If you’re a single introvert who struggles with feelings of hopelessness and loneliness during the holidays, you may feel like things will never change.
Limiting thoughts play on repeat in your head…
Dating is draining and pointless.
If I start a relationship, I’ll lose my precious alone time.
The real me isn’t loveable.
I need to achieve/fix xyz in my life before I can meet “the one”.
No matter what I do, it always ends in heartbreak, so why bother?
These thoughts hum like a radiator in the background of your mind, so ever-present that you may not even notice them anymore.
But they are there, and they are dangerous because they keep you from seeing a crucial truth.
It’s a truth that my mentor, master coach Elizabeth Purvis told me once when I had expressed confusion over the end of a relationship.
“What am I missing?” I said.
Her answer was something I believe every introvert MUST hear, especially during this time of year.
Change happens in increments
You wouldn’t expect to go from making 20k a year to a million dollars with the snap of a finger. You’d expect your income to grow incrementally.
And, yet, if your next relationship doesn’t end in wedding bells, you’ll see that as a failure.
The truth is, if you’ve been doing the inner work and staying open to love, you’ve probably seen positive shifts that you haven’t acknowledged.
Perhaps, the last man or woman you dated treated you with more acceptance and respect than the others. Or YOU were more accepting and open-hearted than ever before.
It’s absolutely crucial to acknowledge these changes, so that you can see what new possibilities exist.
You’ll start to recognize…
Change is possible.
Relationships don’t have to be draining.
You can have your alone time, and enjoy it, too, EVEN IF you’re in a loving relationship.
You really are loveable just as you are.
But, of course, the mind doesn’t always respond to logic. It’s literally programmed to keep things the same, because it loves familiarity and safety.
So, old patterns and beliefs have a way of hanging out in our life until we consciously change them.
Over the years I’ve become a master of mental reframes and belief-shifting techniques.
I’ve used these techniques with my clients and in my own life to create major transformations in confidence, love, and money.
But none of these tools work without one key step.
Make a decision
There’s this myth that when you give up on trying to find love, it magically floats into your life.
While it’s true that releasing attachment is important, it doesn’t work if there hasn’t been a real internal shift first.
What works far better than giving up and hoping for the best is making a decision—a COMMITMENT— to what you want.
Create a vision, get clear on the exact feeling you want in a relationship, and truly believe that it’s possible.
Next, address whatever has been getting in the way. Because if you don’t have what you want yet there is always a reason.
And 99.99% of the time, subconscious programming (those radiator thoughts humming in the background) is the reason.
As an introvert author of The Irresistible Introvert who has helped 1000+ students and clients build confidence and connections, I have so much to share with you.
For starters, gain clear steps for dating confidence as an introvert in my free guides:
First Date Checklist for Introverted Women
Flirting Guide for Introverted Men
Remember, you’re further along than you were before. You ARE changing, and there IS hope. <3
I don’t expect to find anyone who wants me – ever. I’ve never approached a woman in my life because rejection will always be guaranteed. Many sources say that single people should focus on finding someone who does want them and not chase people who don’t. In my case, looking would be pointless because there is no such woman out there. I am fundamentally unattractive. It’s not physical, health-related, external (appearance) or professionally-related – I just know deep inside that no woman will ever be attracted to me no matter what I do, so I don’t bother.
I am disappointed to read this Paul. I wish you knew that there are women who will love you unconditionally without caring of you being unattractive (the way you described it). There’s always that one woman who would want you.