ones I hope to come back to..
I needed Inspiration.. someone other than myself..someone..who knows exactly to the letter what I did today..and there you were…
As I seek in desperation to find a friend through a chaotic web of inedible & junk mail..I see the light..
I quit my job earlier today well at least one of them..I was barracking at a local pub..on the main strip of S.A. its part of the lgbt community..
To persue my passion..writing..I am a W.I.P. and trying to sharpen my writing skills and indulge my face into a book of new words learn..to expand my vocabulary along with my awareness..As I learn I reflect..and precisely after I quit my 2nd job..I put on my favorite sweats..my superman muscle shirt and t-shirt over it..”just encase I had more than 1 person to rescue and my t-shirt get filthy in the process..I still had my undie shirt so I can flex my journal & pen carrying muscles!” and went to the park up the street from where I live..and just read by the running water and sat on a rock by the creek..I grounded my Lil rush as my shoes and feet got wet in the water..hoping to catch a craw fish or 2 in between my toes..I reflected on why I quit..I gave thanks to that job..and the people I met…and reflected on my where I may be going..from here on out…but then it hit me..I didn’t care..were I was headed..because where I was now..in that moment..was exactly where I needed to be..because I followed my intuition and went with my gut..cuz as soon as I sat by the water..I found this article..and a beautiful crystallized rock to place on my bar!
Oh by the way I’m Christina..but I’m comfortable with Chris! Only because if you say my name in a normal American accent without Rollin’ the R..like my Mother in her super Mexican accent..well I have a fit and I won’t respond..and if you do….oh crap! I’ll run for the hills cuz I’ll think Im in trouble & run from my Ma’s Chancla Voladora! (long story) but..yeah I’m super excited! This is my first time ever commenting on any newsletter or blog…I finally feel brave enough to do so..Perhaps what I say isn’t as eloquent, sharp, or as eduacuated as I would like it to be..buts its definitely real!!
Especially for a Westside “Lesbian/Gay” Latina who everyone calls “Loka” or “Crazy” cuz Im different..and is totally not into the bar seen..or club scene..I put myself out there to experience the culture more..and I have..but I must say..I couldn’t happier to just be me.. finally accept the woman that truly am..I don’t like the labels..or the cliché..I love who I love and I am who I am..with no bias…
An writing extroverted Latina in with a mean introverted streak way of life..in a not so nice..yet polite way..
I am 39 and I’ve been single for close to 6 years now..I never knew who I truly was till after my 15 year marriage ended…I lived for my family and I got lost in being who she wanted me to be..I was so unhappy for years..but I wanted so badly to please her and our daughter…so much so that I resented her for it..but it was my own fault..it goes further but ill stop there..
Point is..after our separation..I won’t sit here and say..I didn’t miss her..or miss my family now..but I’ve never been this free in my entire life..to the point I actually did my first open mic..a few days ago..in front of a small crowd..that welcomed me in with there loud silence and smiles…after reading..A few vignettes from a book Im working on..I felt like an entirely different woman..A free Woman..A Brave Liberated from the Bullshit Woman..And I don’t plan on going Back!! Im Home!!!
Thank you for sharing that! So, inspiring that you’re embracing your uniqueness and that you shared at an open mic!
awesome article …Thank You!!
Michaela,
Awesome article. Thank you?.
I have and am continually learning I do not fit in and so what?
I have and am very much embracing it. Being the square peg in the round hole, is boring. I wish to be more than just a useless peg and the hole becomes irrelevant.
As I progress this becomes more and more truthful.
Love this! Thank you, Michaela! I’ve found I’m happier now that I don’t worry about what people think of me.
Michaela, I can see now you are indeed an “Introvert Badass”! I have come to realize I am an ambivert. This article was amazingly bold since it touched on so many areas I am grappling with right now. However your “Create With Abandon” message hit me between the eyes! I am slowly working on a startup business but probably self-sabotaging myself by applying for new positions at the SAME company I tell myself I need to escape from. Why? Because creating a new business with a sense of abandonment to job security is darn right scary! But I can never call myself a “badass” if I cannot cross this chasm. Thank you for sharing your boldness, lady!!!
I resonated most with not people pleasing. And apologising. (But I like when extroverts apologise to me when I’m annoyed by something they do!)
Also the take risks one.
Thank you for your post. I have struggled all my life (72 years) with my introversion, trying to change myself, making others comfortable and finally becoming largely reclusive. Recently I was invited to a weaving workshop and I found myself explaining my reluctance in going and apologising before even getting there for my silence. I would be engaged but most likely quiet or silent and that seems to offend people, I explained. How sad. I will go, I will probably be silent and I will most likely offend some people.