The other day, a Facebook friend of mine posted about his Costco date with his wife.
“Noting beats Costco pizza on date night!” #busyparents
His post brought to light an epidemic that our society as been struggling with since long before COVID: busyness.
Many introverts feel too busy to fit in day-to-day activities, let alone go on dates. It’s especially difficult to make time to date when you don’t know if those dates will even go anywhere.
It’s hard to prioritize something that has typically drained and disappointed you, even though deep down you know that bad dates are something everyone experiences on the path to true love.
Another conundrum is the fact that introverts usually need time to open up and feel comfortable with someone new. How does one make space for slow bloom love?
The first step is to ask yourself a simple question:
Why are you so busy?
Since busyness can be a sneaky way to avoid intimacy and connection, it’s worthwhile to take a look at the reasons why your schedule is so packed.
You may have a lot of necessary obligations in your life…or perhaps, busyness is way to avoid the discomfort of getting close to someone.
Whatever the reason for your jam-packed schedule, making space to connect and be spontaneous is essential. Speaking of which…
When was the last time you did something spontaneous?
Taking a last minute trip, accepting an unexpected invitation, or even just popping into a store when you hadn’t planned on shopping—these are all acts of spontaneity.
Most adults tell themselves that they don’t have time to be spontaneous. And why should it matter since spontaneity isn’t practical? Here’s the thing.
Leaving room for the unexpected is a key element of romance and connection. There are two very good reasons for this.
1. Spontaneity makes you AWAKE to your own life
The most attractive people are not necessarily outgoing or traditionally beautiful; they are present, alive and in the moment. Once you allow yourself to go into autopilot, it becomes more difficult to find and attract the right person.
2. Spontaneity creates a spark
I’m not just talking about a romantic spark. When you leave room for some unplanned magic, you light a spark within yourself.
This is another key to attraction: turn on your inner light switch so that you shine like a beacon for the right person to come find you.
You might be wondering how to be more spontaneous when dating. Don’t worry, it doesn’t involve bungee jumping or joining a flash mob.
Make space for magic
All that’s required is space and openness. When your mind and your schedule or filled to the brim, there’s no room for wonder and play.
It’s also hard to relax when you’re scheduled to the max, which is unfortunate because relaxation is key for flirty, creative conversations.
The secret is to make time before you even start dating. It’s much easier to find the right person when you already have room in your life for connection.
As the saying goes, “an empty space must be filled” so why not fill it with love?
How to find time to date
Making room in your busy schedule can be as simple as prioritizing meaning over busyness.
Is everything in your calendar either absolutely necessary (work, kids) or absolutely fulfilling (passions, friendships)?
If not, consider saying goodbye to the empty obligations and making space for something more meaningful.
Let go of what dates should look like
You can also weave your priorities into your dates. For example, if fitness is important to you, go on hikes or bike rides for dates. If your dog takes a lot of your time, bring them on a walking date.
Dates don’t have to be long or formal. You can do a short walk or coffee. Or you can invite your date to meet you at an activity you were already planning on attending.
There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to what your dating life should look like.
In fact, let’s throw out the word “should” altogether, as it’s a huge block to spontaneity and connection.
Make space in your heart
Above all else, be sure to make emotional space for the right person. We introverts may be quiet, but our emotions run deep.
Make room in your heart and mind for someone new. You may need to evict some longtime tenants named Regret and Hurt, but they weren’t paying rent anyway.