There are a lot of ways that introverts might sabotage our own happiness. Why would we do this?
Well, at the root of the problem is a lack of self-love. When we don’t love ourselves, we start to treat ourselves as the enemy.
What do you do, or want to do to your enemy?
Most likely, you want to take something from them, or prevent them from getting what they want.
For example, if you have a colleague who steals your ideas and takes credit, you’ll probably want to even the score in some way. I wouldn’t call this revenge exactly.
You just want to hold the dude back a little by, say, avoiding helping him.
In other words, you want to sabotage your enemy’s success and happiness.
When you see yourself as the enemy, you can be especially ruthless without even realizing it.
After all, self-sabotage is usually sneaky. Here are some examples you might identify with:
6 Ways You Might Be Sabotaging Yourself
- Procrastinating until you lose your chance
- Not going for what you want, because you think someone else deserves it more
- Eating, sleeping, or drinking too much because you’ve given up on yourself
- Pushing good people away, even though you’re lonely
- Doing a half-ass job, because you’re afraid to realize your full potential
- Shrinking so another person can shine
And the list goes on.
I’m no stranger to self-sabotage. One big way I used to hold myself back was by taking myself out of the race before it even started.
If there was a boy I liked, I assumed another (usually more extroverted) girl was a better match for him.
If there was a chance to go for a job I really wanted, I’d hold back and procrastinate until I missed my chance.
Luckily, there are ways to prevent self-sabotage and take a more self-loving and happy path.
For one, simply being aware of self-sabotage will make a HUGE difference.
Why did I do that?
What’s the hidden fear?
What other choices do I have?
You always have a CHOICE. And when you CHOOSE self-love, there will be a cascade effect in your life. You’ll start making better choices in all areas.
In the next article, I’m going to share a practical mindset shift that works like magic to raise your self-love levels.
It works especially well if you’re an introvert like me who tends to overthink things up the wazoo and gets overwhelmed easily.
Read the other articles in the self-love series:
Talk soon, love.
Fantastic article! I always wondered why I self-sabotaged. Now I understand it a lot better! Thanks.
Wow, amazingly this post right at the time,l I have the self hate moment. I do appreciate your work and Marco to have the innie blog, it’s nice to know that we ‘innies” have similar condition between each other. To know that we are not alone, it’s the best things for introvert.
I just think it’s very hard to love oneself, if all they ever received growing up was rejection, neglect, and a belief that you were never good enough. The way were raised unfortunately stays with us the rest of our lives.
You’re very good!
I do 4 of these things – so true!
I’ve been working on self-love and asking myself what I really want–that takes realizing that you have a choice. I’ve been realizing this for SO many silly little details of life–if the window is open or closed, the temperature of the room, where to park, when to get out of my car–mostly strategies to avoid some version of social awkwardness it seems. I do what I think everyone else would want me to do or say, I go along with someone else’s preference, never asking myself if I have a preference. I knew I did this with bigger things, but it has been quite eye-opening!
I always feel that no matter how much work experience I have, I feel that I will never get the job because I don’t have everything that they are looking for.
Gunther, I too feel the same way when it comes to being an introverted employee. In my current work situation it’s more difficult to utilize my unique introverted strengths due to group think and extroverted staff changes. I originally took the job 7 years ago because it was a good fit but with the new corporate management style every day brings another extroverted change. So I continue to be true to myself and when possible delegate to other co-workers strengths.
I do 5 of these things on this list. I really am struggling to overcome my own sabotaging of my life. I’ve reflected on so many potential opportunities and I shot myself out of (be it business, relationships, etc.) and It makes me angry. The crazy thing is that I’m single and childless, in my early thirties, only debt I have is student loan debt and it’s nothing drastic, have many random thoughts that cross my mind to take what little professional career I have to the next level, and I’m hindered by this irrational fear of an uncertain future, my procrastination, and my (economic) nihilism….I think I need help. I really need help
Please tell me, Does Michaela Chung writes this post Herself? If yes then from Now on I am the biggest fan of her. cause it’s just like she totally gets me.
The most Relatable Writing and Writer Ever.
Thanks, Sahil. I write all the ones that say By Michaela at the top, which is most of the posts, including this one. 🙂
This website is so helpful! Thank you so much for this advice!